I'll Tell You My Sins so You Can Sharpen Your Knife

Sarah dug through the freezer drawer of her fridge. “Alright, I’ve got some pork chops, some steaks, or…I do have a whole chicken but I’d have to break it down. Any dietary restrictions?”

“Salad?” Dean suggested.

“Funny.” Sarah muttered, pulling the beef out of the freezer and opening the fridge doors next. “Alright, steaks it is. With butter-salt potatoes and a nice salad.”

Dean rolled his eyes and reached around her to grab a beer. “Yeungling, huh?”

“What, too fancy for you?”

“I thought Yeungling wasn’t sold west of the Mississippi.” Charlie piped up.

“It’s not.” Sarah said, pulling things out of the fridge. “But I have my ways. You want one? A glass of wine? Scotch?”

“Wine would be nice.”

“I’ll have one too. Dean? Could you…”

Dean opened a few cupboards before finding the wine glasses. He filled them with the open bottle that Sarah indicated. Sarah was dumping large amounts of salt into a pot of water.

“Mind if I look around?” Dean asked, handing her one of the glasses.

She sipped her wine and shook her head. “Go ahead.”

Dean left the kitchen and Charlie watched Sarah cook for a minute. She moved quickly. Already, she had the steaks sitting in a container with soy sauce, balsamic vinegar, and Jack Daniels. The pot of salt water was boiling the potatoes. She was chopping vegetables at an alarming speed.

“You’re good at this.” She said.

Sarah smiled. “Don’t say that until you’ve tasted it. That marinade, for instance. It was my father’s recipe. He never wrote it down. And I can’t seem to get it right.”

“Why don’t you ask him?”

“He…doesn’t remember me.” Sarah said. “It’s better that way.”

“I’m sorry.” Charlie said.

Sarah smiled. “Don’t be. He’s happier. And I’m happy remembering him as the big strong hero he was when I was little.”

Charlie watched Sarah crumple a block of blue cheese in her hands. She was exactly how Sam described her. Strong but gentile. Completely grounded in the reality around her. Giving Dean a smile but keeping him in his place.

“So, Sammy said all that stuff about me, huh?” Sarah smiled. “Good thing he doesn’t have a girlfriend. She might get jealous.”

“He also says Dean loves you.” Charlie said.

Sarah laughed. “Yeah. Sam says that a lot.” She tossed the steaks onto a hot pan. The air filled with steam. “He likes to say that.”

Dean came back into the kitchen and rested his beer on the kitchen island. “Need a hand?” he asked.

Sarah shook her head and drank more wine. “Just waiting for things to cook. You can set the table, if you want.”

“Sure.”

“Plates are there, silverwares in the drawer. I’ll go get my crap off the table.”

She left the room and Charlie snickered. “Look at you, all domestic.”

Dean rolled his eyes and pulled three plates out of the cupboard Sarah had indicated. “So?”

“Dean? Can you flip the steaks?” Sarah shouted from the other room.

Dean sighed and grabbed a fork to turn over the steaks.

“Don’t use a fork!” she shouted. “You’ll ruin the finish on them.”

Dean rolled his eyes and picked the steaks up with the tips of his fingers. He winced as they burnt him. Charlie was grinning like a maniac.

“Shut up.”

~*~

After dinner, Sarah and Dean drove Charlie to the bus stop, and waited in the car with her until the bus arrived. Sarah didn’t really want Charlie to leave. She liked her.

“You take care of yourself.” Dean said, giving Charlie a hug. “And hey, no hunting alone.”

Charlie rolled her eyes. “Whatever.”

Sarah held her arms open wide and Charlie hugged her tightly. “It was good to meet you.” Sarah said.

“Yeah you too.”

Sarah slipped a disposable phone into Charlie’s pocket. “I’ll call if something is out your way.” Sarah whispered. “Don’t go looking for trouble. It’s better to let it find you.”

“Thanks.”

Sarah released her and stepped away, letting her get onto the bus. Charlie waved at them as she got on the bus. They got back into the car and Dean turned on the engine.

“I’m feeling some ice cream.” He said. “Any good ice cream places around here?”

Sarah raised her eyebrows. “I thought you were going to drop me off at home and then go running back to your brother.”

“Sam’s sick. He needs rest. Sides, I told you, I came out here to see you.” He pulled the car out of the parking spot. “So. Ice cream?”

She sighed. “Make a right. You know, you’re really weird when you’re trying to be nice.”

“I’m not trying to be nice.” He glanced at her. “I’m just…not trying to kill you.”

Sarah’s hysterical laughter filled the car. Dean rolled his eyes.

“What is so goddamn funny?”

“Just…nothing.” She said, choking back laughter. “Alright. Let’s get ice cream.”

~*~

Sarah woke up with a start. She wasn’t alone. She rubbed her eyes and looked next to her. Dean. Right.

