Forever And Never

Though the weekend after my first date with August which ultimately led to two of us confessing our feelings seemed to drag on for years instead of only two days, it eventually came to an end and before I knew it I was waking up Monday morning to my alarm clock. I eagerly prepared for school, showering and getting dressed with a haste brought on by the fact that the faster I got to school the faster I could see August. I didn't have his phone number, didn't even know if owned a cell phone, so my only way to communicate with him was during seventh period when I saw him. Being near him motivated me enough to push me through the grueling morning.
"I just ate the last of the cereal," Hayden informed me as I reached for the cabinet where it was usually stored. I stopped and glared at him as I turned to the refrigerator next to me for something else to eat as I replied, "Thanks." He grinned at me as he rested his head in his hand, and only after deciding on a glass of orange juice for breakfast did I join him as the small table. "Why are you up so early?" I drank from my cup as I waited for a reply.
"Job interview..." He mumbled as an answer, hardly even trying to hide the unenthusiastic tone of his voice from me. He sat up straight and stretched for a second as I laughed at the sight of him in a dress shirt and tie. "Can't live at my mom's house my whole life..." He explained as he slouched once again, stifling as yawn as he looked to me. "I mean, I'm almost twenty-two years old."
I laughed lightly as I stood to put my empty glass on the counter, looking to the clock to find it was almost time to leave for school. "You know mom would die if I was here by myself," I smiled at him as I walked towards the stairs to return to my room, hoping to offer at least some comfort. He grinned back and answered, "She probably would," laughing as I ascended the stairs quickly.
Once I'd finished getting ready to leave, grabbed my purse and my folder I'd taken home, and had my car keys in hand, I made my way downstairs once more and walked towards the front door, meeting Hayden there. "Good luck on the job," I gave him a thumbs up as I opened the door letting in the cool October air, only receiving a strange look from him.
"You seem extra happy for a Monday," he mused with a questioning look, leaning against the wall next to me. I laughed as a reply and told him bye, then stepped out into the front yard and to where my car was parked in the driveway quickly. October was nearly over, Halloween was tomorrow in fact, and the cold winds and breezes of winter could already be felt. Once inside my car and away from the gusts of autumn air, I started the engine and drove off towards Lori's house.
"But seriously you guys didn't miss out on Saturday, the Homecoming dance was terrible," Lori groaned as she put her head back and looked at both Ali and I. "I really don't know why I went, even my date was lame." She brought her knees to her chest as she talked, looking back from the front seat at Ali as she replied. "We told you it wouldn't be fun," she laughed, "Homecoming is always cheap and boring, that why Nicolette and I refused to go." The two laughed and I joined in, waiting for the opportunity to speak of how my weekend had gone.
"Well I couldn't have gone if I wanted to; I was way too busy with other things." All I could so was grin to myself when I noticed that they took the bait, both turning their eyes to me with a look of curiosity. "What is that supposed to mean?" Lori finally asked with a smile, sitting up straight in the passenger seat of my car and leaning in to pay full attention to what I was saying. Ali responded in a similar fashion, leaning forward in the back seat to hear me.
I couldn't help but compress a smile as I looked ahead at the road in front of me explaining, "Well you know how I had a date on Friday with August…" I reached a red light and once stopped took the chance to look over at both of them, hardly trying to hide the happiness on my face now that I'd told enough for them to guess how the day had ended.
Lori gasped first, pulling back with her hand over her mouth as her face mirrored mine. Ali's reaction was nearly the same, and together they both questioned me immediately once it became apparent what I was smiling about. "You guys are together now, aren't you?" Lori squealed as I glanced back to the street to see the light green, nodding excitedly when I was driving once more almost at the high school.
They spent the rest of the short car ride to the parking lot going on about how happy there were for me and how good August and I were together. I gave all the details of the whole day, excluding the girl with the pink hair and the man who showed up so suddenly and anything else I didn't understand, describing the date we had at the old smoothie shop and how he told me about his family, and I mentioned that August and I had gone to his apartment where he had told me his feelings. I cleaned up the events more, made it seem more romantic and less awkward but still kept the basic facts.
Soon we had arrived at the school, and once I had found a parking space in the nearly full parking lot, the three of us collected our things and exited the car into the cool morning air. I locked the car doors then Ali, Lori and I made our way towards the side doors of the school and into the busy hallways, walking down the hall to our left where our lockers were located. Ali had managed to reserve a locker about five or six to the left of mine, but Lori ended up with one several hallways away so her and I shared mine along with a few other friends who had a class nearby.
