Forever And Never

"What are we, August?" I blurted out loudly once I felt my feet make contact with the sidewalk which wrapped around the building which housed his apartment. I felt awkward and surreal, hardly believing that I was finally going to let my feeling come pouring out into the open for him to see. I'd wanted to push him into making the first move, hoping that if I could just instigate a little and show that I was interested in him, that I realized I was in love with him, he would follow my lead.
I was terrified of his answer now that we were standing here and there was no turning back. I couldn't just say 'forget it' and we would continue with where we were going, awkwardly holding hands and passing notes in class. It was either this or I would find a way to get away from him to avoid being hurt anymore.
His only answer to my sudden question was a silent look of surprised confusion. We'd looked over his shoulder at me when I'd planted my feet firmly on the ground and yelled out my words, and as the shock of the statement settled in uncomfortable he let go of my hand and turned to look at me where I stood, his eye clouded over with worry.
"What are we doing…?" My voice had an edge to it, and I almost sounded hoarse as I stood there with my eyes cast down to the pavement between us. "I have a lot of fun with you, and I love being close to you… But you feel so distant from me and I can't take it anymore." I swallowed hard, feeling my heart beating wildly in my chest due to what I was confessing. "I… I like you a lot, but I don't know if I can take this for much longer."
Augusts' crystal blue eyes fell to the ground between us just as mine had, and I took the opportunity to observe him as we stood there in silence for what felt like hours. The time stretched on and I watched as he nervously played with his hands. The more I stood there without saying anything, the more convinced I was that this would end with me having a broken heart. I was tired of this 'just friends' routine, and even if it prevented me and August from ever becoming anything more, I wanted it to stop. I was in love him, I'd already determined that, and I wanted to be with him but not if it was like this.
When his face finally looked up from where his eyes had landed, our gazes met and we stood there in silence for a few seconds with our eyes locked each other. I hated making eye contact with people, but this time I couldn't look away from his mesmerizing eyes filled with a mix of emotions as his expression failed to be completely void of feeling for once.
"Nicolette…" he murmured lightly, and I felt my body tense up automatically, preparing for the biggest heart break of my life. My pulse quickened even more, and I could practically hear my heartbeat in my ears. I straightened my back and tried to rid myself from as many emotions as possible on the outside, since on the inside every single feeling in the spectrum was churning uncontrollably. I began piecing together what I would say to him once he rejected me and it was my turn to talk. I could think of two optional routes I could take as a reply to his words: anger or sorrow.
"I, uh…" He stumbled over his words as he tried to say his reply, and somewhere in my mind I imagined myself slapping him, screaming something about loving him, then getting in my car and driving off. It was violent, something that I mostly didn't do, and the more I replayed the scene in my head the more insane it looked. August was already rejecting me for reasons unknown, I didn't want to make it worse by looking like I was psychotic.
"Nicolette, I really like you!" August blurted out suddenly without warning, making me jump back in surprise by the outburst. He seemed to be fighting with himself whether or not to say anything, but finally one side won. I was so prepared to be dropped like a rock that I had to stop myself from calling him something inappropriate, and once I had convinced myself that I hadn't heard him incorrectly I timidly spoke, "What?"
His eyes were away from mine again, and he looked to the ground with an embarrassed expression as he clarified. "I really do like you a lot, Nicolette. I know I'm not good at showing emotions and all that, but I really do." His eyes shifted to the right, and he awkwardly continued, "It's complicated, but I do have feelings for you… I just don't like being touch, you probably already gathered that…" His eyes finally turned from the concrete under our feet to me, and slowly they met mine once again as he finished, "But it's not you or anything, because I really do… like you."
He breathed out lightly, seeming relieved to have all of that off his chest, then he waited patiently for me to make a reply. I stood there quietly for a few seconds, trying to comprehend everything that he'd told me and slowly realizing that he wasn't rejecting me at all , he was confessing the fact that he had feelings for me as well. A small smile made its way onto my face as I realized exactly what this moment meant for the two of us and our future together.
"I really like you too…" I answered with a new found confidence, my mood instantly being lifted now that I understood this moment wasn't a time of blinding anger or paralyzing heartbreak, it was the moment when our relationship was finally moving to the next level. It was the time that I would remember fondly when the two of us are sitting hand in hand alone, or when we celebrated anniversaries as the months we were together collected more and more. I had completely misinterpreted the situation, and now I felt stupid for having been thinking of such drastic responses to what he had to say.
I smiled happily at him, though I noticed that from the look on his face that he seemed torn between two things once again. His mouth opened slightly and he wanted to speak and say something to me, but it was like there was something forcing him not to. I gave him a strange glance, and after a second he seemed to make his choice and speak.
