My Unpleasant Love-Life

So the girl I talked about is the one girl who never really put me down, always cheers me up and always talked to me about her family. I got to know her parents, her sister, her brothers and their wives' names.
The day I saw her was an uncalled for day or an unpredicted/unplanned day, I was at school and my friend called me to see this meeting we had in the educational-center in my city, which is a gathering building for meetings and local concerts, bookstore, music center and photo/talent gallery center.
So it's kind of everything around in one place and it's always open for readers.
Anyway, I was at school and we could only leave after two or three hours, but still the teachers knew me, since I was the "anything you want will be done" kind of retard schoolboy and I'd run errands outside of the school for anyone if they needed any help, so it smoothed my way out and I left and went to the meeting.

When I first stepped in, my friends called out to me and waved so that I know where they were, I was expected by then, I don't think I was that important, but then again, people were waiting.
At first, I looked over at the stage, and there he was, one of my dearest friends between two girls I didn't know, and I smiled to him when he looked at me and he smiled back. The un-called for thing is that the girl next to him looked at me at the same time and smiled back as well thinking I was smiling to her which made me mesmerized that I lost track of my footsteps and on my way down the steps I tripped and nearly fell, which wasn't cool at all since every eye in the audience was on me for a whole 10 seconds and the girl let out a silent laugh.
I found my way to my friends' seats and all I could think of is that girl in white sitting on that chair on stage.
I hugged my friends and the question ran out of my mouth after a minute of silence, "who that girl?"
They told me her name and they said she's our youngest volunteer and this was her third day in our NGO, which kind of justified why I didn't know her.

She used to smile a lot, and write on paper things related to the speeches that were made, kind of assessments related to our work.
She had curly hair, cute little eyes, short, stylish and she was somewhat young; she was 6 years younger than me and I was 19 by then so that makes her a 13 year old.
Some people would say that it's "pedophilia" but I didn't really care that much, she looked as old as my little sister who was 16 by then, and probably even more, she looked mature to me.
I've started getting closer and closer to her, tried to make her comfortable around me which makes it easier for me to be comfortable around her.
She told me secrets, she told me about her brothers and how close she is to everyone, she told me how she loved her school, how she wishes to go to New York and study there and she told me that she loves music and she used to give me music suggestions all the time and we used to love the same style as each other and how she sang on stage once and she told me that she wants to sing and become a singer one day.

We used to sing to each other everyday after she gave me her phone number which kind of took more than two weeks to happen since she was young and couldn't have a phone, aside from the fact that we have the same "I don't get close to people a lot" problem as I did, which kind of made sense; she has a mind of her own which loves the things that you need to work your ass off to get and her style in everything is kind of picky and she loves unique vintage stuff and she creates her own world.
Meeting her back then has made my life look meaningful to me, I used to doze off to her singing, we used to chat all the time through Skype and talk about nearly everything except for the adult stuff of course.
By the age of 14 everything seemed misplaced and things were going too bad for me.
She fell in love with a guy we both know, and he'd tell her how much he loved her and how much of an 'angel' he thinks she is, he doesn't care about her age and he'd go through all of her family stuff to get her, he'd take her with her ups and downs, he just loves her and wants to be with her for the rest of his life.
She loved him as well, yet she never really talked to him that much since there's still a wall they should break which is the shyness around each other and the fact that he's a bit of the jealous type when she talks to other guys.

For me, I took it in and kept it inside, didn't want to ruin what we had because of the silly 19 year old emotions which made it a lot worse after a while.
She talked about him all the time, he did this, he did that, he said this and he said that, he told me not to go here and he told me what you guys were talking about.
She became a bit obsessed with her new love-life which made it harder for me to speak my mind up about anything when we talk, she kind of drifted away although she was right there talking to me. Her taste in music had changed, her FB statuses had changed and she started putting up love-songs and sad music all the time.
My first thought was to give her a head on to what's going on inside of me but she just didn't realize it, she was too young to even consider the fact that a friendship could grow up and have feelings in them after sometime. Until one day, I spit it all out to her and told her that I'm head over heals in love with her.
She said "you told me we're nothing but friends and I trusted that"
I said "it's out of my hand, I've loved you the first day I've seen you and you should've realized that right away"
She said "but that's not right, you shouldn't do that to me"
I said "If it's an apology you want, I'm sorry. But that's not my fault, I just love you" and hung up on her.