I tried to act nonchalant about it, but almost immediately after we turned in the hallway and approached the lockers I could see a figure standing there waiting patiently. Once closer, I confirmed my suspicions that it was August and spent the rest of the walk trying to suppress an excited smile. Lori and Ali realized he was there long after I did, and Lori nudged me with her elbow playfully as Ali whispered to me, "Guess who's waiting for you?" I didn't let on to the fact that I'd seen him minutes ago, and simply grinned to each of them girlishly.
My the time the three of us reached the row of lockers, my anxiety to see him bubbling in my chest and I could hardly hold back my excitement to go towards him. The notion that now we were officially together and he had every reason to hug me and hold my hand freely fueled my enthusiasm, and I could hardly wait to see for myself that things would be different now. The barrier around him would lower, things would be less awkward and we could begin acting like a regular couple.
"Good morning," He said with a smile as I approached him, Lori and Ali remaining a few steps behind me to give us some space. I grinned back at him, then gasped slightly as he pulled a single white rose from him and extended his arm to give it to me. It was fully opened, fresh and new like he'd cut it himself straight from a garden. Lori and Ali could hardly sustain their squealing behind us as I took it from his pale fingers saying, "Thanks, I love white roses."
"I'm glad you like it," He replied with a smile as he put his hands in the pocket of his jeans and paused awkwardly for a second before continuing, "I just want to give it to you since I have to leave for a few days to visit some relatives." I glanced up at him with a surprised expression, caught off guard by the sudden announcement. "It's nothing big, but everyone's going and my Aunt already bought my plane ticket to I have to go," His eyes shifted to the left for a second before finally falling to meet mine. I felt a pang of disappointment, but his seeing his eyes made it better and tempered the sadness of not being able to see him, at least at that moment.
"Well, thanks for telling me; I would have been worried," I answered after a second of silence between us. We hadn't even been together for a full day yet, I didn't want to get upset this early in the relationship so I settled on trying to be understanding about the situation and looking at the positives of it.
A warm smile spread across his face, and after a second he said, "I didn't want to just disappear without letting you know first," then paused and searched for a clock on the wall parallel to us to relay the time and continued, "I guess I should go; I just came by to tell you I would be here. My plane is leaving in a few hours and I still have to finish packing my things."
I nodded in agreement and prepared myself, positive that the moment had finally arrived and he would show me that things were different now and that he was willing to honestly put effort into making our relationship seem normal. He smiled at me and took my hand in his saying, "I'll see you in a few days...bye," before awkwardly squeezing my hand lightly, then releasing it and stepping away from the lockers and into the crowd of the hallway towards the front of the school to leave.
I stood alone next the to lockers for a matter of seconds, slowly registering what had happened and allowing myself to go numb as I realized that nothing had changed at all now that we were officially together. Despite everything he had said, we were still as distant as ever, still unable to get past his OCD and show me he cared like he claimed he did.
"That was harsh," Lori chimed in a minute or so later, her loud voice bringing me back to the hall crowded with students socializing or going to their classes. I turned and glared at her angrily, hardly needing her to inform me on how she interpreted the situation. The two of them approached me, both of them standing around me as I turned and looked forward once again, letting the memories of what had just happened come rushing back.
"He's just still a little nervous," I reasoned outloud to both myself as well as Ali and Lori as they watched me. "It is difficult overcoming mental disorders... It's just his fear of touching people..." It was nothing to worry about, I convinced myself, all I had to do was help him to slowly get over his fear like I had when he'd asked me to hold his hand. I loved him and as frustrating as it was to go through this, I could do it because of how strong my feelings were.
"I don't know Nicolette," Ali attempted to argue as she spun the combination of her lock then opened the door to the locker quickly. "He should have apologized I think," She finished as she pulled a binder from her locker which she needed for her first period.
I shook my head as I turned to my own locker and opened it, sifting through the various books and folders for the supplies I would need for my first few classes of the day. "He doesn't mean to seem rude or anything... he just doesn't like touching people. It's not his fault or mine... I shouldn't take it personally or anything..." I ignored the feeling that it seemed I was tried to convince myself more than Ali and Lori and picked the pose back up from where I'd set it to collect my things. Despite the disappointment which quickly followed the gift, it was still pretty and smelled beautiful and I held it close to my chest as I closed and locked my locker, wishing I could get as close to him as I could to the rose.