Like a Damaged Nerve

I missed home…so much more than usual. Without the back up of our base, we had been bouncing around from village to village for the past few weeks. With one map, we had been trying to figure out a way back to the base. Even if we had a Humvee, it was at least a week’s trip. We had our feet and the charity of the villagers who were willing to provide us with somewhere to rest and eat. Our hope was to find someone with a phone or a truck to take us to a safe zone.

I was sitting in a hut with a Marine in my group, finished eating and staying quiet as the villagers went to pray. I pulled my photos from my bullet proof vest, looking at them. I heard the movement of his uniform as he leaned over to look at them with me.

“Is that your fiancée?” He asked, pointing to the picture of Patrick and I kissing. I smiled a little bit, nodding to him. “Wait….doesn’t he play for the Blackhawks?”

“Yeah…that little shit worries me so much. When I last talked to him he…wasn’t doing well…” I said, frowning now. I swallowed a lump in my throat and held the photos to my chest.

“Hey…we’re going to get out of here…” He said, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and squeezing them. “It’s going to be okay…” I started crying at that statement, making him sigh and let me cry on his shoulder. I felt so weak but I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I was scared and missing my family, not to mention the love of my life was probably thinking I was dead.

“Sorry….” I croaked out, wiping my eyes after a few minutes. He patted my back carefully and tapped the muzzle of his rifle against mine.

“We’re all in this fucking thing, together. We’re all going home.” He said, squeezing my shoulder tightly and nodding at me. I thanked him and stood up, stretching out my limbs.

“Time to move, sunlight is gone.” I said, adjusting the scarf on my head. He stood with me and followed as we left the hut, thanking the villagers as we met up with the rest of the unit.

We all watched as the last bit of sunlight dropped below the horizon and I slowly grabbed my camera, still in my pack. I snapped a picture of these Marines, standing tall and watching the light disappear. It was such a candid and quiet moment for us, especially considering our past few weeks out here. Someone made a joke about The Lone Survivor and we all shared a light but nervous chuckle. It was time to start moving again. The human eye is an interesting organ…with no artificial lights, our eyes adjusted to the darkness quickly, and seeing was as clear as day. I still remembered learning that in school as a kid, when they explained why pirates would wear eye patches.

There was no talking, only hand gestures. Too much sound was dangerous. We didn’t know if the enemy was trailing us. So far, we hadn’t seen them or heard them but you could never be too careful. I wondered what was going on at home…if anyone else knew we were missing or just our families. The military liked to keep these things quiet but who knows, we could be getting our own book deals and movies like Marcus Luttrell. Maybe we’ll all meet the Lone Survivor and we’ll all share our stories of survival. That was the running joke and source of moral for us. To have hot Hollywood actors play us in the movie adaptation of our struggle. We needed something, even something so ridiculous, to keep us going on these long and dangerous nights…nights that made me miss sleeping in Patrick’s arms.