Thou Shalt Not

"I'm nervous." I said as I stood in the mirror fidgeting with my top in the mirror. I couldn't decide if I looked appropriate enough. I had on a pair of black high-waisted slacks with a matching black top that showed a tiny bit of my waist which would be covered by the leopard print cardigan I picked to go with it. I gave myself some height with black stilettos. I didn't want to look too corporate or too sleazy. I wanted to be myself.

"You have nothing to be nervous about. You look gorgeous." Colin smiled as he walked into the bathroom wearing a dark pair of jeans, blue button up holding a black jacket across his arm. I huffed and turned from the mirror to face Colin. "Am I showing too much skin?" I asked as I messed with the waist of my pants. "I think they've probably seen worse." Colin said. I rolled my eyes. I started to step away to find something else to where when Colin laughed.

"I'm only kidding. You look fine." Colin smiled. "But... I..." I had to swallow. "Just miscarried. Does it seem, I don't know, too careless?" I asked. I was still trying to figure out how I was supposed to feel. It still hurt, yes, but I felt different today. It only happened yesterday but after thinking so much about it, I realized it was for the best. It had to have been. I had to find comfort in the fact that God knew better. Colin frowned.

"No, Lacie, it doesn't." I nodded and walked back into the bedroom to throw on my cardigan. "You okay?" Colin asked as he leaned up against the dresser, watching me finish readying myself. "Yeah," I said happily as I grabbed my purse. Colin squinted his eyes at me. "Don't lie." Colin said. "I'm not lying. I'm okay, baby." I smiled and stopped to catch my breath. "It's only been a day." Colin said quietly. "I know. Are you okay?" I asked. Colin nodded with a smile.

"I just want to move on and forget the last 24 hours." I said. Colin faintly smiled and glanced down at his watch. "You ready? We've got to go." Colin said and stood up straight. I nodded and he motioned me in front of him. I stopped abruptly in the doorframe and turned towards Colin. "What?" Colin asked.

"You're sure?" I asked. "I'm sure you look fine and I'm sure they'll love you." Colin smiled. "You're sure about this?" I asked. "I'm meeting your parents – it’s a big deal." I sighed. "I know it’s a big deal. I wouldn't do it if I didn't want to - if I didn't want you." Colin smiled and bent down to kiss my forehead. I looked up at him and smiled. I hoped tonight would go according to plan - the plan being that his parents would love me just the way Colin did.

★★

We walked into a beautiful up-scale restaurant downtown that I had never been to before tonight. Soft jazz music greeted us at the door and the smell of baked bread and butter wafted up my nose. The restaurant was decorated in deep mahogany and gold framed photos of classical photos of cherubs and flowers.

"Right this way, Mr. O'Donoghue. Your party has already arrived." The smiling host said as he showed us the way to the table. I squeezed Colin's hand as we approached the table and he turned to give me a reassuring smile. "Oh, there they are!" A beautiful, dark haired woman with light, friendly eyes exclaimed as she stood up from the table. "I'm Colin's mother, Mary!" She smiled as she pulled me into her arms. I smiled at her excitement and hugged her back "It's great to meet you, Mrs-" I spoke through her tight embrace. She jerked me back. "None of that! Call me Mary!" She smiled and pulled me back into another hug. I caught eyes with Colin and he smiled with a wink.

"Okay, hon, settle down. Let her breathe." Colin's father said as he gently peeled his wife away from me. "I'm Con. It’s great to meet you." He smiled, showcasing his aged dimples and laugh lines. His dark hair had turned a dark gray and with salt-colored highlights. "Lacie. It’s great to meet you both." I smiled and we all sat down at the shiny, deep red table.

"You’re just so pretty. Isn't she, Con?" Mary smiled as she grabbed her husband's hand. "That she is. I have to ask, any Irish blood in you?" Con asked. My face fell for a second as I took his question a little too literally. "Oh, Christ. I'm sorry. I only meant if you were of Irish heritage." Con said, his cheeks slightly reddened.

