Terrible Love

Jon ended up spending the next three days by his parents. We had planned on separating for a little so I could finish up my current plans and he could make his parents happy by sticking around for a few days. After the first night, he had called me and talked to me for an hour about how his room was the same, and how all his parents asked about was me, my job, and my love life.

He was angry they didn’t ask about the wedding, but it wasn’t all that surprising.

They had been planning on Jon and I getting married since we were seven, so any deviation in their almost twenty-year plan now probably left a sour taste in their mouth. The only reason I had known about this plan was because of my parents, but as I told Jon two nights ago on the phone, he was astounded.

Not in a bad way, he insisted his parents had good taste in woman, but I let his idiotic and probably alcohol infused compliments roll right through my head. If there was one thing I had learned about Jonathan Toews from our long friendship was that he was a charmer. It didn’t matter really who you were, if you were a girl and probably around a three, he would charm the shit out of you.

Note: The charming took full swing after his second year on the Blackhawks. Prior to that, Jon didn’t know the first thing about a female. I proudly gave him a few pointers through the first two years.

A knock on my front door sent my brain whirling back to the large piece of paper that was weighted down against my desk. Blinking a few times, I tilted my head back, waiting for it to sound again before I got up and made the walk down stairs and across the house to the front door.

Just as I was about to get back to work, it sounded again.

Grumbling to myself, I slammed my pencil down and quickly wrapped my long strands of blonde hair up in a messy bun and headed out of my room and over to the stairs.

Halfway down, they knocked again, louder.

“I’ll be right there!” I screamed out, rolling my eyes in the process. Shaking my head a little, I jogged the rest of the way across the house and as I reached the front door, I undid the lock and rubbed my forehead as I blinked hard a few times and watched a man appear outside of my front door.

“Good afternoon”, he sent me a huge smile as he handed over a large bouquet of white Ranunculus flowers accented with white hydrangeas and different kinds of deep green leaves. As I took the white bowl holding the flowers from the man, I felt a huge smile appear on my face.

“Who?”

“There’s a card in there for you, dear”, he sent me a wide smile as he tipped his hat to me and went to walk away.

“Oh thank you! Can I give you-“ I went to reach back for my purse when the man put up his hand and shook his head. “Everything like that has been taken care of, read the card dear, and have a great day.” He tipped his hat once more before turning on his heels and quietly walking back to his car.

Mind in a haze, I nodded, gave the man another wave, and then shut the front door, staring at the large bouquet of flowers in my hands. After a minute or two of just staring at them, I shook my head a little and quickly jogged into the kitchen and set them down in the large open space of the island next to the cook top. After admiring them for a few more minutes, I felt my eyes drift over the little light blue envelope sticking from the side of the vase.

Snatching it up, I quickly flipped the envelope open and pulled out a little blue card that had very familiar chicken scratch type handwriting on it.

Hope you like the flowers. I figured since I kept torturing you with picking them, I buy you some of your own. Bet you thought I forgot your favorite type of flowers, huh? Wrong! Anyway, I’ll see you tonight for dinner. We’re ordering Chinese.

-Jon

A part of me wanted to tear the little card straight in half, but I couldn’t.

I hated how nice Jon treated me, how he unknowingly strung me along like this. He shouldn’t be buying anyone flowers. He shouldn’t be spending any of his money like this. He was getting married; he was dishing out thousands of dollars for his fiancés dream wedding. He didn’t need to be dishing out at least two hundred dollars on flowers for me.

Teeth grinding together, I went to go grab my cell phone when I heard the front door open and then shut lightly.

“Jon, honestly, what the fuck?” I snapped as soon as the brunette appeared in the doorway of the kitchen, his body tucked in a pair of jeans and a Blackhawks sweatshirt. As he furrowed his eyebrows and looked over at the bouquet of flowers, a small smile creped onto his lips.

