Forever And Never

Thursday morning, Lori and Ali immediately questioned me about August once we were all in the car and driving towards the school, slowly due to the heavy traffic. Someone had mentioned to Ali last week that they had seen him and me holding hands in the hallway, and they both scolded me the entire car ride about how I should feel terrible for not telling them about it. "Nothing's happening, guys. He just likes to hold my hand." I tried to ration after listening to them, almost laughing at how true and depressing it really was. Ali and Lori could fantasize about him holding my hand, but in the end that's all it was.
"Well something's got to be happening!" Lori protested, sitting in the passenger's seat next to me, "People don’t really just hold hands if nothing is going in between them." She waved my iPod in the air as she talked, distracted by me playing the event down while attempting to pick a song to play. Ali, sitting in the center of the backseat and leaning forward, agreed as well to her reasoning.
"He's pretty strange… I don't even think he likes me sometimes," I argued back, my heart aching by the time I reached the end of the sentence, feeling bad that I was admitting these kinds of things. As much as it hurt to say, it really was how I felt sometimes when he acted like it was horrible to touch me or make any attempt to get closer to me.
"Well, do you like him?" Ali inquired suddenly from the backseat, and Lori followed her lead with a nod and attempts to get me to speak up: "Yea, do you?" I looked forward at the road ahead as they both looked at me without saying anything for a few seconds, anticipating my response. I gave them no answer and looked straight ahead, not at all willing to admit to my best friends that I was crazy about him. I felt like an idiot for liking someone who wouldn't even hug me, wouldn't even let me get close to him.
Despite the silence I was determined to keep, the truth must have shown somewhere because after few seconds of silence Lori screamed suddenly, "You do!" and started repeating, "You like him! I knew it!" Ali joined in with her and they both yelled and cheered, making my face turn red and I tried to stop them, "Would you guys shut up? I'm trying to drive…"
"I knew it!" they both whispered, trying without success to sustain their laughing. After several minutes of listening to them squeal on and on about how cute August and I would be together, slowly they began taunting me until I began to leak information. Before I knew it I'd told them everything, how we socialized in seventh period on a daily basis, about how he was afraid of germs and didn't like to touch people, how I’d helped him get over it a little, and everything going on since I'd first seen him. I told them about his amazing blue eyes, and how he cared and how respectful he was.
After spilling everything about me and him I felt a little relieved; I'd finally told someone about it all, and I felt like if I ever needed to talk to them, they would be able to properly give me advice. When we arrived at school and I parked in my usual parking space, I felt relieved that I'd told them about it all.
The bell sounded off in my seventh period, and within a matter of second and me, August, and the rest of the class were out the door mixing together with everyone else in the hallway as they rushed around eager to leave the building. August and I walked slowly, hand in hand through the crowds of people surging though the hallways. I glanced over to him on my right, an uncontrollable smile growing bigger and bigger on my face. He returned my smile sweetly, and squeezed my hand lightly making my heart flutter joyfully. We made our way towards my locker, engaging in light conversation as we walked and once we'd arrived and I quickly shoved my things inside the small space.
In a matter of minutes, we reached the side doors near the parking lot and looked at my feet nervously, realized what I was about to do and how much it could improve or destroy my world. I couldn't tell if August noticed how nervous I was, or if he was planning on saying anything about it but either way he continued to walk next to me normally as we walked from the doors to the first rows of cars where my car waiting for me. By then, I was about to burst.
I leaned against my car door as I usually did, and he stood parallel to me holding my hand and looking into my eyes with that same beautiful smile. Somehow I managed to stay silent as we spoke lightly about our days and how they'd been and all the usual conversational topics that seemed to come up between us every day. Finally, I recognized that I needed to act if I wanted to ever happen, and when I convinced myself to open my mouth and speak the words came out jumbled together and hardly understandable: "Why don't we go somewhere!?"
He gave me a confused look, not having understood at all what I said. I stuttered for a second, considering simply saying 'Never mind' and forgetting about my thoughts about me and him ever being more than friends who held hands. But instead I repeated myself only slower, "Why don’t we go somewhere… together. Just us… It could be fun…"
August looked at me thoughtfully, I guess debating on whether or not to say yes. I watched him for about what felt like a million years determined that he was going to say no or that he wouldn't be able to find time or something like that. I silently decided that if he said no, I would give up on him and would no longer even consider him a crush. I would accept it as 'I just want to be friends' and I would move one with my life.
"Yea that sounds fun… why not?" he answered finally, bringing me back from my thoughts. "Huh?" I asked, so sure that he would turn me down that I hadn't heard what he'd said. He laughed and said, "I'd love to go somewhere with you… on a date, with you," He smiled warmly at me and I grinned back, melting on the inside from his words. I'd said 'Go somewhere', but he'd been the one to call it a 'Date,' which at least to me was a different and more advanced thing.
"That would be great…" I replied dreamily, forgetting everything he'd done to disappoint me before. "So when do we go?" he asked after a few seconds and smiled again. I tried to stop myself from grinning too much at his question and his smile, though I could feel my heat beating excitedly at being able to go somewhere with him. He really was the greatest guy I'd ever met, and had the ability to make me feel like I s the happiest girl in the world. He may have some flaws that aren't exactly easy to deal with, but that came with every single person and it wasn't anything that I couldn't deal. "Maybe we can go tomorrow after school? There's a shop nearby where we can get smoothies or something," I proposed with a smile as I thought about the date and that at last maybe he would realize that I wanted to be more than friends with him.