"No, no. It's fine. I guess I'm still a little sensitive." I waved it off. "But to answer your question, no, I'm not Irish." I smiled. "You could pass as siblings." Mary said as she took a sip of her wine. "That's not creepy at all, mom." Colin scoffed as he ordered mine and his drink. I giggled. "What is your heritage, dear?" Con asked. "Oh, a little Native American and some Persian." I shrugged. "Wow. Beautiful." Con smiled. "Thanks." I giggled as a glass of wine was placed in front of me.

“So, Lacie,” Mary started, accentuating my name. She giggled like a little girl. “I’m sorry.” She took a quick sip of her almost-empty wine. “I’ve never met a Lacie and it’s such a gorgeous name.” Mary smiled. I waved her off. “I don’t think Colin has complimented me the whole time we’ve been together as much as you two have already!” I chuckled and playfully nudged Colin in the ribs.

“I certainly hope that isn’t true, son.” Mary said as she squinted her eyes at Colin, who in turn, squinted back at her before falling into a fit of laughter. They seemed to have such a loving, playful and carefree type of relationship. I almost envied it. “She gets them when she deserves them.” Colin said with a shrug before playfully nudging me back. “Ha ha.” I waved him off and smiled at Mary.

“So, you’re a makeup artist for the show?” Con asked as he etched a pattern onto the whiskey glass with his thumb absentmindedly. “Yes,” I nodded eagerly. I always loved getting the chance to talk about what I done for a living. “Have you done many movies?” Mary asked. I shook my head with a slight frown. “No. No movies. One day though!” I smiled. I was still hopeful and optimistic that my time would roll around when I could makeover a movie.

“Romance movies? Is that what you would like to work on set of?” Mary asked and I wrinkled my nose in disgust. “What?” Mary asked as both Con and Colin laughed. “No, no romance movies. I want to do sci-fi, thrillers and horror.” I said as-a-matter-of-factly.

Con looked at me like he was a proud papa, Mary, well Mary looked at me like I was deranged and I had blood dripping out of my ears. A laugh tugged at the side of my face. “What?” I chuckled. “That just wasn’t what I expected your answer to be, dear.” Mary said and fanned herself briefly before finishing her wine.

“I get that a lot. I’m not surprised.” I smiled. “Have you done much horror and science fiction before, Lacie?” Con asked as he leaned across the table slightly, interested in my answer. I nodded, “I have. Obviously not for any movies but I’ve done a lot of commercial stuff and prints in catalogs. When Halloween rolls around, I’m usually super busy doing blood for a shoot or making zombies.” I smiled.

“Doing blood?” Mary asked. “It’s what we call the process of covering our subject with fake blood. And not the fake blood you get in the little capsules or bottles in the Halloween section at the store either. I’m talking corn syrup, jelly, laundry detergent, chicken livers – oh yeah.” I smiled. Mary wrinkled her nose in disgust again.

“The way you light up when you talk about making realistic blood, well, I have to say I’m impressed Lacie. You’ve obviously found your calling in life and are running with your dreams. It’s very impressive to see a young woman go for what she wants with such passion.” Con applauded me and sat back in his dining chair.

“Wow, thanks.” I blushed and I knew I was caught. Mary slapped Con’s arm playfully. “Now, let’s stop. The poor dear is flushing the same color as the table cloth.” Mary chuckled. I took a sip of my red wine that was now setting in front of me. Tonight didn’t seem like such a bad idea after all.

We chit-chatted through dinner. We talked a little of my adolescence (but I left out the bad) and we talked of Colin’s childhood. Con spoke greatly of what he done for a living and Mary told me about the many craft shows she would visit during the warmer months in Ireland. I told her I loved to DIY whenever I had the time and she promised to bring me along to a craft show whenever I came to Ireland.

I felt relaxed and comfortable around Mary and Con more than I thought I would be. Conversation flowed smoothly and there were never any awkward silences. I felt like I had known them all my life. Which to me, seemed like a sign to me – a good one. His parents liked me – we weren’t doomed as a couple.

We were finishing dessert when Mary cleared her throat. "Lacie," She started softly and my heart dropped. I knew where she was going. Colin must have known, too, because he tensed beside me. "How are you doing since, well, you know?" Mary asked carefully. "Mom," Colin huffed. "Mary," Con said, reprimanding his wife.

