Forever And Never

I wish I could've been more dramatic when Ramsey came home that fine February evening. I would've liked to have all the lights off, candles replacing them throwing unnecessary shadows all throughout the room, giving off a scary mood. I wanted a swivel chair, so that when he walked in I could turn slowly around to where I was facing him with a serious look on my face. Maybe that would have been intimidating.
But instead, I was sitting on the couch, my mouth filled with potato chips and watching cartoons in my night gown, which was a tank top and some baggy pajama pants, when he walked in. I stared at him with big deer eyes as he closed and locked the door and set his stuff down on the table. I wouldn't have even remembered that he'd been drinking the night before had hadn't stumbled as he walked towards the kitchen to get a drink of water, as he usually did. I watched him move around like a zombie, till he was sitting in his chair at the table with his drink and a file folder in hand.
Before I realized it, I was sitting beside him at the table looking over him throughly trying to find clues of drunkenness so I would be able to tell if it ever happened again.
Honestly, he didn't look much different. He was a little less graceful as a vampire, and his face and eyes looked tired. But other then that there weren't any significant changes in him, none that I could detect anyways.
He looked up and smiled at me with glazed over eyes, "How was your day?"
"Fine..." I replied, not able to meet his eyes for very long. It wasn't like I was against drinking or anything, I'd had my own crazy nights, but Ramsey? Ramsey was the calm, collected instructor that would always be there for me when I needed him. Alcoholic wasn't in his quota.

He picked up on my awkwardness, and tried to say, "Nicolette, I-"
"How did the autopsy go? Its been killing me to know all day. You celebrated, so it must be good news right?" I blurted out before he could say anything. I don't know why I was being so weird about this, but it was better to just ignore it.
"Oh... Yea. It went really well." He said with a small insignificant smile.
"Well, tell me all about it." I replied, trying to change the subject with a sweet smile.
"Well... Me and Taylor got there, and they fought with us a little about viewing the body privately and we kept telling them that we already settled this. Then finally, they let us through and we observed the body looking for clues. Pretty standard stuff. It didn't take long to find the bite marks on the victims wrist, so me and Taylor are starting to think that it may have been a new born vampire. But we swabbed for DNA, and got it ready to be sent it to the lab."
I noticed, very faintly, that I could still smell the alcohol on him. It was faint, not even detectable by a human, but it was there left over from the night before.
I let out a breath and realized that a strange uncomfortable silence had taken up residence between us. Ramsey was watching me carefully, and when he opened his mouth to say something I scrambled to beat him to the punch.
"S-so, wheres the lab that your sending it to?" I said quickly stumbling over my words.
He sighed lightly and replied, "Its a small lab somewhere in America where a woman lives and works. She was kicked out of her university years ago and opened up her own secret lab. We sent our blood samples to her and she handles all of our scientific things. Actually most institutes use her for their blood work and other things. Shes really a genius."
"How does she get her supplies?" I asked, actually fascinated in this. Could you imagine doing blood work for vampires? I wonder if shes ever stayed up all night trying to figure out why we exist?
"She steals it from hospitals, or orders it. Which ever is more convenient. she's actually a very interesting person. She visits Branch wood every once in a while." He smiled and looked forward, as though admiring her in his mind.
I thought about the lady for a second more, admiring her bravery, then noticed that an awkward silence had once again formed in the room. I had a million questions I could've asked, about Taylor or about how they were going to deliver the DNA samples to the lab, but my body wouldn't react. It was like I wanted this confrontation to happen, or at least my subconscious did. Whatever it was, it rendered me helpless and I waited for the topic I'd tried so hard to avoid to come up.
He looked me straight in the eyes, never losing focus. His eyes were the same light, crystal blue that I suspected every vampire had, and they shone just as bright as August's had. It made me bite my lip, carefully of course, and made me want to look away just as August's eyes had done. But I didn't look away from Ramsey, as I'd usually done with anyone else whether they were a vampire or not. No, this time I looked back at him straight in the eyes knowing that I, for once, wasn't the one at fault. Ramsey had been drinking, not me.
He watched me with a serious look on his face, clearly better at staring matches then I was. He swallowed hard and left my eyes for a seconds and looked me over, as if searching for something, then returned his eyes back to mine.
"I'm not an alcoholic." He said firmly his eyes narrowed and his face more serious then I'd ever seen it before.
I felt my mouth fall open and my eyes grow wide. I wasn't planning on calling him an alcoholic... Did he think that I figured he was some drunk or something?
He glared at me angrily, and stood up and walked off down the hall. I listened to him unlock the door to the blood room, walk in, and slam the door behind him. I turned around and gawked at the door, struggling to figure out if he was being serious or not about this. In my eyes, Ramsey was the calm, happy mentor who always had a level head and hardly ever got mad or took things seriously. He practically had to be that way, what with dealing with new born vampires who have heightened emotions and mood swings the first few months after transformation.
But Ramsey being mad at me was like having my family stop loving me. It just didn't happen...

I stared at the closed door, waiting for him to come out and say he was kidding and laugh it off. But he never did. The shock of Ramsey's reaction wore off, and I walked quietly back to my room, my face covered in shame. If I hadn't been so stupid, this wouldn't have happened, and me and Ramsey would probably by laughing at something or discussing the autopsy.
I fell asleep feeling like the worst person in the world.