I'm the kind of guy who doesn't care about people's reactions and what they'd say, I'd sing out loud in a crowded place although my singing voice isn't that much to listen to.
I'd dance under the rain when people try to find shelter at home.
I'd cry when things never go as planned and never go my way, and for a fact that should've been stated earlier, I'd been crying for a long time every time I fight with her and that's a whole lot worse because I never seem to tell her that I am crying, but she feels it eventually afterwards.

We started drifting away after my confession, she started not paying much attention to me, as though I'm the one she loves an she shouldn't talk to me a lot so that things don't go wrong.
At the night of my birthday and after a whole week of not talking, she tells me "Happy Birthday" and I'd just burst in tears.
Talking to her was like breathing and she'd suffocated me for a week and now she's up to talk?
It was like I'm having all those feelings of negligence from everyone around me that I tried to cut my wrist once and she knew about that but the only thing she did was keep walking away and drifting away from me so that I don't hurt myself anymore.

We went to a church right after Christmas and she sung in front of everyone there, and I recorded the song that I never used to listen to and it was just as though my heart is being ripped out of its place but I kept my cool since everyone was there and didn't want them to feel something awkward is happening, but we both saw the tears starting to build up.
She'd just brush it off by a smile.
We saw a girl at church that day, who was cute and well open-minded and she told me that she will introduce me to her but I replied with a "no thanks".

Often days when we used to talk, she'd just tell me that she missed me and she actually didn't mean it, but I mean it all the time when I reply with an "I miss you more".
All our talks became emotional and kind of spiritual until one day one of our acquaintances made the stupidest mistake and ruined everything that was going between us two.
He put words in my mouth and told everyone that I tell him we're having a "thing" together, me and her. Which was kind of messed up since she already has a boyfriend and now he's all over my head asking me what's going on and why I'm doing that and spreading lies about her.
We had a serious conversation that it's not true and I'm not saying anything and that guy's making it all up, but he didn't want to believe me since my actions with her and the way I talked to her contradict the things I say.

Her boyfriend was a great guy, three years younger than I am, curly short hair, shorter than me but he was well-educated, and we had the same green-colored eyes.
He's a little bossy when it comes to his jealousy and his 'belongings' he wasn't a drinker and wasn't a smoker back then, I mean, he was only 16 and drinking and smoking was off the option-list for him since he's living with his family.
He changed everything about him to meet her demands, but in return, she had to do whatever he wants or else, they'd get in a fight for two or more days.
She used to tell me all about him, his life, what he likes and what he doesn't and how smooth a talker he used to be.

Our little miss-understanding went on pretty well and we topped it off by a subject he shouldn't have brought up, but he did so that I'd never think about her in my life, which is "the things he loves about her".
He loves her smile, her eyes, her messy hair, her funny outgoing personality, her music taste, her clothes, her smell and most importantly everything about her makes him love his life.
That didn't really make me think of anything new, that's like everything about her that I love, it just made me realize that I wasn't the only one and she's just too special to let go.

When I came back home I listed all the things we talked about to her because I used to tell her everything and she on the other hand was listening closely and she just LOVED what she heard.
When they fight, I try to let them get back together by only talking or making a move or giving advice although all I ever wanted was for him to let her go so that I probably would have a chance with her, but I wasn't the guy who breaks things, I was the guy who makes everything right
Eventually, she'd argue with me and let her anger out on me when she's pissed off of something, and I'd just take it all in and go with it, I mean, isn't that what friends are for? but then she'd stop talking to me anymore and tells me that we're done.

After two weeks, she calls me crying and tells me that she needs a friend right now.
All I could say is "I'm always here, talk to me."
She replies "My father died this afternoon"