If I Stay

"What did you do?" Nina walked into my room with a wide smile on her face, pushing my chemistry notes to the side as she laid across my comforter. She seemed to be in an excellent mood, which wasn't something I saw very often. Apart from a few occasions, Nina was a very neutral person. Not always extremely happy. Not always depressed either. She was somewhere in the middle, though calm wasn't the way to describe her. She was far from calm.

"I'm sorry?" I asked, putting the papers in a neat stack. I'd been staring at them so long, they looked like a jumble of absolutely nothing. I set them off to the side, deciding that I'd studied enough for the day. I glanced at my phone to check the time. It was a little after 2 in the afternoon.

"He was moping around all morning. Didn't even bother keeping around the girl that came for him. As soon as you left he went to bed. What happened?"

"Nothing really happened. He cornered me outside of the bathroom. I guess he thought bringing that girl would make me upset. I just told him that I knew what she was to him, so why would I be upset?" Nina laughed loudly, holding her sides like she'd heard the funniest thing ever in months. I raised an eyebrow at her, wondering why this was so amusing. I really didn't understand why she disliked Harry so much. It was almost as if she had been into him at one point, and she was one of the girls that he'd tossed to the side. I knew better than to ask though.

"Classic!" I pushed myself from the sitting position I was in, walking over to my closet, "Where are you going?" She asked as I pulled the door open.

"I'm meeting Zayn for lunch." I pulled the t-shirt I was wearing over my head and slipped my arms into a long sleeved thermal. I shimmied into a pair of jeans and chestnut brown boots, grabbing my leather jacket off the back of the door.

"Excuse me?" She said as I pushed my arms through.

"I'm going to lunch with Zayn." I walked into the bathroom to try to make my hair at least somewhat presentable. My natural curls seemed to be cooperating for the most part, so I added a little mousse just to keep everything in place.

"When did you meet Zayn?" She asked as I swiped on a few coats of mascara.

"I've known him since we were kids. Our families are pretty close. I just didn't know he was home. Last time I'd heard anything about him, he was traveling." Just to appease Nina because I knew she was going to make a fuss over my appearance, I put on some blush along with a tinted chapstick.

"When were you going to tell me this?" I shrugged, walking out of the bathroom.

"I didn't think it was important. Like I said, I didn't even know he was home until I saw him last night. Apparently he hasn't been back long." I shoved the necessities into my purse and slipped my phone into my back pocket.

"So is this like a date?" I hadn't really thought about it, nor had I bothered to ask. Things were never like that with me and Zayn. We were sort of just pushed together and found a common ground at some point.

"I don't think so. Just old friends catching up."

"No way. Zayn's proper fit." And he was. His caramel skin, chocolate eyes, and silky hair were enough to make any girl swoon, but I'd watched him go through his awkward phase, so his looks didn't affect me as much.

"Just because he's fit doesn't mean this is a date," I pointed out, grabbing my keys off of the hook by the door.

"You should probably ask." I nodded once and kissed her cheek quickly before walking out to my car. Luckily, the place Zayn chose wasn't far away. It look a little over five minutes to get there, and he was waiting outside when I parked my car.

"Hey," He smiled when he noticed me standing in front of him. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders, pulling me into his chest. I pat his back awkwardly and cleared my throat as I stepped away from him. His grin only widened.

"Hi."

"Still not a fan of affection, I see," He said as he opened the door for me.

"No, not really." I followed him over to an empty table, getting ready to pull my chair out, but he beat me to it. If there was one thing I could honestly say about Zayn, it was that he was a gentleman. His mother definitely raised him correctly. He was one of the rare few that actually opened doors, pulled out chairs, and helped people into and out of their coats, much like he was doing for me. I sat down and he pushed my chair in before taking the seat across from me. An extremely rude hostess walked over to hand us menus and tell us that our server would be out shortly. It was clear that she didn't want to be at work, but she didn't need to take that out on us.

"I have to ask," Zayn said as I glared at the girl walking away from our table.

"Ask what?"

"Is there something going on with you and Harry?" I didn't understand how everyone had gotten that impression. I'd only had three conversations with him, all of which ended with me walking away.

"Absolutely not. Why?" I glanced down at the menu, trying to decide what I wanted to eat. I wasn't in the mood for anything heavy, so I settled for a roasted turkey and mozzarella sandwich.

"I saw you guys talking outside the loo last night. I thought you were getting on for a bit, but then you left and he looked like someone kicked his puppy."

"Oh, no. I mean we've talked before, but our conversations never really last long. He's a bit annoying. He thought bringing that girl to the party would upset me. I told him there was nothing to be upset about because I knew what she was to him," I shrugged, pushing the menu away from me. Zayn began to howl with laughter, and I raised my eyebrows at him. Why did everyone find Harry's misfortune so hilarious? Maybe he was as bad as everyone said he was.

