We Go Together Or We Don't Go Down At All

Kellin's Point of View:

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Dear Vic,

Well here I am; staring at these beautiful stars, for the last time in my existence upon this earth. It just reminds me of better times, the times with you. When we met each other during my first summer here, it was love at first sight. We were inseparable; you had something that I couldn't explain. When we were together it was like an escape from harsh reality, you picked up the pieces of my heart and placed them back together. I remember that one night, every second of that night was perfection and was spent with you. There we lay side by side, just enjoying each others' presence and talking to each other for hours. I remember you asking, "Do you think we'd ever make it?" And me simply replying, "I'm sure if it's right." At that moment, I was truly happy under the thoughts of us being forever by each other's side. Clearly, that thought was wrong though, as I am now alone, barely living with myself.

I don't feel like I'm truly living anymore. My body may physically be here on this earth, but the life in me has gone somewhere else. I feel dead inside, and in a few short moments, my body will be gone for good. There is nothing that will change that either. You always told me that things won't be bad forever, and at that time I believed you. I also believed you when you whispered, "Everything is alright. Darling, you'll be okay." after I woke up sobbing and broken from nightmares of my horrid past. I truly believed that as long as I had you, I would always be okay. Now, things are different. I'm no longer wrapped up in your arms, feeling safe and secure. I don't believe that things can get better on this earth for me. Someone could try to convince me otherwise, but living my life without you is not living one at all.

My eyes are still gazing upon these stars as I think about how those better times will never happen again here. Without you with me, things will never be better in my life here on this earth. They say that it's better in the afterlife, and I hope it will be. I hope to one day see you again. I want you to just promise me one thing love, never for forget about me. I'll be watching you and waiting for the day that I can see your beautiful self again. But until that day, I want you to do the things that make you happy and enjoy your life on earth. I don't want you to waste your whole life living unhappily without me. I promise, I will see you again soon.

You still have all my heart,

Kellin

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I folded up the piece of paper and wrote his address on the back. I slipped the note into my hoodie pocket, and then removed the article of clothing from my body. I sat the hoodie on the ground next to me hoping that someone will find it and take the note to his address. Here it goes. My final goodbye...

Vic's Point of View:

As I walk down the streets of this city in California, I collect my thoughts. The past two months have been hell without Kellin. The argument we had was so trivial, but the heartbreak it brought was the worst thing I've experienced on this earth. I was being so stupid at the time. I told him that I never wanted to see him again, not meaning a single syllable of it. The unfiltered words just slipped out of my mouth. I couldn't live without him, and at the time I didn't realize what I was saying. He just turned running away from me. I immediately burst into tears, and ran after him, but I had already lost the love of my life within those short moments right there. He told me ‘If that's what you want, then you should go through with it’, then walked away with teary eyes leaving me speechless. But that's not possible for me; I cannot live and function properly without him. I've been in my apartment for the past two months, endlessly sobbing, barely living this life. So I decided upon walking to the bridge tonight.

I continue my walk, watching the ground, seeing as it is going to be my last time walking these streets. My eyes wonder along and my sight ends up falling upon my wrists. Lines scatter across every single inch of them; countless newly appearing daily on both wrist, each becoming deeper and more prominent with every day living in hell without him. I promised that I wouldn't do it again, for him. But we also promised each other forever. Clearly, those promises are broken like my heart. Soon enough I won't be here to keep or break anymore of our promises, I will be plummeting to the water below the bridge.

I wrote a short note to my family at my apartment, but I couldn't find myself to write a note to Kellin. I lost him, I don't need him knowing that he's my reason for doing this, the fact that I'm so heartbroken to come to this point. I just don't want to live in agony any longer, and I certainly don't want to make him live in agony because of that note.

I don't know how he is right now: if he's happy and moved on. I don't want to make him miserable. Maybe he wouldn't even care if I committed suicide. No, I'm not going to allow myself to think that. We were in love with each other. He would tell me he loved me every day, and I would gladly return saying it to him. But those daily gestures didn't near express my affection towards him. My love for this boy was so much more, so much beyond what those three simple words could express. If he felt anything similar to myself, then surely he would feel some sorrow at the word of my death. Even if he doesnt love me like he used to, he must still feel something being as he was in a close relationship with me.

One might ask, ‘If you were so in love with each other, then why don'tyoutrytofixthings with him?’ As much as I want to run back into his hold and have things like they used to be, I just can't face him. He doesn't need me coming back into his life, hedoesn'tneedmelikeIneed him.

