I'll Tell You My Sins so You Can Sharpen Your Knife
Life is an ugly, awful place to not have a best friend.
It was three in the morning, and Sarah had crossed through four towns to finally come across a convenience store that was still open and had a decent ice cream selection. She missed New Jersey. She missed driving thirty minutes to the 24/7 Wawas that always had red velvet ice cream, not that she had a taste for it before. She missed ordering bredded chicken subs with blue cheese, olives, hot sauce, and pickles on the side. And she could just about kill for a taylor ham, egg and cheese on an onion bagel from that one specific place in Morristown.
“Should we just move back to Jersey?” she asked the six-month baby bump that stretched her sweatshirt. “Not like Dean has to know.”
Dean. He had been checking up on her, now and then. Calling, asking if she needed anything. Against her better judgment, she sent him ultrasounds, which always warranted more phone calls. She was far less into this whole pregnancy thing than he was. Maybe that was because she couldn’t see her toes anymore and she wasn’t sure if it was the actual baby or the crap she was eating.
Sarah studied the ice cream selection before opening the glass door and freeing a large tub of red velvet. She also grabbed a jar of pickles, a two-liter of Doctor Pepper, and some chocolate wafer cookies she could dip in her ice cream. Did she need cereal too? Maybe some Apple Jacks and milk…
“Sarah?”
Sarah looked up in panic, almost as if she had been caught committing a crime. Sam had to laugh at her as she caught her breath and relaxed.
“Sam. What are you doing here?”
“We were actually on our way to see you.” He smiled. “I was going to drop Dean off.”
“What?”
Sam kindly took her pickles, soda and milk away from her. “Come on. It would be best if you talked to him.” He looked at her stomach. “Wow, Sarah, you look great.”
“Like a whale, you mean.”
“Aren’t you only six months?”
“Yeah. In another two I’ll have my own gravitational pull. I won’t need end tables because my food will be orbiting around me like moons.”
Sarah paid for her food and followed Sam out to where Dean was gassing up the Impala.
“Hey, Sarah.” He said warily.
“Hey.”
“How should we work this?” Sam asked.
Sarah sighed and dug in her purse for her keys. She unclipped the one for her car from the carabineer. “Here. Take mine for now. God knows he won’t part with his antique.”
“You say that like it’s an insult.” Dean quipped.
“You will drive me home.” she told him. “And on the way, we’ll talk, and I’ll decide if you get to stay.”
“You’re very straightforward today.”
“I am six months pregnant, it’s three in the morning, and my baby daddy just happens to be at the only gas station with more than three flavors of ice cream in a hundred mile radius and I’m trying really hard to believe he isn’t stalking me. I don’t think straightforward is the word you’re looking for.”
She opened the passenger door and sat inside, slamming the door behind her. She opened her cookies and ice cream and started to eat, watching the brothers have a quick word while Dean finished filling the tank. Dean went inside to pay for the gas, and Sam knocked on the window. Sarah sighed and cranked it down.
“Cut him a break.” Sam said, the ghost of a laugh still on his face. “He’s convinced you’re going to throw him out.”
“Why do you find all of this so amusing?” Sarah demanded, stuffing another ice cream dipped cookie in her mouth. “It’s not amusing. I fell in love with the biggest douche bag in the country and now I’m stuck with his baby.”
“Give him some credit. He’s not the biggest douche bag. Just, you know, a douche.”
“Says you. Want a cookie?”
“I’ll pass, thanks. Hey, Sarah, look. At the end of the day, he’s going to do whatever it takes for his family. You’re part of that now. So, don’t worry about it, okay?”
Sarah made a face at him. “Stop trying to be so wise, Sam. You just come off like a pompous ass.”
“I’m going to make a great uncle.”
“Shut it.”
He laughed and reached through the window to squeeze her arm. “Be good, Sarah. I’ll see you soon.”
“Whatever.”
Sam got into her car, and Sarah giggled as she watched him struggle in the tight space before finding the lever to push the seat back. The engine roared to life and he pulled out of the parking spot and ripped out of the lot.
The car door opened and Dean got into the driver’s seat. “What kind of ice cream is that?” he asked.
“Red velvet.”
“Can I have some?”
Sarah loaded a cookie with ice cream and passed it to him.
