Like a Damaged Nerve

The next couple of weeks were rough… for everyone. For starters, Jonny and Patrick… were a mess; mostly on the ice. I know Jonny blames himself for it, but the Blackhawks were eliminated from the plays in six games of the second round. The loss was rough on him… and number eighty-eight.

Patrick’s been staying with Jonny and I a lot. I don’t mind it. I worry about him. Ever since he got that visitor at his place, he’s just been a fit of nerves. I’m doing my best to keep it together for everyone… it gets tough sometimes though.

Jonny had suggested going back to Winnipeg for the summer. Obviously, he wanted his family to see and bond with Aubrey. I… wasn’t so sure if I wanted to this year. I had no real reason to convince Jonny otherwise either. Something I me just… didn’t want to leave Chicago.

“I just think it’d be good to get away for a little bit,” he explained.

“But I don’t want to leave,” I told him.

He sighed heavily, quickly growing frustrated with me. This has been common lately as well. I don’t… want to do much of anything. I rather just stay home with Aubrey. And I know Jonny’s growing impatient with me, but… my mind’s elsewhere right now.

Before he could press this issue anymore, our daughter’s soft whimpers came through the baby monitor. Without hesitation, Jonathan took off to her nursery. While he went to get her, I warmed a bottle. When he came out with her, he was bouncing her gently, making her coo and smile. She didn’t even want the bottle she just wanted her daddy.

Both of us moved to settle into the living with her. Jonny lowered himself onto the floor, leaving her to sit between his legs. I came over with them and joined in their playtime. With all three of us wrapped up in this, someone knocked on the door.

“I’ll get it,” Jonny said and passed Aubrey off to me. Moments later, he returned… with Kaner.

“It’s Uncle Pat,” I squealed and tickled Aubrey’s sides.

He chuckled and came over to scoop her up off the ground. She giggled loudly and settled against him once he took a seat. This is when I noticed that he had something in his hand. It looked familiar. It was a big yellow envelope that was pretty beat up. It kind of… got my hopes up.

“I thought… we should open this together,” he told me, referring to the mail.

“I’d like that,” I told him and couldn’t fight off a smile.

Since I was still sitting on the floor, he climbed down with me, making sure he kept a firm hold on the baby. He moved her to have her sit between his legs like Jonny had previously done. Placing the package in front of her, she reached out and attempted to help him open it. Her actions made Patrick chuckle a bit. This was nice to see.

Once it was opened, he pulled out a hefty stack of Polaroids. Katie was always one to take a thousands pictures. As he looked at them, Patrick handed them to me. Jonny scooted closer to look at them as well.

When we were through with those, a few letters fell out. Patrick read them out loud… while Aubrey tried to take the papers from his hand. He would keep her settled by kissing the top of her head or tickling her tummy. He then flipped the envelope upside down to let a bundle of bracelets fall out. Each of us took one and quickly tied it around our wrists. Patrick even… put one loosely around Aubrey’s wrist. It was a little pink one.

“So does this… does it mean… she’s ok?” Patrick asked what everyone was more than likely thinking.

“I… don’t know,” I answered honestly. I wanted to believe that… but I still couldn’t. These were dated a few weeks ago… and I wasn’t sure officially the date she was announced MIA.

“I don’t think it’s a bad sign though…” Jonny spoke up.

“Me either,” Patrick agreed and kissed at the top of Aubrey’s head again.

She giggled and managed to grab a handful of his curls. He let out a playful yelp, causing her to erupt in a fit of baby laughter. Jonny and I obviously found humor in this as well.

All of us needed a day like this though. I didn’t… really feel sad. I mean, sure I missed Katie and I wanted her back more than anything. And I did kind of have this hope that she was ok. I’m just always one to plan for the worst just in case… the worst happens to come true.