"I… I don’t want you to go away," His eyes, shining wonderfully in the sunlight beginning to fall towards the west and make its way down the skyline, locked onto my own and I stood there with a surprised response, feeling like I was almost frozen in place by his gaze.
When I didn't make an attempt to reply to his statement, he took a small step closer to where I stood a few feet away. He extended his right arm slowly, and after a second I realized that he was offering me his hand. I took it with a grin, taking the opportunity to step closer to him until we were mere inches apart. He smiled down at me warmly, then nervously put his free arm around my shoulders and pulling me closer though there still remained a small amount of space between us. I untangled my fingers from his and wrapped my arms around his stomach, seizing the moment to finally have the chance to hug him.
I could feel him tense up as he felt my arms around his waist, but tried to ignore it since I knew it would ruin the romantic moment if I decided to dwell on it. Instead I rested my head on his chest, breathing in the smell of his cologne and all the other small elements about him that gave him a distinct scent. I could feel the coldness of his chest through his thin cotton shirt, but tried not to pay much attention that as well.
I'd been standing comfortable in his cold arms for only a few seconds, convinced that there was nowhere else I wanted to be, when I felt him pull away suddenly from me slowly bringing his arms from around me. Confused as to why we had parted so suddenly, I brought my arms back awkwardly as I looked up to August still standing a few inches away from me.
I assumed that I was making him uncomfortable, and I tried not to express my embarrassment as he stepped away from me more. Only when he was away from me enough to form a foot wide gap did I notice that behind him, holding onto the back of his shirt, was a man who had appeared to have pulled August away from me.
I stared up at the man wide-eyed as I stood in place timidly, feeling dwarfed by the cause of Augusts' stepping away due to the fact that he stood inches taller than August himself, who was already an inch or two taller than me. The mystery man looked to be about twenty-five years old and had high cheek bones and a long pale face, his clothes consisted of black fitted jeans, a white shirt, and a black jacket with the hood up which almost completely covered a messy mass of green hair. His cold, black eyes gave me a hint of fear, but the green hair cancelled out any fear he could have caused because it looked so funny.
Once I realized I was gaping and his beauty, my mouth open and my face full of surprise, I quickly straightened up and tried to turn my attention back to August, whose shirt the man still held tightly in his left hand as he stood a few inches behind his left shoulder and watched me with a strange look. "Looks like August has got himself a girlfriend," The guy said playfully even though the look on his face showed slight annoyance.
"You could let go of me," August answer sarcastically as he glared up at the man with an equally annoyed expression. He looked to August with a slight frown, then released the back of his shirt slowly as his eyes stared into Augusts' with an extreme amount of seriousness. I watch them silently until the man looked away and back at me saying, "Sorry about that, but it’s sort of a habit… if I were in your position I would have been uncomfortable."
My eyes looked up the man and with an excited expression at the connection I'd made I asked, "So you're both germaphobes? That's why you pulled him away?" The guy almost looked confused for a second, then he looked back down and gave August a skeptical look. I smiled as I waited for an answer, excited to meet whoever this was that was apparently friends with August. At last the man looked back up at me and with a strange grin he answered , "Yea, germaphobes. That's what we are."
I giggled lightly and August stepped away from the man and looked to him saying, "Why are you even here?" He seemed frustrated to see him appear so suddenly, and though it was weird that he had pulled the two of us apart just as we were confirming our relationship with each other, I didn't have any hard feelings or was even bothered by his interference all that much. There was plenty of time for me and August to hug now, so I remained happy with that thought.
"Well I was working, but I just got off early and decided to come and see you." The man replied casually, countering Augusts' scowl with a cheery smile. The two seemed close, and I felt strange standing across from them, but was satisfied since August was still around. The guy's gaze went to me once again, and he seemed to remember something for a second before saying, "Oh yea, uh, I bought a present for you and I have it with me… in my pocket. I've been waiting to give it to you… so let's go open it in your apartment."
"Can I say goodbye to her?" August questioned with a frustrated tone as he looked up at the man. I looked around awkwardly, not wanting to be the cause of an argument or something just because I was here. After a second the guy laughed lightly and patted him on the shoulder, answering: "Don't worry, you'll see her at school on Monday." Though it began as a friendly pat, I watched as the man's left hand rested on August shoulder for a second then gripped his shirt in his bawled up hand and began directing him to the stairs next to us which led to Augusts' apartment.
He said goodbye quickly as he walked up the staircase, more or less being dragged along by the mysterious guy. I waved up at him with a grin, hardly put off by the strange man's behavior due to the events just prior to his sudden arrival. Once August was inside his apartment and the door was closed quickly behind him, I turned and walked to my car quietly as I let the excitement I had for the upcoming days wash away all the strange things surrounding August.