If I Stay

Waking up with a kink in my neck wasn't fun. I sighed, walking into the bathroom to wash my face and clean my teeth. I slid my glasses on, brushing through my hair and throwing it into a messy bun. After pulling on leggings and fuzzy socks, I walked into the kitchen to make a pot of coffee, knowing Harry would need it when he woke up. He was still completely knocked out, soft snores falling from his lips. One of his legs was hanging off the couch, and the blanket was strewn haphazardly across his body. I giggled a little, covering my mouth. He looked ridiculous with his hair covering his face and one arm over his eyes. I stepped into the kitchen, turning on my Keurig.

"You're not even trying to be quiet," he groaned, pushing himself into a sitting position.

"Good morning to you too." I pulled two mugs out of the cabinet, setting them on the counter.

"You should have a bit more respect for someone with a hangover." I rolled my eyes, grabbing the milk from the refrigerator and the sugar from the pantry.

"You didn't have to spend the night. If you don't remember, I told you to go home. You're the one that decided to stay," I pointed out, pouring us both a cup of coffee when the pot was done. I slid his toward him, leaving him to make it however he liked. Adding milk and sugar to mine, I stirred it together before pulling out bacon and eggs.

"That wouldn't have been smart. Katie was in the house screaming about why I'd stopped calling her."

"So you came here to get away from one of your many girlfriends. That's wonderful," I muttered sarcastically, putting a pan on the stove. I stared with the bacon, making eight pieces before I moved on to the eggs.

"I don't do the girlfriend thing, and I told you, I came here to see you. That wasn't a lie."

"I can't imagine why you'd want to see me. No matter how many times you ask, you're not going to get what you want. It's a waste of your time," I reminded him, pushing the egg yolk around the pan. I popped some bread into the toaster and pulled plates out of the cabinet above the microwave.

"Contrary to what you might think, sex isn't the only thing on my mind." I scoffed and rolled my eyes.

"You blatantly said that you wanted to shag me last night, or do you not remember that?" He sipped at his coffee, frowning at the taste. He hadn't added sugar or milk, but that was probably for the best.

"No, I remember that part, and that wasn't a lie either, but like you said, no matter how many times I ask, I'm not going to get what I want. So how about we try being friends?" I pushed the freshly cooked eggs onto the plates, adding the bacon and toast.

"Friends?" I asked, setting his plate in front of him.

"Thanks, and yes. Friends." I didn't believe a word he was saying, but I decided to humor him.

"Do you even know what being friends means?" I raised an eyebrow at him, sipping at my coffee.

"Of course."

"Okay, so you know that means no sex, right?"

"Not the friends I keep around," he chuckled to himself, and I had the urge to punch him. Why was he such a pig?

"Okay, well if you want to be friends with me, there will be absolutely no sex. You are not allowed to touch me. Don't think you can crash here freely. Do not show up unannounced. No complaining about me being too busy to hang out, got it?" Trying it for a few weeks couldn't hurt, and if things didn't work out, it wouldn't be a problem.

"Are you serious?" He asked, shoveling eggs into his mouth.

"Very serious. Take it or leave it."

"Fine Logan. Friends. No good stuff allowed." I could only hope I didn't regret this decision. Keeping it from Nina was an obvious choice, and it's not like I'd really have time to hang out with him anyway. Between classes, homework, and helping Lottie plan her wedding, I doubted I'd have much free time anyway.

"Wonderful. So finish your food and get out." I ate my breakfast quickly before going to fold the blankets on the couch. I put them back into the closet and went to clean the kitchen.

"You're seriously kicking me out?" Harry asked, sliding his plate into the sink along with everything else.

"Yes. I think I've dealt with you enough for one day, and I have a chemistry test to study for."

"Okay, well I have a history test to study for, so why don't I get my notes and we can study together?" I was a little shocked that he was actually going to study.

"I didn't know you actually attended classes." He rolled his eyes at me, plucking the clean plate from my fingers and putting it on the dish rack.

"Of course I go to class. So what do you say to studying?" If Nina walked in, she was bound to ask questions, and I didn't want to have another sour conversation.

