Family is all we have in the end
Tuesday, November 28th 1871
Loud slamming can be heard about the house as I lay in bed. I look out my window and don’t see much light, it must be early. I don’t understand why anyone would be up at this time. After a few minutes of listening to the slamming around the house, I get out of bed and walk into the hallway to check the hallway clock. I rub my eyes as I look to the clock seeing that it is one o’clock in the morning. I yawn and run a hand through my hair. I slowly make my way down the stairs, trying to get a good picture of who it is and what they are doing. As I get further and further down the stairs I hear voices. They aren’t yelling, but they are frustrated, and angry. I move down the stairs so I can hear the conversation, but I am careful that they don’t see me trying to listen to them.
“Three months! He’s been gone for three months now, doesn’t that bother you at all?” Michael’s voice sounds more confused than strict, which is unusual for him.
“Look, Michael. If he’s going to leave us all the time why should we even give it any thought? Maybe he’ll come back like father.” Anna is always one to stay calm and level headed no matter what the situation, but I can tell that the last sentence’s only purpose is to piss Michael off.
“Don’t you ever say that again.” Michael says angrily through gritted teeth. He is actually making an effort to stay quiet. Anna is silent for a second and then I hear he mutter a quick apology. “I can’t continue to support this family without his help, Anniel.”
“Cass has a job, I’m getting a job, when Gabe is older he can get one too. It will all work out.” I smile when I hear Anna mention my name. The way that she says it, makes it sound like everything will work out.
“I’m sorry but that’s not very reassuring. Cassius hardly makes enough to help us, and until you actually have a job I am not going to rely on it.”
‘Everyone is trying here; you’re the only one who’s making such a big deal about it.”
“I’m not sure you realize this, but things cost money. Food costs money, clothes cost money, owning this home in Kensington costs money, and we don’t have much of that left.
“We’re all going to help out!” Anna’s voice is desperately trying to offer some kind of support. Michael ignores her completely.
“And not only that, but Gabriel is doing absolutely terrible in school. How is he ever going to get a job when he can’t even handle school? He’s been stealing things Anna, did you know that? He’s stealing.”
“Well maybe he isn’t receiving enough support from his family!”
“This family is falling apart, it’s in pieces, and defending your stupid little brother isn’t helping anything.”
“Maybe this family is in pieces because you don’t even care about it.”
“I don’t care about it? Me? I’ve been doing my best to make sure we have enough money to survive. What have you been doing?”
“Actually caring for this family.” She says bitterly, leaving the kitchen to go back upstairs. I rush up the stairs so that she doesn’t catch me and see that I was listening to their conversation.
When I get to my room I jump onto the twin bed, mind racing over all the things that I overheard. I try my best to remain calm but I can’t stop the few tears that escape. I wipe them and then stand up again. I grab some clothing, at least three button up shirts with long sleeves, a couple pairs of brown trousers, some socks, undergarments and a tie, I shove all the clothing into a large leather bag almost large enough to be a suitcase. I grab some coins I earned from work and throw them into the bag as well. I close the bad and look at it for a moment before pushing it under my bed, ready for when I need it.
Anna enters my room her blue-green eyes wet with tears; she smiles dimly at me and sits next to me on the best. She knows that I heard their conversation, that’s why she came to see me.
“I-I” She seems to be searching for what word to use. “I’m so sorry Cassie.” I don’t even flinch at the nickname she gives me. She sits close to me and lays her head down on my shoulder.
“Anna. It’s okay”
“No. It’s not. I don’t know what to do, Michael is right. We don’t have much money left and that’s a problem.” I almost can’t hear her words through her sobs.
“At least things have sort of calmed down; I mean Michael seems to be quiet for the moment.” The house is silent, it is almost a relaxing atmosphere. It’s nice that things have calmed down.
“Yeah.” She says softly, forcing a weak smile, only one side of her lips turning up. Then a sound comes from the front of the house. A creaking sound of a door opening. “Oh god, you don’t think that’s-” she is cut off by a loud voice.
“Miss me?” Lucian’s loud voice booms up through the entire house from down stairs, I can almost hear his smirk as he speaks. So much for things staying calm. I bite my look and worriedly look to Anna; she has a fearful look on her face. I wait to hear Michael’s voice, I know what’s coming.
“What? No one gonna even bother greeting me? Cassie, Anna, lil’ Gabey?” Anna arises from the bed slowly and walks out my room to the stairs so that she can see Lucian. I follow her quickly. We both know that Michael is already down stairs so it’s no surprise when we see him walk up to Lucian. We can’t even see his face but his entire body emits anger.
