She Screams in Silence

The next morning, Felicity slipped into her parents’ room. Richard had already left for work and Rachel was downstairs with her espresso, yelling at their Guatemalan maid in her own version of “Mexican.” It ran something to the effect of, “Rosa, you clean-o el pantry,” completely ignoring the fact that Rosa had been born in Chicago. Felicity made her way to her mother’s makeup drawer, pulling it open and staring at the high-end selection that met her. She, of course, was not allowed to wear makeup except for performances so she wouldn’t “shine.” And not that she thought she’d be seeing Billie or there was any call to impress him if she did, but surely a little lipstick wouldn’t hurt? Or blush? Or the light brown eyeliner? She didn’t dare use any dark colors, for fear of her mother noticing, but surely these light neutral tones would be...nice?

• • •

School was relatively uneventful, as it involved no anxiety attacks or nearly failing marks. Felicity actually let her mind wander a little, not shooting her hand up to answer every question as per usual. But as the hours passed with lack of any excitement, she resigned herself that life had gone back to normal––that once the final bell rang, it was back to routine.

So she was in for a minor shock once her last class was over and she walked out to the parking lot.

Felicity froze in astonishment at the sight of Billie Joe grinning at her, leaning up against his car. “What...what are you doing here?”

“I said I’d see you around, didn’t I? I came to see if maybe you wanted to hang out again.”

“Well...well, I would, except my mother’s picking me up. I mean, she’s probably already here waiting for me.”

Billie shrugged it off, “Tell her you got a study group you need to meet up with. I don’t know, say it’s a...group project.”

“And my opera singing lesson? I don’t want to miss it.”

Billie shrugged, “I can take you. Tell your mom one of your study buddies offered to give you a ride.”

“So you’re my study buddy now?”

“Baby, I’m every girl’s dream study buddy.”

Felicity rolled her eyes, trying not to smile. “My mother is never going to buy this, you know.”

“You ever tried it? You might get lucky.”

“Worth a shot, I suppose,” she put up her hands. “Hold on while I try this. If I don’t come back in five minutes, assume my luck ran out...or I never had any to begin with.”

Billie shook his head, grinning, “Bullshit. You’re plenty lucky. You met me, didn’t you?”

“You are remarkably arrogant,” she smiled back and then turned for her mother’s Mercedes. She hesitated in front of it, wondering how to begin.

“Come on, dear, let’s go,” Rachel stepped out of the car in her perfect pink Chanel suit and oversized Jackie-O style Gucci sunglasses. She was tall and soignée, her shiny dark hair pulled up in an immaculate French twist, nothing out of place.

“I...can’t.”

“What?” Rachel smiled at her as though her daughter had just made a joke, but she hadn’t quite gotten the punch line.

“I can’t go. I mean, that is, well, I have to stay here. I’ve got a group report I have to do for my Government class. We’re going to go meet up at the library. Right now.”

“Honey, don’t be ridiculous. Now, get in the car. Your lesson is in half an hour.”

“I know. I’m not going to miss it. One of the girls in my group offered to give me a ride and then drive me to Vista when I’m done.”

“Who is this? Do I know this girl? Do I know she’s a responsible driver? Is she the daughter of one of our friends?”

“Mom, it’s fine. She’s just going to drive me there and to class. Now I really have to get to the library. I...I made a commitment with these people, and, well, you wouldn’t have me back out of that, would you?”

Rachel sighed in exasperation. “I am not happy about this, Felicity. This isn’t to happen again, do you understand me?”

“Yes, Mom.”

“I really ought not to let you do this. I can’t believe you would so fragrantly just go making plans and gallivanting about without my approval or knowledge or permission or––”

“But...I’m telling you now.”

Rachel’s eyes widened in shock behind her sunglasses, “Felicity, are you...are you being smart with me?”

“No, Mom. I’m sorry.”

Rachel sighed. “We’ll discuss this when we get home. This is very disappointing, Felicity. Your classes are over at eight, aren’t they? You be home no later than a quarter after. Are we clear?”

“Yes, Mom.”

Rachel shook her head, climbing back in the car and slamming the door shut, ripping out of the parking lot and nearly leaving tire tread marks on the asphalt.