“Brilliant.” He muttered.
“I never really understood the point of red velvet until like two days ago.” Sarah said, loading up another cookie. “Or sweet pickles. I’ve always hated sweet pickles. Now I just want to dip them in hot sauce and eat them sliced on a burger with blue cheese dressing and fresh onion rings.”
He smiled and started up the car.
“Why are you here?” Sarah asked.
“The mark is gone.” He said. “So, if you’ll let me, I’d like to come home.”
“How did you – “
“A sin eater. It took us forever to find one. But we did.” He kept his eyes on the road and felt for her hand, lacing their fingers together. “The mark is gone.”
“That’s good. I’m glad.”
He sighed and looked at her stomach. “I know you want me to say sorry. But I’m not.”
“I’m not either.” Sarah sighed. “Being pregnant sucks, believe me. I don’t want to do it again. It’s not like the movies. But I can’t help but be…excited about the baby. About being a mother. I don’t know.”
They were quiet.
“It’s a girl.” She said. “I don’t think I told you when I found out.”
“A girl.” He repeated, trying to wrap his head around the news. “Wonderful.”
The car was quiet again for a moment.
“You can come back.” She said. “But we have things to talk about.”
He nodded. “Yeah.”
“And you better get an STD test before you even think about sleeping with me again.”
He rolled his eyes. “I’m clean, Sarah.”
“And you can’t go running off again! I understand that you have to do jobs but you have to tell me. And no breaking up with me just because I’ve put on a hundred pounds because of this goddamn ice cream!”
He laughed. “Whatever you want, Sarah.”
“I hate being pregnant.” She muttered, taking hand back to eat more ice cream. “Here, eat some of this so I don’t.”
~*~
The hormones were driving Sarah insane. She didn’t leave the house anymore, even though she swore there was something rotting in the kitchen and she couldn’t figure out what it was. She kept forgetting what she was supposed to be doing. She did her best to help keep the house, but her cooking was out of the question. Her feet were so swollen she could hardly stand for more than twenty minutes.
“What about…Isabella?” Dean asked, cracking open his beer.
“So my daughter can be followed by Oh my God, like Twilight?” Sarah asked, moving the wet washcloth on her face to look at him. “Not a chance.”
“Come on, by the time she’s old enough for that, everyone will have forgotten it was ever written.”
“Oh yeah? What about your books? Have they gotten any less popular?”
“Shut up, Sarah. What about Mary?”
“Maybe for a middle name.”
“Allison.”
“No.”
“Rebecca?”
“No.”
“Hannah?”
“Keep going, Dean. You’ll be out of Bible names soon enough.” Suddenly she sat bolt upright. “Ahhhh…shit.”
“What’s wrong?”
She heaved herself off the couch and slowly and uncertainly paced, taking deep breaths. “Dean, you need to pray to Cass with me.”
“What’s wrong?”
“I think my water broke.” She said, not looking at him. “Cass, we need you. Now.”
“What will Cass do?” he demanded, standing. “We need to get you to a hospital.”
“No.” Castiel said, arriving in the living room with a rustle of feathers.
Sam stood next to him, blinking in surprise. “Why am I here?”
“You need to keep your brother company.” Castiel replied, giving Sarah his full attention.
“What’s going on?” Dean demanded.
“Cass, I have to go now.” Sarah said. “You can come back and explain as soon as you get me out of here.”
Castiel nodded and grabbed her wrist, and they disappeared.
“What the hell?” Sam asked. “What’s going on?”
“She said her water broke, and started calling for him.”
“And?”
“I don’t know. He showed up with you. What did he say to you?”
“Nothing. He just showed up and grabbed me.”
“She’ll be fine. At least for a few minutes.” Castiel said, reappearing between the brothers.
“Where did you take her?” Dean demanded. “”She needs to be in a hospital.”
“That’s the last thing anyone needs. Dean, you forget that Sarah is a witch.”
“So?”
“So, when they’re in pain, sometimes they release power as an outlet. The average witch would be capable of destroying this house while in labor. That’s why so many of them give birth in fields where no one is around.”
“So you’ve taken Sarah to a field?”
