Music and Passion

I was beyond excited for tomorrow. I get to go to the doctor and find out if I`m having a boy or a girl. I still think it`s the latter. Hopefully we`ll get to find out this time. During each of my last three doctor visits we tried to see which it could be but the baby wouldn`t move into the right position to look. And each of those doctors speculated that it was a girl because, according to them, girls are always shyer. I`m not completely sold on that idea but we`ll see.

The boys are getting pretty excited as well. Though I think part of that has to do with their bet. They desperately want to know who won. Even if they are only getting candy out of it.

But that`s tomorrow. Tonight I am lounging on the Dir En Grey bus. My bunk has been bothering my back and as soon as Kaoru found out he insisted I start sleeping in their back room. Granted the bed was much bigger and definitely more comfortable, but I declined at first. I didn`t want to intrude. Everyone needs their alone time at some point, you know? But after talking to Nikki about it I finally accepted Kaoru`s offer. I just hope I`m able to sleep tonight. Although I have gotten better about sleeping by myself, turns out exhaustion from pregnancy can kick my insomina`s ass, I still have nights where I can`t sleep without Nikki.

A gentle knock pulled me from my thoughts.

"Come in," I called softly, trying to keep my voice down since everyone was supposed to be asleep.

The door slowly opened and Kyo walked inside. He looked frustrated. Very frustrated. And I`m guessing the paper he was clutching was the reason for it.

"Are you alright?" I asked.

"Having trouble with some lyrics," He admitted glumly.

I bit my lip and hesitantly asked, "Would you like some help?" I knew he would more than likely say no. Having someone mess with your lyrics is like having someone mess with your child. I would know.

"Maybe."

Oh. Well that`s surprising. I patted the bed and gave him a warm smile. "What would you like me to do?"

He slowly walked over to the bed and carefully sat next to me. "There are a few words I want to put into English but they don`t sound right."

I nodded. "Would you be comfortable with showing me?"

He snorted. "You won`t be able to read it."

"Oh," I muttered, feeling my face heat up.

"I`ll teach you kanji later," he snickered.

"I`m glad I amuse you."

"Mhmm. Are you gonna help or not?"

"Yeah, yeah," I grumbled.

We spent a good hour and a half translating words. Though we did veer off course a few times. But I still felt honored that Kyo shared his lyrics with me. Even if it was only a few words. I know how hard it can be to share your work with someone. Especially when it`s no where near done.

By two in the morning Kyo was furiously jotting down lyrics and I was leaning against his shoulder slowly dozing off. And he didn`t seem to mind all that much. Which was nice for me because for once I was comfortable. My back wasn`t bothering me and I didn`t feel cramped up in bed. Maybe sleeping in here was a good idea. Or perhaps it was the man next to me. Either way I was comfortable and I couldn`t find the will to move.

"Go to sleep," Kyo whispered, not bothering to look up from his lyrics.

"I don`t know if I can," I admitted quietly.

"Why is that?" He asked.

"Insomnia. Iv`e gotten better about sleeping without Nikki but the last few days Iv`e been having trouble sleeping," I murmured.

He nodded and hummed softly. "You should try. You`ve fallen asleep next to me twice."

"Third time`s the charm," I said with a yawn.

"God I hope not."

I snorted. "Did your mind go somewhere dirty?"

"Maybe."

"Kyo!"

"What?"

"How you think of something dirty so quickly is beyond me," I muttered.

"Get used to it," Kyo snickered.

"You`re gonna be one of those weird guys in bed, aren`t you?" I asked sarcastically.

He smirked at me. "You have no idea."

I groaned over dramatically. "Oh dear. How do I let you down easy?"

He snorted and said, "Go to bed." He then quickly kissed my cheek. "And the shit Iv`e done over the years should of given you a hint."

"I suppose it should of," I sighed dramatically.

In the end we teased each other for another hour before my body finally gave out and I fell asleep. I was awoken in the morning by a very surprised Shinya, who kept shooting Kyo odd little glances. It wasn`t until later did he tell me why. Apparently he was trying to not wake up his singer because he tends to be cranky in the morning. You have no idea how much I wanted to test that. And I more than likely will. Eventually.

Kaoru made pancakes and I ended up having breakfast in bed with Kyo, after he was finally woken up by the smell of good food. After breakfast I ended up staying in bed for a while. First with Kyo while he wrote down and edited lyrics and I read one of my baby books. Then after he climbed out of bed for the morning, Shinya climbed in and we discussed who would be coming with me for my doctors appointment. Unfortunately, due to our rehearsal schedule, Nikki would be the only one coming with me. It was going to feel weird then. Normally I have at least one person from each band with me. Or you know, half of Buck-Tick. So having only Nikki with me was definitely going to feel weird.

As soon as we reached the venue I met up with my band and left with Nikki in a little rental car. According to him everyone was pissed about the schedule not letting them go with me. Especially Hidehiko.

"He was pissed," Nikki said. "I thought Yutaka wasn`t happy when I seen him. All I had to do was take one look at Hide and I thought he was going to rip someones head off."

"I wonder why," I murmured.

"He`s protective of his little Sam."

I snorted. "Oh shut up."

He laughed. "No really. Your like his little cub or something. He`s very protective of you."

I rolled my eyes and said, "You`re exaggerating."

"Oh yeah? Fine. I`ll give you an example. When he found out you and Kyo were dating he pulled him aside and told him, in great detail I might add, how he was going to kill him and hide his body if he ever hurt you."

"He did what?!"

Nikki laughed and nodded. "Oh yeah. He`s protective of you, Sweetheart."

I groaned and shook my head. "I`m going to have to talk to him."

"No you won`t," he assured with a chuckle. "Kyo understood. And I think he was kind of amused by it."

"At least he didn`t take it to heart," I grumbled.

"Oh I never said that."

"Shut up."

Two hours later we exited the doctors office and drove back to the venue with great news. Not only was my baby healthy and thriving, I finally found out if it was a boy or a girl.

"It`s a girl!" I shrieked as soon as I walked into the venue.

Everyone froze and practically dropped what they were doing. Yutaka, Imai, and Hidehiko scrambled over to me. Yutaka almost tripping over a guitar in the process. In the end Hide got to me first and pulled me into a hug that turned out to be one of many filled with caresses and kisses to my belly. And a lot of talking to the baby.

In the end Atsushi was the last one to greet me. And for the first time I think I really saw the sorrow in his eyes.

"Congratulations," He whispered, pressing a kiss to my forehead.

"Thank you," I whispered back in Japanese. "Are you going to be okay?"

He nodded and gave a tight lipped smile. "I will be. These things take time." He kissed my forehead again before making his way over to Imai who put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Sam? Kyo is in our dressing room finishing some lyrics," Shinya spoke up. "I`m sure he`d like to hear the news."

I knew something felt off. "Thank you, Shinya." I quickly made my way to the back where our dressing rooms were located. He wasn`t too hard to find, curled up on the small couch with a notebook in his lap. "Kyo?"

He looked up and smiled a little. "Hey."

"It`s a girl."

"A girl? Your having a girl?"

I nodded with a grin. "A perfectly healthy baby girl."

Kyo slowly rose from the couch and walked up to me. "I guess mother`s do know."

I laughed. "I guess they do."

Lips pressed against my own in a soft but fleeting kiss. When we parted he grinned at me and I grinned back. His whole demeanor seemed to soften. Even his eyes took on a soft warm hue.

"I`m still not buy pink baby clothes."

I laughed. "God I hope not. This little girl is gonna be a rocker all the way."

"That she will, that she will.."