Terrible Love

It was around midnight and I was three glasses into my bottle of wine when the front door to the house flew open, causing a scream to rip through my throat and the fragile glass in my hand to fly through the air and shatter against the hardwood floors. Pulling my limbs close to me, I grabbed the fork I had used to eat my stir-fry and then quickly stood up on the couch, holding the fork out in front of me as I watched whoever had just walked into my house enter the light of the living room.

When my eyes landed on the familiar brunette, I felt every muscle in my body loosen. Hand dropping to my side, I rolled my eyes and let my body fall back into the soft cushions. “Sharp, what the fuck?” I barked, throwing the fork against the table as my heart rate started to slowly drop back down to a normal rhythm.

The brunette stepped over the shattered glass and puddle on the floor, and then plopped down next to me on the couch, running a hand through his messy hair. By the look in his bright blue eyes, I could tell that he had not yet reached his alcohol limit, so the real reason he had left the bachelor party early rendered me clueless.

“You sick?” I asked, my head processing everything a little slower than it normally would due to the alcohol in my system.

Shaking his head, he laced his fingers into his hair and turned to me, his features holding a serious, sober, look. “I couldn’t sit there with him and think about what happened.”

The memories of what went on only three hours ago tore through my head, leaving a heavy rhythmic pulse right between my eyes. Pinching the bridge of my nose, I let out a loud groan and leaned my body into his shoulder, pressing my forehead against his soft knit sweater.

I begged him not to remind me, begged him to tell me that it was all a dream we had. I tried to tell him that it was scientifically proven that people could have the same dream at the same time, but before I could keep rambling fake facts off of my tongue, he pulled his phone from his pocket and quickly shoved the picture of Laura and the tall blonde into my face.

“That never happened, Sharpy, tell me it never happened.” I huffed as I took the phone and examined the picture again, feeling my body heat up with seething hatred as I focused in on the pixilated kiss. I pressed the tip of my pointer finger into the screen and moved it around, hoping that by some magic when I lifted my finger the picture would change, and it wouldn’t make my stomach so sick.

It didn’t happen.

“I couldn’t take him talking about it, ya’ know?” He looked up at me as he pulled his phone from my hands. “He was talking about the tuxedos and the flowers, and I just kept seeing the photo on my phone. I told him I felt sick and I was going to head back to the house. He tried to let him go with me.”

“Jon’s a good guy when his heads not lodged up his ass.” I huffed and watched as Sharp flashed a small smile and then nodded. “Love him to death, the loser.”

“We all know you do.” Sharp sent me a smirk and right as I was about to snap at him, he looked over at the shattered glass on the floor and jerked his thumb over to it. “We cleaning that up tonight or?”

Shaking my head, I let out a long yawn and then grabbed the roku remote from the coffee table and settled back into the couch. “The only thing I am doing for the rest of the night is watching Netflix and sipping wine directly from the bottle.”

The brunette and I stood in silence for a moment as I flipped through the movies and TV shows available to stream. After I had chosen the Second Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, I watched as Patrick nodded and then sunk down into the couch, throwing his arm loosely around me as we both let out a yawn and leaned on each other.

“This is Maddie’s second favorite movie after Mulan.” Patrick hummed as his eyes followed the characters on the screen closely. “Did I tell you she misses you before?”

I groaned, not wanting him to bring up his adorable little daughter and how sad she was that she had yelled at me the last time I saw her. Wine lowered my shield, and the last thing I wanted to do was start the emotional train because with all of the things that had happened in the last two weeks, it was going to be one hell of a ride.

We fell back into a comfortable silence, chuckling every now and again at the movie. Patrick’s arm hanging from my shoulders was creating comforting warmth through my body, which was slowly putting me to sleep. Every now and again, when I was about to pass out, Patrick would say something, not about one specific thing, and we would talk about it for a little.

First it was the family dinner in two days, and then it was my relationship with the other Patrick. That conversation lead to what was going on between Kris and I, and then, he pulled in the one name I didn’t want to really talk about.

“What if Jon doesn’t believe you?” The question ripped all of the sleep from my body and set it on fire. Once it was blazing with hot flames, it was set back into the pit of my stomach, making sweat start to roll down from my hairline. Through everything that had happened in the last four hours, I had not once thought about that possibility. I mean, how could he not, we had photographic proof. Sure, smart phone cameras weren’t that high def yet, but it was clear enough that anyone could tell it was Laura.

