Terrible Love

I never thought I would be happy to see Patrick Kane.

The curly haired blonde boy had been the center of much discomfort and annoyance throughout the years of being around Jon and the Blackhawks. He would always throw sly comments my way or ask me out on dates. I knew most of it was in pure dedication to pissing Jon off, but it was also confirmed that ninety percent of what he said came from strong feelings for me; well strong feelings for what I looked like.

“Blondie, looking stunning as always.” He hummed as he dropped his things onto the floor and pulled me into a tight hug. “Miss me?” He asked once my body was tightly pressed into his, and his face was right next to mine.

Rolling my eyes, a small smile surfaced on my lips as I gave him a small pat on the back and then stepped away from him, running a hand through my long tangled hair. “How could I not?” I shot back sarcastically and watched as he slapped a hand over his heart and batted his eyelashes.

“I always knew you had a thing for me, I don’t blame you.”

Internally cringing, I rolled my eyes and then looked off to the side, letting his idiotic chuckles at his own words fade away as he walked over to Jon and wrapped him in a tight hug. Starting a new conversation with the brunette, I turned from the two and grabbed my phone from my back pocket, hoping that I would have something important to look at, some email or text message, but as I hit the side button to turn the screen on, it was blank.

Shoving the phone back into my pocket, I ran my hands over my upper arms and then looked down at my feet wrapped in a worn out pair of Star Wars vans. Forcing back a smile, I pressed my toe into the tiled floor and let a small sigh escape my lips as I tried to stop my calm mind from replaying my last words to Jon over and over again like it had been for the past few hours.

“Whoa, what’s going on?” Patrick’s voice cracked through the repeating words and caused my eyes to widen as my head snapped up. Looking from him to the brunette, I tilted my head to the side and shrugged, giving him the silent signal to explain what he was so surprised about.

I should have known what was coming next, but the pulsing in my head managed to cancel out my usually keen sense of reading people. Watching the blush creep on Jon’s face, I let Patrick’s words soak into my head, dismantling my strong posture and emotionless face. If he would have asked this a few days later, and not the day of, I would have been able to play it off like nothing was wrong. I hadn’t created a façade to block the horrible feelings swelling in my stomach from the previous days.

“Don’t worry about it.” Jon spoke up when he noticed my shoulders slump and the color drain from my face like someone had just kicked me in the ribs. “We’ll talk about it later, let’s go.” His voice was stern, but I was so good at reading Jon from years of experience that I knew his strong words were just as broken as my posture.

The whole walk to the car was quiet. Patrick didn’t ask another question about us, Jon didn’t make an attempt to create small talk, and I couldn’t find it in me to push words out of my throat. The sick feeling I had been battling for the last couple hours was staring to increase.

“Whoa, look at this, someone’s doing pretty well for herself, huh?” Patrick howled as he reached my car, his eyes lighting up as I hit the unlock button and popped the trunk. Setting his things down in the trunk, he looked up at me and shot me a warm smile. “Congrats, Blondie.”

“Thanks.” I whispered and glanced over at the brunette’s tee shirt before leaving the two men and heading over to the driver’s side of the car. Opening the door, I slipped into the leather seat and quickly dropped my things into the cup holders. Closing the door, I hit the start button and listened as the engine hummed to life as the men entered the car.

Backing out of the spot, I headed for the exit when Pat broke the silence from the backseat with a question that I thought was going to tear Jon in two. As his voice lingered in the air, I sucked in a deep breath and shot Jon a glance, locking my eyes with his for the first time in hours.

With the milliseconds I spent looking into the large pools of brown, I picked up on all of the pain and confusion that was rocking his brain. The normal soft bright eyes were dull and hard, like little pebbles sitting behind his pupils. Blinking a few times, I turned back to the road and felt the pit of my stomach knot as Jon let out a heavy sigh and turned in his seat, his shoulder brushing against mine, causing a fire to catch throughout my skin.

“We’re going for our tuxedo fittings soon when the rest of the guys get here.” Jon said quickly, his shoulder muscles tensing against my own. As my breath caught in my chest, my grip on the steering wheel tightened.

“Did you see Laura’s wedding dress yet?”

“That’s bad luck.” Jon commented, his body turning back around.

“Are you going to be a bridesmaid, Aspen?”

I shook my head, my heart thudding roughly in my chest as I tried to focus on the little reflectors along the lines of the highway, guiding cars on where to stay in the dark night. Sucking in a deep breath, I felt the tension start to take place of the air in the car.

“Laura and I have that all set already.” Jon commented, his hands tightly pressed together in his lap. “We have the flowers, the cake, and the table cloths. She has her dresses, and I’ll have the tuxedos once she decides on a fucking color.”

“Someone’s cranky.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Jon snapped, his fingertips digging into his thighs.

