Status: I have no idea why I'm typing this here other than it's because no one knows me here and this is kind of my last resort, so..
My Unpleasant Love-Life
Introduction
So here's my story, I'm a guy of 23 years old as of the 12th of December 2014, which is after 12 days from now (where I am it's kind of that)
I study in a decent college in the field of Engineering in a branch which is not really known by everyone and I can't complete studying anywhere except for my homeland because our country is as messed up as it gets.
My family has been through a whole lot of troubles ever since I was born, which is kind of ironic because I mean, how could I've ever known such a thing; you don't get to actually know what's going on until you're at least 12 years old or something, but guess what; I do know.
I remember my parents' first argument when I was 9 years old which was kind of about the money but then afterwards it appeared that my mom had found out that my father has been cheating on her, and everything happened in our house and on their bedroom.
She wanted divorce but my uncles didn't let her get it and they told her that "he's the only one that can live with your mood-swings" and all that shit, so she just dropped whatever rights she had and moved on.
We're not religious by all means, we believe in God and we believe that he's created the world and he's the upper power that makes everything go into place and all that, but I've never really prayed and my parents don't pray either, I only started praying after I was 17 years old or something, and sometimes people would say "you only pray when you need God's grace or mercy" which was kind of true for the most cases, but I was fairly a good person back then and I was doing it because I wanted to.
My parents' marriage problems were always going worse, and he'd always drink and cheat on her and give the worst kind of example for his kids. It went on and on until it was like "an argument per month" and it seems a little exaggerated but it's actually the truth, until non of them could stand it any longer but still they stayed together for the sake of their kids and what the people would say.
I went to a well-educative school, which was the best around the others in my city, it was the only school that had mixed sexes by the age of 12. I was a teenager who had the talent to make everyone around him stand in his way.
The shy type, who doesn't like opening up to every body, I'd keep quiet all the time when people around me are making conversations about their scores, their life, their parents, their freetime and about music.
I was a bit of a loner who doesn't really trust people that much to give them his secrets and to even tell them about a dream he had. I used to always sit there, the second desk in front, next to the only friend I had who doesn't give two damns about what I have to say, if that ever happened.
At the age of 10, I knew this one girl who was in my class and we'd just chat all the time and walk everyday through the streets and laugh at each other's silly jokes and she'd smile with nice teeth and red face everytime I tell her anything, I used to question the things I say after she leaves, like I could feel I don't have to hide anything from her, she's my friend afterall and that gives me such a comfort that I can't get when I'm home.
Sometimes I even thought about staying at school after everyone leaves and just dwell inside the room, writing on the board then erasing it while she laughs behind my back, but then I'd think about food and get home fast to eat; my mom makes amazingly delicious meals.
When I was 13, she moved to my school and the first thought I had was "I'm gonna let everyone know that we're in love, and I'll have to walk with her all through the courtyard and eat together and play together, my life is gonna be perfect" but that didn't happen.
She was my age as well, and she was going through puberty and at that time, she could only just keep to herself and not meet up with boys which sounded awkward since we were in a school full of boys and girls, I thought to myself "what kind of irony is this? why did you even come here?"
My school had two main buildings, our classrooms were next to each other, and I couldn't get transferred into her classroom because my cousin's in my classroom and she wouldn't transfer either because her mom doesn't allow her.
As a matter of fact, I never really spoke to her for two years other than about study stuff and that's all.
I was getting a little too upset and I kind of didn't want to get over her because she's going to be in my school for three more years, but eventually I did, but it didn't go as planned.
I saw her once on my way home and I wanted to stop and talk to her but she kind of slipped away until I just told her "why are you being this way? I'm only trying to talk like we used to"
She said: "I'd love to talk, but we have exams we need to prepare to, and my studies are more important than anything else right now."
I said: "but I like you... doesn't that even count?"
She froze for a second and then replied: "Well, I'm sorry about that, that's just me." and walked away
I was too innocent and too daft to even know what the "love" word really meant, but I could feel the joy and happiness when I used to be around her, and being in a new school and all just didn't help me in that department, I felt kind of lonely and my personality and being an introvert and not trusting people well enough to become friends with them.
However, at that time when she told me what she did, I could feel the darkness and sorrow running through my veins but I didn't stop, I never get a "no" as a response and that's when things get worse for me.
The next two months I sent her letters and messages over by leaving them on her desk.
And they ended up by telling me to leave her alone in front of all our classmates and then calling her older brother over to give me a "small talk" and that was it.
I kind of moved on after a month and had a crush on a girl I used to work with.
She was shy and had a mind of her own, she was slim with long hair and kind of older than she looks when you get to talk to her and get to know her. We used to be volunteers in an NGO which cared about children's rights and their life and education and how they were treated in our filthy unjust world.
We used to talk all the time about work, I developed a crush on her after two weeks which seemed common since she was the best looking girl around and she was kind of open-minded and talented in the field of what we were doing, so everyone liked her.
I never told her anything since we never really talk much about our own personal lives while we're working, but I think she knew by the look in my face and the way I talk to her.
She introduced me and my friends to her parents, which was the worst mistake I've ever done with her, because they noticed and told her to keep away and keep everything within the working-department; I never actually had a good gpa since I don't go out much and I keep to myself all the time, so people think of me as the "guy who's not well known around" and the people around here are not comfortable with how that goes, and it never really got more than just talking and working.