Her phone rang next to her on the nightstand. Dean groaned and rolled over. Sarah picked up the phone and answered it. “Hello?”

“Sarah?” Sam coughed. “Dean with you?”

“Yeah. He’s right here.”

“Can I talk to him?”

Sarah shook Dean’s shoulder.

“What?” he groaned.

“Your brother’s looking for you.”

“No.”

Sarah sighed and put the phone back to her ear. “Can I take a message?”

“Just have him call me. It’s not an emergency.”

“Alright.”

Sarah dropped the phone and fell back against her pillows, holding her head. Dean reached over and grabbed her, making her squeak as she was pulled closer.

“What did he want?” Dean asked, not opening his eyes.

“He didn’t say. Just wants you to check in.”

“Hm.”

“Why are you still here?”

“Do you want me gone?”

“No. But…I expected you to be gone.”

“Well, I’m not.” He kissed her shoulder.

“This is too fucking weird.” She muttered. She sat up and looked down at him. “Really Dean. Why are you here?”

He finally opened his eyes and looked up at her. “Are you unhappy with last night?”

“No.”

“You started this. At the motel.”

“I know that.”

“Then come back here.” He grabbed her and pulled her back down, pinning her to the bed. “So we can do it again.”

“Dean.” She groaned, pushing him. “Just. Stop. One minute. What are we doing? What do you want?”

He looked down at her. “What do you mean?”

“I mean…are you using me to get laid?”

Dean laughed. “That’s your concern?”

“It’s a very serious concern.” She defended. “I mean, for Christ’s sake, you had your friend track me down and then drove hours to come out here. Probably without telling your brother where you were going.”

“I wanted to see you.”

“But why?”

He changed his grip on her wrist to intertwine their fingers. “This doesn’t feel right?”

“Of course it does!”

“Then why are you so worried?”

“Take a look at your life, Dean. Look at mine. Nothing has ever worked out for either of us. Not really. So why should this?”

“So what if it doesn’t?”

“Well, the last two times we had a disagreement you tried to kill me. So yeah, I’m a little concerned.” Sarah pushed him off her and swung her legs out of bed, grabbing a bathrobe that was on the floor. “I’m going to make some coffee. You should call your brother.”

Sarah walked out of the room while she tied the bathrobe around her. Everything was so complicated. Everything had been complicated since she met him. It didn’t need to be worse.

Downstairs she turned on the coffee pot and put some twelve-grain bread in the toaster. Then she started to cut open a pomello. Nothing could calm her down more than cooking. She heard footsteps and Dean appeared, having pulled on boxers and t-shirt.

“Look, Sarah.” He said, rubbing his eyes. “I’m not really asking anything of you.”

“This is stupid.” She said, putting her knife down. She laughed. “This is so stupid, Dean. There’s an elephant in the room and it’s been getting bigger and bigger. I mean, God, we started with lies and now instead of telling the truth we just don’t say a word. I don’t want to live like that.”

She picked up her knife and resumed cutting open the large citrus.

“What is with you?” Dean asked. “I don’t understand half of what you’re saying.”

“Maybe I just need coffee.” She glanced at the still-brewing pot, then yelped. She had sliced her finger.

“Jesus, Sarah.” Dean muttered, grabbing a dishtowel.

She winced and held her finger tightly with her other hand. “It’s fine, Dean.”

“Sarah, come here. Let me wrap it.”

“No really, it’s fine.” Light momentarily glowed in her hair and eyes, and she released her hand. It was whole, but had some blood on it. “Just a little cut.”

“I always forget.” He muttered. “That you can do that.”

“Not without a price.” She muttered, leaning against the counter. “But this is better than stitches.”

The toaster popped up bread, and Dean quickly moved it onto two plates and poured coffee while Sarah sat at the small kitchen table. She looked exhausted, and it wasn’t just from using her power. A phone labeled CIA rang, and she reached for it. Dean moved all the food to the table and sat across from her. Presently she hung up the phone and grabbed her coffee.

“This is the part where you tell me I’m bad at communicating, isn’t it?” Dean asked. “I feel like I remember you saying that before.”

“Something like that.” She said, grabbing a pack of cigarettes off the table and lighting one.

“Sarah.” Dean sighed. “Look. I’m here because I want to be, okay? And no, I don’t know what’s going to happen or if we can make something work but…I haven’t stopped thinking about you for years.”

She closed her eyes tightly and reopened them. “Purgatory made you better at talking, huh?”

He smiled. “Maybe.”

She stood and leaned over the table and kissed him. He immediately responded and stood to meet her, moving around the table and pushing her against the wall behind her.

“Is the elephant in the room gone yet?” he asked, speaking into her throat.

“Not by a long shot.” She muttered.

“Never make it too easy for me, huh?” he grumbled, lifting her small frame.

She wrapped her legs tightly around his waist. “Couch.” She muttered, biting his ear.