Shocked at her own success (“success” being all relative in this scenario), Felicity turned back to Billie’s car.

“So how’d she take it?” he asked, grinning and holding the door open for her.

“Like she wanted to murder me. Oh, thanks,” she added as she stepped in.

“No problem,” he closed the door behind her and jogged around to the other side. “Well, she let you go though, didn’t she?” he asked as he turned the keys in the ignition.

“Yes, but basically leaving me with a death threat. She even accused me of being ‘smart’ with her.”

Billie chuckled. “I must be rubbing off on you. ‘Smart-ass’ is my middle name.”

“I didn’t get the ‘ass.’”

He shrugged, “That’s just because you don’t have a hot ass like mine. Or you just weren’t ‘smart’ enough with her.”

“I’m sorry, I’m just not particularly audacious––or I’m just new at it.”

“Audacious?” he raised his eyebrows, grinning. Seeing her roll her eyes and scowl, he continued, “Come on, don’t get so insulted. Here, I’ll make it up––I got you a present.” He reached over for something he had stashed near his foot, throwing it onto her lap.

“You...did?” Felicity gaped in shock at the bright yellow and red bag sitting on her legs.

“Yeah. I’m awesome like that.”

“...Why?”

Billie rolled his eyes, “Stop looking so freaked and open the fucking thing. As you can see, it took me a very long time to wrap it.”

She stifled a grin. Whatever it was, he had just stuffed it into a paper bag from a place called Amoeba Music...a very wrinkled paper bag. She opened it and pulled the object out, blinking at it.

“Okay, you look like I just gave you a Marvin the Martian shot glass or something. So let me explain it for you, since by your expression, I’m guessing you’ve never seen one of these things before. Now, that, Felicity,” here his voice slowed down as though he were speaking to one that wasn’t especially bright, “is a ‘cassette tape.’ Oo. Pretty. If you put it into a ‘tape player,’” he was making air quotes, “it plays ‘music.’ Can you say ‘cassette tape’?”

“Oh, shut up.” She glanced back down at the tape. “Is this your band?”

“I’m very flattered, but no. Look at it.”

She looked closer at the little cover, displaying four bell-bottomed men walking across a crosswalk of a tree-lined street, old fashioned cars and Volkswagen Beetles parked behind them. “‘Abbey Road,’” she read aloud. She raised an eyebrow at him, “You bought me a Beatles tape?”

“You knew that was one of their albums? Felicity, I’m proud of you.”

“Um, it says it right there,” she pointed the name out to him. “Sorry to disappoint.”

“Oh. Well, anyway, you caused me pain in my soul when you said you don’t listen to The Beatles. I had to fix that.”

“Well, thank you,” she nodded. “That’s really sweet of you.” When he didn’t answer, but rather turned his head away, staring intently at the rear-view mirror on the driver’s side, she continued, smiling, “Your ears are red. Are you blushing?”

“No. It’s hot in here. Terrible.” To emphasize his point, he grabbed the handle and rolled his window down. “There, much better.”

Felicity suppressed another smile and asked, “So do you play the same kind of music as The Beatles?”

“I play punk rock. They’re classic.”

“You say this as though that should mean anything to me.”

He gave her a crooked grin, “I’ll play for you sometime so you can see the difference.”

“Really? I’d like to hear you play,” she nodded.

“You would?” He looked almost surprised.

“Yeah,” she smiled at him.

He looked honestly flattered. “Well...definitely. You could come to Gilman’s next weekend––that’s my band’s next show.”

“What’s your band’s name, anyway?”

“Green Day. It’s, er, an inside joke...about smoking pot...all day.”

“I see.” She paused for a few seconds. “But I’d like to go...except I’m not sure I can get away from my parents this weekend.”

“Well, no problem, we play there next month, too.”

“All right.” She frowned for a moment. “Um, this might sound stupid, but, well, I’ve got a pretty strong feeling that I’d be a little out of place at Gilman’s, so, um...”

He grinned, “Felicity, don’t worry. I’d stay with you. Not to mention, no one in there is going to eat you alive if you’re not dressed a certain way.”

“I’m not much for self-confidence, am I?”

