She Screams in Silence

Here Comes the Rain Again Falling From the Stars

It was one of those April afternoons, quiet and still, excepting the persistent drizzle pattering against the windows from the blanket of clouds laying across the Bay. The fog that dominated the mornings of San Francisco and rolled across the Berkeley Hills had burned off some hours ago, replaced with the gray clouds that would, within minutes, taper off and build up again. The random bursts of sunshine were few that particular afternoon, however, the constant showers taking precedence.

In one East Bay apartment, though, the rain lightly drumming against the glass windowpanes was being wholly ignored by the two current occupants.

Felicity grinned, watching Billie sleep, the result of some recent strenuous physical activity. The two of them had fallen into a regular pattern for the past three months, on weekends and the days Felicity didn’t have her singing lessons or classes at Vista (or any other engagement she could not escape from), she would take the first opportunity to be over at his apartment. Occasionally, she would watch the band practice or see one of their shows, spend time with the guys and Cat, but for the most part, she and Billie occupied a great deal of time in his room with the door locked. Unless completely certain she wouldn’t be missed, Felicity rarely stayed the night, not caring to draw any more attention from her parents as to where she was going. As for the weekday afternoons she went to Billie’s, she had told them she had joined the Prom Committee and they were aggressively working all hours to make it the most memorable and fantastic Prom ever held. It was a thin ruse, but even if they didn’t buy it, they said nothing. Even when Felicity made less of an effort to conceal her comings and goings, they remained strangely silent. While she found it peculiar, she certainly wasn’t going to question a nice little miracle. Perhaps they had lightened up a little, after all.

That specific afternoon fell on a Friday, and as had become typical, Felicity had come over straight after her last class. At the bell, she raced over to the apartment, though her pace had dropped to a walk as she neared the building. She grinned at the sight of a particular young man lounging on the stoop, his eyes closed as he brought his head back, basking in a brief appearance of sunshine. Hearing her footsteps, he turned to her, giving her a smile. “Fancy seeing you around here.”

“Hm. What are the odds?” she smiled back, sinking down next to him. “And what are you doing out here without a jacket?” she plucked at his t-shirt. “It’s freezing. And it’ll be raining again shortly,” she finished as the sun began to duck behind scudding gray clouds.

“Waiting for you, Mom,” he answered sarcastically.

She cuffed his arm. “Nice hair,” she laughed, reaching out a hand to pat the tousled mess of dark hair.

“Hey!” Billie exclaimed, pulling away. “Sorry I didn’t doll up for your arrival.”

“Did you just wake up or what?”

“No! Jesus, I’ve been up since fucking five in the morning!”

“...Why?”

“Damn insomnia kept me up till two. Then I went in and pulled this crazy early graveyard shift at the restaurant, God knows why. Then I get in the door a little after eleven and Mike’s standing there holding my guitar going, ‘Dude, let’s practice right now!’ We do that for a couple hours, I think I can finally crash, but just as Mike’s heading out the door, Tre has to go freak out the cat. So Fatty flipped out and bolted. I go chase after him only to find him halfway down the block up a tree. So I go climb a fucking tree, which, by the way, I haven’t done in about ten years since Mike and I had a treehouse and a bunch of stolen Playboy magazines. So I sit up a tree for an hour, chain-smoking and going ‘here, kitty-kitty,’ until I could get Fatty down.”

Felicity raised her brows. “Ouch. You want me to go so you can get some sleep?”

“What? No. I’m up now. I just got out of the shower––which is why my hair is more of a mess than usual. It’s still kind of wet.”

“So that’s why you smell so nice,” Felicity scooted in next to him, leaning against him and inhaling the fresh scent of soap.

“Are you trying to say I usually stink?” he cried, though smiled as he was saying it, wrapping his arm around her. She huddled against him, wincing as a stray raindrop suddenly hit her face. “You cold?” he asked.

“No, just getting rained on.”

“Oh. Crap, you’re right, it is raining again. I swear it was sunny two seconds ago,” Billie held up a hand to shield his face from the plopping raindrops and scowling. “Come on, let’s go inside.”

They rose from their spot on the steps and walked into the building’s vestibule. Billie paused at the row of mailboxes, digging his keys out of his pocket and opening his box. There was a small stack of letters in it, and he drew them out, shuffling through them absently.

“Anything interesting?”

“Not unless you find a PG&E bill to be orgasmic, no,” Billie shook his head. He raised his eyebrows as he flipped to a glossy magazine, “Apparently Tre has a subscription to Glamour. I really worry about him sometimes.”

