For the Holidays

I couldn’t help but find la messe de minuit a tad bit boring and slightly drawn out like it always was to me. I was never one to find it interesting and fun. It was just a tradition that my parents kept. Going to the midnight mass was something that they grew up doing, and they wanted their children to continue the tradition. The church had almost all the people I remembered from going to the church every Sunday as a kid. They were all surprised to see me, or that was what they said. They claimed that they thought I was going to stay in Stockholm this Christmas like last year.

“Oh, you look so grown up, Geneviève,” one of the older ladies said. I didn’t even remember her name or anything about her, but she remembered me just fine. She had asked about my life, and I was forced to act like I remembered her. Guy thankfully got me out of that conversation as quickly as he could after me mouthing ‘help’ to him.

When we got back home, Marie was already working on le Revéillon. I smiled as the smell of the familiar food filled my parents’ apartment. This was something that I missed while I was living in Stockholm. There was nothing like my mother’s cooking in Sweden, and being in this home after a long time brought back childhood memories. It was nice being able to remember the times that Guy played with the baby dolls with Victoire and me, and not even being ashamed of it. Then the times Guy and I played poker and how he pouted when he lost was another great memory. It seemed like some of the memories happened yesterday but feel like it had been ages since they happened at the same time.

Smelling the Bûche de Noël cake brought me out of my thoughts. I looked around at my family. Victoire was making her and Antoine a cup of coffee as my nephews went back to bed with the help of Guy and Sandrine. Pierre was trying to help his wife. This was starting to remind me of the Christmases that I had here growing up. The only thing that was missing was my grandparents. I sighed, trying not to think about their funerals last year.

Their funerals were when I was here last, and it wasn’t a very joyous occasion even though they were happy to see me. The funerals for them seemed very surreal, and I honestly didn’t want to believe it was them who died. Now, I missed them more. I think that was a part of the reason why I didn’t want to come back. It would be strange without them, and it was. There is nothing that I can do about it though. Victoire had said that it was great to see me again, but the circumstances weren’t very good as she drove me back to the airport. I could understand what she meant. It was just said that this happened to people that we once thought were invincible.

I focused on the here and now because there was nothing that I could do to change that. I went and made some coffee as I asked my mother if she needed any help. She waved me off, saying, “I’m fine. You go sit down and stay warm.”

I looked out the small window in the kitchen to see the snow falling. The streets were already covered with snow, but that didn’t stop the weather. There would be at least two more inches of snow before the sun set as the weather channel had said. I could just hope that we wouldn’t be snowed in for the next few days.

“What’s Noël like in Stockholm?” Victoire asked as I sat down in the chair next to the heater in the hopes of being warm.

I shrugged. “I haven’t really experienced the full effect of Christmas in Sweden yet, but I have had a few friends invite me to their Christmas meals. It’s not that different, I suppose. We just eat Swedish foods, not French. There also are a few different traditions,” I said, trying to think of the differences. Last year was the first Christmas that I spent in Sweden, and I couldn’t really tell the differences because I didn’t really know much. The other times I had always came home. I went on and explained some of the foods that I had during the holiday season.

“You should have made some for us to try,” Sandrine said as she walked back into the room. “Maybe we should go up there and meet this Tait on of these days.” She winked at me, not even thinking about how my dad would start up about this guy that he had yet to meet.

Pierre walked in and heard what his daughter-in-law said. I hoped that he wouldn’t say anything about it, but I knew he would. “I would love to meet him,” he said like any typical father. “What’s he like?”

I glared at Sandrine who was the one that said the name. She shrugged her shoulders like she was innocent. I knew there was no way of getting out of the question, but I didn’t really want to talk about Tait because then I would wish he was here next to me. “Père, he’s a good guy,” I assure him, trying to keep it short as I possibly could. “You really would likehim.”

“What does he do?” he pushed, not wanting to drop the subject. I was an idiot for thinking that he would, but I could still hope for things like that.

I told him what Tait did for a living, looking at my father. I took a sip of my coffee, hoping the questions would stop soon. Then Victoire butted in and asked how we met. She went on to explain how she met Antoine in a café near her college and how it was so cute that he was looked almost too nervous to talk to her. I almost thought that I got out of answering that one because my sister continued to ramble on about meeting her own boyfriend, but I was wrong. I should have realized that questions like this one would have popped up and needed to be answered even if I didn’t want to. I hadn’t had to answer them in a long time, and I seemed to have forgotten how my family was. They also wanted to know what was going on in my life, and I knew that wanted to know because they cared.