I looked at Mary. Her blue eyes, the same color as Colin's, watered. "No, it's okay." I said softly and put my spoon down. She looked at me like she was my own mother, hurting for both of us. She was full of compassion and it brimmed in her eyes. How could my own mother never have looked at me like that? How could she have left me the way she did?

"I'm okay." I smiled. "It just wasn't the right time. Lord knows that's true." I shrugged forcing a smile. "Colin? Mary asked, a lump in her throat. "Mom, what is there to say?" Colin asked. "It can't be easy on you. Certainly not after-" Colin cut his mother off. "We're dealing." Colin said, his voice stern. "How did your parents take the news, hon? I know it ripped my heart out.” Mary frowned.

“I'm sorry, truly I am. And I don't speak to my parents, so," I shrugged. "May I ask why? We've always been such a close family. I couldn't imagine not speaking to my boys on a daily basis." Mary smiled.

"Some people are meant to be parents and some not so much. Mine fall into the latter category. It's not their fault, I don't guess. They just were stuck in a shitty situation, I guess." I shrugged. I wasn't going to go into detail. I wasn't going to paint a horrible picture of my parents. They'd eventually have to answer to their actions. "I'm so sorry to hear that." Mary frowned. "Ah, don't be. I've done just fine. And my best friend’s parents raised me so I had some parenting." I chuckled.

“That’s wonderful, dear.” Mary smiled and our table was cleared away and I was stuffed to the max. I took a deep breath and relaxed back into my chair. “So, what’s the plans for your birthday, Col?” Con asked. “I’m not exactly sure. Josh and Ginnifer have something planned.” Colin smiled and grabbed my hand, resting it on top of my thigh. “How is their little Ollie?” Mary asked. “He’s growing.” Colin smiled and there was something I caught in his gaze. Was it regret? Jealousy? It had something to do with losing the one son he thought was his from his marriage – that I could be sure of. I wasn’t going to bring up the issue. If Colin needed to talk of it, he knew he could come to me. I wasn’t going to start prying around in his head if he didn’t want me there.

“Son, I hate to bring this up but…” Con trailed off so he could finish the contents of his whiskey glass. “But you’re going to…” Colin matched his father’s tone. “What’s the word on the divorce? I know it has to make things difficult with trying to carry on a new relationship.” Con said with a half-raised eyebrow.

Colin and I exchanged a glance. It actually never came up. We didn’t really talk of it. I definitely didn’t think of it. She was soon to be history so I didn’t think it mattered much.

“Well next time I’m in Ireland it’ll be over with.” Colin shrugged. “That easily?” Mary asked. “At this point, I could have her paying me alimony.” Colin scoffed. Mary tsked and Colin let out a deep breath. “But I’m not going to be that way. I just want to be free of her.” Colin shrugged. “I’d never thought that of her, Colin. I’m so sorry, son.” Mary said with a shake of her head. Colin shrugged beside me. “I’m who I’m supposed to be with. It took her a little while but she’s here.” Colin chuckled while gazing down at me. “Not my fault,” I started, putting my hands up in defense. “I was, like, I don’t know, ten years old when you were getting married.” I said and I scrunched my nose in disgust.

“Jesus. How old are you, Lacie?” Con asked, a hint of concern lacing his voice. I laughed. “I’m twenty-six so I wasn’t quite[i/] ten years old when he got married.” I laughed. “Pretty close it might as well been.” Con chuckled. “There’s quite a little age gap between the two of you.” Mary said, her perfectly arched eyebrow climbed her forehead. “It’s fine.” Colin shook his head. “I don’t mind.” I said. “I don’t even think about it.” I said and Colin smiled at me. “I’m not interested in his age.” I added.

“Yes, dear, but sometimes age gaps can get in the way.” Mary said. “Mom, don’t. We’re fine. We’ll be fine.” Colin smiled, trying to change the subject. “Check, please.” Con said as he caught the waiter that walked by. “Certainly.” He smiled and scampered off quickly.