"Fine, but not here. I don't need Nina finding out about this." I drank the rest of my coffee and washed the mug out, reaching for Harry's empty one.

"Are you ashamed of me?" He meant it as a joke, but I just stared at him blankly.

"Yes." His eyes widened a little, and he chuckled, shaking his head.

"You're harsh." I shrugged.

"I don't care."

"You know, I liked you better when you barely talked."

"I told you. I either talk too much, or I don't say enough. You wanna be friends, you gotta get used to it. Go home." I nodded toward the door, putting the last of the dishes into the rack before drying off my hands.

"I'll be back to pick you up in a little bit," he kissed my hair, and I swatted at him, getting a good hit at the same shoulder I punched him in.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" I screamed, giving him the look of death. He laughed and ran out the front door. I knew agreeing to be his friend was a bad idea. He'd probably try every trick in the book. I sighed, readjusting the bun that was sitting on the top of my head. I took a quick shower and dressed in jeans and a jumper. I gathered my books and notes, not bothering to put my contacts in before I walked into the living room. I set my things onto the coffee table and settled into the couch, flipping through the channels on the TV. There wasn't anything interesting on, so I switched it off, playing with the phone I barely used. It was a means of communication for my parents, and I didn't use it for much else. I lived with Nina, so I had no reason to text her, and I didn't give my number out to talk to anyone else. It was a waste in my opinion, but I guess it came in handy for times like this.

"Oh good. You're home." Nina walked through the front door and shut it behind her, walking over to take a seat next to me on the couch. I knew we were going to have the inevitable conversation. I just hoped it wasn't too bad. I really didn't like fighting with Nina.

"Yeah, but I'm going to head out soon. I'm going to study with a friend." I'd already said too much, and I hoped she wouldn't ask which friend I was going with.

"I understand. I just wanted to say I'm sorry, and you were right. Well, sort of. I did have a thing for Harry when we first started uni. It didn't really go anywhere. It never does with him. I just don't want him doing the same thing to you that he does to every girl." It wasn't the first time she'd told me this, but now it made more sense. She'd experienced first hand, and though I had no intentions of dating Harry, I felt like I was crossing a line.

"I'm sorry," I sighed, leaning against the cushions.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for. You're old enough to make your own decisions, and I know I can't protect you from everything. God, I sound like a mum, but I really just want to look out for you. If you want to date Harry, it's okay. I'm just warning you that it's probably not going to end well."

"Nina, I don't know how many times I have to tell you that I don't want to date Harry. It's not like I'm trying to cover it up. I genuinely don't want to date him or anyone for that matter. School is demanding enough. I don't have extra time to stroke someone's ego constantly and worry about what they're feeling." She laughed a little, resting her head in her hands.

"I swear, you're wise beyond your years. I don't know how you can be so mature at our age. We're supposed to be reckless." My parents didn't allow reckless behavior. How Landon managed to get away with so much, I would never know. If I even thought about doing the things Landon did, my parents would disown me.

"I don't really know how to be reckless. My parents don't tolerate that kind of behavior. That's why my brother isn't around."

"Yes! I've been waiting for you to mention him. Why the hell didn't you tell me he was gorgeous!? I looked like a fish out of water when he came to door looking for you." I laughed because I could imagine her exact expression.

"We didn't talk much after he left. I didn't even know he was coming back, so I didn't think it mattered." I shrugged, pulling my legs underneath me. I was glad that the air between Nina and I was finally clear. I wouldn't feel awkward in the flat anymore.

"It definitely mattered, but that's beside the point. I know you say that you don't want to date Harry, and I believe you. I just think he's going to go to any lengths to get into your pants. I've never seen him put this much effort into making one person upset. He normally doesn't care about anyone but himself, but I swear he won't shut up about you and how mad you make him. I'm not saying that he's changed or that it's a good thing. It's just different." I nodded once, not really sure how to respond. It was obvious that Harry intentionally did things to make me upset, though his reasons behind it were unknown. Pissing me off wasn't a logical way to get me into bed.