“I met him when I was interning at the radio station that I work at now. He was there to have a photo shoot with one of the bands in the studio. I had bumped into him and started talking,” I said simply. I didn’t want to ramble on like Victoire even though I really wanted to. I wanted to talk about how he had been persistent in getting me to go on a date with him when I turned him down every single time. I wanted to explain how excited he was when I finally did accept to go on a date with him and how cute he looked on the date. I wanted them to know how nervous he was on that date. I didn’t though because it was bad enough that I was being interrogated like this by my family.

“That’s so boring,” Victoire whined. She leaned forward slightly on the couch. “You should tell the story with more flair and detail. You need to have plus de passion in it. It’s clear that you care about him, but you seem to hide it.”

I shook my head and shrugged my shoulders. “Well, I’m more factual, and you’re the hopeless romantic of the family apparently,” I said, teasing her slightly. I gave her a friendly smile and slightly daring her to argue with that.

It wasn’t long before we were gathering around the table and eating. Jean-Claude and Jacques were both sitting at the table with tired faces. They both yawned and tried to stay awake. They wanted to stay up for as long as they possibly could. We were going to open presents as soon as we were finished eating, and they didn’t want to miss that. I had already put out all the gifts with the others. They were piled together with all kinds of gifts for everyone. I was sure that most was for the twins which wasn’t a problem with me. I didn’t really want to get another bag if there were more than I had planned to receive.

The conversation was more about plans after Christmas. I looked over at my brother, and I wondered when he was going to tell our parents about his move to Nice. I couldn’t help but feel a little curious about it. I looked over at him and saw the look of hesitation clear on his face. He was trying to get the courage to tell them about it now.

Then he took in a deep breath and told them the news as confidently as he could. Sandrine smiled widely and talked about how they had already found a house and how beautiful it is down there. She even added about how they were always welcome to come and visit them whenever they wanted to. She was trying to make the news of the move as cheerful as she possibly could. I had to respect her for the exuberance in her voice and in her smile. She was happy to move to Nice because that was where she was from, and she had a lot of family down there. She also knew that Guy’s family was here, so she would always have a connection to Paris.

Marie and Pierre smiled and asked why. I didn’t even know why they were moving down there. I never thought to ask. All Guillaume said was that he was moving down there. I figured it had something to do with his job since he worked as a manager for a major business here in France. “Well, I got promoted, and I will be working at the headquarters of the business in Nice,” Guy said, confirming my theory. “It was a good offer, and I took it.”

Our parents congratulated their oldest child. I could tell that they didn’t want to have their son moving out of Paris, but they were still supportive. They were good parents when it came to being supportive even though they didn’t want their children moving away. They liked have their family close, but the older family members were all passed away, and the younger ones didn’t live in Paris anymore. There were still family members in Paris. My aunts and uncles were still living here even though they were at their children’s homes at this time of year.

It wasn’t long before we had finished eating and started to clean up the table and kitchen. Jean-Claude and Jacques were already gathering around the pile of presents. We sat down as Victoire started to hand out les cadeaux de Noël to everyone. She always loved being the one to hand out the presents, and we let her because we got to sit covered up and get warm. I sat on the couch with my third cup of coffee, and I faintly wondered if I should get some water after this cup.

I ended up getting three wrapped presents and a small bag of candy that my nephews who made it with the help from their mother. I knew Sandrine probably made it with their help, but she was letting them take more of the credit since they were children. The other three gifts were an Orléans coffee cup from Victoire, a small coffee pack from my parents, and a Paris coffee cup from my brother. I stared at them and asked if they had planned there similar gifts.

“The only thing that we can never go wrong with when it comes to you is coffee and anything to do with coffee, Geneviève,” Guy said, laughing. “You drink more coffee than anyone else in this house and that’s including Sandrine who drinks two cups in a morning. To prove my point, you have coffee in that cup right now, and that is what your third or fourth cup?”

I shook my head and shrugged. “I can’t help that coffee is about the only thing to help deal with your wild energy,” I teased him, causing everyone in the room including Antoine to laugh. He didn’t have as much enthusiasm in his laugh like my family, but he still found it funny.

We all opened our presents and sat around, talking for a bit. We thanked each other for the gifts. I smiled seeing Jean and Jacques holding their stuffed moose that I got them as they walked out of the apartment. Guy and Sandrine carried out the rest of the gifts. He had thanked me for the book that he claimed that he had been looking everywhere for. Sandrine had seemed to enjoy the painting with a herd of reindeer on it.

“Joyeux Noël,” they called out before leaving and heading to their apartment down the street. Guillaume had already told me that he would be here after lunch to take me back to the airport. I didn’t get a long vacation this time because I had been a little behind in asking for some time off.

