Music and Passion

My day has been nothing short of a disaster. And it all started last night as soon as my stupid drummer opened his big fat mouth. I thought Shinya was going to hit him with a pillow. But then again, a pillow would of been too soft.

As expected, I had a huge fight with Jeff. And by huge I mean screaming and throwing whatever we could reach. And it ultimately proved to be too much for me. I began to get dizzy fairly quickly and had to sit down. It was then Nikki and Shinya took the opportunity to throw Jeff out of the room and watch over me for the rest of the night. Needless to say, the three of us didn`t get much sleep.

After we repacked all our stuff in the morning we went down to the front of the hotel to wait on our buses to pull up. As soon as Atsushi seen me he walked right over and stood in front of me, effectively blocking me from Jeff`s gaze. It wasn`t a hard feat either. I was a good foot or so shorter than him so I was easily hidden, growing belly and all. When I asked what he was doing he simply said Shinya. It didn`t take long for my sleep addled mind to figure out that Shinya was trying protecting me again. And he was using another one of my apparent protectors to do it. Not that I really minded. Truthfully I didn`t want to deal with Jeff anyway.

It didn`t really surprise me when Atsushi pulled me onto his bus. Nor did it surprise me when Yutaka pulled me into a hug before I could even sit down. Though the reaction I got from the other three did surprise me a bit. As soon as Imai saw me he was scrambling off the couch and over to me. He pulled me into a hug, kissed my forehead and held onto my hand until Hidehiko was all but pulling him out of the way. As soon as Imai moved I was pulled into another hug. Hidehiko gently cupped my cheek and stroked it with his thumb while looking me over. He muttered something about exhaustion being bad for me and being happy I was still alive. It appeared Shinya told him about my dizzy spell. As soon as he let me go I was enveloped in Toll`s arms. He kissed the top of my head before giving me a once over, nodding to himself. He also muttered something about me being okay.

"Are you feeling better today?" Atsushi asked.

I glanced back at him and nodded. "I`m okay. Just tired."

"You can sleep in one of our bunks," Yutaka suggested.

"Atsushi has the biggest one," Imai added.

I snickered and said, "Thanks, Imai. But um, would you really want to sleep in that bed?There`s no telling what he`s done in it." I received snickers and a pout from Atsushi.

"You can sleep in mine," Hidehiko offered.

"Now that I know would be safe," I mumbled. "But I don`t think I`ll be able to sleep right now. No matter how tired I am."

"Jeff still bothering you?" Toll asked.

I nodded, "A bit. We yelled some pretty mean things at each other."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Imai asked gently.

"No. It was just stupid stuff that neither of us meant."

"That normally happens during a fight," Atsushi sighed. "Those stupid words said in anger can destroy friendships."

"I don`t think it`ll go that far," I said. "We may not talk to each other for a few days but it`ll all work out in the end. It always does."

"Are you sure everything will be fine?" Atsushi asked.

"Yeah. It`ll just take a few days. Don`t worry about it."

"Alright, alright."

"Come on, Sam. Go take a nap," Hidehiko urged gently. "It`ll make you feel better."

I groaned over dramatically and pouted. "Fine. But I can`t guarantee I`ll sleep."

"As long as you try," He chuckled, gently rubbing my belly.

"Hide?"

"Hmmm?"

"Do you ever think Kyo will do that?" I asked.

"I don`t know, Sweetheart," Hidehiko murmured, gently cupping my cheek. "But I do know one thing, we all care about that little girl or boy growing inside your belly. And that child will be so loved they won`t know what to do with it all. And one way or another, Kyo will love them too. He`d be crazy not too. He may not love them the way you want but he will love them. The second he see`s that child all his worries are gonna disappear."

"But what if it doesn`t?" I asked. "What if the world I`m creating with all of you crashes down around me?"

"Then we`ll build you a new one," Yutaka interrupted.

I let out a watery laugh and wiped at my eyes. "Thank you. Dammit, I don`t even know why I`m crying."

Atsushi chuckled and said, "Hormones, sweetheart."

I shot him a look. "How would you know?"

Hidehiko laughed and gently grabbed my shoulders and started guiding me to the bunk area. "You need sleep."

"Alright," I muttered. "I`ll try if it makes you happy."

"It does."

Like I figured, I didn`t get much sleep. I mostly dozed on and off for a few hours. I finally got up at about one when we stopped to grab lunch. And once again Atsushi blocked me from Jeff`s view. But that didn`t stop him from trying to talk to me. Of course that ended up in a big argument that would of lead to a fight if it wasn`t for Kyo stepping in and growling threats at Jeff. And because my body decided to be overly hormonal today I ended up going back to the bus in tears and cried for longer than I care to admit.

