Thou Shalt Not

I fidgeted on top of the covers, unsure where to begin about my family.

"That bad?" Colin asked, grabbing one of my fidgeting hands. "Ah," I shrugged.

Yes, it was bad but did I really want to tell him this stuff? Would he look at me differently once he knew?

"I'm from Oakland and that's where they're still at I guess. Well, my dad is." I shrugged. "I left when I was sixteen and that's where I met Crystal...in L.A... Her family took me in." I smiled. Her family saved my life. A sixteen year old running out on her own in L.A.? I'm not sure how I would have turned out if things had played out differently.

"You ran away to Los Angeles?" Colin asked. I nodded my head yes. "I might as well just get to the point as to why I left." I said and cleared my throat. "My dad was an alcoholic." I scoffed. "My mom wasn't around much. She gambled a lot and ran around with people she shouldn't have." I shrugged.

I could still taste the blood in my mouth.

"That's why you left?" Colin asked quietly, stroking the top of my hand. "That's it in a nutshell." I said. I didn't want to walk down memory lane in Oakland. It made me sick. "You don't want to tell me." Colin said with a sigh. I looked at him.

"I just... Colin... It's bad stuff." I sighed. I couldn't remember the last time I let myself think of the shit I went through. "That's what you share with the person you love - the good and bad." Colin said and tapped my chin. Okay. He wanted the bad? He was going to get it.

"My mom was too busy fucking other guys to be a mother and my dad was so pissed that my mom was fucking other men instead of him, he stayed drunk and beat me instead." I spat, my eyes never pulling from his.

There. There was the truth.

"When I was in the seventh grade, I started my period for the first time. I had no idea what was happening to me because my mom never talked to me about anything like that. And when I called home, my dad congratulated me on finally becoming a cunt like my mother because I was bound to end up like her." I spat. The memories came flooding back.

"Needless to say, I didn't get a change of clothes that day and my seventy year old principal had to tell me what was happening to me." I added for emphasis just in case Colin hadn't got it. "Lacie..." Colin said, unable to say anything else.

"My mom finally left my dad. She met some loan shark from Reno that promised her the world. She always complained about not having enough money to buy the things she wanted." I rolled my eyes. I remembered a time my mother had took money out of one of my birthday cards one year for a new pair of red stilettos. She promised she'd give it back to me but she never did and I never asked.

"My dad was so angry. He hated me because I reminded him of my mom. He made sure I knew just how much, too." I said with a depressed sigh. "If you don't want to tell me, you don't have to." Colin said and I shook my head. "No. You wanted to know. I'm going to tell you. The best is yet to come, baby." I smirked. I was getting angry; not at Colin but at my parents for making me even have a story like this to tell.

"I had to quit going to school because the beatings had become so bad. People started to get nosey and I couldn't afford to have people snooping around because one teacher did and my dad accused me of telling. He beat me unconscious after that and I woke up the next day in the kitchen floor covered in blood and his fucking vomit." I seethed. It was disgusting. I could still see it, feel it, smell it.

"That was enough for me. I took all that could and I was done." I said. I remembered that I picked myself up off the floor, took a shower and packed a couple bags. "What did you expect to find in Los Angeles at sixteen years old?" Colin asked as he rubbed the top of my hand. I shrugged. "I stole my dad's money he stashed for a rainy day. I didn't care what I found. Anywhere was better than where I was." I said.

“How did you meet Crystal?” Colin asked, a smile pulling at his lips. I smiled myself. I could still see her in the Catholic school uniform missing the knee-high socks and the standard white Keds tennis shoes replaced with Chuck Taylors, surrounded by a group of skater boys holding onto their skateboards watching her attempt a kick flip.

“I met her at a skate park.” I smiled, memories fresh as though they happened yesterday. “A skate park?” Colin chuckled in disbelief. I imagined he had pictured something much more glamorous. I laughed out loud. “Yep, a skate park. This was during Crystal’s skater-boy phase. I’m glad that’s over.” I laughed. “So then what happened?” Colin asked, his hand still stroking my back softly.

“She broke my toe when she ran over it with the skateboard. She took me to the hospital and then we went out for lunch after.” I shrugged. “The rest is history.” I smiled and Colin did, too, though I sensed some sort of hesitance from him. “What?” I asked. “Didn’t anyone ever come looking for you?” He asked quietly. I pressed my lips into a tight line and shook my head. “Nope. And I was relieved. I always worried about it but I was worried for nothing because no one ever came looking for me.” I smiled.

“And then all that happened with Gunner…” Colin trailed off, looking as if he was thinking something over. “Yeah… I’ve never been very lucky…” I bit my lip. “Which scares me when it comes to you. I mean, look what happened with the babe-“ I stopped abruptly. “Don’t do that, please. I’m not going to hurt you like everyone else has, you got it? Never.” Colin said sternly and pulled me into his arms. I inhaled his scent and coiled the back of his shirt tightly into my wrist. “What they done, well, that has nothing to do with me. I’m not like that. I wouldn’t dream of it and I’ll kill the next motherfucker who tries to.” Colin spit.

And I believed him.

He was so different from my father and Gunner – there were no similarities whatsoever. There wasn’t an ounce of anything I saw that made me think Colin was like either one of them.

He pulled away from me but still kept a hold of my arms. He looked down into my eyes. “I love you.” He said. “I like hearing that from you.” I smiled. “I’ll tell you every day.” Colin promised. “Good.” I smiled and pressed my lips to his.