“Why not, Jonny? This is exciting! You’re going to join the big leagues; you’ll be a hot dad like Sharpie. Parading your little children and wife-“

“Pat, shut the fuck up, now.” Jon roared, the pressure he was applying to his fingertips causing the skin around them to turn a bright pink.

The blonde in the back seat fell silent. The light hum of Jon’s heavy breathing was the only sound in the car as I left my arms tense and my grip on the leather wheel tight. Heart thudding in my chest, lungs aching from my erratic breathing, I let a small shake run through my body before I quickly rolled down my window. As the cool night air filled the car, I let out a deep breath and pushed my body back into the seat, trying to relax.

Thirty minutes passed before I had pulled into the driveway. Not bothering pulling into the garage, I shut the car down and then quickly hit the button, letting the engine die out. Pushing the door open, I quickly got out of the car and went around to the trunk, shoving putting my hand under the little ledge and pulling letting the trunk pop open.

Staring down at the bags, I went to take one when a strong hand gently rested on my shoulder, making my whole body tense. “I got it.” A breath I wasn’t aware I was holding passed my lips as the blonde carefully moved me to the side and grabbed his things. Glancing over at him, I watched as he steadied himself and then shut the trunk lid for me.

“I don’t know what’s going on,” he whispered to me, his eyes locking on mine, showing me a deep blue I had never witnessed before, “but if you need someone to talk to, I’m literally right around the corner.”

Speechless, I nodded my head and then swallowed hard, trying to get the saliva that had dried out in my mouth and throat to return. Pressing the rows of my teeth together tightly, I dropped my eyes to my shoes and felt my nostrils flare as I inhaled deeply.

Trailing behind the blonde, we walked up to the front door. Stepping aside, he let me shove my key into the lock and then twist it, pushing the large wooden door open, revealing the empty, dark, house.

Taking a few steps inside, I flipped the light on and listened as the blonde huffed. “Well shit, I guess I can’t promise you a big house and a nice car for marrying me, can I?”

“I guess not.” I forced a smile as I looked back at him, watching as he dropped his things onto the floor and the inspected the room, going from the living room to the kitchen, and then disappearing down the halls. Every now and again, I would hear a loud ‘wow’ or ‘oh damn’ split the silence, but besides that, I sat in the middle of the living room, watching Jon walk around in utter silence.

The blonde returned to the living room and then quickly informed me he was going to go check out the upstairs. With a small nod and a shrug, the man trotted up the stairs, and then let out a long breath when he reached the top. Listening to his footsteps echo form the ceiling above me, I shut my eyes and went to let out a long sigh when I felt the cushion next to mine on the couch dip down.

“What did he say to you by the trunk?”

I didn’t reply.

“Aspen, this is stupid, just-“

“Why do you care?”

“I just want to know.”

“He said if I needed someone to talk to, he was there for me.”

The body next to me vanished, leaving the cold air of the room to attack me from all angles. Shiver rumbling through my spine, I leaned forward, placing my elbows on my knees, and rested my face in my hands, letting the exhales warm my face.

“Is it so bad that I care about you, Aspen?” Jon’s voice made me snap my eyes open and inspect the room. When I found him standing over by the kitchen, his body leaning against the door frame, muscles flexed, making the sleeves of his shirt look like they were about to pop at the seems.

Trying to contain the fire in my stomach, I dropped my eyes from him and turned back toward the coffee table. “I don’t want to talk.”

“You’re killing me.”

“Ditto.” I shot back, my heartstrings snapping one by one as I listened to the silence. When soft footsteps started to close in on me, I pressed my fingers into the couch cushion and shut my eyes tightly.

The cushion next to mine dipped down again.

“We need to fix this.”

“There’s nothing left to fix.” I replied, my heart racing. Water started to push at the back of my eyes, and my chest started to tighten. It was a feeling I hadn’t experienced in years, and as it got harder and harder for me to breathe, I got more and more anxious. I haven’t had a panic attack in years. When I say years, I mean since the sophomore year of high school.

Parting my lips, I took a shaky breath and then felt my body shake as I felt sweat start to form at the base of my neck. “Aspen, are you okay?”

Shaking my head, I quickly got up and walked over to the staircase. Ignoring Jon’s words from the living room, I quickly jogged up the stairs and then as I was about to walk into my bedroom, my body collided with another, and I tumbled back into the wall behind me. Head slamming against the dry-wall I let out a loud groan and then looked up, the throbbing in my head taking over the anxiety that was creeping through my veins.

“I’m sorry blondie,” Pat chuckled as he pulled me into a hug and rubbed his hand on the back of my head in an attempt to ease the pain. “What are you running away from in your own house?”

