Forever And Never

Despite having fallen asleep with Raven by my side, I woke up alone late into the night, having sensed someone moving about in the apartment.
I sat up when I saw that Raven was walking into my room, and was attempting to close the bedroom door while balancing a big stack of blankets and pillows in her hands. After successfully closing the door, she walked over to a clear space on the floor and dropped the blankets, letting them plop to the ground while they still remained stacked on each other.
Something finally compelled me to speak: "What are you doing?"
She looked over at me, probably knowing I'd been awake, and said, "I found this crappy cot thing." She kneeled down and tugged on the very last piece of bedding in the stack, causing the stack to fall over before she finally retrieved the one she wanted and stood back up to show me. She smiled and said, "better then nothing," then unfolded it and laid it out on the ground, about two feet from my bed, to make a long white pad just the right size for a bed.
"Where'd you find it?" I asked, as I watched Raven pick through the pile of bedding and pile on some of the thicker blankets on top of the pad for extra comfort.
"The closet in the Blood room." She said casually.
"You broke into the Blood room!?" I whispered harshly, as if it was the worst crime imaginable.
"Yea, why was it locked?" She looked over her shoulder at me with a curious look on her face. She threw a pale, white sheet over the mass of blankets, then a pillow at the top and finally a thin fleece blanket over it all.
"Um, so I don't go in there and drink all the blood. I'll never learn to resist temptation if it's right there." I replied, like it was basic knowledge.
Raven sat down on the makeshift bed and said, "Hm, that weird considering in real life it really is just right there."
I didn't say anything, not willing to admit that she was correct. She started to get into her new bed, and after a second she continued: "When Maribelle was training me, she always kept the room unlocked and she just trusted me to never go in there and drink any of the blood. And I never did without her permission." She paused a second, "You'd think he'd trust you more."
I replied almost immediately after her last comment, "Well, it's his way of training me." I settled back down into my bed and prepared to go back to sleep. "Point is, you shouldn't be sneaking into the Blood room. What if you'd woken up Ramsey? He'd be so mad."
I turned on to my other side with my back to her, ready to settle back down in to the sheets and the soft, fading scent of August, but Raven said something which had my eyes back open in a matter of seconds.
"He's not even here."
Her voice sliced through the silence like a blade, and I found myself sitting back up and looking at her with wide, curious eyes. I hadn't thought to pay attention to the fact that I couldn't feel Ramsey in the other room, and now that I thought to check he was, in fact, not there. My mouth fell open, and I looked at her more closely, into her eyes which shone quite beautifully against the dark of the room. She was still laying in her bed on her side, looking at me with a sort of guilt on her face, like she was sad to tell me that Ramsey had slipped out during the night without informing us if it.
"He's not..." I murmured, mostly to myself, and I tried to feel for him again, tried to sense him, but it was no use.
After a second, I pushed the covers away from me and stood up quickly and made my way over to the bedroom door. I pulled down the old grey shirt which belonged to August I was using as a nightgown and walked carefully past the blankets and clothes all over the bedroom floor.
"Where are you going?" Raven asked, mirroring my actions and following me up and to the door. She stood behind me, and was there when I turned to look at her, a look of concern on her face.
"I'm going to see." I answered her, then turned and opened the door and stepped out with unnecessary silence. It was dark and quiet like it usually was, but there was unavoidable emptiness that was looming in the room, and the knowledge that there was no one in the room was undeniable. I walked down the hall, tip-toeing all the way until I reached the end, and I stopped, leaned forward and glanced into the living room, towards the couch.
He wasn't there.
I squinted my eyes more, and looked around praying to see him somewhere, but I soon let myself slip into the realization that he really and truly was not here. I leaned back, straightening back up and looked down, trying to think up a reason why he would be gone.
