Forever And Never

Though I'd spent the last half hour in the apartment’s bathroom giving myself a pep talk in the mirror, when I heard the front door open and listened a Ramsey set his things down and sat in a chair near the table I felt the courage I'd gathered melt away in seconds. It was August 24th already, only three days from the date Lori and Ali had told me was when registration for the new school year at my old high school was being held and I had yet to even ask Ramsey about going. I hadn't been exactly anticipating when I finally asked if I could return to high school mainly because I wasn't sure how he would react to my request, but it was now or never. I breathed in one last time, then turned from the mirror and walked out into the hallway and to the living room where Ramsey sat casually.
"Oh, good evening," He said, looking up from the newspaper in his hands and watching me as I sat in the chair to his left, only smiling as a response as I took my place and kept my eyes glued to the table in front of us. If he noticed that something was wrong with me, he didn't say anything and instead returned to his paper while I searched desperately for the right thing to say without him immediately shooting my idea down.
"Um..." I sputtered, awkwardly trying to make my voice work so that I had at least a shred of confidence for when I actually did get all the words out. As if he'd been waiting, Ramsey pulled his paper down once more, giving me a questioning look as I squeezed my hands into fists in my lap and spoke once again, "Do you remember when I ran into my friends on that one outing about a month ago...?"
Though my eyes were still cast down to where I could safely avoid his stare I saw him nod giving me permission to continue: "Well... when my earpiece fell out... and we were talking about school... and..." Mentally, I cursed myself for not having a firm grip on the use of my voice, as it was most likely killing my chances of him letting me go back to my high school.
"Yea...?" Ramsey encouraged, I suppose interested to learn what the three of us had discussed when he had been unable to listen in. The motivation he was giving me only made me more nervous, and I paused for a long time while I attempted to plan out more what I was going to say.
"Well...we were having a conversation about school... and they kind of slipped in a date for me..." I couldn't believe how bad I was messing this up. I was being so unsmooth about it, there was no way he would ever even consider letting me return to my old school. "Well, they basically told me about registration for school-"
"You too?" Ramsey asked suddenly, causing my head to snap up and look at him. His expression had changed from a look of calm waiting to surprise as I looked at him with a mirrored face, trying to understand what he'd meant. I'd imagined countless reactions and sequences to me at long last telling Ramsey that I wanted to return to my old school for my senior year, but this particular response I had not planned on seeing. Finally, I asked, "What?" as I was unable to come up with a valid conclusion to his actions.
He looked at me silently for a second, as if debating with himself whether I was playing stupid or not, and after observing my reactions enough to realize that I honestly didn't know what he was talking about, he finally explained: "Maribelle told me that Raven also want to return to school this year. She's technically fifteen, so she would be enrolled as a freshman in high school."
I glanced around at the room silently, hardly understanding what that had to me returning to Elle Point High School until he sighed and continued, "And Raven's made a request that she go to your old school." His eyes were on me suspiciously, and I realized that I unintentionally put the idea of public school into Raven's head by confiding into her that I was thinking about returning when I had the chance.
"Oh..." I murmured piecing it together at last. Ramsey sat silently next to me for a few seconds until finally he spoke once more, though this time it was a different tone from before. "...Maribelle's decided to let her enroll." my eyes looked to him once more as he stopped for a second before speaking more: "She'll be registering on Monday, the date I assume your friends gave you. They've already had it approved by Branch Wood so it seems like she'll be beginning school in September."
As I listened to him, a small but confident smile slowly began to creep across my face as I realized that if I was going to school as well in the fall, Raven, a fellow vampire and newborn, would be there with me and together we could endure our first year in public school. The idea of having Raven by my side was sounding like a great idea more and more as Ramsey talked on about what Maribelle had decided.
Once he as finished he looked at me though and, having probably noticed the delighted smile on my face, quickly countered my excitement by announcing, "I still haven't said that you're going to school." He sounded stern and at the sound of his words my optimism deflated like a balloon and I looked to him with saddened eyes.
