Forever And Never

"Would you stop texting and grab this box!" I heard Hayden call out with a frustrated tone to his voice, causing me to look up from my cell phone in my hand and to the entrance of the attic where he was standing, trying to balance a large cardboard box on his leg without dropping it.
"Sorry," I replied with a scoff and slipped my phone back into the back pocket of my jeans, then stepped up onto the second rung of the ladder extended down to the floor. I reached up and he handed me the box carefully, leaning away once I had it in my arms and stepped down to stack it with the other boxes we'd retrieved.
"Is that the last one?" I asked as I stepped back to the attic ladder and glanced up. Hayden had disappeared once again into the dimply lit space to search for anything we were to take down, as instructed by our mother who was out on business but had demanded we take the decorations for Christmas down. I stood silently waiting for a few minutes, then noticed Hayden walk back to the attic entrance in the ceiling above me and answer: "That's all of it."
"Finally!" I sighed with an immense amount of relief, stepping a few feet back so Hayden could climb down the ladder and fold it back up to where it retracted into the floor of the attic.
Afterwards, Hayden let out an exhausted breath and said, "At least it's done, and now all we have to do is just set everything up..." I grinned behind him, knowing that it was much more fun to prep the house for the holidays than it was to take the boxes containing the decorations down. Hayden rolled his eyes at my response to the fact that we were setting up the Christmas embellishments, knowing the main reason I enjoyed it was simply watching Hayden stumble and stagger around because he would most likely be intoxicated when the decorating ensued. "Let's get started I guess," He mumbled reluctantly, heading towards the boxes I'd stacked.
With nearly too much speed Thanksgiving Break had come and gone, and now it was the Saturday after the week away from school and, with my classes starting up the following Monday, Hayden and I had resolved that it was best to have the attic clear of the decorations used at Christmas rather than procrastinate and end up having to rush the job. Much to everyone's dismay, Mom had been unable to be home for nearly the entire week of my time off, having to leave for Toronto Tuesday evening and later calling to say she wouldn't be returning until Sunday. It was difficult because we looked forward to spending time together during holidays, but were often used to business trips separating us. Only last Christmas had our mom been stuck in Florida on business with no knowledge that she wouldn't be home until the sixth of January before it was too late to cancel and still make it home in time to spend Christmas with Hayden and I.
Remembering our disappointment from last year, she had especially made sure that no sudden trips would pop up and prevent her from being home. She had talked it over with her boss and arranged so that she had one large meeting in Los Angeles which ran until the sixteenth of December, then she was free of trips until early January. Both Hayden and I were thankful for the promise that she would be home this year, and with that in mind made plans to have the house clean and ready for the holidays when she arrived home in three weeks.
"More Christmas lights..." I listened to Hayden groan as he pulled open another cardboard box and rummaged through its contents. I'd claimed the box containing various figurines, a large collection of candles, the stockings for each of us, and other miscellaneous objects, and watched him as I collected a handful of candles to set around the living room. "I'm not doing the outside decorations tonight..." He concluded as he closed the box and moved over to a blank area near the front door to be handled later. He joined me in unpacking the box I had, grabbing the stockings and locating the thumb tacks so he could hang them.
Though I had noticed it days before and told myself it was nothing, I couldn't help but feel Hayden's eyes on me as I walked around the first floor of the house setting out the decorations I'd found. He was watching me closely, his dark eyes staring intently as I did my best to ignore him and continue working. I'd always know my brother to be strange and annoying, but him studying me like an experiment was more abnormal than I usually dealt with.
Once my latest handful of glass snowmen had all found their place around the living room, I returned back to the large box on the coffee table to unwrap the last of its contents and place them glad to be finished with the biggest box we'd pulled down from the attic. Hayden was standing a few feet away behind the black, leather, L-shaped couch which divided the living room with a glass in his hand filled with what I expected to be some mixture of alcohol, and as he drank calmly from his cup his eyes watched me carefully as I leaned over the box hardly able to continue ignoring his behavior for much longer than a second.
"What?!" I snapped suddenly looking up from the mostly empty box, making him jump at the volume of my voice. I composed the meanest glare I could and questioned: "Why do you keep staring at me?" His response was a confused expression, the fact that he thought he was being sneaky about spying on me clear on his surprised face. "Huh?" He finally replied, either not understanding that I was talking about or just making an attempt at playing dumb.
"You've been watching me for days... It's actually kind of creepy," I laughed lightly at my answer, and watched as he quietly formulated an answer as to why he had been acting so strange. He claimed another sip from his glass and once he had swallowed the drink, he opened his mouth to speak: "I don't really know what it is... But I just have this feeling like something bad is going to happen to you." I watched as his gaze fell to the carpeted floor in front of him, listening as he continued.
"I know it sound like I'm insane... but it feels like I should be protecting you or something like that." His words came to an end and he looked back up at where I was a few feet away in front of him, a look of complete seriousness and even a touch of fear on his face. It was the only thing that kept me from laughing or thinking he was playing a joke on me, his expression saying that he knew it was more than a bad feeling and that he had to keep me safe.
