You Again

“Mommy!” I heard as I turned around, only to be tackled by a 4 year old. He wrapped his little arms around my neck, as I stood, lifting him off the ground.

“Hi baby, did you have fun today?” I asked him.

“Yes!” He said, enthusiastically.

“That’s good baby, come on, put your jacket on. We’ve got to get going or we’ll be late.”

“Where are we going mommy?” He asked as he tried to zip up his coat.

“It’s friday, we have to go to Grammie’s for dinner.” I said as I finished zipping up his coat for him.

I sighed as I took his hand and we made our way to the car. How I dreaded the friday night dinners with my mother in law. Though, she wasn’t exactly my mother in law anymore… or ever. She was more of my kids grandmother than anything. How I wished I could’ve cut ties with her when her son, my ex, walked out on us when he found out I was pregnant. She wasn’t exactly thrilled, either, but she was all about appearances. So, she arranged these dinners with us and who was I to keep her away from her grandson, and he did adore her. She was good with him. I buckled Anthony up in his booster seat and we made our way to the upper east side to have our mandatory dinner.

“Hello there, sweetie pie!” Greta said as Anthony ran into her open arms.

“Hi Grammie!” Anthony said as he placed a sweet kiss on her cheek.

“And how was school today?” She asked as we all piled into the family room.

“Good! I learned more numbers!” Anthony said as he sat himself in front of the TV, turning on one of his TV shows.

“And how have you been, Sabrina?” Greta asked me, as she crossed her legs.

“I’ve been good, and you?” I said, taking a seat on the other side of the room.

“Good good. So, listen, next friday I’m going to need both of you to arrive a little earlier and in formal attire.” she said in a demanding tone.

“Greta, you know that we come here right when Anthony gets out of school. We come as soon as we can. And I don’t think sending him to school in his best clothes is that smartest thing to do.” I said, checking the time on my phone and seeing I had a text message from Keith.

Keith was a guy I had been sort of seeing for the last few months. I had gone to high school with him, and we reconnected in the beginning of this year at a New Years Eve party. He was the ‘perfect guy’ on paper but I just couldn’t get myself to commit fully. He was a 23 year old who had just graduated college and now was on the path to taking over his own company. He was nice and all, but I just don’t know why I couldn’t give myself to him, completely.

“Well, then you’ll just have to keep him home that day. I expect you to be here at 3pm, on the dot and that’s that.” She said. “Dinner is ready, come on sweetie pie, it’s time to eat.” Greta said. She picked Anthony up and everyone made their way into the dining room. We ate dinner and listened to Anthony tell us all about his day at school and how he built a sand castle in the sand box at recess and then a kid knocked it over and he wasn’t even that mad. It was an uneventful night and I was tired.

“Come on, Anthony, we’ve got to get you in the bath and get you all squeaky clean.” I said, testing the water to make sure it wasn’t too hot. Anthony came running in and jumped into the tub, splashing the water everywhere. I gave him a stern look, but couldn’t help but laugh along with him. He started playing with his toys as I started to wash his hair. I put Anthony to bed and went into the kitchen. We had a small apartment, but it was perfect for just the two of us. We lived on the top floor, but it wasn’t a penthouse or anything.

I heard my phone go off and looked down to see another text from Keith. Hey babe, what u up to? I read.

I sighed and texted back, Just about to head to bed, had a long day.

Oh, okay. Do you want to go dinner tomorrow? he responded.

Oh, idk, I’d have to try and find a babysitter. I don’t know why, but I could feel myself pushing him away over the last few weeks. He was so sweet, and kind, but he just wasn’t the one. But I’ve never been the one to end a relationship first. I just don’t have it in me, so I always just make myself as unavailable as possible.

Alright, well let me know. I read the text and then plugged my phone into the charger and curled up into my bed with my book.

I had read the same paragraph at least 5 times, and still can’t remember what I had read. For some reason, I had Anthony’s father stuck on my brain. He always had that effect on me. We had grown up together, our parents were both part of the same country club. I hadn’t heard from him since I told him I was pregnant with Anthony. I was 20 years old then and my 25th birthday is right around the corner. We weren’t even officially dating when I got pregnant, we had just been flirting back and forth since we were freshmen in high school and then when I came home from college for a weekend, we had one drunken night, and Anthony is the result of that night. I wouldn’t change anything though, I am so blessed to have Anthony, he is an amazing kid and I love him so much.