“What?” he asked innocently as he dragged his eyes back to me and took a minute to take in that it was six thirty at night and I was still in my pajamas. I would have usually been in a new outfit with pin straight hair, but this project was taking a toll on me, and I wanted to get it done as soon as possible. I still wasn’t, but it was only minor things I needed to work on, nothing that would take more that ten minutes.

Sighing heavily, I slapped the card down on the counter and tilted my head to the side, folding my arms tightly across my chest. “What the fuck is this?”

“Ranunculus flowers, I thought they were your favorite?” His eyes were wide with confusion.

“They are, Jon.” I said biting back the rest of my words. “They’re my favorite flowers in the whole entire world.”

“I don’t see the issue.” He whispered, his fingers lacing together as he bent his fingers back and forth.

Rolling my eyes, I pinched the bridge of my nose and let out a sigh of defeat. There was absolutely no reason I should be mad at him. He was just trying to make me feel better, he knew how annoyed I was getting with all of the questions despite how I never said a word about it. He knew me like an open book that he had read over and over and over again.

“They’re prefect.” I forced a small smile on my lips as I looked up at the brunette and let my body fall back against the counter. “You know I don’t like people spending money on me.”

“I think you deserved them, making my fiancé happy and all. Every time you answered for me about the wedding, you picked her favorite and it gives me hella good brownie points.”

I couldn’t help but smile at him as he walked over to me and leaned against the counter right next to me, keeping his eyes on the bright bouquet in the middle of the room. “Maybe I should be the one marrying her.” I joked as Jon shook his head and looked down at his shoes for a moment.

“You can have her, if you want.” Smiling, I lightly jabbed my elbow into Jon’s ribs and then pushed myself off of the counter and walked over to the card and tossed it into the junk draw of the island.

As Jon stood there on his phone, I started running my fingers over all of the flowers. They were alive and bright; there wasn’t one petal or leaf that was wilted. It was like they had taken them right out of a field, shoved them into a beautiful arrangement, and shipped them to me on the same day. Sighing I placed my hands on the bright white round vase and then leaned in, letting the scent of the flowers fill my head.

I forgot how much I loved flowers.

When Jon and I were living within close proximity, he always picked up flowers for me when he could. At one point, I had four different bouquets of flowers in my room at the same time. That was around the time where my mother and father were convinced; absolutely convinced that Jon and I were dating.

Of course that stopped when he came to one of my birthday parties with a girlfriend and I introduced Chase to my parents. They seemed disappointed, but accepted it pretty quickly. I assume they thought it was a phase or maybe that we just didn’t realize it yet, but after Chase and Jon’s girlfriend were out of the picture, and new ones came into view, they dropped the subject.

Now that Jon was engaged, my parents don’t mention it much. I see them look at each other when my father slips his name into conversation. They act like I’m heartbroken about it, like I would burst into tears because my best friend is happy.

I mean I am a little sad, but it doesn’t compare to how happy I am for him.

“My parents asked about you around once every fifteen minutes.” Jon broke my thoughts as he took the flowers from my hands and set them down on the counter again, laughing a little when my eyes widened and I looked at him, a little angry that he took my flowers away.

I wasn’t even aware I was still smelling them, but I didn’t want to stop.

“How are they?”

“Same”, he rolled his eyes as he dragged his hand down his cheek. “They asked about your job and your love life – like I would know, and if you had any pets, and watched my games and I don’t even know why they asked me.” He seemed angry now. “I mean they literally see your parents three times a week. They probably know more about your life here than I do.”

“Very possible.” I joked as I felt my eyes attaching themselves back onto the flowers.

“I did have a question though”, I nodded and he went on. “Do you like have a boyfriend or something?”

I nearly choked on the quick inhalation of air and spit as his words hit my eardrums. Barking out a laugh, I looked over at the brunette like he was crazy and tilted my head to the side a little. “Have you seen another man around?” I was laughing now, almost to the point of tears. Me have a boyfriend? Obviously Jon wasn’t aware of my hermit like tendencies and my overbearing need to do work every second of my life.