"Without even having to ask, I know you wanted to attend Elle Point just as Raven is." His eyes bored into mine as he accused me, and after having come up with nothing better to do I nodded lightly, not seeing the sense in trying to lie or becoming mad at him. When I didn't say anything afterwards, he continued.
"You've got to know how I feel about you going back to a place where hundreds of people know you as human," Ramsey seemed to be trying to rationalize suddenly, coming forward and almost pleading with me as if I wanting to go back to school didn't make any sense. "Everyone there remembers the human you; they're going to notice big changes if you go back and try to act around them once again."
I almost wanted to argue at that claim, protesting against his reason that I hadn't changed at all from my human self, but I stopped almost immediately after I had the urge. I had changed a lot from the girl I once was, in ways neither Ramsey nor I even noticed at times. To say that I was exactly the same person as I was almost a year ago would be completely incorrect.
Instead, I stuttered for a second before saying: "People change all the time, I think my friends will understand especially since the time that I was gone was so long." I glared at him a little, wishing he was more like Ravens trainer Maribelle so that I wouldn't have to go through a long argument just to convince him that it was a good idea.
After a second or two, Ramsey looked down at the table between us and was quiet for a long time, submerging himself into deep thought as the two of us sat in an uncomfortable silent state. I wanted to debate further on the subject, as I still had a lot of energy to fight about whether or not I would go to school, but I held back as I watched Ramsey thinking. He looked troubled, and I slowly began to feel a small hint of regret at having even brought the matter up.
Finally Ramsey sighed and straightened his back to where he was sitting up once more, though his eyes were still closed and he still carried an expression of conflict. "You know what happened with August..." he opened his eyes a little, though he were cast to their left away from me, "Why do you want to still do this? After what August did to you, how can you have enough confidence to go back to school?"
I looked at him with a new shocked expression as he finally let his eyes wonder from the table to me where I sat, thrown off guard by his questions. "Because you trained me... We've been working for nine months to make sure that I'll be really to be in the human world... And it was Augusts' fault..." I squirmed slightly at the thought of him and what happened, "He's to blame for that he did to me..."
"Maybe..." Ramsey answered lightly, hardly moving his mouth as he closed his eyes once more. "But it was me initially." When my only response was more confusion Ramsey finished, "August was found in May, mere months before I enrolled him into your school. Overall, he was only trained for four months."
Though I sat there completely thrown off guard by the brand new information just given to me about August, I focused more on the realization of just why Ramsey was so against me returning to school. He was facing his own insecurities of his ability to train newborns, and because August had been such a failure he was paranoid about letting another one of his students out into the world. It made sense, but the fact that I'd had five months of training more than August was still relevant and with that in mind I decided to make a promise.
"If you let me go to school next month," I spoke suddenly causing Ramsey to look up in curiosity, "I'll work my hardest not to mess up at all. I'll come home as soon as schools over every day, I won't hang out with any human friends outside of the school, I'll keep my grades up..." I paused once I ran out of things to promise, but hoped that Ramsey understood what I was willing to do for a shot at normal high school once again.
"And if I slip up just once, if I do anything wrong, you can take me out of school the very same day and I'll never ask to go back again," I didn't like that part of my promise so much, as never was a long time, but I knew it was the only way to get Ramsey to trust me enough to consider letting me go.
He sat back in his seat, surprised at the proposition I was giving him in order to allow me to do this. He thought about it for a long while, making me more and more nervous as the seconds slowly ticked by. My deal had been big and risky, but now that I'd said it and Ramsey was quietly debating whether or not to accept it, my confidence that he was go for it was slipping. It was highly in his favor, but I doubt he would be converted.
But at last he sighed and after a moment's silence spoke: "If you're so heart-set on going, then I guess I can't stop you even if I really wanted to." I waited patiently while I got a definite okay, finally allowing myself to celebrate when Ramsey nodded lightly and said, "Yes, you can go." I sprung from my seat with new found happiness and excitement and hugged him tightly and repeated my thank you's over and over into his ear. He nodded knowingly and pushed me off him, though not even coming close to thwarting my enthusiasm about the days to come.