I tried my hardest to get the thought of Logan out of my head, but he has always been in the back of my mind. It’s hard to just forget someone who has been a part of your whole life and then, poof, he’s gone. No phone call, no nothing. Just gone.

I fell asleep with Logan haunting my dreams.

The next day I didn’t even try to find a babysitter. I had no real interest in seeing Keith tonight, I honestly just wanted to spend the day with my kid, Anthony. Things had been crazy at work and I hadn’t really seen him too much, what with Christmas right around the corner, the stores hours have been really crazy. Anthony’s been in bed by the time I get home almost every night.

Anthony and I went to breakfast at iHop and he got his favorite chocolate chip pancakes. He always drowned them in syrup and then, in the end, was only able to eat 1 pancake. Hyped up on sugar, Anthony and I spent the rest of the day playing in the park and hanging out around the house.

When it came time to put him to bed, I tucked him in really tight, “Snug as a bug in a rug.” I said and kissed his forehead. “I love you, baby.” I said softly.

He smiled up at me, “I miss you, mommy.” My heart broke.

“I miss you too, baby. It’ll go back to normal soon. I promise.” I whispered and started reading him his favorite night time story, If You Give A Mouse A Cookie. ANthony fell asleep right as I finished the last page. It was so cute how he fought sleep just so he could hear the story, even though, I’m sure, he could recite the whole book by memory.

The next week went by fairly uneventful. Every morning when I took Anthony to school he couldn’t stop talking about how excited he was that he gets to stay home on friday when he wasn’t even sick. He was so excited and I, well I wasn’t excited. I could tell that Greta was up to something, I just didn’t know what.

__________ . __________

Friday came soon enough, and I had to work the morning shift, 7am-12pm. I let Anthony sleep in, since he wasn’t going to be in school today. I heard the doorbell ring and went to let Anthony’s babysitter in and I went upstairs to finish getting ready.

I made my way to the store, the roads were a little icy from the freezing rain last night, so I was driving extra careful. I unlocked the front door and turned the sign to let customers know we were open. The store was just the corner mart, nothing special. There was never really a rush, and it was never really slow. Just steady customers, in and out, all day.

Today was dragging on especially slow for some reason. I couldn’t get Logan out of my head, I thought about him all last night and all morning. This always happened around Christmas time. It was the last time I ever saw or heard from him.

I came home from school that winter, my sophomore year of college. Logan and I had gone to the same school, but we weren’t in the same social circles. We were flirtatious towards each other in class and if we were ever around each other. Truth is, I’d had a huge crush on him since we were in high school. I wasn’t sure how he truly felt about me, I mean, sure he liked me as a friend and all, but he was a guy. Guys flirt, that’s just the way it is.

His parents were having a New Years Eve party that year and we both had a little too much to drink. He wanted to give me a ‘tour’ of the house, even though I had played there since I was a kid, and knew the house fairly well. We ended up in his bedroom with an empty bottle of rum. One thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together. The next morning, he wasn’t there. I didn’t see him for the rest of winter vacation. I didn’t see him again until we were back at school.

He was doing a very good job at avoiding me, he had changed all of his classes so we weren’t in any of the same ones anymore. I knew I was pregnant, and the home pregnancy test only confirmed what I already knew deep in my heart to be true. I was trying to figure out a way to tell him, but he wasn’t answering any of my calls or texts. He nearly knocked me down as I was turning the corner to leave the library.

The expression on his face when he realized who I was has hurt so badly. I just blurted out that I was pregnant and got up and ran away. I didn’t let myself turn back to see what his face looked like or if he was chasing after me. Obviously he wasn’t. It wasn’t a very big campus and I dropped out a few weeks later. I couldn’t deal with it, wondering if I’d run into him again. My heart couldn’t handle it.
I was sure I might’ve been in love with him. My head just didn’t want to let my heart feel it and get hurt. That plan didn’t really work though, I ended up hurt and alone, anyways.

We arrived at Greta’s at 2:45pm, earlier than she had requested. I was searching through my purse, looking for my red lipstick when the door swung open.

“Hey! Grammie has pictures of you on the fireplace!” Anthony said, startling me. I looked up only to see Logan standing there with a shy smile on his face. All I heard was my purse falling to the ground and then blackness.