Billie shrugged, “You just got to stop caring about what other people think of you. If they can’t accept you for who you are, then they can just fuck off. End of story.”

“You make it sound pretty simple,” she grinned slightly.

“‘Cause it is. Now where’s this lesson of yours?”

“Oh, right! Um, turn left up here on Durant and then a right on College. It’s right before you hit Elmwood.”

When they neared their destination, Felicity instructed him to pull off in a small lot a slight ways away so they could avoid parking meters.

But as they began walking down the street, Billie purposefully lagged so he was walking behind her. After a few minutes, he spoke up. “Okay, it was definitely because you weren’t smart enough with her,” he nodded.

“What are you talking about? What are you doing?” Felicity pivoted around to stare at Billie, twisted to the side, his head cocked, as though studying something.

“Why you didn’t get called a smart-ass. It has nothing to do with your ass. It’s very nice, actually. I’d go so far to say you have a hot ass.”

She gaped at him, “You’re...you’re checking me out?!”

He shrugged, “Just making an observation. Don’t get so offended.”

“But...but...”

“Yes, I was making an observation of your butt. Come on, it’s not a big issue.”

“It is to me! You shouldn’t be staring at my...I mean, me!”

“Hey, it’s nothing personal. I stare at a lot of girls’ asses.”

“You...do? Mine? I mean, you’re...” she trailed off, horrified.

“Yeah, I’m a guy. It goes with that whole thinking about sex every six seconds thing.”

“With...me?” she squeaked.

He sighed, rolling his eyes at her expression. “No, in general. Calm down.”

“Calm down? I thought we were friends, but you’re...I mean, what are you...?” She shook her head, trying to put her thoughts together. “I don’t understand! I don’t see what you’re doing with me! Of all girls, I’m not exactly an easy lay for you, if that’s it!”

“You really are full of it.”

“Am I? What am I supposed to think when I’ve got some guy...looking at my ass!”

He gave her a withering look, “Felicity, I don’t want to freak you out here, but I guarantee I’m not the first guy to ever look at your ass. It doesn’t mean I’m planning on jumping you or all I do is fantasize about having sex with you. So get over it.”

“Right,” she said softly, feeling insanely uncomfortable and confused. He began walking again, passing her up, as she hadn’t moved. “Billie?” Felicity stopped him, chewing on her lip nervously. “We’re, um, friends, right? I mean...just friends.”

“Yeah,” he shrugged.

“Well, I mean, that’s all we’re going to be. We’re friends.”

He nodded, seeing where she was going, “Yeah, Felicity, we’re just friends. I know I said that stuff about you, but, in all honesty? And please don’t get offended by this––but you’re not exactly my type. And I don’t think I’m yours, either. That...okay?”

“Yes. Yes, of course,” she nodded profusely. “That’s what I wanted––I mean, what I want. Friends.”

“Okay, cool,” he shrugged again, turning back around as they recommenced walking, sticking his hands in his pockets.

“Uh-huh,” she murmured, staring after him.

That’s what she wanted––what they both wanted. So that was good.

Wasn’t it?

He turned back, giving her a wicked smile, “You still got a hot ass, though. I mean, I’m your friend; I’m not blind.”

“...Thank you?”

• • •

Once inside the building her singing lesson was held, their awkward conversation and Billie’s innuendoes were, for the time being, forgotten, in favor of the current operatic event.

“So can I come in and listen?” Billie asked hopefully.

“No way in hell. You wait out here.”

“Aw, come on! I want to hear you sing!” he bounced on his heels, pleading with her.

“No. I’ll be back in an hour.”

“I’m not going to make fun of you or anything!”

“I know that. But I told you, I don’t like singing in front of people. I barely like singing in front of my teacher. You would just be...” she shook her head, “nothing doing. You’re not coming in.”

“Fine,” he sulked, shuffling over to a chair and flopping into it, sprawling out.

“You could at least sit up.”

He only raised his eyebrows, slouching farther.

She sighed, turning and walking through the door, only to nearly run into her teacher, Mr. Delacroix.