“It’s really cold in here,” Felicity remarked, holding her arms and shivering slightly.

“Yeah, the super blasts the AC––he’s on methadone and he sort of sweats profusely. It isn’t pretty.”

“Your super is on drugs?”

“He’s on methadone to get off heroin. Take your pick for which is worse.” Seeing her somewhat horrified expression, he came over and put his arm around her, grinning wickedly, “But hey, I can warm you up in no time.”

“You’re sick, you know that?” she grinned.

“Hey,” he looked at her mock-innocently, “I meant that I’d make you a cup of hot chocolate or coffee or something. What were you thinking I was talking about? Really, Felicity, your mind is just in the gutter.”

“I’m going to smack you.”

“Dirty mind and kinky. Awesome.”

When he only continued to smirk at her, she raised an eyebrow and remarked, “If you wish to take all day about it, be my guest, but I think you’ll be a little sad if Mike and Tre come home and we’re still standing here.” She hesitated. “If you...um...catch my drift.”

Though their relations had been of a rather intimate nature for several months now, Felicity’s direct hint still made Billie stop dead in his tracks, coughing. Staring at her and shaking his head, he remarked, “You are seriously the most awesome girlfriend ever. In this history of time.” Taking her hand, he started up the stairs in what could only be described as a very determined sprint. Though his preoccupation had him awkwardly banging into things, by the time they reached his bedroom, Billie had succeeded in tugging off most of their clothing, the remainder of it gone by the time they hit the mattress.

An hour later, the rain pattering against the panes, their energies for one another had been temporarily exhausted.

Felicity had carted her backpack to Billie’s, fairly hulking with the amount of textbooks it contained. Billie having practically passed out for the time being, she spread out her homework on his bed, trying to get as much done as possible so she would have less work over the weekend. But after awhile, she had taken a momentary break, smiling at the sight of Billie out cold, the blanket draped over his mid-section, his chest and shoulders bare, and his black hair sticking out at odd angles. She herself was clad in little more than one of his shirts, a button-up affair, the tails of which draped halfway down her thighs.

“I know I’m gorgeous, but could you maybe not stare?” he asked her without opening his eyes, a trace of amusement in his voice. Perhaps he wasn’t so dead asleep as he had appeared.

She only rolled her eyes, turning back to her homework, muttering something that sounded like, “Full of it.”

He opened his eyes and grinned at her, “You’re the one who can’t stop looking at my overwhelming manly beauty. I’m beyond sexy. Admit it.”

“Were you dropped on your head as child?” she asked, though still flushing slightly, as she had, in fact, been more than happy to sit there blissfully staring at him like an idiot. “And I’m surprised you’re awake. You seemed pretty unconscious there for a bit.”

“You must have worn me out,” he grinned.

Felicity smiled down at her AP Government textbook, “Well, you know me. I tend to do that to people.”

“‘People’? Are you implying you are wearing out someone who isn’t me?”

“No, you insecure child. I was being facetious.”

“So, what are we doing here?” Billie changed the subject, looking around at the pile of open books spread across the foot of his bed.

“Very fun things,” she deadpanned, highlighting a line on a mimeographed page.

Holding the blanket around his hips as makeshift attire, Billie leaned over to the book nearest to him, a scientific calculator and sheet of binder paper laying on it with half-completed problems. He raised his eyebrows, “Wow.”

“Logarithms,” Felicity murmured, gesturing towards it. “My Calculus class.” She nodded to the next set of homework over, a French dictionary and a partially written essay, “French paper comparing culture of Parisians and Quebecois. Mostly to show I know the vocab and can conjugate in the imparfait tense.” She lifted the page she was highlighting, “Studying for a quiz tomorrow on one of the Federalist papers.”

“Your homework scares me.”

She gave a faint smile, “It’s not so bad, really. There’s just a lot of it.”

“That’s because you’re my smart cookie.”

“Darling nickname there.”

“Aw, come on, you know you’re brilliant,” Billie grinned, flopping back and looking up at the ceiling.

“Hardly.”

He quirked an eyebrow at her, “Sure you are. You’re a hell of a lot smarter than I am.”

“You stop that,” she swatted his arm. “I think you’re very intelligent. Don’t sell yourself so short.”

“Felicity, I dropped out of school. Trust me, I’m not giving Einstein a run for his money.”

“That doesn’t make you an idiot,” she frowned. “If you didn’t do well, I assume it was because you didn’t try and not that you were too stupid to get it. Not to go school counselor on you here with my, ‘Just apply yourself, Billie, and you’ll be president!’”

