Thou Shalt Not

"Wait. I'll come around and help you." Colin said as he put the car in park once we were in a parking space of his condominium. "Colin, I'm fine. I can get out of the car." I chuckled and unbuckled my seat belt. "Humor me. Please." Colin said and grabbed my duffel bag from the backseat. He pulled the keys from the ignition and slid out of the car.

I waited until he opened the passenger door before I slid out of the seat and stood in front of him. He squinted his eyes at me before blowing out a frustrated breath. "Woman," Colin sighed. "You're the most stubborn person I've ever had the privilege of knowing." Colin laughed. "That's why you love me." I chuckled and didn't realize what I said until something changed on Colin's face. What was it - shock? Disbelief? I couldn't be sure. I decided to not dwell on it and change the subject quickly. This was the second time today ‘L-O-V-E’ had come up.

"You're sure it's okay for me to stay with you? I mean, my rental is perfectly fine. Justin could take care of me even though I'm fine. I am fine." I said and gazed off in the distance. Was I trying to convince him or myself?

"Tell you what," Colin started and wrapped his arm around my shoulders, leading me towards the front entrance. "Stay with me through my birthday and then if you really want to go back to your place, you can." He said as he stuck the key into the door. "Shit - you're birthday!" I slapped my hand to my forehead. Colin laughed as he pushed the door open. "Don't worry. It's a couple days from now." Colin said and shut the door behind us.

"A couple days isn't enough time to put together a party or something." I scoffed and shed my coat. "Don't worry about that. Josh and Ginnifer have already made plans." Colin smiled. "What if I wanted to do something for you?" I pretended to pout. "What would you want to do for me?" He asked, his accent draping across my skin. And just like that my heart pounded hard against my chest. Despite what had just happened several hours ago, desire coiled tightly inside me.

"A private party for two." I smiled and leaned up on my tip-toes, wrapping my arms around his neck. I pressed my lips to his and Colin was the first to pull away. "What?" I asked and stepped back from him. He didn't answer and only shook his head, his gaze dropping to the floor. "Is this how it's going to be? You aren't going to want to have sex with me again?" I asked, afraid of the answer. "No," Colin said and looked up at me.

"That's not it. I just don't want it to lead to something you're not ready for...physically, you know?" Colin said and brushed an invisible piece of hair behind my ear. "I don't want to hurt you." He faintly smiled. "It's too soon." He added and pressed his lips into a tight line.

"I'll be just fine by time it's your birthday. Just you wait and see." I smiled. "How do you feel now?" Colin asked and grabbed my hand. I shrugged, "I'm kind of tired, actually." My eyes felt heavier than on the ride over. "Let's go lay down and have a nap." Colin smiled and started to lead me up the stairs. "Wait, Colin," I said and stopped at the bottom of the stairs.

"Does anyone know?" I asked. "Just Michael..." Colin trailed off. I nodded and he spoke again. "And my parents." Colin said with a bite of his lip. "Your parents? Why the hell did you tell your parents?" I asked in disbelief. We hadn't even discussed his parents before. I think he had maybe mentioned he told them about me but that was it!

"Ah," Colin scratched the back of his head. "They came in for my birthday a little early... I'm sorry." Colin winced. "And you had to tell them?" I asked, trying to understand. "Michael texted my dad at the hospital and he came to sit with me. He came for support." Colin said. "What are they going to think of me? My God - they're going to think you're with some run of the mill slut." I scoffed.

"Stop." Colin said sternly and put his hand up. "Stop saying you're a whore, a slut and whatever else you're thinking of calling yourself. You're not." Colin snapped. "And I didn't tell them about your ex. As far as they know, it was mine." Colin said.

"Don't call the baby an 'it'." I sighed. It just sounded so... unimportant.

Colin frowned at me. "Well," I shrugged. I couldn't help how it made me feel. "It's easier." Colin shrugged. "For you." I shrugged. Colin huffed and rubbed his tired face. "What about work? Are you missing work? Can you even miss work?" I asked, unsure of how it worked as an actor taking time off during filming. "Don't worry about that. It's taken care of. I got the schedule switched around a little - no big deal." Colin said calmly. He was so cool and collected. I much admired that about him.

"Did you have to tell them why?" I asked. "Please, stop. It's taken care of, baby." Colin smiled and tugged at my hand, inaudibly signaling to drop the subject and follow him up the stairs. "I just don't want to be the reason for your trouble." I sighed as I stepped up onto the steps. "You're not. Trust me. You do trust me, don't you?" Colin asked, his blues aglow. And I did.

All of the trust issues I had developed over the years, especially with Gunner and my family, seemed no matter when it came to Colin. It was funny how something could be so deeply engraved into your being but yet one person could make it all disappear. I just hoped I could keep it up - the trusting. I hoped that my demons wouldn't rear their ugly heads. "I do trust you." I nodded and Colin smiled at me before leading me further up the stairs.

