30 Days

"Who would've thought that someone like me
Could've fallen in love so easily
I know that you know that I know what I want
I know I can't have it but give it a thought
I know it sounds crazy, baby
But all I do is think of you..."
- 30 Days, Never Shout Never.

---

What if he said no, I couldn't help but wonder. I was walking to Alex's house to ask him something, something important. It was snowing and there was Christmas lights up on all the houses on Alex's street, reminding me that it wasn't long until Christmas. Thirty-two days exactly.

I stood for a moment, just looking at the Gaskarth’s house. It had lights hanging from each of the four windows and a wreath on the door. I gulped and walked towards it, knocking on the door in the middle of the wreath. I waited, stupidly nervous, for someone to answer.

The door opened, engulfing me in warm air.

"Jack?"

I smiled, tugging on my black beanie, "Hi Alex."

"Come in," My best friend said, pulling me in by the arm, "We only saw each other a few hours ago, why are you here?"

I gulped again as I took my beanie off. Then I took my coat off and hung it on the coat rack that was to the left of the door, shoving my beanie in a pocket.

"I have to ask you something." I said, watching for Alex's reaction.

"Yeah?" He said, giving me his full attention, "D'you want a hot chocolate?"

"Yes please." I replied, following him into the kitchen.

I sat on the counter, watching his graceful movements as Alex made us two steaming mugs of proper hot chocolate. Once we both had a warm mug clasped in our hands, we went upstairs to Alex's room. As we entered, he automatically put his iPod docking station on. Music blared out and I recognized it instantly. It was Green Day's "Fell for You." Ironic, considering what I wanted ask to him.

"You said you wanted to ask me something?" Alex said, sipping on his hot chocolate.

"Err... Yeah I did," I said, nervously twisting my fingers into the hem of my t-shirt, "Err... Well, I kinda wanted to ask if...if..."

"Whatever it is, I'm sure it can't be that bad, so just ask me," Alex winked, "So long as it isn't asking me to help you hide a body."

I laughed, some of the tension from my shoulders draining away, leaving me with a heart that was beating twice its normal rate. I was sure Alex could hear it.

"It isn't that, but it is important. To me anyway, I don't know if it will be to you, but I have to ask right?" I said in one breath.

"Just ask me already!"

I took a big breath and then I asked, "Alex, can I, like, court you I guess? Until Christmas Day?"

Alex blinked and didn't say anything.

"I shouldn't've asked you," I said, putting the hot chocolate down and scrambling for the door, tripping over several things that were on Alex's bedroom floor in my hurry, "This was a bad idea. I'm sorry for asking, yeah I'll go now."

Once I was outside, huddled in my warm coat and hat, I cursed myself and my stupid feelings that shouldn't even exist. I didn't know when love had crept into my side of the friendship, but it had and I felt like it was natural, like I was meant to fall for Alex. I could remember the first time I'd seen him.

---
It was nineth grade and I was waiting for my class to begin. I was leant back in my chair, my feet on the table. The teacher didn't care what we did before class, so long as we paid attention during class.

I was staring into space, not listening to the people around me, when the door creaked open and a boy appeared from around it. I focused on him instead of my thoughts and frowned. He was attractive, I thought, my eyes raking over his body. Skinny, but slightly muscled. This suggested to me that he ran, if he did sport at all. I hoped he wasn't a track-rat. We had enough of those already. What we didn't have enough of were people like me, people with good music taste. He had golden brown hair, kind of like the perfect autumn leaf, and caramel brown eyes that shined with a special something.

I tapped my feet on the desk as the new boy quietly introduced himself to the teacher. After a few moments, the teacher pointed towards me and that's when I remembered that the only spare seat in the class was next to me.

I smiled as he walked to me. I wanted to make a...if not good, then decent, first impression on this attractive boy.

"Hi, my name's Jack." I said as he sat down.

"Alex." He replied, glancing at me before looking towards the front.
---

I blinked. I was back at my house. Huh. I must've been so involved in my memory that my feet brought me back here without me noticing. Definitely not the first time that has happened whilst walking back from Alex's.