The last time I had a boyfriend, he left me because I was too work oriented. We had spent a year and a half together, and when he left, I honestly didn’t care. We had been so in love, and as soon as he was gone, I just didn’t care.

I liked to believe that when he showed the fact that my dedication to my job was something he didn’t like, that I shut down every feeling for him that I had once had. I may be a little out there, a little crazy and old fashioned. I may like being the female to a strong male with character, but I was not going to be the normal female. I wasn’t going to jeopardize my job to be with someone.

Being an architect, and a good one at that, meant the world to me, and if you wanted me to stop that, or to do it less, then you were not someone I needed in my life.

I would rather be alone than with someone that didn’t respect my choices or my career.

“I’m hungry”, I blurted out as soon as I came back into reality and found my eyes glued to the flowers. “You mentioned Chinese?”

Laughing, Jon shook his head a little and then took me into a huge hug before letting me go and waking over to the living room where a black duffle bag sat right near the door. After slinging it over his shoulder, he called out to me that he would order it and get me my favorite- he assured me that he remembered exactly what I liked, and then get it delivered.

With a nod, I told him I was going to go shower and finish my plans. Not thinking much about anything, I headed up the stairs and back to my room, trying to calm my mind down from the flowers and his sudden urge to remember everything I liked so much.

We were friends. Best friends.

This was normal.



“Why are you up so early?” Jon groaned as he shuffled from the hallway and into the kitchen, dropping his large body onto one of the stools hanging under the edge of the island. As he pressed his elbows against the counter and leaned his forehead into his palms, I pulled my mug to my lips and carefully inspected him as I took a long sip of luke warm coffee.

His arms flexed against the sleeves of his short sleeves tee. The fabric hugged tightly around the hills and valleys the muscles in his upper arms created. Veins were lightly popping out of his forearms and hands, reminding the world just how strong he was.

I bit down on the inside of my cheek as I dropped my eyes from him and let my eyes dance around the white swirls in the granite countertops.

“My plans were due today.” I admitted as I finished the rest of the liquid in my mug. “I brought them over around eight, I’ve been waiting for a call back.”

Jon nodded a little. I was sure he didn’t realize how big of a deal this was, but I wasn’t up for explaining it all to him. The thought of how big this project was and how amazing it would be if I got it made my stomach sick. This was a multi-million dollar deal. This house was going to be at least ten million dollars to build and if the clients like it, which happened to be extremely high up in society and wealthy, there was a good chance that the word of the architect could get passed on to other wealthy people who needed unnecessarily large homes built.

“What’s for lunch?” Jon called out to me as he rubbed the sleep form his eyes and leaned back a little. “I wasn’t aware that it was like twelve in the afternoon.” He let out a laugh as he looked up at me and scrunched up his face like a small child.

“I got nothing.” I chuckled as Jon rolled his eyes and then sprung up and walked over to the pantry and pushed the doors open. As his eyes ran over everything on the shelves, he picked up a few things and then let out a loud yawn as he turned back toward me and sent me a sheepish smile.

“Sit back and relax babe, I’ll make us some lunch.”

“Babe?”

“Aspen, babe, ass, Blondie, all the same to me.” Jon sent me a wink as he pushed me away from the counter and then quickly started opening cabinets and pulling out pans, bowls, and plates. “I got this, sit back relax.”

“I see why Laura wants to marry you.” I joked as I sat down on the stool Jon had been occupying. As I sat down, I smiled a little as I caught wind of the smell of the large flowers that were still brightly sitting in the middle of the room. “Do you do this all of the time?”

“Hum, no.” My eyes widened as I looked over at him, “She doesn’t like me cooking.”

“Because?” I held out the word as I waved my hand in the air for the man to keep talking.

“Because I don’t know. She doesn’t like when I try to cook, she thinks it’s annoying.”

“Annoying?” I nearly fell out of my chair as I tried to fathom out conversation. “How is someone making you food annoying?”