“Where the hell have you been?” He yells, anger running throughout his loud voice. There is no way that Gabe is asleep anymore, perhaps he never was, but if he was he isn’t anymore.
“Ugh, Michael.” Lucian says, disgusted. “I was hoping for one of the others.”
“I asked you a question.” Michael’s voice is stern as he speaks to Lucian. He wants to be taken seriously, but that’s not going to happen. He wants an answer from Lucian, he wants an answer for once but he doesn’t get it.
“What? You wanna know where I was? Wanna know where Luci has been this whole time?” His tone is mocking and he smirks as he speaks to Michael. His short blonde hair is messy on top of his head and he looks at Michael with his ‘innocent’ blue eyes.
“Lucian, enough joking around. You’re not a child.” He was done dealing with this, he was done listening to Luc treating everything like some kind of joke.
“Why does it even matter anyways?” Lucian’s tone changes from the mocking tone from before into a bitter tone.
“What do you mean ‘why does it matter’? We hardly even have enough money to survive! I can’t keep supporting them alone!” Michael is pleading, he is almost begging when he says this.
“And you want me to do something about that?”
“Yes. We need all the help we can get, and you can’t just keep disappearing like this. The money you make should be going towards supporting us.”
“My money. The money I earn from my job belong to me. I’m nineteen years old Michael.”
“Don’t you want to help your family out?”
“Why should I?”
“You should just like father.” Michael says harshly. There is a long silence and Lucian’s facial expression changes suddenly.
“What the hell did you just say to me?” Lucian is yelling louder than ever now. “I’m not anything like that good for nothing bastard!” He is so loud I worry that the neighbors might hear.
“Maybe you should start actually caring for your family then.” Michael shot back before walking away from the tall man, storming up the stairs.
“That’s it.” I say quietly to Anna as I grab the bag from under bed. I don’t let Anna say anything, I just run down the stairs as quickly as I can and slip on my large coat. I exit the house as quietly as I can trying to stay out of Michael and Lucian’s sight.
I run for a while, the bag slung over my shoulder, I want to make sure that I get far enough from the house before I stop. When I do stop I’m at the small forest near Hyde Park. It’s far enough away from out house but also isn’t too far. I wander through the trees trying to recover my breath; I find a rock and I sit on it, looking up at the stars. It has to be about two or three o’clock in the morning by now, but the sky is still dark enough that I can see the stars. It’s freezing, but I can’t give much thought to the temperature. I just think about my life, about Michael and Lucian and Gabe and Anna.
I sit and look at the stars for lord knows how long until I hear footsteps and a familiar voice approaching me.
“Cass?” I sigh when I hear Anna’s voice. If I run now, get out of her sight, I can leave. I can get out of here, live everyone behind, and leave my family behind. Get a fresh start, I have that choice, I have the choice for a better life. Anna isn’t close enough to see me yet so I can pretend I wasn’t even here. Run away.
“Anna.” I finally say after a long thoughtful silence.
“Cassie, what the hell are you doing?” She sounds worried. I sigh again and pat the bag that I had packed, showing her rather than telling her what I was doing. “Oh Cass, please don’t leave. It will all work out.” She says sweetly, I have always wondered how she manages to remain so sweet when she has lived for so long with such terrible people.
“I always think that things will get better and they never do.” My voice breaks as I speak to her, I’m trying not to cry but I can’t.
“Leaving isn’t going to do anything to help that.” She almost seems to be pleading, she wants me to stay, and I know that.
“It will get me as far away from Michael and Lucian as I can, and that’s what I want. That’s what I need.” I can’t even tell if I sound sad or angry as I speak.
“What about me and Gabe.”
“I don’t know…I just can’t- I can’t…” I’m sobbing now.
“Cassius, please don’t leave. It will just make things harder for me and Gabe.” It stings to hear her use my proper name, I don’t think I’ve ever heard her call me that before in my entire life.
I don’t say anything, I just lay down on the rock and look up. She walks over to the rock and lays down next to me. There’s a long silence and I almost forget that she is there.