You know, I don`t think Iv`e ever heard Atsushi threaten to kill anyone before. But he wouldn`t stop talking about it while I was crying. At one point I thought him and Imai were going to start planning my drummers murder.

After I finally stopped crying, Yutaka and Toll decided to make it their mission to cheer me up. Those two are devious when they want to be, I swear. But then again, most brothers probably are. They did end up accomplishing their goal though. At least for a short time.

It wasn`t until we made it to the venue and started rehearsal did things start to go wrong again. First Randy broke a string then Nikki spent more time than normal tuning his guitar, and Keith had to switch bass`. Thankfully he learned a long time ago to bring both of them with him on tour. Jeff busted his last pair of drumsticks and had to borrow some from Toll until we can get new ones on our day off. After that Randy`s amp started messing up. By then Jeff was so angry he decided to vent it by yelling. Again. And I started crying. Again.

Of course both Dir En Grey and Buck-Tick decided to watch our rehearsal. And as soon as I started crying they all turned their murderous glares on Jeff. I didn`t think Shinya or Yutaka could even look murderous but they certainly proved me wrong.

After we finally fixed our technical problems we finished rehearsal without any more problems. Something I was very thankful for. As soon as I stepped off stage I was pulled away to Buck-Tick`s dressing room while Dir En Grey rehearsed. And when they were done I was pulled into their dressing room while Buck-Tick rehearsed. It became clear to me very quickly that both bands planned on keeping me away from Jeff as much as possible. And I didn`t really mind either. But there was also a part of me that wanted to see him so we could talk things out. But maybe that was better served for another day when we had both calmed down.

Thankfully the concert went off without a hitch so there was no yelling when we stepped off stage. Another thing I was thankful for. I was getting tired of it. And I`m sure everyone else was too. You know, if the murderous glares were any indication. Even though they were probably more from Jeff making me cry then anything else.

I`m surprised I wasn`t immediately dragged to Buck-Tick`s dressing room as soon as I got off stage. This time they let me change and shower first. Then I was pulled away to their room. After they went on stage I talked with Nikki for a little bit while I waited for Dir En Grey to shower and change before I went to talk to Kyo. As mad as I was at Jeff, and no matter how much it pained me to admit he was right, he made a good point. What was going to happen between Kyo and myself when this tour ended?

"Kyo?" I called out, peaking into their dressing room just in time to see the man I was looking for pulling on a shirt. Oh that is lovely.

He looked up at me and snorted. "See something you like?"

I felt my face heat up. Why yes, yes I do. But was I going to tell him that? Absolutely not. "Can I talk to you?"

He looked confused but nodded. "Yeah."

"In private?"

His face twisted up into a look of worry. "Give me a second," he muttered. He pulled on his shoes and then walked up to me, grabbing my hand and leading me into a different part of the venue. After about fifteen minutes we finally stopped in a part of the building that didn`t look like it was in use. In fact he had to turn on a light switch so we could see. "Alright, what`s this about?"

"Last night," I mumbled.

Kyo winced and ran a hand through his hair, "Is this about the kiss?"

I felt myself start to blush again. "No, no. I liked the kiss. The kiss was good."

"Good. Was is it then?"

"What`s going to happen to us when this tour is over?"

Kyo`s head snapped up and a look of alarm crossed his features. "I don`t know. I uh, I never thought about it."

That`s what I was afraid of. "I didn`t either until Jeff said something last night."

He made a noise between a groan and a growl. "Did he corner you after our date just to tell you that?"

I frowned and tilted my head to the side. "Did Shinya not tell you what happened?"

"Not really," he grunted.

"Jeff was waiting in my room with Shinya and Nikki. While they were cheering us on he decided to burst my happy bubble."

"Dammit! Of course he was."

"Any idea what we`re gonna do?" I asked.

Kyo groaned and gripped at his hair for a second before brushing it back. "Fuck. I don`t know. I`ll try and think of something, okay? There`s no reason we can`t make this work." His gaze flickered to my belly and he took a deep breath, "We`ll figure something out."

I nodded and grabbed his hand, gripping it tighter than I intended to but he didn`t seem to mind. "Okay. Just promise not to break my heart too badly?"

His eyes softened. "I don`t think you`ll have to worry about that. I`m more in danger of it than you are."

"I don`t think I could ever do that to you," I whispered.

He smiled weakly and gave my hand a gentle squeeze. "That`s good to know, Sweetheart."