"That's why he's been in such a shit mood. He constantly talks about you, says that you should be throwing your knickers at him like the rest of the girls, but turns around to say that he likes the fact that you're not easy. He's a downright contradiction if you ask me, but I guess he likes a challenge." It was the second time I'd heard those words, and they still stung. I wasn't a conquest for someone to overcome. I was a human being. I may not have been the nicest person, but I still had feelings.

"Well he's not going to get anywhere with me," I grumbled, my mood slowly turning sour.

"I believe you." Someone finally came over to take our orders, apologizing for the wait. Apparently there was an issue in the kitchen. With promises to get us our food and drinks as quickly as possible, the girl scampered off into the back.

"How are you parents?" I asked, desperate to change the subject. I'd seen his sisters recently, and they seemed to be doing well enough, but the last time I saw his parents was a disaster of a dinner party when my older brother announced that he was moving to America. He was partially the reason my parents were so hard on me. Landon moved and got in nearly every kind of trouble you could think of. Scandal after scandal graced the gossip sites and telly stations. Our parents had been furious, threatening to cut him off if he didn't get his act together. We stopped hearing from him after that threat.

"They're great. I actually talked to them this morning. They want to see you. Did you know that Landon was home?" My eyes widened, and I shook my head. I hadn't gotten a phone call from my parents, which could only mean that they didn't know he was here either. That was a disaster waiting to happen. For 4 months straight, my father ranted about what a bad seed Landon was. The argument of the century was going to happen when word got out that Landon was back in London.

"I don't think he'd tell me if he was home. I sort of had to take my parents side when everything happened. I'm sure he resents me for that." I couldn't blame him. I should have stood up to my parents, but afraid of being outcasted by my family when I had no friends to begin with didn't seem appealing.

"He doesn't resent you." Zayn was smiling mischievously, and I wanted to know why. He gaze wasn't focused on me, but someone behind me. I slowly turned, afraid of what I might find, but it was only Landon, a large grin on his face.

"Hey you annoying little shit." He opened his arms, and I launched myself at him, tears streaming down my face. Landon and I weren't typical siblings. We didn't argue often when we were growing up. We were complete opposites, but it worked out for us. Landon tried his best to bring me out of my shell while I tried to keep him out of trouble.

"Why didn't you tell me you were coming home?" I pulled back and pushed my hair out of my face.

"I wanted to surprise you. I went by your apartment and your flatmate told me that you were out with Zayn." I could only imagine Nina's reaction to Landon. He was you typical cliche older brother. Every somewhat girl friend I had in school ended up fancying him, though he never game them the time of day. I could only hope that Nina would be different considering she was dating Niall.

"Do mum and dad know you're here?"

"No, but I'm going to tell them. I have big news." One never knew what to expect when Landon had big news. He could be telling the world that he was gay, or he could have found some job my parents wouldn't approve of. He lived to get on their nerves because he claimed they were too uptight, which they were. He made their lives difficult on purpose.

"What exactly is big news?" I took my seat in my chair, knowing that whatever he had to say was probably going to knock me on my ass.

"I'm getting married." My jaw hit the floor. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Never in a million years did I think Landon was going to settle down. He liked to party too much. I searched his face for any semblance of a joke, but he was completely serious.

"Come again?" I raised my eyebrows at him, and his already wide grin got bigger, if that was even possible.

"I'm getting married," He repeated himself. I stared at him, letting the information sink in before I slowly smiled. My brother was getting married. This girl had to be amazing.

"Congratulations." He wrapped his arms around me again and kissed the top of my head.

"Thank you. She wants to meet you tonight, so please tell me you'll come to dinner with us." My first instinct was to find an excuse not to go. Not that I didn't want to know the girl that my brother was going to marry. Of course I wanted to meet her, but I stayed away from social interaction with strangers if I could help it.

"You brought her to London?" The waitress showed up with our food and drinks, setting everything down in front of us before asking Landon if he wanted anything. He told her no before turning back to me.

"That's why I came home. She wants to meet mom and dad." That was going to be a complete disaster. Landon hadn't been home for more than two years, and when he finally did come back, the first thing he was going to say to our parents was that he was getting married? My mother was going to have a conniption.

"That's going to be interesting." I mumbled, picking at my chips.

"I know." He seemed little too excited. I don't know if it was because he knew my parents were going to freak out and he was looking forward to seeing their reactions, or if he was genuinely happy to be getting married. I looked over at Zayn. He seemed to off in his own world, and I felt slightly bad for pretty much excluding him from the conversation.

"What time did you want to have dinner?"

"Around 7. Is that alright?" I didn't have plans, and if Nina asked me to go out, I could tell her that I was already busy. It worked to my advantage.

"Yeah, that's fine."

"Alright. I'm going to get going. I'll see you later." He kissed the top of my head and nearly sprinted out of the cafe. If we were in a cartoon, there definitely would have been a cloud of smoke left in his wake. I laughed a little, turning back to my food and a smiling Zayn.