“Felicity! Just the young lady I was looking for!” he cried, shuffling a large quantity of sheet music he held in his arms, while using his other hand to push his spectacles back to their proper place on the bridge of his nose. “I am terribly sorry, my dear, but I’m afraid I have to cancel this afternoon. Do you mind? I wouldn’t think of it, but my daughter just called with some sort of emergency involving flower arrangements for her wedding reception. Silly, I know, but since I’m paying and she seemed to be nearly hysterical, I thought I should just––”

“Mr. Delacroix, it’s fine!” Felicity cut him off before he could finish his life story. “It’s no problem at all. Go ahead. I’ll see you on Thursday.”

“Thank you for understanding! Again, I’m so sorry about this!” he smiled graciously before hurrying out. Felicity followed to see Billie still spread-eagle in the chair, regarding her with mild curiosity.

“Lesson got cancelled. Come on, you can take me over to Vista early.”

“Oh, yeah, your college classes. That fun?” he trailed her out the door.

“If by ‘fun,’ you think suicidal, then sure. You realize I’m taking two full schedules? It’s...kind of crazy.”

“You got to drop something. Do you have to take all those classes?”

“Well, no, but even though it’s a lot to deal with, I love school!”

“Well, you’re not going to love it if you keep going like this! You’re going to kill yourself!”

“I’m not really that fond of my stats and physics classes, to tell the truth.”

“Do you need them?”

“Eventually, yes. If I major in MCB like my dad wants me to, that is.”

“MCB?”

“Molecular Cell Biology. And yes, it’s as scary as it sounds.”

“Is that what you want to major in?”

“No! Why would it be? I already told you I hate math and science!”

“So don’t do it. Drop the classes, study something else. Unless you think daddy’s going to disinherit you for picking another major.”

“That’s not why I do what they want,” she said, feeling rather affronted.

“So why do you?”

Felicity stared down at the ground, whispering, “So they’ll like me.”

His expression changed, as a look of pity crossed his features. “Aw, Felicity, don’t say that. You know they love you.”

She looked off to the side, furiously blinking her eyes to help quell those damn tear-ducts. “I don’t think they like me very much, though.” She brought her gaze up to his face, as she asked softly, her voice starting to break, “Why can’t they just like me for...me? I mean, parents are supposed to love their children no matter what, but...but sometimes I don’t really think they do.” She wiped at her eyes, wishing she were exaggerating, lying outright, that what she said was anything but the truth.

“Felicity, come on, it’s okay,” Billie reached out and put a hand on her shoulder. Watching as she failed in her battle with her tears, he put his other hand on her shoulder, drawing her in. She hugged him tightly, fighting to keep from sobbing and gripping onto the material on the back of his shirt. “Shh, hey, it’s all right. It’s okay,” he kept murmuring, holding onto her.

She recovered somewhat a few minutes later, feeling a bit self-conscious for basically losing it in the middle of the street. But before she pulled away, she whispered in Billie’s ear, “Do you think it would be all right if I dropped piano, too?”

“You got it,” he laughed, breaking away. Giving her a small smile, he reached out and brushed her cheek with his thumb, causing her to return his smile as she put her hand up and wiped away the remaining wet streaks.

“Thanks. And I’m sorry for––”

“Don’t apologize,” Billie shook his head. “And hey, look at it this way. You can spend all your new free time with me. And trust me, there’s nothing better than that.”

She grinned. “You’ve been really great to me these past couple days, you know. So really––thank you.”

“No problem. We’re friends.”

“Yeah,” she smiled.

“So come on––you got stuff to drop,” he put his arm around her shoulders, walking towards his car.

And so it went for the next several weeks with Felicity’s new, and basically only, friend. Billie would show up Monday and Wednesday at the building her piano lessons were held and they’d trot off to somewhere else entirely. As far as Rachel and Richard knew, Felicity dutifully still attended piano and her stats and physics courses. Certainly they’d notice when they were no longer receiving the bill from her piano teacher and come final grades, they’d wonder at her only having two from Vista, but until then, Felicity wasn’t planning on saying a word about the new changes in her schedule. As for the weekends, she went off with Billie all the time as well, able to get out of most engagements with her parents either by faking illness, an obsession with practicing, or claiming she was buckling down with prep books for the SAT’s and her AP exams.