“You really think I’m smart?” he asked.

She nodded, “I do. That, and if you were a moron, you wouldn’t be very stimulating conversation, and,” she sighed dramatically, “I would have tired of you by now.”

“We can’t have that,” he grinned maliciously, sitting up and wrapping his arms around her waist, pulling her back against him and pulling her hair away to attack her neck with his lips. “If you got bored with me, I’d have no fuck buddy.”

“Ugh, sick!” she tried to keep herself from laughing and unsuccessfully to pull away from his grasp. “You’re such a pervert sometimes.”

“You know it,” he smirked, continuing to trail his lips across her neck, biting it slightly.

“Hey, Dracula,” she smacked his knee, “enough! Not that the hickeys you keep giving me aren’t immensely attractive, but somehow I don’t think that would go over well at my parents’ cocktail party tonight.”

“You know you love it,” he replied, not remotely bothered or showing any intention of stopping.

“And speaking of that little soiree,” she glanced at the clock on his nightstand and decided not to admit he had a very valid point, “I should really get back home. Drive me?”

“No!” Billie exclaimed, his hands already starting to slide under her shirt.

“No, you won’t drive me? Must I take the bus?”

“No, as in ‘no, don’t go.’ We were about to have fun.”

She smiled, “We already had ‘fun’ earlier. Twice. I have no time for more ‘fun.’”

“It can be quick fun.”

“I thought I ‘wore you out’!”

“I have amazing stamina.”

Shrugging, Felicity placed her mimeographed page in her textbook and snapped it shut. “If you insist.”

“Seriously? You mean it?” Billie’s face lit up like a child who had just been offered free reign in a toy store.

“Well, if I didn’t mean it, I wouldn’t have––” she stopped, watching as Billie leapt off the bed, leaning over it and sweeping all her books and papers off of it with a loud crash as they hit the floor, pages flying, and textbooks splayed out.

“My homework!” she exclaimed, but quickly forgot it as, with a wicked grin, Billie reached over and grasped her legs right under her knees, pulling them out from under her and flopping her on her back against the mattress. She gave a yelp as she went backwards, but was cut off as Billie’s lips met hers, his hands pulling up her shirt.

She smiled when he pulled away for a moment, “You get right to it, don’t you?”

“You said quick fun. This is quick fun,” he shrugged.

“Right. Works for me.”

Some time later, any need for speed going wholly ignored, they lay in bed, drowsily staring up at the ceiling, Felicity’s head resting on Billie’s arm.

“I’m going to practically have a perm here when you’re done,” she smiled at how he was absently winding her hair around his index.

“What? Sorry.”

“No, I didn’t mean you had to stop, I was just saying. Look, I’ll do it, too,” she answered, reaching up and twirling his hair around her finger.

“The fact that you can do that suggests I might need to get a haircut,” Billie raised his eyebrows.

“No, that’s no fun. Then it won’t stick up all over the place when you sleep on it.”

“It sticks up all over the place anyway,” he remarked. “Though now it’s starting to flop over.”

“But it’s sexy flopping.”

He blinked, “...What?”

Felicity frowned, “Yeah, I have no idea.”

He grinned, but then his smile faded as he turned on his side to face her, his expression considerably more serious. “You know we’re going on tour in a couple weeks, right? For the summer––just these next few months.”

“Yeah, I know,” she nodded. She smiled up at him, “And I’ll miss you.”

“But...you’re okay with that? Me going away for a bit, that is.”

Felicity rolled her eyes, “No, I demand you be at my side twenty-four hours a day and have absolutely no life that isn’t remotely connected with me.” She whacked his arm, “Of course I’m okay with it. I mean, I’m sad you’re going, but it’s what you’ve been waiting for! I’m not going to keep you from that! Not to mention the fact that you’re coming back. It isn’t like you’re going to drop off the face of the earth.”

“I’m sorry I won’t be here to see you graduate.”

“It’ll be boring as hell anyway.”

“I still wish you could come with me.”

“That’s very sweet, but there’s not much room for me unless I fancy sleeping on Tre’s drum set––which I don’t think he’d appreciate.”

“We’d make room.”

“Well, more importantly, I’ve got school. And you’re not going to be gone that long anyway.”

“Well, if you want to be logical about it,” he pretended to huff.

She rolled her eyes, turning to glance at the clock on his nightstand. “Oh, shit. Now I really do need to get home.” Keeping a firm hold of the blanket, she sat up, glancing around, “Excepting my underwear, exactly where are the rest of my clothes?”

