Music and Passion

"What do your tattoos mean?" Hidehiko asked as he looked at my back.

We`ve all been at the pool for about an hour and by now most of us are lounging around it. Of course Die suggested we play twenty questions and after quite a bit of encouragement from Imai we started playing. Which brings me to where we are now.

"My back has the most meaning," I answered. "Each koi represents a family member. My parents died when I was ten so my grandparents raised me. When they died last year I got my back done for the four of them."

"I`m sorry," Hidehiko murmured in Japanese.

I shrugged and yawned. "You didn`t know. Only my band did. I just hadn`t felt the need to share that information yet."

"I hardly remember my parents even though I lost them when I was thirteen," Nikki confessed. "I bounced from five foster families before I ended up in Sam`s town."

"Did you ever have a permanent family?" Toshiya asked gently.

Nikki laughed. "Not really. No one wanted the weird kid."

"I did," I grinned. "And so did my grandparents."

"Family isn`t always blood," Nikki said with a grin.

"No it isn`t," Atsushi agreed. "Just a lot of musicians."

I chuckled at his words but quickly found myself frowning as thoughts began running through my mind. It`s true that we`ve all become like family in less than a month. But would they all still want me after they find out? Would they be mad I didn`t tell them sooner?

"What about you, Randy?" Die asked as he got out of the pool. "What was your life like?"

"I lived with my godparents in the same town my whole life," Randy replied. "Mom died from complications giving birth to me and dad ran off after she died. But, all things considered, I have had a pretty good life so far. Jeff`s the one that has it good though."

Jeff chuckled and shrugged, "My parents have money and my life hasn`t been a sob story. I`m good."

"I moved around a lot," Keith interrupted. "My parents like to travel."

"You`re quite the bunch," Toll chuckled.

"And we make up one dysfunctional family," Jeff said with a grin.

"And it`s getting bigger," Keith said with a laugh.

"Hey, Sam? What`s your favorite flower?" Toshiya suddenly asked.

"We`ll that`s a change of subject," I snickered. "And I like roses. Red ones."

"Is that because you think they look like they`re bleeding?" Randy inquired.

"Oh shut up," I laughed while throwing a towel at him.

After that the questions stayed silly and conversation remained light hearted. We stayed down at the pool until one a.m. and left for our rooms. Around ten I got up and had breakfast with Toll and Imai. After throwing up of course. When breakfast was over we left for the buses and were on the road till two. By then all of us were getting hungry and we ordered pizza at the venue. That actually ended up being highly entertaining. Randy and Keith decided to wrestle for the last piece of pizza and it wasn`t until they were halfway through their little match did they realize Die ate it for them. After that we started rehearsal and had a couple radio interviews afterward.

"I can`t believe that dude had the nerve to ask about our relationship status," Randy grumbled as we walked into the venue.

"Some people like knowing that stuff. Especially our female fans," I teased.

"Female?" Keith scoffed. "Please. Have you seen how many men bow at your feet?"

I blushed and shook my head, "Now you`re exaggerating."

"No he`s not," Shinya said as he passed us.

"There are plenty of men who would bow to you. Women too," Toshiya told us with a grin as he followed Shinya.

"I would happily bow before you my queen," Die exclaimed while attempting to bow, only to get dragged away by a scowling Kaoru.

I shook my head while walking into my band`s dressing room. "We have made such weird friends."

"Tell me about it," Keith sighed.

"You`re one to talk. You started it," Randy exclaimed.

"Oh shut up!"

I snickered and started looking through my clothes while they bickered. Those two have been bickering a lot lately. And it`s always about the silliest things. They must be feeling stress from the tour or something. Thankfully Jeff got them to stop and shut up after an hour. Not too long after that Kyo came in and we had our little language session. That went on for two hours and then he left ten minutes before we had to go on stage.

"Sam! You`re phones ringing!" Jeff called as he exited our dressing room and headed for the stage.

"Shit!" I cursed and rushed to grab my phone. "Hello?"

"Sam, baby," James said. "How are you?"

I winced, "This is a bad time. I`m about to go on stage. Can I call you back?"

"Oh," He mumbled. "Yeah, I guess. Call me when your done."

"I`m sorry," I apologized before hanging up and running out of the room and to the stage.

We played six songs and I had a blast. The crowd was amazing and there were even a few times I heard people singing with me. It was just...wow. An indescribable feeling. I guess people are finally taking notice of Before Dawn. After our set I did my usual thing of sitting side stage and watch the other two bands play. I was so caught up in them I almost forgot to call James back. But when I did I didn`t realize there would be hell to pay until it was too late.

"Hey. Sorry it took me so long to call you back. I got caught up watching the other`s play," I apologized into the phone.

"It`s fine," James dismissed. "I`m just glad you got back to me."

"So, what did you want to talk about?"

"It`s about the tour."

"Oh not this again."

"Just here me out."

I huffed and plopped down on the little couch in our dressing room. "Alright. What is it this time?"

He chuckled, "Now, Iv`e been doing some thinking. And I know this music stuff is important to you but have you thought about what`s going to happen after you come home and have the baby? Do you honestly think you can keep doing all this afterwards?"

"I don`t see why not," I muttered. "We can get started on recording an album for a while while I raise the baby."

"You honestly want to go back on tour and keep doing this?" James asked in disbelief.

"Of course!" I exclaimed. "It probably won`t be for another year but I want to."

"And what about the baby? Are you going to just pawn it off on me?"

"Stop calling the baby an it. I thought we discussed this."

He scoffed, "And I thought we discussed this. We agreed on you stopping this music nonsense after you gave birth."

"No. That`s what you decided," I hissed. "I agreed to nothing."

"Sam! No stress!"

I looked up when I heard Jeff`s scolding to see him frowning at me a few feet away. I nodded to let him know I heard him and went back to the conversation with my boyfriend. "Can we talk about this when I get home? The doctor said no stress, remember?"

"No we can`t," James growled. "I won`t be here when you get back. I`m done. I don`t want any more to do with your mess of a life or the sniveling brat you`re carrying. Goodbye!"

I don`t know how long I sat there in stunned silence. But at some point my phone slipped from my grasp and tears started running down my cheeks. I only noticed them when Nikki started wiping them away. It was then that I came back to reality.

"Sam? What`s going on?" Nikki asked gently.

"He broke up with me," I whimpered. "He doesn`t want the baby."

"B-Baby?"

"Sam, what`s going on?"

I gulped the second I saw Kaoru standing in the doorway with Shinya at his side. Shit. Now what?