“I’ve taken her to the prairie. Dean, you always forget. She’s very powerful. I wouldn’t be surprised if she brought down an entire city block. And she’d probably kill the both of you in the process.” Castiel held his shoulder bracingly. “She’ll be fine. I’ll bring her back as soon as it’s over.”
Dean looked helplessly at his brother while Castiel disappeared.
“Got any beer?” Sam asked.
“Should we just move back to Jersey?” she asked the six-month baby bump that stretched her sweatshirt. “Not like Dean has to know.”
Dean. He had been checking up on her, now and then. Calling, asking if she needed anything. Against her better judgment, she sent him ultrasounds, which always warranted more phone calls. She was far less into this whole pregnancy thing than he was. Maybe that was because she couldn’t see her toes anymore and she wasn’t sure if it was the actual baby or the crap she was eating.
Sarah studied the ice cream selection before opening the glass door and freeing a large tub of red velvet. She also grabbed a jar of pickles, a two-liter of Doctor Pepper, and some chocolate wafer cookies she could dip in her ice cream. Did she need cereal too? Maybe some Apple Jacks and milk…
“Sarah?”
Sarah looked up in panic, almost as if she had been caught committing a crime. Sam had to laugh at her as she caught her breath and relaxed.
“Sam. What are you doing here?”
“We were actually on our way to see you.” He smiled. “I was going to drop Dean off.”
“What?”
Sam kindly took her pickles, soda and milk away from her. “Come on. It would be best if you talked to him.” He looked at her stomach. “Wow, Sarah, you look great.”
“Like a whale, you mean.”
“Aren’t you only six months?”
“Yeah. In another two I’ll have my own gravitational pull. I won’t need end tables because my food will be orbiting around me like moons.”
Sarah paid for her food and followed Sam out to where Dean was gassing up the Impala.
“Hey, Sarah.” He said warily.
“Hey.”
“How should we work this?” Sam asked.
Sarah sighed and dug in her purse for her keys. She unclipped the one for her car from the carabineer. “Here. Take mine for now. God knows he won’t part with his antique.”
“You say that like it’s an insult.” Dean quipped.
“You will drive me home.” she told him. “And on the way, we’ll talk, and I’ll decide if you get to stay.”
“You’re very straightforward today.”
“I am six months pregnant, it’s three in the morning, and my baby daddy just happens to be at the only gas station with more than three flavors of ice cream in a hundred mile radius and I’m trying really hard to believe he isn’t stalking me. I don’t think straightforward is the word you’re looking for.”
She opened the passenger door and sat inside, slamming the door behind her. She opened her cookies and ice cream and started to eat, watching the brothers have a quick word while Dean finished filling the tank. Dean went inside to pay for the gas, and Sam knocked on the window. Sarah sighed and cranked it down.
“Cut him a break.” Sam said, the ghost of a laugh still on his face. “He’s convinced you’re going to throw him out.”
“Why do you find all of this so amusing?” Sarah demanded, stuffing another ice cream dipped cookie in her mouth. “It’s not amusing. I fell in love with the biggest douche bag in the country and now I’m stuck with his baby.”
“Give him some credit. He’s not the biggest douche bag. Just, you know, a douche.”
“Says you. Want a cookie?”
“I’ll pass, thanks. Hey, Sarah, look. At the end of the day, he’s going to do whatever it takes for his family. You’re part of that now. So, don’t worry about it, okay?”
Sarah made a face at him. “Stop trying to be so wise, Sam. You just come off like a pompous ass.”
“I’m going to make a great uncle.”
“Shut it.”
He laughed and reached through the window to squeeze her arm. “Be good, Sarah. I’ll see you soon.”
“Whatever.”
Sam got into her car, and Sarah giggled as she watched him struggle in the tight space before finding the lever to push the seat back. The engine roared to life and he pulled out of the parking spot and ripped out of the lot.
The car door opened and Dean got into the driver’s seat. “What kind of ice cream is that?” he asked.
“Red velvet.”
“Can I have some?”
Sarah loaded a cookie with ice cream and passed it to him.
“Brilliant.” He muttered.
“I never really understood the point of red velvet until like two days ago.” Sarah said, loading up another cookie. “Or sweet pickles. I’ve always hated sweet pickles. Now I just want to dip them in hot sauce and eat them sliced on a burger with blue cheese dressing and fresh onion rings.”