“I don’t do it her way or something, it’s not important.” His voice changed as he turned his back to me and stared down at the counter for a minute. “You know they’re coming in like four days.”

“Yeah, I can’t wait to see those little bundles of cuteness.” I gushed as I avoided the fact that Laura was also on her way here. “We should have them all over for dinner after they get here. I can whip up a nice four-course meal in no time. I can make a mean zucchini lasagna, I know you guys try to avoid the carbs and things like that over the summer with training and-“

Jon slammed his hand down on the counter causing my heart to pop in my chest and my lips to part in surprise. Catching my breath in my chest, I looked up at the man with wide eyes and watched as he quickly turned toward me, his normal big brown eyes tinted with anger and with a tiny twinge of sadness.

Clenching his jaw, he shook his head again and went to speak when he let out a deep breath and covered his face with his large hands.

I wanted to speak. I wanted to ask if there was something wrong, if I had said something wrong, or if there was something going on that he didn’t tell me. I wanted to pull him into a hug and wait until that look was out of his eyes, but instead, I stayed glued to my stool.

There was something off about Jon. I noticed it a little the night he went by his parents, but I figured it was just nerves about going home. But last night, I realized it had gotten worse. There was something I couldn’t read on his face. There was something about the softness in his eyes that didn’t seem the same.

“Jonny, you know you can talk to me about absolutely anything, right?” I managed to keep my voice strong as I slowly stood up fro the stool and leaned against the island.

“Yeah”, he breathed out as his hands slowly started to work the tab on one of the soup cans.

“So maybe you should let me cook something for lunch, and you can let me know what’s going on in that big brain of yours.” I joked and watched as a tiny smile forced its way onto his lips.

“I don’t think I love her anymore.”

I nearly choked on the air in my lungs.

“I mean, I talk to her every day, and I try to get excited about the wedding and the dresses and her stupid fucking flowers and stupid fucking one thousand thread count table cloths that people are just going to spill shit all over but I can’t.” Jon snapped, his eyes glistening in the lights hanging above us. “I don’t care about what color the flowers are or who sits with who. I don’t care about what kind of cake we have or if we have an open bar or not. I don’t even care about our first dance song, Aspen.” Jon was hysterical now. His big brown eyes were covered in a thin sheet of water, and I swore I could hear his erratic heartbeat. His muscles were tense as I placed my hands on his arms and rubbed up and down, making a tiny attempt to calm him down.

“You need to relax”, I whispered as his eyes darted to mine.

“I can’t relax, Aspen.” Jon breathed, his lips trembling. “I can’t relax. I can barely breathe sometimes because I have all of this shit hanging over me. I don’t want to get married.” He whispered as he shook a little under my fingertips. “I don’t want to, I can’t. I… I don’t want to marry her anymore, Aspen. I don’t want to get yelled at when I try to cook or try to buy her flowers. I don’t want to start a family or join bank accounts. I… I’m making a mistake.”

“Jon, just relax, okay? Everything is going to be fine, but you just need to relax, okay?” I pulled him into a tight hug and felt his arms instantly wrap around my waist.

“I’m only twenty-four.”

“I know, so am I.” I joked and listened to him let out a small laugh against my shoulder. “You need some soup and a beer.”

“Okay”, he breathed as he pulled his face away from my shoulder and sucked in a deep breath. “Okay, that sounds okay.” He nodded a few times as he sighed and then rubbed his hands over his face. “Can I cook though?”

“You think I was going to?” I chuckled as I quickly hopped up onto the counter and moved the flowers to the left of me away from the cook top. As Jon opened the cans of soup and poured them into separate pots, I smiled a little as I watched his body relax. “So, what do you and the boys have planned for next week?”

Jon smiled a little as he set the pots down against the cook top and twisted the knobs. After they were all on, he turned to me and sent me a small smile.

“I’m having my bachelor’s party, you can come to, if you want.”

“I’ll get a one night job as a stripper at the club, my dream come true.” I joked and watched as Jon looked up at me and smirked.

“More like my dream come true.”