I'll Tell You My Sins so You Can Sharpen Your Knife
The future starts today, not tomorrow.
On the way home, Sarah pulled off the highway and through a New Jersey township. She parked on a dirt road outside a gate.
“Is this the part where you pull a gun on me?” Dean asked.
“Come on.” Sarah said, turning off the engine and getting out of the car.
Dean sat and watched her jump over the low gate. She didn’t look back to see if he was following. And that might have been what got him out of the car.
Dean carefully slid over the gate and followed the dirt path. It was a half-finished construction site. It looked like it was a popular site, broken beer bottles and empty dime bags. Someone had hidden a bong just inside a glassless apartment window.
“Over here.” Sarah called, waving at him from a side door to the complex.
He followed her up six flights of stairs, down a hallway which smelled like mold, and up a ladder. They were on a low roof.
With an incredible view of the entire area.
Sarah sat at the edge of the building and dangled her legs over the side. Dean sat next to her and looked around. He had never thought of New Jersey as pretty, but this was enough to prove him wrong.
“I come here whenever I have the chance to.” Sarah smiled, leaning back on her hands and closing her eyes. “It’s just so calm and pretty. A whole side of Jersey you don’t think about.” She frowned. “Sometimes you have to fight a bum for a good seat, though.”
Dean laughed. “I’m surprised you don’t have Cass zap you here.”
“Oh, I have. He’s so busy lately, though.”
Dean watched her for a second. “Sarah. You know that Cass isn’t…”
“Good?” she sighed. “Infallible? Sane? What adjective are we going for here? Because there’s an argument for and against each of them.”
“He’s leading a civil war. God only knows what he’s doing to win.”
“I know, Dean. But he’s loyal. He wants a solution where heaven is fixed and the Earth remains whole. He protects me, no matter what dumb shit I do. I can remember feeling his presence with me in kindergarten. That’s far more than most can say about their guardian angels. He cares about you and Sam, because he knows how good you boys can be.”
Dean was silent.
“Look Dean, I’m not trying to justify him. and I wish I could say he’s only human but he’s not. He’s supernatural. But don’t you think that means his problems and unbalances are of the super variety as well?” She looked out at the New Jersey lights. “Besides, he’s better than most of them. He’s realized what we’re seeing right now.”
“What’s that?”
“That humanity is so much more beautiful from far away.”
He looked at her. “Looks pretty beautiful from where I’m sitting.”
She laughed and shoved him lightly. “Hello, concussion. What did you do with Dean?”
“Sammy was giving me lessons, you know, before his soul walked out on him.”
“Uhuh. That explains it. Just wait till I tell Lisa.”
He looked away from her. “I don’t think Lisa is going to take me back, this time.”
“Oh…I’m sorry.”
Dean shook himself. “Alright, chick flick moment’s over. Let’s get you home. and don’t you dare tell a soul about this.”
“About what? How Dean ‘Shoot First’ Winchester enjoys nice views and is capable of a broken heart? I’ll put it in Hunter’s Monthly.”
~*~
Sarah pulled her things out of the backseat of the car while Dean adjusted the driver’s seat. She slammed the door shut and leaned down to talk to Dean through the open window.
“Don’t worry. I’ll make sure Cass knows I’m not hurt. And to put all your dirty secrets in the monthly newsletter.”
Dean laughed easily. “Just don’t fill too many pages of your diary with me.”
“Hm, might not be able to help myself.” She paused. Since when did she flirt with Dean, of all people? She knocked on the hood of the car. “Thanks for the adventure.”
“Goodnight, Sarah.”
She began to walk up to her little cabin.
“Hey! Sarah!”
She turned around.
“I meant what I said, earlier.” Dean said. “On the roof.”
She smiled. “Don’t insult my intelligence, Dean. It won’t end well for you.”
“Really, Sarah.” He put the car into gear. “Keep it in mind.”
She shook her head and watched him pull the car around, and head up the drive way. And he wanted to accuse Castiel of going crazy.
She headed into her house and dropped her bags near the door. She walked back towards the kitchen, where Castiel stood looking out the window. She walked over and stood next to him.
“I understand why you like it here.” he said. “So peaceful.”
His serene face looked so beautiful in the moonlight. And Sarah knew by the end of this conversation, she’d probably want to break it.
“You have to tell me, Cass.” Sarah said softly. “What is my part in all of this?”
“It’s not clear if you have one anymore.”