I stayed quiet for a few minutes as the movies credits started to roll through the screen. A part of me wanted to ignore his question and grab the remote. I wanted to just surf through the movies until I found another one, but the feeling of his icy blue eyes on me made my muscular system freeze.

“How could he not?” I swallowed hard, the thought of Jon marrying Laura after everything I had just seen turning my blood cells into ice cubes. “That’s ridiculous, Sharpy.” I breathed heavily, my heart racing as I blinked hard and pictured Jon and Laura at the alter, coral flowers flooding the scene.

No, calm down, Aspen. You’re drunk. Three glasses of wine, three, you’re in no condition to do this. Don’t start the train, Aspen. The emotional train can’t get any coal; don’t start the fire.

Shaking my head, I ran a hand through my hair and then looked up at the television, blinking a few times as I started to flip through the movies again. I could still feel Patrick looking at me, his bright blue eyes like lazers, burning away every layer of my skin until he exposed my fast beating heart.

“You’re in love with him, huh?”

“Have been for a while.” I croaked, my head pulsing form the thoughts.

“You know he would drop everything for you, don’t you?”

I nodded, feeling the first start to burn in the pit of my stomach.

“Why?”

“I have no right.” I whispered and then glanced over at him, trying to ease the pain rushing through my body. When my eyes met Patrick’s, he forced a smile and nodded, pulling me into a tight hug and pressing his lips against my forehead.

“You’re too good for him, all of them, especially Steeger.”

I chuckled and then looked up at him, the ends of my lips twisting down as I noticed the seriousness on his features. “Pat-“

“Just if all of this keeps rolling, don’t do anything dumb, okay?”

I nodded, setting my head back down against his shoulder and clicking the play button on another movie. I wasn’t sure what movie I had started, but I needed one to play. I needed something to take my mind out of the tornado he had started.



Patrick and I had fallen asleep on the couch half way through the next movie I had put on. The title of it had been erased form my mind through the five hours we had managed to sleep before the front door swung open around six thirty and let a bunch of drunk stumbling men into the house, laughing and making more noise than my slightly hung over self could tolerate.

“Will you fucks shut up?” I snapped, sitting up on the couch and peering over to the door, the light flickering on and off as one of the brunettes flipped the switch, making idiotic sound effects.

Once a few of the guys had spotted me, they all through their hands up and sang my name in a drunken slur. Rolling my eyes, I lowered myself back onto the couch and frowned when I noticed Patrick waking up, the ends of his lips twisted downward as the commotion rocked his brain.

“Why are they here?”

“Because I was an asshole and told them to sleep here whenever they got their sorry selves home.” I groaned as I heard a bunch of footsteps make their way into the living room. Completely forgetting about the shattered wine glass on the floor, I listened as the crunch of glass rang through the air followed by a few yells and a bunch of stumbling.

The brunette I had been leaning on sat up quickly, his sleepy eyes snapping open as his fatherly instincts came in and he stood up, steading a few of the guys that were off balance from trying to avoid the glass.

“Where are you all sleeping?” He asked, his voice holding a twinge of annoyance.

“I want to sleep where ever she’s sleeping,” a familiar voice rang through the air, and I felt my self internally groan as I glanced up and watched Kris send me a completely drunk flirty smile. Cringing, I flashed him a small smile and shook my head. Patrick and Jon were definitely spot on in telling me to be careful around him, however much I hated to admit it.

“Aspen!” I felt a pair of hands wrap around my shoulders as the cushion next to me on the couch dipped down and my body tipped into the strong one besides me. “How was your night?” He ended in a yawn as his hands quickly took my body and angled me to face him. When my eyes locked onto his bright brown ones, my eyebrows furrowed.

Nodding, I let out a small yawn of my own and then smiled over at him as he laughed at how contagious a yawn was. “I drank wine and watched cartoons, I can’t complain too much.” I joked and watched as the brunette rolled his eyes and then nodded, pulling us back into the couch.

After a few minutes of Patrick trying to direct everyone to their own designated sleeping spot, he came back over to us and sent us a sleepy smile. “I’m taking the couch, so I’m kicking both of you out.”

“I’m not complaining at all,” I chuckled as I slowly stood up and felt the man that had been sitting next to me follow my movements. “Thanks for keeping me company, pops.” I sent Patrick a huge smile as I pulled him into a tight hug and then carefully made my way over to the staircase, my vision blurring as another yawn tore through my chest.