He'd been acting normal that night, his usual sitting at the table reading his newspaper or his files and sipping tea or water. He'd taken his shower, and eaten a small dinner, and watched a little TV with me and Raven. When the sun had noticeably set, he'd gone into to the Blood room and pulled out his blankets and pillow where he usually stored them during the day, and brought them out to the couch. He'd done everything normal, from changing into a pair of baggy plaid pajama pants, and to brushing his teeth. I'd said goodnight and blown him a kiss from the hallway, which he'd grinned at, with no suspicious activity whatsoever.
I felt Raven tap my shoulder, "Nicolette?"
Why would he leave during the middle of the night? Why not at least tell me he was going somewhere? Why would he have to feel like he had to sneak around at night so I wouldn't know he was gone? How many times had he snuck out?
"Nicolette?" Raven said again, more concern in her voice.
I stepped back, receding back into the hallway and pushing Raven back with me. I couldn't comprehend the though of Ramsey sneaking out at night and being secretive. I had an image of Ramsey in my head: a perfect figure with good morals, great training methods, always looking out for his students, exercising his strong, good beliefs whenever he had the chance. But all that was slowly being warped and turned and I was discovering a grotesque man who had a lot of secrets and a twisted conception of right and wrong. I was doubting my hero for what he really was.
"I think you should go back to bed..." Raven suggested, as she moved from behind me to my side where I could see her. She grabbed my arm, making me look at her and away from the couch and the empty sheets on it.
When I didn't respond she tried again, "Are you listening to me? It's pretty late Nicolette, I think we should go back to bed and discuss this later."
She was looking at me oddly, observing me extra closely. I realized that I must've looked pretty crazy just then: murmuring to myself, looking around like I was paranoid, staring intently at the couch. I straightened up then as best as I could, not wanting my new friend to think I was insane the second night she was here.
"Yea, yea... yea, we should just go back to bed." My voice stuttered and quivered and I felt out of control as I talked. "Sleeping is really, really good right now..." I nodded a little and looked around, trying to look for Ramsey in the apartment, like he would just pop out somewhere.
"Yea," Raven agreed with a confused look, "Let's go." She watched me for a second as I still looked around for Ramsey, then wrapped her small arms around my left arm and more or less drug me down the hall and back into the bedroom.
Raven led me over to my bed and sat me down saying, "There we are; were ready for bed now." She stood back and smiled at me for a second, then proceeded to get back into her own bed. The pile of blankets was about two feet from away, parallel to my own. Her head was right next to the big pile of clothes in the corner, and her legs stretched in front of the computer desk.
Once she was lying back down, still grinning and looking my way, I laid down in my own bed and pulled the covers up to my chin. I laid on my back and stared up at the ceiling, my mind racing with thoughts and concepts, theories and millions of other things. I could feel Ravens eyes on me, burning into the side of my face, keeping an extra close eye on me.
I laid there for a longtime, wanting anything but to fall back asleep and forget about everything. I wanted to stay up and wait for Ramsey to sneak in, all secretive, so I could run out and catch him red-handed, and finally not let him get away with something. But I knew when my eyes go heavy that I would lose again. I knew he'd be there when we woke up in the morning, smiling and saying 'morning, did you sleep well?' as if nothing was corrupt and he'd been around the whole time.
Raven was half asleep in her own bed, losing the battle of consciousness versus sleeping. She seemed to always be deep in that war, always on the edge of slipping into a peaceful slumber.
"Raven?" I said suddenly.
She jerked awake with a small jolt, and looked at me confused for a second. Finally she pieced together that I'd said her name, and she said hoarsely, "Huh?"
"Is it Spring time outside?" I don't even know why I asked; my eyelids were closing fast and I was fighting to stay awake so I could hear the answer.
Raven looked more confused, and had a few false starts before finally answering, "Yea... It's Spring outside." I heard her shift and change her position to get more comfortable. I'm sure her eyes were closed just as mine were.
Half conscious, I smiled and giggled a little saying, "That's good." I don't think Raven was awake to hear me, and if she was and replied, I wasn't awake to hear it.