Music and Passion

Tonight has been deemed a special night. We are two hours away from my band`s home town and in three days we`ll already be a month into this tour. Time sure does fly. And as an early celebration we`re all staying at a nice hotel with a big pool that the owner was kind enough to leave open special for us for when we got back from our show.

To tell you the truth, I have my suspicion that we`re only celebrating early to keep my mind off James not coming tonight. And while I appreciate it very much if that`s indeed what they are doing, I just wish they wouldn`t go to all the trouble. I`m hardly worth it. None the less my boyfriend has decided not to come tonight and because of that I won`t be seeing him until the end of the tour in a few months. His fault and his loss.

"You alright in there, Sam?"

I winced at Randy`s voice and quickly flushed the toilet and wiped my mouth before standing up. After rinsing my mouth out I finally walked out of the bathroom. Iv`e been throwing up on and off since three this morning. Hopefully it`ll stop long enough for me to perform our set and swim later.

"I`m fine," I murmured when I saw Randy`s worried face as soon as I opened the door. "These things happen."

"Not for much longer I hope," Jeff commented.

"Yeah, me too," I chuckled as I walked over to one of the mirrors in our dressing room and reapplied my lipstick. As I was doing this Kyo walked into the room. "Lesson time?"

He nodded, "We have enough time for a short one."

For the next twenty minutes I practiced my Japanese and Kyo taught me three new words. By the time we were done it was already time to go on stage. Six songs later we were done and it was Buck-Tick`s turn. As usual I stayed side stage to watch them play. This time Jeff stayed with me after getting water for himself and mint tea for me, courtesy of Die of course. After eight songs their set was over and Dir En Grey took stage. Once again I stayed to watch but Nikki joined me this time. Ten songs later the show was over and on my way back to the dressing room all hell broke loose.

"Sam! Baby!"

No fucking way. I spun around to see the last person I expected to see: James. He was grinning and holding a backstage pass. How...? What the hell?

"Looks like the pass still works," He laughed when he reached me.

"What...what are you doing here?" I breathed.

"What`s wrong, Baby?" James questioned. "I thought you wanted me here."

"I did. I do," I quickly corrected. "But you said you weren`t coming so I wasn`t expecting you."

He nodded, "I see. Well, I got to thinking and I figured I shouldn`t let this pass to go waste. And besides, you were right. I do go see my parent`s an awful lot and I hardly get to see you."

"That`s," I paused to shake my head as a frown made it`s way across my lips, "That`s very unlike you." It`s usually a fight to get him to admit that I`m right.

"Yeah, well that picture helped too," James chuckled.

"Picture?" I questioned. "What picture?" I haven`t sent him anything but small talk messages since he told me he wasn`t coming, let alone a picture.

"The one Keith sent me," He explained while pulling out his phone. Seconds later he was pointing the screen at me. "This picture." Sure enough, there was a picture displayed on the screen. It showed the back of one of the vans we use to get to and from interviews yesterday. Half curled up in the seat was Kyo and myself. I had my head on his shoulder and his head was rested on top of my own and we were both asleep.

"This was taken yesterday," I whispered.

"I thought you only slept with Nikki," James said as he slipped the phone back into his pocket, his tone nothing but accusing.

"He sleep`s holding me so I can sleep! You`re trying to make something innocent dirty," I hissed. "Same goes for that picture with Kyo."

"Kyo? That freak lead singer of the band you`re touring with?" He interrupted.

"He is not a freak! He`s my friend," I defended. "And I fell asleep on him once on the ride back to the venue after doing interviews since six in the morning."

James scoffed and shook his head. "I knew I shouldn`t of let you come on this tour. I should of made you stay home where you belong. You know what? I bet that b-"

"Don`t you dare!" I exclaimed in an attempt to cut him off. I wasn`t about to let him shout that out for everyone to hear.

"That`s enough," Nikki said as he walked over to us. "This is a conversation best held in private."

I shook my head, "No. This conversation is over." I turned my attention back to a seething James. "I think it`s best you leave now. We need to vacate the venue and head to the hotel for the night."

"Hotel?" James laughed. "Who are you shaking up with tonight?"

"Stop!" I yelled. "Just stop. You need to go. We`ll talk when I get back home." I turned to look at Nikki. "Please get me out of here."

He nodded and carefully picked me up and carried me out of the venue and straight to the bus, both of us ignoring all the worried looks and questions we received. Nikki was creating a bubble for me to find comfort in and I didn`t want to leave it for a second. Not even on the way to the hotel when my own band wanted to know what happened. Instead I let the man still cradling me explain. Even when we got to the hotel Nikki carried me inside and straight to my room while the rest of our band was left to try and explain what happened to the others. It wasn`t until Yutaka wormed his way into my room did I finally leave my bubble. Somehow he was able to talk me into going swimming. To be completely honest I don`t think I even heard half of what he said. I was too busy playing the conversation I had with James over and over again in my head. But I do remember the words "you`ll feel better" before my swim suit was thrown in my face by Nikki.

And that brings me to where I am now. In my swim suit staring at myself in the floor length mirror in my bathroom. The black and red two piece still fits perfectly despite the little-

"Sam? Oh my..."

I looked away from the mirror to the door to see Yutaka standing in the bathroom doorway. Staring. "What is it?"

"Beautiful," He breathed with a grin.

I scoffed. "Me or the tattoos?"

He chuckled as he replied, "Both."

"Good answer," I teased.

"I think my singer is going to have a heart attack," Yutaka snickered as he moved closer to inspect my tattooed back and sides.

On my left, just under my breast, was a black and white lotus. On my right the Egyptian goddess Isis going down my side. I learned about Egyptian gods in history class in high school and fell in love with her. And on my back were four koi fish intertwined with cherry blossoms and almost transparent water. The koi represent my parents and my grandparents.

"When did you get these?" He asked.

"My sides were done two years ago and my back was done last year," I answered as I grabbed my cardigan and slipped it on. I grabbed a towel and looked back at him, "Ready to go swimming?"

Yutaka grinned at me and nodded, "Lets go."

We left my room and rode an elevator down to the pool. On the way there I started to get nervous. Would they ask questions? Did anyone hear the fight? If they did would I get sympathetic looks and pity?

"Sam?" Yutaka asked as we exited the elevator.

"What is it?"

"Everything will be fine. Jeff explained that you had a fight with your boyfriend and nothing needs to be said about it. No one will bother you."

I blinked a few times and just stood there. How did he know? I was beyond nervous and yet....? I let out a sigh and ran a hand through my hair, "Thank you, Yutaka." Though he didn`t appear to of heard me I still needed to say it. He kind of put my mind at ease when I needed it and I was thankful for it.

When we arrived at the pool my band playfully whistled and it made me laugh. But when I took off my cardigan I was surprised when the room erupted in whistles and hollers from the other two bands. Even Shinya whistled at me. It was actually nice to hear. James never did anything like that and my band only does it playfully. Iv`e never had it done with meaning. And by the look on Atsushi, Kyo, and Toshiya`s face`s it was definitely genuine.