Like a Damaged Nerve

I swear the days keep going by quicker and quicker. Our little Aubrey is almost three months old. She’s growing like a weed. Overall, things have been going well for Jonny and I though. I’ve been taking some time off work to really fall into this full time mom routine. And the Blackhawks are waiting to enter their second round of the playoffs.

Currently though, Jonny was out… doing his… Captain thing today. He told me this morning when he was leaving. I was still in bed… and unable to focus on anything but sleep. The baby was sleeping, so I was too. I didn’t wake up till she did either. By the time she was fed and in fresh clothes for the day, there was a knock on the door. With Aubrey wiggling at my hip, I answered to be greeted by Patrick… and he looked bad.

His under eye area was puffy; the whites of his eyes rippled with red. His curls even appeared messier than what they normally are… and I knew this wasn’t good.

“You ok?” I asked him as I stepped to the side to let him in.

“Katie’s missing,” he quickly muttered.

“W-what?” I felt my forehead wrinkle as I asked.

“She’s missing!” he raised his voice a bit. Once he realized that he lost his composure, he rubbed his hands over his face.

“H-how do you… know that?” I questioned, feeling my heart rate speed up.

“This guy came and…” he quickly ran his hand through his hair as sat.

So that I could give him my undivided attention, I put Aubrey in her swing and sat next to him on the couch.

“Now, what happened?” I asked him, speaking gently… even though I was slowly working my way towards a freak out.

“This guy came and he was in the fucking uniform and shit and…” he trailed off to put his head in hands.

“And what?” I tried to get him to say it… but I knew where this was going. You hear stories about it; see it in movies even, but I never thought it would make an appearance in my life.

“He said her whole group is MIA,” he muttered the last part; his voice muffled from his mouth being covered.

We’ve been keeping an eye on the news. We all knew things were growing intense in her area. No one knew exactly what was going on. But now we know that it’s Missing in Action… everyone. Shit.

“But they’re just missing. They’re ok, right? They’re just… missing. Nothing’s wrong,” Patrick rambled on.

I don’t know if it was the mother or the older sister in me that… didn’t think the same way he did. I thought the worst. My heart was pounding and I was having a hard time breathing. But I needed to be put together for him.

“I’m sure she’s fine, Pat,” I told him.

Slowly, he lifted his head and looked at me. They were welled to the rim with tears. He blinked and a few quickly rolled down his face. But he still put on a small smile. I did my best to do the same and reached out to give him a hug. As we parted, someone else came through the door… and I wanted to jump right into his arms.

“We have company,” Jonny spoke once he glanced into the living room. His expression quickly changed when he saw the state of Patrick though. “What’s going on?”

“Katie and everyone on her base is… MIA,” I told him softly.

He opened his mouth to say something in response, but nothing ever came. He just stood there; stunned. After a few long seconds, he came over and sat next to me. His arm came around me and pulled me against his side. Without saying anything, he pressed his lips to my temple.

“They’ll find her,” he whispered with his lips still pressed against my skin.

“They will,” Patrick added and sniffled a bit.

I leaned away from Jonathan to rub at his back. After this though, he didn’t stay much longer… even though I wished he had. Once he was gone, I got up to take Aubrey out of her swing even though she was perfectly fine it. Before I got that far, Jonny spun me around and held me tightly against him. The moment my head was cradled against his chest, I sobbed uncontrollably.

I wanted so badly to believe that she was ok and she was going to be found by someone or show up and be one hundred percent ok… but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t let myself. It was already in my mind that she was… gone and never coming back.