“Anymore? Castiel, tell me. honestly, for once. Why did you drag me into all of this?”
Castiel looked at his feet. “I was acting in your interests.”
“To do what?”
“Introduce you to Dean.”
This was like pulling teeth. “Why?”
He finally looked at her. “It was written.”
“What was?”
He closed his eyes and intoned, “And the righteous man shall take the white sorceress as his own, and together they shall put forth a new humanity.”
Sarah thought for a moment. “I was supposed to be his wife. Biblically.”
“Yes.”
“But he was supposed to die. In the Apocalypse. We all were.”
Castiel shook his head. “Raphael said so. But he ignored that passage. It’s very obscure, but some of us remember. The Apocalypse wasn’t supposed to be a war where the angels or demons came out on top. It was a chance to resent. At the cost of most human life, few would live to rebuild.”
Sarah shook her head. “But that’s over now. The rulebook has been thrown out.”
“Yes. But some believe it will happen anyway.”
“The Apocalypse, or me and Dean?”
Castiel didn’t answer.
Sarah sighed. “Fine. Don’t answer that. I don’t want to know. But why me?”
“You’re my charge. It was in your best interests to live. Also, you were the best choice for him. Your genetics are different enough, because of your magical ability, most likely, where procreation would be most successful – “
“Ew. Stop. Never talk about sex again until you’ve actually had it.” Sarah closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. “I’m going to bed.”
“What?”
“Thank you for telling me. But I need to think.”
“What is there to think about?”
“Go, Castiel. Fight your war. Before I cut my hand open and blast you out.”
“But – “
“Go!”
He disappeared with a flutter of wings. Sarah leaned against the kitchen counter top and closed her eyes tightly.
It was all just writings in a book. Her whole life. Her whole future. Dean telling her she was beautiful wasn’t real. It was just a side effect of pre-destiny lost.
Dean had always been perfectly nice to her, pretty much until Castiel decided to hide all of them and not let them play the angel’s game. As soon as things weren’t cosmically aligned, he hated her. And God knows she couldn’t stand him, either. He tried to shoot a thirteen year old girl right in front of her, just because she couldn’t control her powers.
It wasn’t fair. Now, even her heart was fair game in the cosmic wars. Things were almost better when she was alone and hiding from the coven and her mother.
“Is this the part where you pull a gun on me?” Dean asked.
“Come on.” Sarah said, turning off the engine and getting out of the car.
Dean sat and watched her jump over the low gate. She didn’t look back to see if he was following. And that might have been what got him out of the car.
Dean carefully slid over the gate and followed the dirt path. It was a half-finished construction site. It looked like it was a popular site, broken beer bottles and empty dime bags. Someone had hidden a bong just inside a glassless apartment window.
“Over here.” Sarah called, waving at him from a side door to the complex.
He followed her up six flights of stairs, down a hallway which smelled like mold, and up a ladder. They were on a low roof.
With an incredible view of the entire area.
Sarah sat at the edge of the building and dangled her legs over the side. Dean sat next to her and looked around. He had never thought of New Jersey as pretty, but this was enough to prove him wrong.
“I come here whenever I have the chance to.” Sarah smiled, leaning back on her hands and closing her eyes. “It’s just so calm and pretty. A whole side of Jersey you don’t think about.” She frowned. “Sometimes you have to fight a bum for a good seat, though.”
Dean laughed. “I’m surprised you don’t have Cass zap you here.”
“Oh, I have. He’s so busy lately, though.”
Dean watched her for a second. “Sarah. You know that Cass isn’t…”
“Good?” she sighed. “Infallible? Sane? What adjective are we going for here? Because there’s an argument for and against each of them.”
“He’s leading a civil war. God only knows what he’s doing to win.”
“I know, Dean. But he’s loyal. He wants a solution where heaven is fixed and the Earth remains whole. He protects me, no matter what dumb shit I do. I can remember feeling his presence with me in kindergarten. That’s far more than most can say about their guardian angels. He cares about you and Sam, because he knows how good you boys can be.”
Dean was silent.
“Look Dean, I’m not trying to justify him. and I wish I could say he’s only human but he’s not. He’s supernatural. But don’t you think that means his problems and unbalances are of the super variety as well?” She looked out at the New Jersey lights. “Besides, he’s better than most of them. He’s realized what we’re seeing right now.”
“What’s that?”