The need for this boy in my life is the strongest, I can't do this anymore without him. Over the time spent by his side I became dependant on his being. He completed my heart, and that is everything. He is my soul mate, our souls were destined to stay by each others' side. Out of the infinite numbers of souls that are in existence, we were meant for each other.

Before I met him, I always felt a part of me was missing. I went through multiple relationships and heartbreaks. But not a single one was as horrid as this. It was, is, true love. And a true heartbreak when he slipped from my grasp. This feeling of heartbreak is sempiternal, and it's just choking. The depression, due to the situation, is deteriorating my mind and body more and more with each passing day. I miss him so much.

I miss the days I spent with him. I took them for granted, I guess. If there is one thing I have learned from all of this is that you never truly realize how important something is to you until it's gone. Now as my feet are taking me down these familiar streets do I finally let the importance of his being to me sink in fully. Being on the verge of my final hour on this earth, every one of my thoughts are consumed by him.

I find myself approaching the end of the bridge. Through my blurred vision, due to the tears rimmed at my eyes, I take in the details of the bridge. I scan over the area taking in things such as the bars at the edge, small things like the signs posted with the suicide hotline. They may post those signs, but anyone else who has been here with my intentions knows how it is. Nothing is going to stop me. Even if I were to call, the operator on the other end of the line will just act like they care when I know they don't. I mean it's their job, they are suppose to tell you that they care and give you some false hope as to how things will get better. I used to believe that things wouldn't bad forever, but at this point I'm just so done with everything this life has thrown at me. In the end, you realize that no one truly cares. The only person that I believed would contradict that statement towards me is Kellin– but not even he probably cares anymore.

Just as I approach the edge by the railing, I notice something further on the other end of the bridge. Someone's there. Before I can even process what's happening, I hear a crash. I run over to the other end of the bridge and look over the edge of the railing. I see ripples sent throughout the water. Oh my god.

I try to move to get a better look, but my feet are caught on something. I look down, and realization hit me. My world came crashing down in that moment. Crashing even further then when the love of my life left me. This time, the love of my life actually leftme.

"FUCK, GOD NO, KELLIN!!" I scream as I stare down at his sweatshirt. Tears flood from my eyes as I scream at the top of my lungs into the darkness of the night. I sit there for several minutes in hysterics before I notice something when under the reflection of the stars. Shining down onto the sweatshirt:

Is that what I think it is?

The note.

My sobs are uncontrollable at this point. I can only imagine what Kellin would do if he found me to be the one jumping off the bridge, crashing to the waves below. Various thoughts rush through my head. Some directed to his reaction of my suicide such as: Would he be heartbroken completely like me? Others questioning his reasoning behind it, did I have a part in his suicide? I came to the conclusion that there was only one way to find out the answers to my questions. I gently slip my hand into the pocket of his sweatshirt and pull out the note. Noting that it has my address written on it, I know now that the letter was for me to receive.

Part of me breaks knowing that he had wanted to direct his final words towards me. I was now hesitant to even open it, but I knew that there would be only one way to find out his thoughts. Curiosity was slowly taking over as I unfold the piece of paper.

As I read the note, I was taking my time to process the things he was saying. His words would be permanently etched into my thoughts. I continued to sob, but smiled slightly at the mention of our memories and the fact that: indeed he still had mutual feelings towards me. But that was short-lived as I started hyperventilating within my sobs.

At one point in his note, he states that he wants me to live a happy life without him. His misunderstanding of my true happiness is what triggers me to do what I did next.

I jump off the bridge.

~Shortly Following Previous Events~

Vic's Point of View:

I open my eyes to a bright light peaking through. I also open my eyes to a certain raven-haired boy starring at me. Instantly we were within each other's arms. We held each other for what felt like an eternity, but I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

He finally spoke up. "Vic, I'm so sorry for everything, and I love you so much. But I don't understand why... why did you do it? Did you get the note?" I replied, "I'm so sorry too Kells. I was going to the bridge myself tonight, so when I arrived I saw you. My past two months being without you were hell. I couldn't take it anymore, and I thought you wouldn't ever take me back. Seeing you jump and finding the note in your jacket just made my decision easier. I couldn't live without you; you were my only true source of happiness in that life. If I would have stayed on the earth until I did everything that made me happy in that life, then I would still be here right now. On earth, I couldn't be with you living. I was too preoccupied by my thoughts telling me that you would never take me back. If you jumped and I stayed on earth, I still wouldn't have been able to be with you for the rest of my life there. This was my only way to be truly happy, with you. I love you with every part of my heart I can give to you, and I will spend the rest of forever telling you that."

Things were finally alright.