I soon developed another crush on another girl who had just started participating with us in our field and in that NGO, which was on the 6th of November 2009 and by the looks of what I just said, you'd have to assume that that girl is going to be all I'm going to talk about in the next chapter (s?)
I study in a decent college in the field of Engineering in a branch which is not really known by everyone and I can't complete studying anywhere except for my homeland because our country is as messed up as it gets.
My family has been through a whole lot of troubles ever since I was born, which is kind of ironic because I mean, how could I've ever known such a thing; you don't get to actually know what's going on until you're at least 12 years old or something, but guess what; I do know.
I remember my parents' first argument when I was 9 years old which was kind of about the money but then afterwards it appeared that my mom had found out that my father has been cheating on her, and everything happened in our house and on their bedroom.
She wanted divorce but my uncles didn't let her get it and they told her that "he's the only one that can live with your mood-swings" and all that shit, so she just dropped whatever rights she had and moved on.
We're not religious by all means, we believe in God and we believe that he's created the world and he's the upper power that makes everything go into place and all that, but I've never really prayed and my parents don't pray either, I only started praying after I was 17 years old or something, and sometimes people would say "you only pray when you need God's grace or mercy" which was kind of true for the most cases, but I was fairly a good person back then and I was doing it because I wanted to.
My parents' marriage problems were always going worse, and he'd always drink and cheat on her and give the worst kind of example for his kids. It went on and on until it was like "an argument per month" and it seems a little exaggerated but it's actually the truth, until non of them could stand it any longer but still they stayed together for the sake of their kids and what the people would say.
I went to a well-educative school, which was the best around the others in my city, it was the only school that had mixed sexes by the age of 12. I was a teenager who had the talent to make everyone around him stand in his way.
The shy type, who doesn't like opening up to every body, I'd keep quiet all the time when people around me are making conversations about their scores, their life, their parents, their freetime and about music.
I was a bit of a loner who doesn't really trust people that much to give them his secrets and to even tell them about a dream he had. I used to always sit there, the second desk in front, next to the only friend I had who doesn't give two damns about what I have to say, if that ever happened.
At the age of 10, I knew this one girl who was in my class and we'd just chat all the time and walk everyday through the streets and laugh at each other's silly jokes and she'd smile with nice teeth and red face everytime I tell her anything, I used to question the things I say after she leaves, like I could feel I don't have to hide anything from her, she's my friend afterall and that gives me such a comfort that I can't get when I'm home.
Sometimes I even thought about staying at school after everyone leaves and just dwell inside the room, writing on the board then erasing it while she laughs behind my back, but then I'd think about food and get home fast to eat; my mom makes amazingly delicious meals.
When I was 13, she moved to my school and the first thought I had was "I'm gonna let everyone know that we're in love, and I'll have to walk with her all through the courtyard and eat together and play together, my life is gonna be perfect" but that didn't happen.
She was my age as well, and she was going through puberty and at that time, she could only just keep to herself and not meet up with boys which sounded awkward since we were in a school full of boys and girls, I thought to myself "what kind of irony is this? why did you even come here?"
My school had two main buildings, our classrooms were next to each other, and I couldn't get transferred into her classroom because my cousin's in my classroom and she wouldn't transfer either because her mom doesn't allow her.
As a matter of fact, I never really spoke to her for two years other than about study stuff and that's all.
I was getting a little too upset and I kind of didn't want to get over her because she's going to be in my school for three more years, but eventually I did, but it didn't go as planned.
I saw her once on my way home and I wanted to stop and talk to her but she kind of slipped away until I just told her "why are you being this way? I'm only trying to talk like we used to"
She said: "I'd love to talk, but we have exams we need to prepare to, and my studies are more important than anything else right now."
I said: "but I like you... doesn't that even count?"
She froze for a second and then replied: "Well, I'm sorry about that, that's just me." and walked away
I was too innocent and too daft to even know what the "love" word really meant, but I could feel the joy and happiness when I used to be around her, and being in a new school and all just didn't help me in that department, I felt kind of lonely and my personality and being an introvert and not trusting people well enough to become friends with them.
However, at that time when she told me what she did, I could feel the darkness and sorrow running through my veins but I didn't stop, I never get a "no" as a response and that's when things get worse for me.
The next two months I sent her letters and messages over by leaving them on her desk.
And they ended up by telling me to leave her alone in front of all our classmates and then calling her older brother over to give me a "small talk" and that was it.
I kind of moved on after a month and had a crush on a girl I used to work with.
She was shy and had a mind of her own, she was slim with long hair and kind of older than she looks when you get to talk to her and get to know her. We used to be volunteers in an NGO which cared about children's rights and their life and education and how they were treated in our filthy unjust world.
We used to talk all the time about work, I developed a crush on her after two weeks which seemed common since she was the best looking girl around and she was kind of open-minded and talented in the field of what we were doing, so everyone liked her.
I never told her anything since we never really talk much about our own personal lives while we're working, but I think she knew by the look in my face and the way I talk to her.
She introduced me and my friends to her parents, which was the worst mistake I've ever done with her, because they noticed and told her to keep away and keep everything within the working-department; I never actually had a good gpa since I don't go out much and I keep to myself all the time, so people think of me as the "guy who's not well known around" and the people around here are not comfortable with how that goes, and it never really got more than just talking and working.
I soon developed another crush on another girl who had just started participating with us in our field and in that NGO, which was on the 6th of November 2009 and by the looks of what I just said, you'd have to assume that that girl is going to be all I'm going to talk about in the next chapter (s?)