Thou Shalt Not

I jolted awake. My stomach rolled with nausea.

The room was pitch black except for the moon shining in between the partly separated curtains. I tried to shut my eyes and snuggle into Colin's sleeping body next to me but the nausea rolled higher up my throat.

I was going to be sick. I shouldn't have drank those two bottles of wine. I could never do anything in moderation. That’s been the story of my life since I could remember.

My stomach started to cramp up and I knew I needed to get out of this bed before we were both covered in last night's regurgitated alcohol.

I quietly slipped out of the bed, careful to not wake Colin. I wasn’t sure what time it was but it wasn’t daylight yet. I didn’t know what time he got home so I was assuming he’d only been asleep for a few hours at the most. I didn’t want to wake him and he didn't need to see, or hear, what was surely about to happen next.

When I stood up, a rush of dizziness swept over me. My cheeks started to burn and my tongue felt two sizes too big for my mouth. Saliva pooled in my mouth, too much, and I had to swallow three times to clear my airway. It was to no avail as it only got worse. I stepped slowly, my perception seemed off. My head felt like was floating above my body. Fuck - was I still drunk?

The bathroom wasn't too far from the bed and that I was thankful for. I felt for the door and when I found it, I pushed it open and stepped inside.

The bathroom was dimly lit by the lights over the sink so I didn't bother flipping on the brighter lights on the wall. I shut the door behind me quietly and walked towards the small room that housed the toilet.

I slipped on the tile and caught myself on the counter. Colin must have showered after he got home, dripping a little water onto the already slick floor.

My stomach rolled and it was too late. I heaved but nothing came up. Instead, I felt hot liquid gush down my legs. Great. I was fucking pissing myself. This was embarrassing and pathetic. I was apparently so drunk, I no longer had control over my body. And all of this because of two bottles of wine?

Still dry heaving and sure something was bound to come up, I continued to the toilet, only steps away. I fell to my knees and hung my head over the toilet. I dry heaved until my vision crossed and my chest started to burn.

I still felt dizzy and I couldn’t stop myself from heaving. I tried to calm myself down but only I couldn't. The mild stomach pain from earlier had turned gut wrenching. The cramps ripped through my stomach, making it impossible and unbearable to breathe steadily. The dizziness started to subside, leaving my head to feel like it weighed fifty pounds.

I squinted my eyes shut. A scorching heat ran through my body but I started to shake like I was freezing. Something wasn’t right. I had thrown up before. I had been drunk before. Out of all those times, I had never felt like this.

I started to panic and realized I needed Colin. I didn’t care if he seen I pissed myself, pissed on his bathroom floor and was currently pissing myself again. I needed help.

I braced my hand on the wall behind me and tried to stand up but my hand slipped, sending me back down onto the floor with a wet smack.

I opened my eyes and looked at the wall in front of me. Delirium had surely taken over because I saw my hand print smeared in blood.

Blood? Where did the blood come from?

Another rip of hot searing pain shot through my body and I knew I had to get Colin. "Colin!" I called, my voice weak and too low for him to hear. I looked down at my lap to see I'm not sitting in urine but sitting in a puddle of blood. "Col-" I try to call but I'm silenced by a violent dry heave.

I suddenly felt tired and sleepy despite the pain and heaving. All I wanted to do was climb back into bed.

I no longer had to fight the urge to go to sleep because I started to feel myself slip away into a sticky blackness. My mind has went numb and the only thing I can concentrate on is how good it feels to study the back of my eyelids.

Calmed down a little, I suddenly realized what was happening. It had to be the only reason for this mess. All the blood, the cramping…

My thighs were already sticky from the drying blood but it's only for a moment as more blood continued to gush from in between my legs, rewetting them all over again.

My mind was too foggy to think any more of what was happening to me. My head slouched back against the wall and my heart rate slowed, the deafening pound no longer beating in my ears.

My mind moved to Colin. He was so easy to think of that it was like I wasn't really thinking at all. I faintly smiled; he was the last thing on my mind before he just wasn’t. I slipped away easily and suddenly I didn't feel anything anymore.