"You don't seem to mind affection too much when it comes to him." It was true. Landon was just about the only person I was comfortable with when it came to someone touching me.

"Yeah. He didn't really let me get away with being shy when I was younger, so I'm kind of used to it. It's just the person he is." I shrugged, finally taking a bite from my sandwich.

"It's good that you're not completely closed off. You're a different person with your brother." He leaned toward me, and as an instinct, I moved back a little.

"You think I'm closed off?" Not that I could deny that I was. It was just never put into that context. I was always considered a bitch.

"Yes. It's sort of obvious. Around strangers, I understand, but you're still closed off around me. When we were younger, I understood. Your parents are....interesting people to say the least, but I thought you'd have grown out of it once you got to uni." Zayn had always respected my boundaries and my personality. It was why we got along. I didn't understand why he was curious all of a sudden.

"Well, I'm close with Nina."

"But does she know about your parents? Or any personal information about you?" I had to think about it. I'd only mentioned my parents once, and it was because I'd been going to dinner with them that night. Other than my food preferences, I realized that Nina didn't really know much about me. I hadn't told her about Landon, so I knew that came as a shock.

"No, I guess not." I didn't like admitting that I was wrong because most of the time I wasn't, but Zayn had me beat this time.

"You see? I think you should at least try to open up a little more. You can't go through life with only two friends, Logan." I didn't think there was anything wrong with that. With a small circle of friends, I didn't have a lot of drama to worry about.

"I'm friends with Liam." It was a stretch, considering we'd only hung out once, and I'd hardly paid attention to him. Zayn laughed and leaned back in his chair, eating the last of his chips. I hadn't even noticed that his food was gone.

"That doesn't count. Liam wants to get into your pants." I raised my eyebrows, but it wasn't surprising.

"Seriously?" I thought his facial expression would change, like what he'd said was some kind of mistake, but he just shrugged and nodded his head.

"Yeah. I don't mean to burst your bubble. I'm just looking out for you." I was grateful for it, and maybe Nina was right when she said my selection of friends was horrible. I looked down at my food, picking at the chips, my appetite suddenly gone, "I'm sorry, Logan. Really, I didn't mean to upset you." I shook my head. I wasn't mad at Zayn. There was a reason for me to be upset.

"I'm not mad or anything. I just....this is why I stay away from people. Everyone wants something, and I just don't have time to deal with it." I put some money on the table and walked straight to my car, driving home as fast as I could without getting a ticket. When I saw that Nina's car wasn't in her parking space, I assumed she'd gone to work, which would be good for me. I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone.

"I was starting to think you weren't going to come home." I looked up from my purse, fist raised, and I swung, hitting Harry in the shoulder. My eyes widened when I realized it was him.

"Shit, I'm sorry. You can't sneak up on me like that." He was clutching his shoulder in pain, and though I should have felt bad, I felt like he sort of deserved it. And I wasn't as angry anymore.

"Fuck that hurt. Where did you learn to hit like that?" I pulled my keys out of my purse and walked to the front door, unlocking it and stepping inside. I tried to close the door, but Harry stuck out the arm that I hadn't punched him in to stop it.

"My brother," I said simply, trying to close the door again.

"You know, it's rude to close the door in people's faces before you've figured out what they wanted." I rolled my eyes and stood in the doorway.

"And what is it that you want?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Well, I wanted to apologize." I raised my eyebrows at him.

"What for?" I didn't exactly feel that he owed me an apology, but if he was going to give me one, I wouldn't stop him.

"Last night. I don't know what I was trying to do, but it wasn't appropriate, and I'm sorry."

"I know what you were trying to do. You were trying to make me jealous, but I'm going to clue you in on a little secret. A person has to like you in order for you to make them jealous." He looked at me as if I'd slapped him in the face. It was almost comical, but this wasn't a laughing matter. I needed to squash whatever this was once and for all.

"You don't like me...like at all?" He stared at me with wide eyes.

"No, I don't. You haven't really given me a reason to like you." Part of me knew that I was being harsh, but he'd caught me when I was in a bad mood, so he was getting the bulk of my anger. Better him than Nina or Landon.

"You don't even know me," He murmured angrily. I shrugged.

"That stunt you pulled last night was enough for me not to want to get to know you. That was immature, and if you wanted any type of friendship with me, that wasn't the way to attempt to get it." He shuffled from foot to foot, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"Who said I wanted to be friends? I just wanted to shag you." It shouldn't have hurt my feelings. I knew that was how he felt, but his words made me angry. As much as I wanted to lash out and punch him again, I remained calm, keeping my expression neutral. He wanted a reaction out of me, and I wasn't going to give him one.

"Then why are you so upset with me?" He stood there for a minute, probably trying to come up with a comeback. I waited, 97% sure that my face was turning red.

"Whatever. You're not worth my time." He turned to walk away, and tears burned my eyes.

"Don't come back." I growled before I slammed the door.