“Uh...I think they might still be in the hall. Come on,” he waved her towards the door. Once Billie was attired in boxers and Felicity in his shirt she had had on earlier, they ventured out of his room.

As they walked out, they found Mike and Tre calmly sitting on the sofa watching television, wearing most of Billie and Felicity’s discarded garments over top their clothes and appearing to think nothing of it.

Mike reached over and picked up something, which revealed itself to be a bra. “I found this thrown on my door handle. Billie, correct me if I’m wrong, but I think the universal signal for ‘Go away because I’m having sex right now’ is to put it on your own door.”

As Felicity felt a mortifying blush come over her face, Billie scowled, wrenching the article away from Mike. “Dude, can you not touch my girlfriend’s underwear?”

Still scarlet, Felicity gestured to it, “Um, could I have that back maybe?”

Billie turned a rather woeful expression on her. “Must you?”

“Give me that,” she rolled her eyes, snatching it from him. She turned to the other two on the couch, “And would you be so kind as to give me the rest of my clothes?” Once they were stripped of her attire, she turned back to Billie, “I’m going to go change.”

“Need some help?”

“With putting my clothes on? I’m not sure you’re the best one to...” Felicity faded off, realizing they were still standing in front of Mike and Tre and veering into TMI territory. Shaking her head, she grabbed his hand and walked down the hallway, continuing, “Okay, we’re so not discussing this in front of your friends. It’s creepy and wrong.”

“Our sex life is not creepy and wrong. Me doing a corpse would be creepy and wrong,” Billie protested.

“Billie!” she exclaimed, horrified.

“What? Now come on, let’s go back in my room. I’m sure you need help putting your bra on.”

• • •

Two weeks later, it was the day of Felicity’s last final and the day Billie was to leave for the summer. After finishing her exam, she had gone to Billie’s for a few hours, but realizing she had forgotten the little going-away gift she had for him, had quickly stopped by her home, creeping in quietly.

Her furtive sneaking attempts, however, failed.

“Felicity?” Rachel’s voice called out as she slipped through the front door. “May your father and I see you in the study?”

She cringed, a nearly inaudible “shit” muttered under her breath. Though she couldn’t imagine just exactly how her good fortune was to end, she could see the writing on the wall. Sighing, she faced the gauntlet, opening the door to her father’s office, a dark room with a large oak desk and leather chair, every expensive ballpoint pen, leather-bound case, and paper in neat, perpendicular lines. Richard sat at the desk, resting his interlocked fingers on the wood surface, while Rachel stood at his side, her arms folded.

“Yes?” Felicity managed a faint smile.

“Another meeting of the Prom Committee?” Rachel smiled, her voice airy and light. If she was being sarcastic, it was impossible to tell.

“Yes,” Felicity nodded, lying through her teeth as the Prom which she hadn’t even attended had taken place the weekend prior. “We’re...um...still trying to decide whether to hire a band or a DJ. We argued about it...for a long time. Repeatedly.”

“That’s nice,” Rachel answered, smooth and pleasant, though any halfwit could have seen through her to realize she hardly cared one way or the other.

“Felicity, we wished to have a discussion with you,” Richard finally spoke, reaching into one of his desk drawers and pulling a small stack of letters from it. He handed it off to his wife, who walked forward, displaying them for Felicity to see. “Your college acceptance letters, if you couldn’t tell,” Richard added.

“You...opened my mail?” Felicity stared in horror at the sheets of paper so patently not still sealed in their envelopes.

“Oh, for heaven’s sakes, no one’s violated your privacy,” Rachel rolled her eyes.

“Really? Because last time I checked, it wasn’t exactly lawful to––”

“Besides that,” Richard cut in, “you have nothing to worry about. It’s all good news.”

Felicity felt her heart jump, those letters suddenly taking on another meaning entirely. Taking a breath, she went to take them, the fruition of all her work.

“Ah!” Rachel put up her hand, out of reach for her daughter. “Not quite so fast, if you please. There’s a small matter we must address first.”

“What?”

Rachel took a step back, quickly thumbing through the papers like a flip book. “There are some very fine universities here. Also very expensive. Terribly expensive. You realize that, don’t you?”

“Well, yes, but what––”

You see, it’s too late to apply for any state or federal grants or loans. Didn’t think you’d have to worry about the cost, did you? And you won’t...provided, of course...”

“Of course what?”

Rachel stared her down, “You end things with your little boyfriend.”