If I Stay

"Oh. You're home." Nina closed the front door behind her, hanging her coat on the rack.

"Yeah." I glanced at her for a second before returning my gaze to the book review I was attempting to finish.

"You're never home." She plopped down next to me, staring over my shoulder at what few words I was typing. Much to my dismay, I was horribly distracted, and I hadn't gotten further than a few verbose paragraphs.

"Midterms are over," I said simply, hoping she wouldn't ask anymore questions. If I was being honest, I was home because Harry had taken to avoiding me since the disaster of a dinner at my parents' house. I couldn't say that I blamed him. My mother had shown a horrible side of herself, the only side she had really.

"Oh. Well, do you want to help me cook dinner? Niall is coming over." The last thing I wanted was to be in the flat while the two of them gushed over each other.

"No. I think I'm going to go see Zayn." He was the first person that popped into my head, and I knew he'd be able to provide the perfect escape, granted that would only work if he wasn't shagging some girl. I prayed to heavens that he wasn't and shut my laptop.

"Alright. Well I'll leave some in the fridge for you."

"Thank you." I grabbed my keys and my jacket, quickly walking down to my car. I drove to Zayn's flat, taking the scenic route to kill time. I pulled up outside and parked, debating on whether or not I actually wanted to go inside. I knew he was going to ask questions that I didn't want to answer, but I didn't have anywhere else to go. I got out of the car and walked up a long set of stairs, knocking on Zayn's door.

"Logan?" He was staring at me with raised eyebrows, but he didn't seem entirely upset that I was there.

"Hey. Can I come in?"

"Sure." He stepped to the side and closed the door behind me, walking back into the living room.

"Wasn't expecting to see you here tonight," he said as we sat down.

"Last minute plans. Nina's cooking dinner for Niall. I'd rather not be there for the aftermath of that." He laughed, running his fingers through his hair.

"So are you going to tell me why you're really here?" I should have known he was going to figure me out. It was a somewhat special ability of his. I sighed, leaning against the cushions.

"I've been spending time with Harry." I couldn't exactly describe the look he gave me. It was a mix of shock and a bunch of other things I couldn't pin point, but he didn't look happy by any stretch of the imagination.

"What?" I knew he'd heard me. He was just hoping that I'd change my story, but there was no use in lying to him.

"I've been spending time with Harry."

"And you're here, why?" he questioned, staring at me like I had two heads. I wasn't sure what to tell him. Either way I went, it was going to sound horrible.

"He's not talking to me." He sighed, putting his head in his hands and running his fingers through his hair.

"Please tell me you didn't fuck him." My eyes widened, and I choked on my own saliva, shaking my head quickly.

"No! God no. Absolutely not!" He let out a large sigh of relief, but I could tell he was still unhappy.

"So why isn't he talking to you?" This was the part I didn't know how to explain. It seemed simple enough, and yet it wasn't.

"My mum insulted him." He was silent for several long seconds, and I thought he was going to start yelling at me. It wouldn't surprise me, and it wasn't like I could be upset about it. Going over the situation in my head, it seemed bizarre, and there really wasn't an explanation for it.

"So what. You're dating now?" His tone was harsh, and he looked pissed.

"No. We're not dating. Nina and I got into a fight the day I went to dinner with Landon and Lottie. When I came home, Harry was there, and he was drunk. He slept on the couch because he didn't want to go home, and I sort of agreed to be his friend. We went out to study, but we saw my dad with another woman, and I kind of just started crying. He comforted me, and we just started hanging out after that. Nina freaked because I was never home, and I was hiding in Harry's closet when she asked him where I was. I guess she thought he had me chained in a basement somewhere, but I had to go to dinner with my parents that night. He offered to go with me. I warned him that it was a bad idea, but he went anyway, and Landon told my parents that we were dating so my dad threatened him and my mom called him a tattooed low life. I haven't seen or talked to him since he took me home." By the time I was finished, Zayn looked like he wanted to kill me, and I couldn't blame him. It sounded horrible once I'd said everything out loud.

"So let me get this straight. You've been spending time together, and you took him to meet your parents, but you're not dating?" He didn't sound convinced, and I understood why.

"Right."

"Well it's obvious your mother offended him. But maybe you're better off not talking to each other?" I groaned, leaning my head back and closing my eyes. I didn't get why everyone thought he was some horrible person. I could admit to making my assumptions about him, but I'd actually spent time around him, and he wasn't as horrible as everyone made him out to be.

"Look, you guys have known him longer than I have, but he isn't as horrible as you and Nina keep making him sound. He's actually been a really good friend to me." I couldn't believe the words were leaving my mouth, but it was the truth.

"Yeah, for now," he scoffed, pushing himself from the couch. I really didn't know what his deal was, but I didn't want to ask questions. He seemed upset enough for reasons unknown to me.