When the bill arrived, Con started to pull out his wallet but Colin stopped him. “Let me get it, dad.” Colin said and started to dig out his wallet. “Christ. It’s your birthday. I’m going to pay for dinner.” Con said and pulled out his wallet anyway. “I insist.” Colin said and pulled out his wallet. They looked at each other and I had to say something before I witnessed them go gladiator on who was paying the ridiculously high dinner bill.

“How about I pay?” I said and pulled my purse up onto my lap and began to dig through the contents. “No.” All three said and I dropped my wallet back down into my purse. “I’m going to pay the bill and that’s the end of it.” Con said and immediately Colin put his wallet away. As soon as Con sounded like a stern father, Colin respected his decision. I wanted to chuckle but I didn’t. I cleared my throat and sipped the spit left in my wine glass.

***

“It was lovely meeting you. I look forward to seeing you more often.” Mary winked as she pulled me into a quick embrace once we stood outside the restaurant preparing to go our separate ways. “You’re sure you don’t want to come back to my place?” Colin asked as he slinked his arm around my waist. “It’s getting late.” Mary said. Colin glanced at his watch. “It’s only eight o’clock.” He scoffed. “I do hate the hotel.” Mary said as she looked up at her husband.

“I know you do. I know.” Con rolled his eyes. He must have heard a lot about her hating the hotel they were staying out. “Check out. You can stay at my place. It’ll be fine.” Colin smiled. Colin had told me that his parents did usually stay with him during trips but with what happened, his father found it best to stay at a hotel. I hated that they were staying elsewhere because of me. I’d gladly leave so they could stay at Colin’s.

“Are you sure, Col? You know I hate hotels.” Mary smiled. “Absolutely. “ Colin smiled. “Okay, great. We’ll go check out and then we’ll be over. I’d say probably an hour or so.” Con said as he ushered his wife towards their rented car.

Colin ushered me to his car and opened the door to let me in before joining me on the other side. “You can take me back to my place now, Colin.” I said. “Why? Because my parents are staying? I’ll tell them to forget it-“ Colin spoke quickly but I cut him off. “No, no. It has nothing to do with that. I just think maybe I should. You and your parents certainly need some time alone as a family together, don’t you think?” I asked. It wasn’t that I really wanted to go back to my place. I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t becoming a stage five clinger. I didn’t want to be the clingy, needy girlfriend.

“Lacie, baby, it’s fine. I want you there. Please?” Colin asked as he looked down at me, his blue eyes glowing underneath the shine of the moon and stars. I nodded and he pressed his lips to mine, a fire igniting within me.

I was the first to pull away.

“You can’t kiss me like that.” I said and pushed my hand through my hair, blowing out a breath. “I would say I’m sorry but I’m not.” Colin laughed before he traced my jaw with his pointer finger before giving me a quick tap on my chin. He started the car and waited until I clicked on my seatbelt before he pulled out onto the road.

***

Once we got back to Colin’s and his parents arrived with their things, we didn’t stay up much longer as I started to feel tired and Colin needed to be on set early tomorrow morning.

“Okay, we’re heading to bed. I’ll see you in the morning.” Colin said as we both stood up from the kitchen table. “You’re both going to bed?” Mary asked. “I’m tired.” I yawned, completely missing what she meant by her question. “Mom,” Colin huffed. “Colin, you know me.” Mary said. “Too well.” Colin shrugged. “What?” I asked. “Mom is witnessing us leaving to sleep in the same bed. She likes to think she’s more of an open-minded Catholic these days but I think she’s still traditional.” Colin chuckled, his father laughing along.

“Oh,” I giggled, embarrassed. “We’re not going to, you know, do anything.” I said bashfully and then I shook my head. “Oh God.” I said and put my face in my hands. “C’mon,” Colin chuckled and grabbed my hand. “Goodnight, you two. See you in the morning.” Con chuckled and kissed his wife’s forehead.

“Well that was embarrassing.” I mumbled as Colin and I climbed the stairs. Colin laughed and squeezed me against him. “Ah, don’t worry about it.” Colin smiled.

We changed for bed and then climbed under the covers. I melded my body to his and quickly fell to sleep. Tonight had went well with meeting his parents. It made me happy inside. And it made me feel accepted - something I had never felt with my own parents.