Wonderland

in wonderland

Her memories were beginning to consist of only flashing images, mixed up and focused on small details: pills, lights, booming music, heavy breathing, dilated pupils, Adam’s mouth on hers, hands on her bare skin.

She was living in never ending ecstasy.

She was living in a world she had never known existed until Adam had shown it to her, and now she never wanted to leave.

Her lips would seek his, muttering, “I love you, I love you, I love you” against his mouth, breath hot as he repeated the mantra, his hands clinging to her, pulling her closer till they were one.

This world was vibrant and full of love and warm. In this world, nothing could go wrong.

She woke with a start, Adam’s bedroom spinning into focus. She closed her eyes against the sudden light, lips pressed together tightly until it was all too much and she was rushing for the bathroom.

Hot bile rose in her throat and spilled, thankfully, into the toilet with a sickening splash. She fell backward, the tile floor cold against her hot skin. When her breathing had calmed she got up and rinsed her mouth.

Alice went back to the bedroom, crawling carefully into bed next to Adam, moving close and curling up at his side. He was cold. Her hand brushed over his bare chest and she leaned up to look down at him. His face was turned away from her.

She reached a tentative hand and turned his head towards her, his eyes closed. She stared down at him for a moment, the sick feeling quickly returning and overcoming her. She shook him gently at first, waiting for some sign of wakefulness.

“Adam?” She shook him again, harder. “Adam?”

She leaned down, pressing her ear against his chest. Nothing. She heard nothing, felt nothing. It was still and silent.

She let out a sob, turning her face and burying it in the crook of his neck. Her arms wrapped around him, and a desolate moan escaped her wishing that somehow he would just wake up and pull her close and tell her he loved her.

She needed him there to take her back to the world they shared, needed him to take her from this nightmare.

“Adam.” She sat up and shook him feebly, running a hand through his hair. “Don’t leave me here.”

And there on the bedside table were those damned pills. Alice looked down at Adam and her heart ached, fresh tears seeping from her eyes followed by another strangled sob.

She reached for the bottle and shook it. She could just leave, keep the pills to take her back, but that didn’t seem appealing. She would be on her own and that world would never bet the same.

She popped the top off the bottle and followed him down the rabbit hole instead.
♠ ♠ ♠
And in the end, in wonderland,
we both went mad...


The End