"Zayn, I didn't come here to fight with you. I didn't even want to talk about this. I wanted to get away from Niall and Nina, so please don't be upset. Let's just order food and watch a movie or something." It had been a small tradition when we were teenagers and our parents went out together. I could only hope that he agreed because I didn't have anywhere else to go, and I didn't want to go home.

"Pizza or Chinese?" My shoulders sagged in relief at the fact that he wasn't kicking me out.

"Pizza." I let him pick the movie because I was technically using him, but I wasn't disappointed about the fact that we ended up watching The Dark Knight, "I didn't interrupt your plans or anything, right?" I asked twenty minutes into the movie. I hadn't thought about it before, but he could have been getting ready to do something, and I completely ruined it.

"Now you ask," he chuckled, shaking his head at me. It was a little backwards. I should have asked before I even went inside.

"Sorry."

"It's fine. Though I wish you'd come here under different circumstances." I couldn't decipher his tone, but Id didn't have the energy to.

"I promise the next time I come over unannounced, it will be strictly because I want to see your adorable face." I pinched at his cheeks, something that seemed to shock the both of us, but neither of us commented on it.

"It better be." The doorbell rang, and I reached for my wallet, but Zayn beat me to the door, "Don't even think about it. You weren't even supposed to pay for your food the last time I saw you." He handed the delivery guy some money and shut the door, setting the pizza on the coffee table.

"Thank you," I said, knowing better than to protest like I wanted to.

"You're welcome." We ate in silence with the occasional burp from Zayn. It wasn't anything out of the ordinary, but I still thought it was slightly disgusting, "Can I ask you something?" he said when the pizza was half gone and we'd both and our fill.

"Sure."

"Why do you hang out with Harry? I mean obviously Nina and I don't control who you see, but we've warned you and you see what he's capable of. I just don't understand why you have a desire to be around him." I hadn't thought about it, and thinking about it now, I didn't have an answer. I didn't have a desire to hang out with Harry. I just didn't mind being around him like every else seemed to.

"It's not that I have a desire to be around him. I haven't thought about it. He's just.....a lot nicer than I thought he was going to be. I'm not dating him, and I'm not jumping up to shag him. He really is a good friend. It's as much a surprise to me as it is to you." I ran my fingers through my hair trying to make sense of everything.

"It's not a surprise to me. I know Harry's a good friend. He's just never friends with girls." I shrugged.

"I told him friendship was the only thing he was going to get out of me. He doesn't exactly have a choice," I pointed out.

"He did have a choice. He could have chosen not to talk to you at all. I don't know what you did to him, but he's different." The way I saw it, that was a good thing, but it seemed like everyone else wanted to stay the same. If he wasn't as rude or hurtful, what was the issue?

"Isn't that a good thing?"

"You've changed too." I was shocked to hear it. I didn't feel any different than I normally did.

"No I haven't."

"You've been here almost two hours, and you haven't fidgeted once. You pinched my cheeks. This is the most I've ever heard you talk. Something's different." On cue, my knee started to bounce involuntarily, and I tugged at the ends of my hair. I hadn't noticed that I wasn't fidgeting.

"You're observant," I mumbled, averting my gaze to the TV.

"No. Don't do that. Don't hide. I get it. They're defense mechanisms, but I've been trying to get you out of your shell for years. You spend a couple of weeks with Harry, and suddenly you're comfortable with yourself? How is that fair, Logan?" He was upset, but I didn't understand why. I'd spent more time with Zayn during my childhood than anyone. Other than Nina and now Harry, he was the closest thing I had to a best friend.

"Why are you so upset with me? I can't help who I feel comfortable around." I moved into the corner of the couch, pulling my legs up to my chest.

"You barely know him! You shouldn't feel comfortable around him." I didn't know where he was going with this, but I had a feeling it was only going to get worse.

"I didn't ask for this, Zayn."

"You never do, Logan. You don't have to ask anyone for anything. You blink, and people fall at your feet and you don't even realize it." I raised my eyebrows at him, feeling like the subject matter of our conversation was changing.

"What are you talking about?" He didn't respond right away, and it looked like he was weighing his options. What those options were, I had no idea.

"I think you should go." I wasn't expecting that, and it hurt my feelings.

"What?"

"Go home, Logan." I opened my mouth to say something else, but it wasn't worth it. I stood, grabbing my things and slamming the door behind me. I turned, raising my fist to knock. I didn't want to leave things like that with Zayn, but maybe giving him a couple days would be better. I sighed, kicking the wall before walking back to my car. What the hell was wrong with me? Why was everything slowly falling apart?

I drove home as fast as I could, having every intention of locking myself in my room and never coming back out. I didn't have the energy to deal with anyone else. I wanted to sleep for an entire week and seriously considered skipping my classes for the first time since I started school. I leaned my head against the steering wheel once I was parked and took a deep breath to calm my nerves. Never had I been kicked out of someone's flat before, and never in a million years did I think Zayn was going to be the first person to do it.

