My Unpleasant Love-Life

"It's 3 o'clock, why are you telling me now after three hours??"
She continues crying and says "I don't know what happened, I couldn't believe it and I've been crying ever since."
She never really talked that much about her dad, but now she started after losing him and told me how she found out that he was dead and how much she'd want to spend another day with him just to tell him at the end of the day that she's sorry.
All I could do is cry on the phone with her.

She came by my house after two days and told me that I have to do what she did and go to the river-side and talk to the river who would listen to everything I have to say and never hold it against me like every living being would do, and that it helped her and might as well share the experience.
So I just did it, I went all the way to the river and talked to him while crying and not a single passing person moved their eyes away since I was so emotional back then, crying and laughing at the same time.
After I finished and was walking back home, she called me and asked how it felt, I told her "it's like when we talk, I keep babbling and you just keep quiet, I liked it"
She just laughs and hangs up after a goodbye.

I went to her father's memorial and the burial as well, I said hi to her brothers and I sent my condolences as well as a little wish that they'd move on and that he's always going to be there watching over them.
I go back and she says thanks for being there and I reply with "that's what friends are for" she laughs behind her sobs a small laugh and then her mother calls and she has to hang up.
She memorized all my favorite songs that she used to sing to me everyday we talk, yet, all I could think of right now is what kind of birthday gift should I give her because her birthday's coming someday soon.

I buy a perfume and a pair of shoes and some flowers and put them in front of her house and called her and hid myself. I told her that there's some thing waiting for you in front of your house, she cluelessly asks me if I'm there or not, and I say no. She looks at the other side of the road and I'm sitting there, she says thanks and goes back inside.
We talk for a minute or so, but she's still not over the fact that everything between us is getting a bit odd, so we end up the discussion earlier.
They had a birthday party that her boyfriend and her friends were invited to which I didn't want to attend because I didn't want to see her boyfriend and I didn't want to do something that I might regret afterwards but still, she tells me all about it which makes me hate myself even more for not being there.

Two weeks later, her family decide to leave the country and travel away because they don't have any connection to this place anymore, and her mother's family is in another city anyway, so she tells me that she's going to miss me and I tell her the same and I hope we can meet one day and all that.
We keep talking all the time through the internet and messenger and Skype and all that other IM messengers.
She called me the first time she got herself a phone and I get to know her cousin who was acting like a dick and standing up to his little cousin who's being mistreated by someone older than her, me.
She fits in her new country and forgets all about this one except for the songs she sings and the momentarily written poems and pictures she takes.

Things don't go well with her boyfriend anymore and he's not used to long-distance relationships and his jealousy is taking the best of him and making his life and hers as bad as it gets.
The only one she talks a lot to is me, so she tells me everything that's been going on between them and how bossy and demanding he's become and that he's objecting everything she's doing or wants to do, so basically he's just standing in front of her self-development process and that she doesn't want that to happen, but it's happening so it's unfixable and they want to breakup.

One day, he invited me to a party they had where we got drunk and he called her behind the "scenes" although everyone knew he was talking to her and went into one of the rooms and cried to her.
At that time she told me that he was asking her to come back and that he misses her so much.
She has a huge heart that she accepted his apology and said that he has to get sober and then they'd talk because what's done is done and they can't get back together.
However, he started singing and brushing everything off, and he stared at me and he knew that I know what's going on, but still he just detested me in a way that he didn't tell me anything by his own.

She felt like she was free to do everything she wanted, she got drunk, smoked as well as hung out with people from her new country, yet she didn't do anything more than that.
When we used to talk at that time, she used to be the one who starts the conversations, not me.
I used to pretend I don't care about talking to anyone about anything, and I care only about myself from 'now' on, and that I'd be there to listen if anyone wants to talk.
Still, it was eating me deep down inside that we skip two days to talk the third one.

I felt so stupid when I tell her something and I've always wanted to just tell her that I haven't gotten over her yet, but I couldn't risk it again and lose her for my feelings. I thought that when the day comes, everything will seem like it's meant to be and if she's mine, she's mine. I just don't have to risk everything at the moment.

My life is shitty as it was until that day came by;
I was up all night watching a movie and talking to her when my door was open and there were people in military dresses here to take me and my brother to jail.
She kept talking and talking and all I could think of was what I've gotten myself into and how she's going to react when she knows I'm in jail.

I stayed then for 15 days, and on the 15th I saw her in my dreams telling me that I'm going out today.
And that happened.