Going to take the first step, my balance failed me and I went to tumble into the wall as another yawn passed my lips, but just as I braced myself to hit the drywall, I felt a pair of strong hands catch me.

“Shit Aspen, I’ve been out all night and you’ve probably drank more than I have.” Jon laughed as he slung his arm over my shoulders and steadied me as we walked up the stairs together.

Rolling my eyes, I rubbed the water from my eyes and glanced over at his hand loosely hanging over my shoulder. “I was yawning and lost my balance, ass.”

“Blah, blah.” He rolled his eye at me and then pulled his arm back when he reached my bedroom door. “Let me just make sure I don’t have to kick anyone’s ass.” He huffed as he pushed my bedroom door open and quickly looked around, flipping the lights on. When the bed and floor were empty of any bodies, he gave me a goofy smile and then placed his hand on the back of my head, pulling my face into his chest as he pressed his lips to my forehead.

Enjoying the warmth Jon’s body gave me, I let out a small sigh as he pulled his lips from my skin and then pressed our bodies together for a quick hug. “Glad you had fun tonight, Toes.”

“Thanks for setting my head straight like always, Aspen.” Jon hummed and then looked down at me, his eyes sparkling in the dim lights of my bedroom. As the dim lighting cast strong shadows on his face, I felt my heart start to thud roughly in my chest. There was something so perfect about his features in any lighting that it made it hard to focus on anything but his face. Blinking a few times, I felt sweat start to form at the base of my neck. Once a bead of water ran down my spine, I pulled Jon in for one more hug and then walked into my room.

“Night Jonny.” I called to him as I walked over to my bed and dropped my body; face first, into the sheets.

“Night loser.” He laughed and after shutting the lights out, he softly closed my bedroom door and left me alone, my heart racing, my eyes wide as the sweat pouring from my forehead soaked into the sheets underneath me.

I was half asleep when I heard a loud commotion outside of my door, and then soft click of my door opening. Hoping that the noise was just something projected from my head, I went to settle back into my sheets when I heard a soft thud and then a few footsteps. Pressing my eyes shut tightly, I tried to wish the noise away, but right when the footsteps stopped, I felt a hand on my shoulder.

Body shaking, my eyes snapped wide open and locked onto the shadowy features hovering over me. “Holy shit, you know how to scare someone.”

“I should say the same to you, creeping into my room.” I huffed as I sat up and used one hand to turn the night stand lamp on as I used the other to rub my eyes. When the little light showed exactly who was waking me up at whatever time it was in the morning now, I felt my heart jump into my throat.

The brunette who had sent me to bed what felt like hours ago now stood at the edge of my bed, his body in nothing but a pair of pajama pants that were barely hanging onto his hips, and that was it. No shirt, no socks, just his smooth bare chest and strong stomach which had six just barely defined blocks running down it.

I thought I was dreaming as my eyes ran over his body only illuminated by the soft light. I could feel my heart stop beating and my body heat up to a temperature that could cook an egg if it was cracked into my skin.

“Those assholes left me a third of my bed to fall asleep on.” He shot me a smile as he let out a long yawn. “I couldn’t take trying to fall asleep with Saader and Shaw snoring on either side of me, mind if I crash with you for whatever hours we have left to sleep?”

No, no, no, no, no, no, not happening, say no, for fucks sake, shut your eyes, say no, and go to sleep.

“Of course, get in, nerd.” I breathed and watched as Jon rolled his eyes and then let out a low laugh as he walked around the bed and crawled into the empty side. Slipping under the sheets, he pressed his head into the pillows and let out a long sigh.

Turning on my side to look at him, I felt my heart start to beat out of my chest. I had never had anyone sleep on that side of my bed before. I had never felt a tug from my sheets, a dip in my mattress, I had never felt the slight warmth coming from another body. It had been a long time since I had fallen asleep with someone in a bed.

Although my mind wasn’t as sharp as it normally was, I knew the last person I fell asleep with in a bed was Jon, which only made my stomach twist and knot like I had never felt before.

“Hey, remember the first time we got drunk in my basement?” Jon whispered after a few minutes of silence.

Pulling my bottom lip between my teeth, I looked up into his eyes and felt a smile form on my face. Nodding, I watched as he mirrored my position and propped his head up, never tearing his eyes from mine.