"I guess it's a good thing I didn't knock." I screamed, swinging my laptop in the direction of the voice. I felt contact and opened my eyes.

"Shit! I'm sorry." It was Harry, again, holding the same shoulder I punched him in the last time we'd been in this situation.

"Shit, Logan. What is up with you and violence?"

"I'm sorry. I told you not to sneak up on me. You have to give me some type of warning. Why do you always talk when my back is turned?" I groaned, walking to the front door. I pulled my keys out, rethinking my decision before I actually opened the door.

"I know. I should have learned the first time. I didn't know you weren't home. I've kind of been standing outside debating on whether or not I should knock." Despite the circumstances, I was actually sort of happy to see him.

"What are you doing here?"

"I came to apologize. I've been avoiding you, and I'm sorry." I raised my eyebrows in surprise.

"Well, at least you owned up to it. Now do you want to tell me why?"

"I know I said your mum's comments didn't bother me, but they did. I was just sort of thinking about it, and she's right. You probably shouldn't be around me." I groaned and rolled my eyes, asking the heavens why this was happening to me. What exactly had I done to deserve the cruelty I was getting.

"Not you too."

"You didn't even let me finish. I think she's right, but if it weren't already obvious with me standing outside of your flat, I don't really care. I don't have a lot of friends, especially girls, and I'm going to sound really crazy for saying this, but you're good for me." I clenched my jaw to keep my mouth from dropping open. It was a confession that I wasn't expecting, but one that I actually appreciated.

"Wow." I wasn't sure what else to say.

"I know. I know I'm completely stupid, but I had to say something because I got used to you being around all the time, and it just felt weird not seeing you. And I sound like some cheesy romance movie, and I'm going to stop talking now." I giggled a little, leaning against the door.

"You're not stupid, and thank you for saying something. It's been weird for me too. Why don't you come inside? I'll make popcorn, and we can watching a movie or something."

"Is Nina home?" I'd completely forgotten, but he was already here, and it would be rude to make him leave.

"Yeah, but she was going to find out eventually. And Niall's over. He'll keep her occupied." At least I hoped he would. I didn't want to answer to the courts tonight. I unlocked the door and walked inside, shutting it behind Harry. I could hear the TV and see Niall's blonde hair. Nina was either laying down or she was in the bathroom.

"You're back! And you brought Harry with you." Nina sat up, her face going from a smile to a frown. She stared between me and Harry, her eyebrows slowly raising to her hairline, "Care to explain what the hell is going on here?"

"Nina, I don't want to fight with you. Harry's here, and honestly, it's none of your business." Niall was grinning, and I knew I did something right. I grabbed Harry's arm, dragging him into my room and shutting the door behind us.

"No popcorn?"

"No, sorry, but I keep snacks in here. There should be a bag of Doritos and soda at the top of my closet." I walked into the bathroom, brushing the knots from my hair and twisting it at the top of my head. I took my contacts out and put my glasses on.

"You have a picnic up there," Harry mumbled through a mouthful of crisps. I rolled my eyes, grabbing a t-shirt and a pair of shorts from my dresser.

"Close your eyes. I don't feel like going back to the bathroom." He shut his eyes, but I had the strange feeling that he was still peeking. I changed my shirt as quick as I could and pulled my bra out from the sleeve. I pulled my shorts on, tossing my jeans into the hamper before jumping on my bed.

"What are we watching?"

"Well, I think it's only fair that we watch Friends. You were singing the theme song the last time you were here." I scrolled through Netflix, picking my favorite episode.

"I was drunk. You can't blame that on me." I laughed loudly, pushing my hand into the bag of Doritos.

"I can most certainly blame that on you. No one made you get drunk," I said.

"Fair point, but I had to entertain myself somehow. You left me in the living room by myself to die." I rolled my eyes at him, taking a sip from my soda.

"You weren't going to die. I brought you blankets. I think that was pretty nice, and in case you don't remember, you asked to shag me. There was no way I was sticking around."

"That offer is still on the table." He wiggled his eyebrows at me.

"You're an idiot."

"You love me."

"Don't get ahead of yourself cowboy." His laugh was loud and obnoxious.

"You watch too much American TV." He was right. I was slightly addicted to American shows. They were hilarious.

"Yeah, probably."

"Thank you, Logan." His tone was suddenly serious and a bit worrying.

"For what?"

"Giving me a chance." I didn't like the way he was looking at me. For once, he looked open, and that was scary. Vulnerability wasn't something I was used to, from me or other people. It was nerve wrecking, and it gave people a chance to hurt you. I just hoped this conversation wouldn't go any deeper.

"You're welcome."