He smiled and started up the car.
“Why are you here?” Sarah asked.
“The mark is gone.” He said. “So, if you’ll let me, I’d like to come home.”
“How did you – “
“A sin eater. It took us forever to find one. But we did.” He kept his eyes on the road and felt for her hand, lacing their fingers together. “The mark is gone.”
“That’s good. I’m glad.”
He sighed and looked at her stomach. “I know you want me to say sorry. But I’m not.”
“I’m not either.” Sarah sighed. “Being pregnant sucks, believe me. I don’t want to do it again. It’s not like the movies. But I can’t help but be…excited about the baby. About being a mother. I don’t know.”
They were quiet.
“It’s a girl.” She said. “I don’t think I told you when I found out.”
“A girl.” He repeated, trying to wrap his head around the news. “Wonderful.”
The car was quiet again for a moment.
“You can come back.” She said. “But we have things to talk about.”
He nodded. “Yeah.”
“And you better get an STD test before you even think about sleeping with me again.”
He rolled his eyes. “I’m clean, Sarah.”
“And you can’t go running off again! I understand that you have to do jobs but you have to tell me. And no breaking up with me just because I’ve put on a hundred pounds because of this goddamn ice cream!”
He laughed. “Whatever you want, Sarah.”
“I hate being pregnant.” She muttered, taking hand back to eat more ice cream. “Here, eat some of this so I don’t.”
~*~
The hormones were driving Sarah insane. She didn’t leave the house anymore, even though she swore there was something rotting in the kitchen and she couldn’t figure out what it was. She kept forgetting what she was supposed to be doing. She did her best to help keep the house, but her cooking was out of the question. Her feet were so swollen she could hardly stand for more than twenty minutes.
“What about…Isabella?” Dean asked, cracking open his beer.
“So my daughter can be followed by Oh my God, like Twilight?” Sarah asked, moving the wet washcloth on her face to look at him. “Not a chance.”
“Come on, by the time she’s old enough for that, everyone will have forgotten it was ever written.”
“Oh yeah? What about your books? Have they gotten any less popular?”
“Shut up, Sarah. What about Mary?”
“Maybe for a middle name.”
“Allison.”
“No.”
“Rebecca?”
“No.”
“Hannah?”
“Keep going, Dean. You’ll be out of Bible names soon enough.” Suddenly she sat bolt upright. “Ahhhh…shit.”
“What’s wrong?”
She heaved herself off the couch and slowly and uncertainly paced, taking deep breaths. “Dean, you need to pray to Cass with me.”
“What’s wrong?”
“I think my water broke.” She said, not looking at him. “Cass, we need you. Now.”
“What will Cass do?” he demanded, standing. “We need to get you to a hospital.”
“No.” Castiel said, arriving in the living room with a rustle of feathers.
Sam stood next to him, blinking in surprise. “Why am I here?”
“You need to keep your brother company.” Castiel replied, giving Sarah his full attention.
“What’s going on?” Dean demanded.
“Cass, I have to go now.” Sarah said. “You can come back and explain as soon as you get me out of here.”
Castiel nodded and grabbed her wrist, and they disappeared.
“What the hell?” Sam asked. “What’s going on?”
“She said her water broke, and started calling for him.”
“And?”
“I don’t know. He showed up with you. What did he say to you?”
“Nothing. He just showed up and grabbed me.”
“She’ll be fine. At least for a few minutes.” Castiel said, reappearing between the brothers.
“Where did you take her?” Dean demanded. “”She needs to be in a hospital.”
“That’s the last thing anyone needs. Dean, you forget that Sarah is a witch.”
“So?”
“So, when they’re in pain, sometimes they release power as an outlet. The average witch would be capable of destroying this house while in labor. That’s why so many of them give birth in fields where no one is around.”
“So you’ve taken Sarah to a field?”
“I’ve taken her to the prairie. Dean, you always forget. She’s very powerful. I wouldn’t be surprised if she brought down an entire city block. And she’d probably kill the both of you in the process.” Castiel held his shoulder bracingly. “She’ll be fine. I’ll bring her back as soon as it’s over.”
Dean looked helplessly at his brother while Castiel disappeared.
“Got any beer?” Sam asked.