I went in and was greeted by silence. My whole family had gone out for some reason that I can't remember, and as I'd been going to Alex's, I hadn't been invited. Nice of them.

But at least they couldn't ask questions about how I was and what I did at Alex's. I wouldn't have lie completely - they know I'm gay - but they don't know I have a thing for my (painfully) straight best friend. And talking about how he rejected me isn't the thing I want to do.

I took my coat off and went into the kitchen to make myself a mug of coffee, which only reminded me of the hot chocolate I'd left at Alex's. He always made such good hot chocolate. I thought it was something to with the fact that he was English.

I took my coffee, warming my cold hands on the mug, upstairs to my room. When I got there, I turned my music on and sat on my bed, wondering if Alex hated me now. God, I hoped that he didn’t, but you never know after asking someone you’ve known for years if you can ‘court’ them. I felt guilty – if Alex did hate me then it would fuck up with our friendship with Rian and Zack – but at the same time, I felt relieved that I’d finally asked him something that had been playing on my mind since February, since I gave him that anonymous Valentine’s gift. I kind of wanted to do the same thing leading to Christmas, give anonymous gifts and see if Alex liked them, but after a few weeks debating with myself, I decided to put myself in the open and ask him.

Pressing the button of the iPod docking station remote, I changed the music to ‘Dammit’ by blink-182. I felt like I needed to disappear into the world of music for a while, so after finishing my coffee, I laid back on my bed and allowed my mind to drift.

---

It was officially one day until it was thirty days till Christmas. I wasn’t look forward to it. Alex hadn’t called or even texted me since yesterday, which convinced me that he wasn’t speaking to me.

I willed up a weak smile for my Mum as she gave me a hug before I went to school. I was dreading it, I would have to fake my way through seeing Alex, as though he hadn’t broken my heart yesterday. But I would do it, if only for Rian and Zack.

“Bye Mum!” I yelled as I left, picking up my bag and slinging it over my shoulder.

“Bye Jack!” She called just as the front door shut behind me.

I walked to school with my headphones in, as usual, ignoring the world. I didn’t want to think about Alex or how he would react to seeing me. My heart couldn’t take it, not after how much fucking courage it took for me to ask him.

I walked into school and went to my locker.

“Hey Jack! Wait up!”

I turned around, it was Rian. I smiled.

“Hey Rian.”

“Hey, where’s Alex?”

I glanced around and shrugged as I answered, “I dunno.”

“What?! I thought that you guys were attached at the hip or something.” Rian joked.

I laughed weakly, “Yeah.”

---

I hadn’t seen Alex since yesterday and it was now lunch. From my position on the stairs leading up to the upstairs dining area, I couldn’t see the distinctive hair of Alex. It was one thing that I could do without concentrating, besides playing my guitar. My gaze was wandering around making another circuit of the room when my phone rang. I took it out of my hoodie pocket and answered.

“Hello?”

“Jack?”

“Alex?” I said in shock, “Where are you?”

“I’m…”

I heard footsteps and looked up. Alex was stood in front of me.

“Hey.” I said, trying not to let my feelings get in the way of my voice.

“Jack… About yesterday…” He started to say before I cut him off.

“It’s fine, it was only me being hopeful. You don’t have to make excuses, not to me when I was the one who made you feel…uncomfortable, I guess.”

“Jack, you didn’t make me feel uncomfortable, it was just a bit of a shock I guess,” Alex said, sitting next me, his thighs brushing mine, “But now that I’ve had time to think…”

My head perked up imperceptibly, “Yeah?”

“I’ve decided to give you a chance.”

A grin spread over my face, “Really?” I asked, barely able to believe my luck.

“Yeah.”

I pulled him into a tight hug, only letting him go when he began to complain about the lack of oxygen in his lungs. I let him go and laughed.

I had a chance to get Alex – the guy I had been in love with since tenth grade – to love me back. As more than just a best friend. I couldn’t believe my luck.