"I don't really know what his deal is. I've tried talking to him, and he just sort of talks in circles. Our conversation last night was rather interesting, but I set him straight. Well, at least I think I did." Maybe agreeing to be friends wasn't the best idea. I'd told him I wasn't interested before, yet he was still around. If the friends thing didn't work out, I needed to find a way to avoid him completely.

"It doesn't seem like Harry's going to be giving up on you anytime soon. Just be careful, yeah?"

"Yeah." She pat my shoulder a couple times before going to her room. Thankfully I heard her door close before the doorbell rang. I grabbed my stuff quickly and walked outside.

"I'm guessing Nina's home?" He asked, raising his eyebrows as he led me down the sidewalk to his car.

"Yeah. She just got there. Where are we going?" I was surprised when he opened the passenger door for me. It seemed a bit out of character for him, but I didn't make any comments on it.

"Diner. It's a bit of a hole in the wall, but they have amazing food, and it's pretty quiet there for the most part. They have open mic nights once a week. It's pretty cool. A bit of a safe haven for me if you want to call it that." He said once he'd slid into the drivers seat. He took off down the road, and I feared a bit for my safety. Death by car accident was the last thing I wanted.

"Please don't kill me," I mumbled, gripping the sides of my seat.

"I'm an excellent driver," he said as he hit a corner. I squeaked when everything shifted to the right and sent up a silent prayer that I would make it through the ride.

"So are you going to tell Nina that we're hanging out at some point? I figured she's probably going to find out anyway." He was right, but her warning was in the back of my mind, and I wasn't sure that I wanted to tell her for different reasons now. I made a mental note to get Harry's side of the story. If he had feelings for her at some point, this wasn't going to work out.

"Not anytime soon." He pulled into a nearly empty carpark, and I let out a sigh of relief that we'd made it safely. I was in the process of unbuckling my seatbelt when he opened my door for me again. I thanked him as I stepped out, and he closed the door behind me, leading me inside the small restaurant. There were few people inside, but it was warm, and the people working looked friendly enough. He led us to an empty table, but my eyes widened at the couple that was sitting a few tables away. I recognized one particular person, and he shouldn't have been there. They were smiling at each other, and my heart sank to my stomach.

"What's wrong?" Harry asked, giving me a concerned look.

"Can we go, please?" I said, trying to keep my voice quiet so I didn't draw attention to myself.

"Why? Did you forget something?" I shook my head, trying to tear my eyes away from what I was seeing.

"That's my dad." He followed my line of vision, raising his eyebrows.

"What, you don't want him to see you with me or something?" He was clearly offended, but my father seeing me with Harry was the farthest thing from my mind.

"No. The woman he's sitting with isn't my mom," I whispered, gnawing at my bottom lip. We needed to get out of there before he actually spotted me. Harry's eyes widened a little as he looked back and forth.

"I mean maybe she's a friend from work and they're just grabbing lunch?" My dad's office was at least 45 minutes away from where we were, and like clockwork, he leaned over and gave the woman a kiss. I turned on my heel, storming out. I wasn't sure why, but hot tears were welling up in my eyes. I stopped outside of Harry's car, willing them to go away, but they slid down my cheeks all the same. I felt Harry's arms wrap around me, and for once, I didn't tense or pull away. I welcome the warmth and blubbered into his chest like a baby. He shushed me, stroking my hair, but the tears wouldn't stop. It was like years worth of sadness finally caught up to me. The dam was broken.

"Shit," I muttered wiping at my nose.

"Are you okay?" I shook my head, pulling a pack of tissues out of my bag.

"No. My parents aren't perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but I never thought my dad would actually be unfaithful. He acts like he's all high and mighty, like he can do no wrong. I just don't understand why he would do something like that." What was I going to do the next time I had dinner with him? That's not acceptable conversation, according to my parents, but was I supposed to just act like I hadn't seen anything? Was I supposed to keep my mouth shut and let the affair continue?

"Come on. We can go back to mine. No one's there." I hoped he was right.