"What do you think is going to happen to me?" I questioned after a long pause between us, trying to understand why this small hunch had led him to be this concerned about me that he was actually afraid. At my question he looked away from me and scratched the back of his head with his free hand, pondering for a second before answering: "I don't really know... I've just got a bad feeling about something." He paused to think to himself about the topic at hand then turned to me and spoke: "Do you have anything planned for the next couple days?"
"Well...I don't know," I noted honestly as I tried to think forward on what was happening in the near future. "Ali invited me to go somewhere and study since Semester exams are coming up..." I recalled out loud, searching my mind for a moment before remembering: "Oh and I might go somewhere with August since our One Month Anniversary is next week... But I'm not sure yet." I hadn't spoke to August at all since the Friday before Thanksgiving Break started, as I had no way of contacting him, but I honestly didn't know if he would want to do anything based on how distant he felt to me.
"Maybe you should just cancel your plans for the next week or so..." Hayden suggested as he walked around the couch and sat down, drinking from his cup as he settled. "I just don't feel good about this... It's bothering me." I smiled weakly at him from where I stood by the forgotten box of decorations, believing him and the fact that he truly had an unsettled attitude towards the feelings he was getting. I'd never really seen him as anything but the overprotective brother who was constantly joking around, but this strange behavior was different and a little off-putting.
"Are you sure this isn't about Mom or something?" I attempted to rationalize as I rose from my place near the almost empty cardboard box and walked over to where he sat on the couch, plopping down next to him. "It could be that you're just concerned about her not making it for Christmas like last year?" I watched as he drank from his glass, the small sent of alcohol drifting my way, and thought about my theory carefully.
"I don't think so... She promised this year so I don't think it will be a problem." He tilted his head lightly to the left and glanced over where I sat. "I really think this is about you... Just, can you please be careful for the next few days?" I watched him with surprise once again as his face changed, warping with worry and concern once he was finished his pleading for me to be safe. I was caught off guard by the desperation in his voice as well as his expression, and tried to laugh off my shock saying: "Alright, I'll be careful. Are you happy?" His eyes almost scared me with the intensity of his worry, and I was ready to be finished with this subject and to move on to something else. I would be perfectly fine, Hayden was simply paranoid.
Despite Hayden's determined laziness, we continued with emptying as many boxes as we could and slowly morphing our living room into an area filled with holiday cheer. We had yet to purchase a Christmas tree so the ornaments and anything else related stayed in their boxes until Hayden and I could find time buy the finishing piece of the living room, and my brother stayed persistent on not beginning the outside decorations so those stayed in their place until it was time for them. I worked to unpack the boxes we had ruled out, placing whatever I found somewhere around the house and filling as many places with something as I could. We hung plastic icicles, set countless small figurines and candles everywhere, and worked to ensure that by the time we were finished the house felt like Christmas.
"That's all we can do today, everything else is for the tree or for outside..." I announced as I stacked the empty boxes in a clear space near where the attic ladder came down so that we could store them back until I was time to repack everything. "Thank God," Hayden called from the living room as I returned to survey our work. The house definitely seemed ready for the holiday season, and I smiled at our success as I walked towards Hayden as he kneeled down to light a fire in the fireplace.
"And then we can buy the tree, and get that decorated," I pondered out loud as I made a list in my head of what was still to be done, such as buying everyone's presents which I hadn't given any thought to really. I was so consumed with the ordeal with August that making a list of people to buy for had completely escaped my mind. "I haven't even started Christmas shopping yet..." I murmured mostly to myself as Hayden rose and stepped away from the fireplace, glancing at me questioningly.
"...But you are going to wait for a while, right? Remember what I told you?" He asked, his eyes glazing over with the same worry I'd seen in them earlier when he had first brought up the feeling he had about something happening to me. I'd disregarded his warning more or less, thinking it best to keep my schedule open even if Hayden told me to be careful. The fact that my One Month Anniversary with August was coming up was important to me, and though I'd been warned to stay safe I doubted that anything interesting would happen if I went out with August, and I wouldn't miss a date with him either way.
"I'll be careful I promise," I whined at him, keeping it to myself that I was willing to break that promise if it meant being with August. Even if our relationship was dull and cold, if the chance came for me to make it more interesting I wouldn't let it pass me by so easily. If August asked, I would just have to ignore Hayden's unlikely predictions.
"Good," He replied as his eyes turned to the small fire before us for a second then went back to me. "I want to have a nice Christmas this year, so just stay safe." I gave him an encouraging smile, glancing at the fire and allowing the room to fill with silence as we both stood in the warmth the fireplace radiated. I knew he was simply being the overprotective brother, and I thought of how I would miss times like this when I was fully grown and living on my own, starting out my brand new life full of possibilities and dreams waiting to be achieved.