***

I woke up the next morning and looked out the window. It was snowing, covering the already white ground with another layer. I wanted to be out there and see the city that I had been away from for so long. I got up and got dressed in my warm clothes. I walked past my parents’ room and heard both of them snoring. I smiled and slipped out the door of the apartment after leaving a note for them to know that I will be back and where I went.

I stepped out onto the sidewalk and felt the snow under my feet that sunk an inch into it. There were a few people already up and driving around the city. A taxi drove past me, sending a rush of cold wind in its wake. It was back to the normal for a bit before New Year’s Day. I would be back in Stockholm by the end of the day, and I was surprised how quickly this trip was coming to an end. I walked down the street towards the Eiffel Tower that I stared at and climbed since I was a child.

People didn’t look my way as I wondered down the sidewalk. I enjoyed the light feel of the snowflakes landing on my exposed skin. The cold wind hit my face and made my scarf move with it. I saw a couple about my age walking ahead of me, and I wondered if Tait would be at the airport on time. He had warned me last night that there might be a bad storm on his way back to the city in Sweden. He also told me that he may have to wait to come back home, and I wouldn’t be mad. I wanted him safe more than having him was going to be the one to pick me up. I could get a taxi if I had to.

I smiled thinking about him as I got closer to the tower. It loomed over the city like it was its guardian though that was a silly comparison even to me. There was a family of American tourists looking up at it. The teen girl was taking a picture of it and was probably going to post it on some social network like everyone seemed to do. I hated when people did that. Pictures of places didn’t capture how I felt in that moment even thought that was what Tait did. The family were speaking English to each other with ease, but I could hear them trying to speak French poorly.

I tried to ignore them not that the youngest of the three was looking at me. She looked like she was sixteen and slightly bored. I looked up at the tower again and imagined what it would be like to go to the top today with this cold wind. I knew it would be freezing, but I would get to see Paris from every corner. It would look like Paris didn’t end but was just an endless cluster of buildings. I smiled at that.

I sighed and went over to a nearby café. I ordered the first omelet I saw on the menu and sat on the nearest table. It was different here than it was in Stockholm, and the people acted differently. I didn’t notice the difference much until not that I was sitting here watching Paris slowly become busy. I had grown used to how things were in Stockholm, and almost forgot how Paris was like.

I eventually made it back to my parents’ home and made sure I had all my belongings packed. I slightly wished that I had got a return flight home in the morning. I didn’t like sitting in the living room with my mom and dad in an awkward silence. Something seemed to be weighing down on the three of us. They seemed to want to know why I wasn’t coming back to Paris for good, and I just didn’t have a good answer to that. I just didn’t know why I wanted to stay in Stockholm.

Somehow the time passed quicker than I thought it would have. Guillaume was knocking on the door and walking in before I knew it. He didn’t have his kids or his wife with him. He looked at me and asked if I had everything ready after a few minutes of talking. It took me a second to realize that if we didn’t leave now, I would be late for my flight home. I stood up and grabbed my bags. I hugged my parents and told them that I would see them later and that they should come visit me in Stockholm sometime.

Guy carried one of my two bags that didn’t have much left in it. I had to divide my clothes between the two to keep the coffee cups from breaking in my bag. He asked how I enjoyed coming home for the holidays. I smiled and told him that I was happy that I came down here for Christmas. I had to admit that I enjoyed seeing my family again more than I would have thought. I knew I was nervous about it because I would have figured they were going to try to ask if I was going to move back to Paris which they thankfully didn’t. They just asked about Tait.

We got to the airport, and he helped me carry my bags into the airport. I hugged him and told him that he would have to come up to Stockholm, or I would have to go down to Nice to see his new house. He smiled and told me that I would have to bring Tait along with me. I smiled and shrugged my shoulders at that. “I don’t know about that,” I told him. “I don’t want you to freak him out or anything.” He just laughed.

I checked in at the front desk and went through the airport security before boarding the plane and going back to my seat on the plane. I wondered if Tait was going to be there when I landed or if I was going to have to call a taxi. I texted him to let him know that I was on the plane about to leave Paris before I turned it off.

The plane ride was smooth but cloudy during the whole flight. I didn’t get to see much of the water or the land until it was landing. I tried to get through the mess of the airport quickly. I grabbed my luggage and went to the exit when I saw Tait looking around for me. His blond hair hung in his eyes partially, telling me he was in need of a haircut. I ran over to him and hugged him tightly. I smiled feeling his arms go around me. It was nice being back in Sweden, and it was nice that I got to spend Christmas with my family.