“We were really, really, stupid for using whiskey as our introduction to alcohol.” I whispered, not being able to contain my laughter as the faded memory of Jon and I hiding in his basement the day after our rebellion, throwing up into the toilet and trying to keep down slices of bread and ginger ale. “I’m pretty sure your parents knew, that’s why they left us alone.” I added, my eyes dropping form his and landing on my finger that was now tracing shapes into the sheets.

“Actually, they thought we… They thought we had sex.” I let out a loud laugh as I sat up and pressed my back against the headboard, looking over at the brunette who was not lying on his back, looking up at me. “The next day they gave me the talk, and it was horrible. They told me that they supported my relationship with you, but that we were only sixteen and it was a bad time to start ‘experimenting’.” He used air quotes to finish his sentence./

“Did you… Tell them the truth?”

“Fuck yeah I did.” We shared a laugh, “They were more angry about us drinking than us having sex.”

The words sent a wave of nausea through my body.

“I swear to god, only out parents.” I chuckled as I watched Jon pull himself up and moved over to me, pressing his back against the headboard as he placed his hand on top of the blankets that covered my leg.

Swallowing hard, I plopped my hand on top of his and watched as he flipped his palm over and then spread his fingers, letting mine fall through.

“We should have a huge Toews/Pyatt family dinner before the wedding.” His voice was soft as he pressed his fingers back together and watched as mine fit perfectly between his. “My parents have been asking to see you not just in pictures for weeks.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yep.” He huffed, flipping out interlocked fingers over and softly scratching his fingertips into the sheets over my leg. “I remember when I was younger, I had a crush on you, right about when I hit puberty and I realized what a crush was.” My throat started to dry out from his words, “I told my parents I thought you were cute and they just said ‘finally’.”

“You know,” my heart was racing as the feeling of his fingers barely moving against my leg heated my body. “The same thing happened to me, and I am almost one hundred percent positive that my parents said the same thing.”

We both shared a nervous laugh, the tension and anxiety that were filling my veins now seeping into the air. Our hands linked together were on fire, sending shivers and waves of heat through my body. The alcohol in my system was taken down by the feeling of Jon’s skin on mine. His words cleared my head, and his body heat made my heart rate so fast I almost didn’t feel it.

Sitting in silence, I couldn’t muster up the courage to look over at the man sitting next to me. I wasn’t tired anymore, I didn’t feel the effects of the wine anymore, I felt like I had just taken a fifteen-hour nap and drank three gallons of coffee. I was hyperaware of every noise, every movement, and every passing second.

“Hey Aspen,” Jon’s voice was raspy as he called out to me, his fingers stopping the back and forth movement against the sheets. “I’m sorry I almost broke our friendship.”

“We’re okay.” I whispered, not being able to think of a sentence that was more than two words. It was hard to be mad at him like this, with him sitting so close to me, being so open with me like we used to be; before the engagement, before Laura, when we were just two stupid teenagers struggling to make it through school and stay happy.

“You know I can’t function without you, yeah?”

“Yeah, Jonny.”

“Just checking,” he whispered, his eyes locked onto our hands resting in the sheets.

A few more minutes passed before Jon picked our hands up and brought them to his lips, turning his wrist so he could press his lips to my knuckles. Holding them there for a minute, he dropped out hands back down to my lap and inhaled sharply.

I wanted to tear my skin off as we sat there in silence. I wanted to dig my nails into my eyes and scream until every molecule of oxygen was out of my body. I wanted to cry until I was drained of water, I wanted to just lay down and never feel his body so close to mine again.

It wasn’t fair, how life worked out. It wasn’t fair how our lives paralleled together. I wanted them to cross; I wanted our lines to cross, even if for a day, just one minute.

I didn’t want to watch him marry Laura; I didn’t want to watch his heart break when Patrick and I told him what I saw.

I didn’t want him to hate me for bringing them together, begging him to marry her, and then showing him that picture.

This life wasn’t fair.

It wasn’t fair to me, to Jon, to anyone.

“Am I making the right decision, Aspen?” Jon asked a while after I thought he had fallen asleep next to me. His breathing was light and long, his muscles were loose, and his fingers barely held onto mine.

Jaw clenching, I blinked a few times and felt his fingers apply pressure onto mine again, like if he’d let go he would fall off the bed and into a bottomless pit. Giving his hand a squeeze, I shut my eyes and tilted my head back into the headboard, trying to keep my body calm as I felt his big brown eyes on my skin.

“You know Jon,” I sucked on my bottom lip for a moment, “I really don’t know.”