He led me down the hall and into the bedroom. "The blood?" I asked with a gasp before I stepped into the room. I didn't know how I would react if I saw the mess from earlier. "It's all cleaned up. I wouldn't let you come back to that." Colin said seriously. "Did you-" The tears started to puddle in my eyes. "Did you clean it up?" I swallowed. Colin slowly nodded his head. I let go of his hand and covered my face.

Tears fell into my hands. "Hey," Colin said softly and pulled my hands away from my face. I looked up at him, embarrassed I was crying like this. I pictured him on his hands and knees, cleaning up the puddles of blood... possibly his baby's blood. He already lost one kid and here he was cleaning up the unliving parts of another one. At that moment, I felt for him more than I felt for myself.

"Come," Colin said and wrapped his arm around me, pulling me into the room. "Let's lay down. You need to rest." Colin said softly. I sucked up the tears and walked with him. And as quickly as the tears faded, they brimmed at my eyes again. The bedroom looked... different. The bed sheets were new. A pretty teal color, something much brighter than the white set he had earlier which I assumed were now ruined. There were a couple small pillows from my room in the rental, something familiar, candles of all sizes lined the end tables and dresser. A couple matching flower arrangements around the room almost glowed underneath the dim lighting and flickering candles. "I hoped you'd like the room. I wanted to make it look a little different so it didn't remind you of, well, you know." Colin said lowly. "It looks perfect." I smiled and swallowed back the tears that threatened to fall because of his thoughtfulness.

He let go of me to pull back the covers. I slipped out of my shoes and climbed into bed. He shed his hoodie and shoes before he crawled over me to the other side of the bed. "This is much better than that damn hospital bed." I chuckled as I cuddled against him, resting my head on his chest. "I know." Colin said into my hair before kissing the top of my head. "I'm so tired. I think I could sleep for days.' I mumbled, suddenly too sleepy to carry on a conversation any longer. "Then sleep, baby. I'll be here when you wake up." Colin said and stroked my back. I nodded and it took no time to lose consciousness.

~*~

"Baby," I heard faintly. I was caught somewhere between awake and asleep. "Lace," I heard again and this time I woke completely. I felt groggy and like my head was floating unattached over my body.

"Huh?" I said into the pillow. "We've got to eat and take your medicine." Colin said softly and rubbed my back. "What time is it?" I asked, my eyes still closed. "It's fifteen after ten." Colin said, still stroking my back. I pulled my head up from the pillow. My hair had long fallen out of the bun and was in disarray around my face. "At night?" I asked. "Yes, you've been asleep for eleven hours." Colin chuckled and kissed my forehead.

"Why did you let me sleep that long?" I asked, a little shocked I slept so long. "You needed it and you looked so peaceful." Colin chuckled as he played with the pieces of hair going every which way. "I know. I look awful." I chuckled and sat up. "You look beautiful. This is how I like you best. You're just you ." Colin said, his voice warm like honey.

I looked at him, lounging comfortably across the bed shirtless and in a pair of lounge pants. He looked at me like I was the most gorgeous and perfect thing in the world - honest to God.

And I fell in love with him.
I was in love with this man.

"Colin," I started, the words on the tip of my tongue. "I-," But I couldn't do it. "Thanks for everything." I chickened out. "I know I hurt you when I told you about, you know..." I trailed off. I didn't want to bring Gunner up. I wanted to leave it alone.

"You don't have to thank me. And yes, it kind of stung a little, what you told me, but honestly, you were not mine." Colin shrugged and rubbed my knee. "Now?" I asked, a smile playing at my lips. "Now you are." He smiled and leaned up to capture my lips in a kiss. My heart soared at the thought of being completely his.

~*~

"I'm full." I said and threw my burger wrapper into the late night take-out bag it came in. It was a quarter until midnight and I was wide awake after my long nap earlier. "And you took your medicine, right?" Colin asked as he continued to munch on his sweet potato fries. I nodded after taking a sip of my cola. "I did. You don't have to keep asking." I laughed.

He had hounded me until I finally grabbed the bottle of pills from my bag in front of him. "Just making sure. The doctor said you need to take them all." Colin said and I smiled. It was cute the way he was looking out for me.

I had changed into a pair of leopard and pink pajamas Crystal had packed in my bag which felt better lounging in the bed. I stretched out and started to surf through the channels on the television. "So," I started as I tried to decide to watch 'Moonshiners' or 'Yukon Men'. "Your parents...” I trailed off as I selected 'Moonshiners'. "Yeah?" Colin asked as he cleaned up his dinner. "I'm going to meet them?" I asked.

The very thought of it made me sick with anxiety. I never had met a boyfriend's parents. To me, it was a big deal. I wanted them to like me; to accept me. I didn't think I could be in relationship where my other half's family didn't like me. Family was important. I hadn't been so lucky in the family department and I think that's why I cared so much about it.