“Come on, please.” She pleads. I am unsure how to reply. She sits up. “I know that I can’t force you to do anything. I know that I can’t make you come home, but I think it’s what mummy would want you to do.” I flinch when she mentions our mother, I chew on my lip nervously. I sit up and look at my only sister. Her eyes are insistent and her cheeks are stained with tears. “I can’t make you come home Cass” she repeats “but family’s all we have in the end. Remember that.” She stands up and leaves me sitting on the rock thinking to myself. I stand up and run towards her, attacking her with a hug. We walk back home in silence, but not an awkward silence. It was peaceful and comforting.
“Three months! He’s been gone for three months now, doesn’t that bother you at all?” Michael’s voice sounds more confused than strict, which is unusual for him.
“Look, Michael. If he’s going to leave us all the time why should we even give it any thought? Maybe he’ll come back like father.” Anna is always one to stay calm and level headed no matter what the situation, but I can tell that the last sentence’s only purpose is to piss Michael off.
“Don’t you ever say that again.” Michael says angrily through gritted teeth. He is actually making an effort to stay quiet. Anna is silent for a second and then I hear he mutter a quick apology. “I can’t continue to support this family without his help, Anniel.”
“Cass has a job, I’m getting a job, when Gabe is older he can get one too. It will all work out.” I smile when I hear Anna mention my name. The way that she says it, makes it sound like everything will work out.
“I’m sorry but that’s not very reassuring. Cassius hardly makes enough to help us, and until you actually have a job I am not going to rely on it.”
‘Everyone is trying here; you’re the only one who’s making such a big deal about it.”
“I’m not sure you realize this, but things cost money. Food costs money, clothes cost money, owning this home in Kensington costs money, and we don’t have much of that left.
“We’re all going to help out!” Anna’s voice is desperately trying to offer some kind of support. Michael ignores her completely.
“And not only that, but Gabriel is doing absolutely terrible in school. How is he ever going to get a job when he can’t even handle school? He’s been stealing things Anna, did you know that? He’s stealing.”
“Well maybe he isn’t receiving enough support from his family!”
“This family is falling apart, it’s in pieces, and defending your stupid little brother isn’t helping anything.”
“Maybe this family is in pieces because you don’t even care about it.”
“I don’t care about it? Me? I’ve been doing my best to make sure we have enough money to survive. What have you been doing?”
“Actually caring for this family.” She says bitterly, leaving the kitchen to go back upstairs. I rush up the stairs so that she doesn’t catch me and see that I was listening to their conversation.
When I get to my room I jump onto the twin bed, mind racing over all the things that I overheard. I try my best to remain calm but I can’t stop the few tears that escape. I wipe them and then stand up again. I grab some clothing, at least three button up shirts with long sleeves, a couple pairs of brown trousers, some socks, undergarments and a tie, I shove all the clothing into a large leather bag almost large enough to be a suitcase. I grab some coins I earned from work and throw them into the bag as well. I close the bad and look at it for a moment before pushing it under my bed, ready for when I need it.
Anna enters my room her blue-green eyes wet with tears; she smiles dimly at me and sits next to me on the best. She knows that I heard their conversation, that’s why she came to see me.
“I-I” She seems to be searching for what word to use. “I’m so sorry Cassie.” I don’t even flinch at the nickname she gives me. She sits close to me and lays her head down on my shoulder.
“Anna. It’s okay”
“No. It’s not. I don’t know what to do, Michael is right. We don’t have much money left and that’s a problem.” I almost can’t hear her words through her sobs.
“At least things have sort of calmed down; I mean Michael seems to be quiet for the moment.” The house is silent, it is almost a relaxing atmosphere. It’s nice that things have calmed down.
“Yeah.” She says softly, forcing a weak smile, only one side of her lips turning up. Then a sound comes from the front of the house. A creaking sound of a door opening. “Oh god, you don’t think that’s-” she is cut off by a loud voice.
“Miss me?” Lucian’s loud voice booms up through the entire house from down stairs, I can almost hear his smirk as he speaks. So much for things staying calm. I bite my look and worriedly look to Anna; she has a fearful look on her face. I wait to hear Michael’s voice, I know what’s coming.
“What? No one gonna even bother greeting me? Cassie, Anna, lil’ Gabey?” Anna arises from the bed slowly and walks out my room to the stairs so that she can see Lucian. I follow her quickly. We both know that Michael is already down stairs so it’s no surprise when we see him walk up to Lucian. We can’t even see his face but his entire body emits anger.
“Where the hell have you been?” He yells, anger running throughout his loud voice. There is no way that Gabe is asleep anymore, perhaps he never was, but if he was he isn’t anymore.