“That humanity is so much more beautiful from far away.”
He looked at her. “Looks pretty beautiful from where I’m sitting.”
She laughed and shoved him lightly. “Hello, concussion. What did you do with Dean?”
“Sammy was giving me lessons, you know, before his soul walked out on him.”
“Uhuh. That explains it. Just wait till I tell Lisa.”
He looked away from her. “I don’t think Lisa is going to take me back, this time.”
“Oh…I’m sorry.”
Dean shook himself. “Alright, chick flick moment’s over. Let’s get you home. and don’t you dare tell a soul about this.”
“About what? How Dean ‘Shoot First’ Winchester enjoys nice views and is capable of a broken heart? I’ll put it in Hunter’s Monthly.”
~*~
Sarah pulled her things out of the backseat of the car while Dean adjusted the driver’s seat. She slammed the door shut and leaned down to talk to Dean through the open window.
“Don’t worry. I’ll make sure Cass knows I’m not hurt. And to put all your dirty secrets in the monthly newsletter.”
Dean laughed easily. “Just don’t fill too many pages of your diary with me.”
“Hm, might not be able to help myself.” She paused. Since when did she flirt with Dean, of all people? She knocked on the hood of the car. “Thanks for the adventure.”
“Goodnight, Sarah.”
She began to walk up to her little cabin.
“Hey! Sarah!”
She turned around.
“I meant what I said, earlier.” Dean said. “On the roof.”
She smiled. “Don’t insult my intelligence, Dean. It won’t end well for you.”
“Really, Sarah.” He put the car into gear. “Keep it in mind.”
She shook her head and watched him pull the car around, and head up the drive way. And he wanted to accuse Castiel of going crazy.
She headed into her house and dropped her bags near the door. She walked back towards the kitchen, where Castiel stood looking out the window. She walked over and stood next to him.
“I understand why you like it here.” he said. “So peaceful.”
His serene face looked so beautiful in the moonlight. And Sarah knew by the end of this conversation, she’d probably want to break it.
“You have to tell me, Cass.” Sarah said softly. “What is my part in all of this?”
“It’s not clear if you have one anymore.”
“Anymore? Castiel, tell me. honestly, for once. Why did you drag me into all of this?”
Castiel looked at his feet. “I was acting in your interests.”
“To do what?”
“Introduce you to Dean.”
This was like pulling teeth. “Why?”
He finally looked at her. “It was written.”
“What was?”
He closed his eyes and intoned, “And the righteous man shall take the white sorceress as his own, and together they shall put forth a new humanity.”
Sarah thought for a moment. “I was supposed to be his wife. Biblically.”
“Yes.”
“But he was supposed to die. In the Apocalypse. We all were.”
Castiel shook his head. “Raphael said so. But he ignored that passage. It’s very obscure, but some of us remember. The Apocalypse wasn’t supposed to be a war where the angels or demons came out on top. It was a chance to resent. At the cost of most human life, few would live to rebuild.”
Sarah shook her head. “But that’s over now. The rulebook has been thrown out.”
“Yes. But some believe it will happen anyway.”
“The Apocalypse, or me and Dean?”
Castiel didn’t answer.
Sarah sighed. “Fine. Don’t answer that. I don’t want to know. But why me?”
“You’re my charge. It was in your best interests to live. Also, you were the best choice for him. Your genetics are different enough, because of your magical ability, most likely, where procreation would be most successful – “
“Ew. Stop. Never talk about sex again until you’ve actually had it.” Sarah closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. “I’m going to bed.”
“What?”
“Thank you for telling me. But I need to think.”
“What is there to think about?”
“Go, Castiel. Fight your war. Before I cut my hand open and blast you out.”
“But – “
“Go!”
He disappeared with a flutter of wings. Sarah leaned against the kitchen counter top and closed her eyes tightly.
It was all just writings in a book. Her whole life. Her whole future. Dean telling her she was beautiful wasn’t real. It was just a side effect of pre-destiny lost.
Dean had always been perfectly nice to her, pretty much until Castiel decided to hide all of them and not let them play the angel’s game. As soon as things weren’t cosmically aligned, he hated her. And God knows she couldn’t stand him, either. He tried to shoot a thirteen year old girl right in front of her, just because she couldn’t control her powers.
It wasn’t fair. Now, even her heart was fair game in the cosmic wars. Things were almost better when she was alone and hiding from the coven and her mother.