"Okay that sounds good," he agreed to the plans I suggested, and after figuring minor details, like that we could take my car to the smoothie place, and other regulation things like that he said his goodbyes and I wasn't even disappointed when he chose not to hug me before leaving. At that moment right then, he was perfect to me no matter how many times it felt like he was leading me on, he always did something to bring me back to him.
Once he left I watched him walk across the parking lot through the few cars that were still parked randomly, my heart feeling like it was so full of happiness it would burst. Once he was out of sight, I heard Lori and Ali squealing from behind me and turned around to see them standing by my car, giggling wildly. "How cute," Lori choked, and I rolled my eyes at them as they tried to suppress their laughing. They must have heard something, at least about the fact that I had a date tomorrow because I listened to them talk about it as I unlocked my car, eager to get home so I could pick out what to wear for the next day, and so I could celebrate in the privacy of my own house.

"I've never been to this place before, but I've driven past it a few times," August explained as the two of us entered the small little smoothie shop, after driving from the school once we'd left 7th period. It was a small cozy place, with the counter parallel to the door and the rest of the space reserved for tables and booths for costumers to sit. The walls were orange, and the tiles and tables brown and a few people were either in line to order or sitting with friends enjoying their drink.
"Yea…it's a really great place," I explained was we reached the line to order, "I don't get to come here as often as I used to, but I still love it…" I smiled up at him at we stood in the small line of people, remembering when I'd come here a lot sophomore year, after school and sometimes for lunch with Ali or Lori or other friends. I would have never imagined back then that I would be here, with August, a guy that I was falling for more and more with each passing day.
After waiting in the line we ordered our smoothies –I got banana, he got strawberry– and after the girl behind the counter handed us our drinks, he took my right hand with his left, and we walked slowly to a dimly lit table in the corner of the shop where few people were around. I sat down and he sat across from me soon after, smiling warmly again and, for what must've been the millionth time, I melted.
After sitting in silence for a few seconds, I decided to try and get to know him a little more in hopes that he would start to feel more comfortable around me. "So… where do you live?" I decided to ask randomly, wanting the silence between us to go away forever and thinking that maybe if I could talk to him get him to reveal enough about himself it would disappear. August, after taking a sip of his drink, answered, "I live in the southwestern part of town, in an apartment building by an old warehouse… I can never remember what their called…" He pondered for a second, trying to remember the named and after a second I suggested, "The Briar Apartments…?" shyly, not wanting to sound likes a stalker for knowing where his home was. I'd lived here all my live, particularly in the poorer side during my childhood, so I knew where mostly every store, restaurant, or apartment complex was as well as its name.
"Yea, that's what their called, thanks." He replied with a smile, thanking me as he picked his cup up once again and took a sip of his smoothie. I smiled in return and it took all of my power not to sigh like a love stricken little girl, though I'm sure I probably blushed madly when his eyes made contact with mine.Those eyes… I never seize to get lost in those eyes…
After a few seconds went be I realized I'd been staring, and attempted to play it off by quickly sputtering out another question, "So… uh… how many siblings do you have?" I mentally slapped myself for such a lame question, wondering why I hadn't gone for something a little more interesting.
"I don’t have any siblings… I live alone." He answered simply, his voice void of any emotion. "W-why? Where are your parents?" I questioned as I felt my heart ache for him. No wonder he was so quiet and sad, he had no one to go home to… What kind of a person is has the ability to be cheery if they live alone in a big empty apartment?
"They died years ago… I was, uh, passed among my family for most of my life. When most of them had died, or couldn't afford to support me, my aunt in England sent money for me to get an apartment, since I wanted to stay in America. She's rich and all, so she can afford to pay for my living." I listened intently to his story, and noticed that even though he was talking about his life and his misfortunes, he smiled at me and held my hand gently. His eyes sparkled, even in the low light, and I realized that he'd become very good at masking his emotions.
I was so surprised to find what a lonely life he lived that all I managed to say was, "Aw…" He had it so horrible… He's such a beautiful person, always nice and polite, and he has to endure all that pain and hurting on a daily basis. While average people went home to their families, he arrived to find and empty apartment everyday alone. How is someone to post to function properly with that much pain in their life?
"It's really not as bad as it seems though… It's nice sometimes; I've got an apartment all to myself… I don’t have anyone to answer to… its good." He smiled warmly mostly to himself, as he looked down at his smoothie. The sun was starting to slip down, just enough to where its rays spilled through the windows of the shop and fell upon us. His eyes were glowing magnificently in the sunlight, and his hair was shining. The way the sun shone on his face, his skin almost appeared to be golden. He looked inhuman.
"It's tough… but at least I'm not living with any of my relatives… most of them were really mean," He laughed lightly, then looked up at me silently. I said nothing in return, for I couldn't think of anything other than his eyes. I swallowed, and my heart beat loudly as slow realization seeped into my mind. I love him. I really love him.
He was too amazing of a person for me to not fall in love. After all that pain and suffering, and he was still grateful for what he had. He doesn't have to be… I would hate to go home alone everyday knowing that no one was there, I'd be worse then I am now. But August…
I realized that I was staring once again at his beauty, and I fumbled to cover it up by drinking some more of my smoothie. He laughed lightly, I guess at me, and looked back down at his drink. I really love him… no more questioning it. No more second thoughts. I was determined now, that I had fallen for him.
"Hey August…" I said weakly, setting down my near-empty cup and looking over to him. He glanced back up at me from his own glass saying, "Hm?" his eyes curious as to what I was asking now. "Let's go over to your house…" I proposed with a smile, the realization that I was in love with the boy sitting in front of me still fresh on my mind.