“Ugh, Michael.” Lucian says, disgusted. “I was hoping for one of the others.”
“I asked you a question.” Michael’s voice is stern as he speaks to Lucian. He wants to be taken seriously, but that’s not going to happen. He wants an answer from Lucian, he wants an answer for once but he doesn’t get it.
“What? You wanna know where I was? Wanna know where Luci has been this whole time?” His tone is mocking and he smirks as he speaks to Michael. His short blonde hair is messy on top of his head and he looks at Michael with his ‘innocent’ blue eyes.
“Lucian, enough joking around. You’re not a child.” He was done dealing with this, he was done listening to Luc treating everything like some kind of joke.
“Why does it even matter anyways?” Lucian’s tone changes from the mocking tone from before into a bitter tone.
“What do you mean ‘why does it matter’? We hardly even have enough money to survive! I can’t keep supporting them alone!” Michael is pleading, he is almost begging when he says this.
“And you want me to do something about that?”
“Yes. We need all the help we can get, and you can’t just keep disappearing like this. The money you make should be going towards supporting us.”
“My money. The money I earn from my job belong to me. I’m nineteen years old Michael.”
“Don’t you want to help your family out?”
“Why should I?”
“You should just like father.” Michael says harshly. There is a long silence and Lucian’s facial expression changes suddenly.
“What the hell did you just say to me?” Lucian is yelling louder than ever now. “I’m not anything like that good for nothing bastard!” He is so loud I worry that the neighbors might hear.
“Maybe you should start actually caring for your family then.” Michael shot back before walking away from the tall man, storming up the stairs.
“That’s it.” I say quietly to Anna as I grab the bag from under bed. I don’t let Anna say anything, I just run down the stairs as quickly as I can and slip on my large coat. I exit the house as quietly as I can trying to stay out of Michael and Lucian’s sight.
I run for a while, the bag slung over my shoulder, I want to make sure that I get far enough from the house before I stop. When I do stop I’m at the small forest near Hyde Park. It’s far enough away from out house but also isn’t too far. I wander through the trees trying to recover my breath; I find a rock and I sit on it, looking up at the stars. It has to be about two or three o’clock in the morning by now, but the sky is still dark enough that I can see the stars. It’s freezing, but I can’t give much thought to the temperature. I just think about my life, about Michael and Lucian and Gabe and Anna.
I sit and look at the stars for lord knows how long until I hear footsteps and a familiar voice approaching me.
“Cass?” I sigh when I hear Anna’s voice. If I run now, get out of her sight, I can leave. I can get out of here, live everyone behind, and leave my family behind. Get a fresh start, I have that choice, I have the choice for a better life. Anna isn’t close enough to see me yet so I can pretend I wasn’t even here. Run away.
“Anna.” I finally say after a long thoughtful silence.
“Cassie, what the hell are you doing?” She sounds worried. I sigh again and pat the bag that I had packed, showing her rather than telling her what I was doing. “Oh Cass, please don’t leave. It will all work out.” She says sweetly, I have always wondered how she manages to remain so sweet when she has lived for so long with such terrible people.
“I always think that things will get better and they never do.” My voice breaks as I speak to her, I’m trying not to cry but I can’t.
“Leaving isn’t going to do anything to help that.” She almost seems to be pleading, she wants me to stay, and I know that.
“It will get me as far away from Michael and Lucian as I can, and that’s what I want. That’s what I need.” I can’t even tell if I sound sad or angry as I speak.
“What about me and Gabe.”
“I don’t know…I just can’t- I can’t…” I’m sobbing now.
“Cassius, please don’t leave. It will just make things harder for me and Gabe.” It stings to hear her use my proper name, I don’t think I’ve ever heard her call me that before in my entire life.
I don’t say anything, I just lay down on the rock and look up. She walks over to the rock and lays down next to me. There’s a long silence and I almost forget that she is there.
“Come on, please.” She pleads. I am unsure how to reply. She sits up. “I know that I can’t force you to do anything. I know that I can’t make you come home, but I think it’s what mummy would want you to do.” I flinch when she mentions our mother, I chew on my lip nervously. I sit up and look at my only sister. Her eyes are insistent and her cheeks are stained with tears. “I can’t make you come home Cass” she repeats “but family’s all we have in the end. Remember that.” She stands up and leaves me sitting on the rock thinking to myself. I stand up and run towards her, attacking her with a hug. We walk back home in silence, but not an awkward silence. It was peaceful and comforting.