“I was… Nothing,” I whispered, the tightness in my chest lifting as Pat pressed me against his chest in a quick hug and then held me out in front of him. “Just tired.”

“Yeah, me too. I’ll have Jonny show me my room, get some sleep.”

“Hmm, thanks.” My voice was barely audible as the blonde walked away from me and headed down the stairs. Eyes locked on the place he was standing, I squinted my eyes and tried to remember the last time Patrick Kane was this pleasant to be around.

Nothing popped into my head.



It was obvious to anyone within a seven-foot radius of us that there was something wrong. The awkward tension that filled the air between Jon and I was suffocating, which usually sent him or me into a different room after about ten minutes of being together. The house was now filled with three more of his teammates that had arrived a day and a half after we had picked up Pat.

Andrew Shaw, Brandon Saad, and Kris Verseteeg were all staying at the house for the night and the next day until Jon’s bachelor’s party. After that, they would stay for another three days for the tuxedo fitting and other stupid plans, and then go travel for another few weeks before the wedding.

I didn’t mind having so many people in the house, it was nice to hear voices and movement all of the time. It gave the house less of a vacant feeling that I had grown so used to having. The only downside was that I was the only girl and the five men ate more food than I could provide.

It also gave three more people to badger Jon and I with questions as to why we weren’t acting like the cute ‘friend-couple’ we normally portrayed. I shrugged the questions off and got away with it, but late the first night, when they were all up playing the X-box in the living room, I could hear the heated debate on what was going on.

Jon verbally tearing everyone’s head off ended the debate; after that the house was silent except for the hum of the television.

Then, the tranquility of my bedroom was thrown off. “Knock, knock.” The familiar voice tore through my head, forcing my brain to produce flashbacks of the awkward half-drunken conversation followed by a sloppy kiss. Swallowing hard, a light blush surfacing on my cheeks, I turned toward the doorway and felt my breath hitch in my throat. I hadn’t been in the same room with him since that awkward alcohol infused moment, and it was just as awkward as I expected it to be.

“Oh, Hey Kris.”

“How have you been?” His eyes locked onto mine, scanning over them for any hint that I wanted him to leave. When he deemed it safe, he took a step inside and then carefully walked over to the edge of my bed and plopped down.

Shrugging, I turned my chair around, and looked down at the pencil in-between my fingers. “Alright, I’ve just been working and that’s about it. How’s the summer so far?”

“It’s okay.” He shrugged as he laid back on the bed, looking over at me, and then quickly shot back up. “The highlight is this party and the wedding.” He chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck with his right hand. “Seeing you, too.”

“Really?” I laughed, my lips tugging into a genuine smile as Kris covered his face and let out a small chuckle.

Nodding, he angled his body toward me, and looked me right in the eyes, giving me the perfect amount of time to inspect his for any evidence that he was as drunk as he was the last time we were together. “I haven’t apologized for what happened when we won the cup. It’s been bothering me.”

“It’s been like two years, Kris.”

“Yeah, I know.” He looked up at me and bit down on his bottom lip. “That’s not really how I wanted to try and tell you I had a crush on you.” His knuckles cracked as he dropped his eyes to the floor.

For a moment, as I stared at the man on the edge of my bed, I wondered I this was some dream that was floating through my head as I fell asleep face first at my drafting table. When I subtly punched my skin and felt the small pangs of pain rush through me, I blinked a few times and let the conspiracy theories rush through my mind.

Maybe he lost a bet? Maybe he was actually drunk? Maybe he was sent to butter me up to find out what was going on between Jon and I.

The last thought sent the ends of my lips plummeting down.

“You know, Jon’s an idiot for snatching you up when he had the chance.”

“Are you trying to butter me up for something?” I forced a playful smile on my face despite the anxiety that was now coursing through my veins. I was beginning to enjoy his company and I was also anxious to hear the reason he was talking to me. If he was honestly here to apologize, it would be okay, but rekindling this stupid crush I had on him just to ask why Jon and I suddenly hated each other would kill me.

Well, it would give me another reason to not leave my room until they were all gone.

Groaning, Kris stood up and walked over to me, sending me a goofy smile. “I uh… Wanted to… Uh, ask you if you maybe wanted to be like… my date… for Jon’s wedding.”

“What?”

“Yeah, I figured it would be a no, I just… I don’t have a plus one and I… I don’t know. I thought maybe I could right my wrongs for giving you a really bad kiss, experience, and shit.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Kris echoed, his eyes the size of saucers as he looked at me, his plump pink lips parted in utter shock. “Okay like… You… Like you’re down to go with me? Like… it’s not a date or anything but… Like… You wanna?”

Heart racing in my chest, I pushed all of the thoughts about Jon being furious about me to the back of my head and swallowed hard, forcing a small smile onto my lips.

“I’d love too.”