"Tomorrow night for dinner. They wanted to take me out for my birthday." Colin said and relaxed back into the bed, laying his head on my shoulder. "Then I don't need to go, Colin. It's for your birthday." I said. There - easy way out. "You do need to go. I want you there and they want to meet you." Colin said quickly. Yeah, not so easy to get out of this. I should have known. I had come to the conclusion in the time Colin and I had been together that he was a man who liked to have control. If he wanted something, he was going to get it. I groaned in displeasure.

"Why are you worried?" He asked with a laugh. "Because I'm meeting your parents. How they feel about me will ultimately make or break our relationship. I've seen shows about when parents don't like who their kid is with - it fucks everything up. What if they don't-" I started to ramble and Colin laughed out loud, stopping me in my tracks. He sat up against the headboard and looked down at me. "You worry too much and I think you may, just a tad, think things over too much." Colin said. I looked up at him, "Well, I-" I started again but he cut me off.

"No, stop. Quit thinking like that. Overthinking creates problems that aren't even there." Colin said with a shake of his head. "They'll love you because I do." Colin said, his eyes boring into mine. And my mouth fell open.

Did he just say he loved me? Wait - he was just insinuating that, wasn't he? Playing with the idea? His eyebrows shot up and he chuckled, "That wasn't the way I wanted to tell you and that certainly wasn't the reaction from you I was hoping for." He tapped my chin, closing my mouth.

"Colin," I said, sitting up in the bed. I scratched at my head, unsure of what to say. "Lacie, I love you." He said and this time he actually said it. There was nothing to hide it this time. It was those three little words - I heard them and he's said it.

"You don't love me." I said softly, my eyes watering up. "I don't?" He asked, puzzled. "You can't possibly..." I bit my lip. "Why are you trying to turn this moment into a debate? I just said that I love you. I mean what I say." Colin said and tensed his jaw. "You love me? After everything that happened?" I asked. Why was I doing this? This was supposed to be a great moment in my life. God knows I never had it with Gunner even after so long of being together.

"Because of everything that happened!" Colin said loudly. "Look at me." He commanded and I obeyed. "I thought you were fucking dead! I had never felt any pain like that before and then that pain turned into super power. I knew I had to save you. You were not going to die on my bathroom floor. It wasn't an option!" Colin spoke loudly. His blue eyes a swirling storm within. "I don't ever want to see you like that again! All I could think about at the hospital was what I would do if I never got to see you again - never talk to you, never touch you... never fucking kiss you again. So if you think I can't love you because of what happened, you are so very wrong, Lacie. I do love you." He said, his words strong and passionate.

A tear slid down my cheek. "I love you, too." I said it and the storm in his eyes calmed. I could believe him. I trusted him. I told him that I did. "I wanted to say it earlier...but I thanked you instead." I scoffed. Colin wiped away my tear with his thumb and smiled. "I've wanted to tell you all day. And maybe I should have waited a little longer but I wanted you to know." He said softly and pressed softly his lips to mine.

The kiss felt different now. It was... better. It was soft and slow but the love melded powerfully between us now and it changed the game completely.

"I wish I could make love to you now." He breathed against my lips. I frowned. Upon reading my discharge papers while we waited for our food, it recommended no sex for at least a week or two, maybe longer - up to six weeks. I didn't remember Dr. Reynolds saying anything about it but it didn't mean she hadn't. I just hadn't heard it in my rush to get out of the hospital. "A couple weeks is a long time." Colin scoffed and I nodded my head in agreement. "I could, ya know, help you out." I smiled against his lips.

"Nope." Colin said with a smile and pulled away from me. "No?" I asked and watched him relax back into the bed. "I'll wait until it's safe for you. And anyway, anticipation makes things better, right?" Colin winked. "I can't wait that long." I pretended to pout. "Hah! You're going to have to." Colin laughed.

"Yeah, you're laughing now but just wait. Just you wait." I taunted and settled back into the bed, moving my eyes to the television. "I will, baby. I will." Colin laughed. "I don't think you seen what Crystal packed in my bag, have you?" I chuckled, remembering the skimpy numbers Crystal packed. "No. What did she pack?" Colin asked and I shrugged. "Do you want me to model them for you?" I asked and I looked over at him.

"Does it show skin?" He asked. "Um, that's putting it politely." I laughed. "Don't make this hard." Colin said and I laughed at his choice of words. "You know what I meant." Colin said and shook his head. "Yeah, yeah. I hear ya." I said and cuddled up against him, laying my head on his chest. "This can work in the meantime, right?" I asked softly. "Of course." Colin said with a smile. Even though I couldn't see it, I could hear it.

It was just about to the end of the show when Colin spoke. "You've never told me about your family." I winced. I guessed this was going to come up but it didn't make it any easier to talk about. "There's nothing to tell." I shrugged. "Nothing?" Colin asked. "I don't associate with them." I said. "Can I ask why?" Colin approached the question carefully. I let out a breath.