30 Days

“Don't run away,
Stop feeling fine.
It's better than your worst, your worst day.
No words to say, I'll give you mine,
and pocket all the hurt, and just stay…”
- Change Your Mind, The All-American Rejects.

“Jack?” I said.

From the other end of the phone, he replied, mid-yawn, “Y-yeah Lex?”

“Can you come to the field by school?” I asked, sounding pathetic even to my own ears.

“Alex, why are you at the field?”

“I – I just am. Meet me?” I said, pleading in my voice, “Please Jacky?”

He yawned again before agreeing, albeit unwillingly, saying that he’d see me in ten minutes. I stood and waited, shivering slightly in the coolness of the air. But I guessed that I could ignore that my fingers were cold if Jack was coming, and that meant that I could vent to him. First though, I had to wait for him to get here.

“Alex!”

I turned around and instantly recognised the figure of Jack walking towards me. I sighed sadly. I didn’t want to tell him why I had called him out in the middle of the night, but I felt that I owed it to him to tell him. After all, I’d got him out of his bed and into the cold.

“Aren’t you freezing?” Was his first question upon reaching me.

I shrugged, I didn’t really care.

“Have this.” He said as he took off his hat and put it on my head. It was remarkably warm. I smiled at him.

“So,” Jack said, as we began to walk towards his house unconsciously, “Why did you have to wake me up?”

“Well…” I paused, no sure I wanted to divulge exactly why I wanted him here, “I dunno, I just did.”

“That makes no sense Lex.”

“I – I know. But I don’t know how to explain it. I just don’t know.”

Jack cocked his head to one side, looking at me curiously, “Don’t know what?”

“Whether…” The love I feel for you is true I thought.

“Whether what?”

“I’ve been having feelings about you…and I just…” I gulped, not wanting to look at Jack as I said the rest of my sentence, “Don’t know where they’re true or not.”

We’d reached his house I noticed, and Jack let us is. We went upstairs to his room silently, and then once Jack had closed his bedroom door and we’d settled on the bed opposite each other, with the bedside light , he spoke.

“You’re having feelings for me?”

I heard the veiled happiness in his voice and cursed myself for having to say the next sentence.

“But I don’t know yet if they’re just friendship feelings.”

“Oh.”

“I’m sorry Jack, I am.” I said, giving him a pat on the shoulder, “But I need to think.”

“It’s – that’s fine.”

I gave him a hug, feeling immensely sorry for my best friend, who was having to wait for an answer.

“I’m sorry.” I repeated.

“Like I said, it’s fine Alex.” Jack said, leaning over to switch the lamp off, “Let’s go to sleep.”

As the room was plunged into darkness, I thought that Jack sounded even more wrecked than when he’d asked to ‘court’ me.