Devil, yet an Angel

A month passed since my big discussion with Alex and things were going for the best. The first few days were the most difficult and akward. But time passed and the akwardness faded away. Alex and I still weren't back togehter and we were both okay about it. We were learning to trust each other again a little more every day and we were slowly becoming closer and closer. We both knew that we both in love with each other and we worked hard to make things better. Things were going back to how they used to be.

Most nights, we slept in our seperate rooms because Alex and I, well mostly Alex, both felt like it was more appropriate in our situation. There still were some nights where we fell asleep in each other's bed. Those were my favorite nights and I knew that one day, all of them would be this way. Alex and I were doing our best to forget about our past. And we did pretty good. None of the event that happened in the past was brought back on the table after we had our long conversation about it. None of us forgot about it, but we learned to forgive and that was all that mattered.

At school, we were acting friendly. Our friends noticed there was some tension between us two but they were nice enough not to bring it up. It was easy to notice the tension. Alex and I didn't act the same way as before. There were days were our eyes would be fixed on each other durng the entire lunch break while there were days where we pratically didn't look at each other. It was weird, but it was understandable. Alex and I still had classes together. We would sit next to each other and make jokes about our teachers, just like we used to. We were pretty immature for University students, but it made our charms.

Alex and I spent most of our free time together. That was a good way to go back to the boys we used to be. The more time we spent together, the more we were starting to feel comfortable and okay around each other. In this whole story, I think Alex was the one who hurt the most. As for me, I moved on rapidly. I was feeling good about the whole thing two weeks after we talked. If it had just been for me, Alex would have been my boyfriend by then. But I could not say the same about Alex, so I respected him and his will to take his time.

There were days where I felt like giving up on us, where I felt like Alex and I trying to get back together was a lost and desperate cause. But I could not give up just yet, I could not. I loved Alex too much to do such a thing. We needed to fight until we reached our goal, our victory. Wheter it would take another month or a year, I was going to wait for Alex to be ready. Because I loved him and because he meant so much to me. I hoped that he would give me the chance to show him.

At the moment, I was with Rian working on an essay. Rian and I weren't as closed as we used to be. I was a little disappointed in him. I thought that Rian would be happy for Alex and I, I thought he would be happy to know that things were going for the best. After the whole incident where I tried to kill myself, Rian didn't stop telling me how me and Alex should not be together, that we weren't good for each other. He freaked out when he learned that we still both loved each other. He said that our love was like a war, that it would destroy us. I knew he was just trying to protect us, but I wished he would have understood it from my point of view.

''Things seem to be so much better with Alex now,'' I mentionned.

''You know what I think about this whole Alex and you thing, Jack. I'm not very pleased about that,'' Rian replied.

''I know you told me before. But you never gave me a good reason for being against it all, care to tell me?'' I asked a little harshly.

''You almost killed yourself because of the drama between you too. You both kept causing each other pain to the point where Alex self-harmed and you wanted to jump from the top of the Hilton building. What's going to come next? Murder? And...''Rian said without finish his sentence. What was he hidding?

''And...?'' I wondered.

''I like you okay? When Alex told me you were going to kill yourself, I felt my heart flunk. I was so afraid to lose you and I realized that I cared about you more than I thought,'' Rian answered.

So Rian was acting like a total jerk because he liked me and probably was jealous. I couldn't believe it.

''Wait. You're straight Ri, you have a girlfriend,'' I pointed out.

''First, I'm bisexual. And yeah, I have a girlfriend, but I care more about you than I actually care about her,'' Rian replied.

''But I love Alex, Rian. You love Cass, you are meant to be with her,'' I said.

''Stop with your ''I love Alex'' thing. He only caused you pain. I would never do that to you, because I really care about you, unlike Alex. You would be so much happier with me. I don't care about Cass. I'll dumb her for you,'' Rian said.

''No Rian, you are not going to break up with her because we are never going to be together. You're a friend to me, nothing more. Please respect that I love Alex,'' I replied harshly.

But Rian would not take no as an answer. He planted his lips on mine , and it felt so wrong. I was shocked. Rian was kissing me, I didn't want him to kiss me. The only lips I wanted on mine were Alex's. When I came back to my senses, I pushed Rian away.

''No freaking means no, Rian. Fuck. I don't like you like that, I'm sorry. Finish your part and I'll finish mine. I don't want to be anywhere near you. I'm going to go now, stay away from me,'' I said before standing from my chair and leaving the small coffee shop we were at.

I was beyond mad. I felt like punching someone. I was so mad at Rian. Who did he think he was to kiss me like that after I clearly told him that I loved Alex, not him? Did he really think that he could change my mind just by kissing me? He did change my mind on one aspect. He wasn't a friend anymore because friends aren't supposed to go against the other's will.

Even though it was Saturday, I headed to my University's library to finish my part of the essay. We were doing an essay on how music evolved since the beginning of the 20th century. It was an interesting subject so I didn't mind doing half of it on my own. It was better than being around the stupid and arrogant guy that is Rian.

Three hours later, I was done and very proud of my work. I was very confident and knew that I would get a good grade since Rian was also a pretty good student. I sent my part to my partner and turned off the computer I was using.

Talking about Rian, I had four messages from him and two misses calls. I read the first two messages that he sent me and didn't bother in reading the other two.

From Rian: I'm sorry Jack, I just very like you.

From Rian: Please forgive me Jack. I'm sorry that I kissed you. Please, can we still be friends?

I didn't answer him. If I had, I knew the message would have been full on insults. I never enjoyed being mean to people unless they really got on my last nerve...and Rian reached that point. So instead of doing something I would regret, I turned off my phone and headed home. Alex and I were going to have a movie night. We did this quite often. We would just select a random movie on Netflix and watch it. There were times where the movie was brillant and great while there were times where the movie was so boring that we felt asleep while watching it.

When I got home, Rian was unfortunately standing there, outside of the building. That was just luck.

''Please, Jack...don't ignore me,'' Rian begged.

''I'm just so mad, Rian. I told you no and you acted like an egostical jerk,'' I replied.

''I know and I'm sorry okay? It wasn't fair from me...my feelings just won over rationality. I know I shouldn't have kissed, it was fair and okay. I'm just jealous that Alex owns your heart after all the bad stuff that happened between you too. But I'll have to accept it and push my feelings for you away...'' Rian said nervously.

''It wasn't fair for me and for Cass. You cheated on her, Ri. You've been together for so long. But yeah, I guess I can forgive you. Just never do anything like that to me ever again or I won't hesitate in telling Cass, okay?'' I replied.

''Yeah, about that...she already knows. I didn't feel great about hidding this to her so I told her the truth and she broke up with me. But thanks for forgiving me Jack, I'll be good from now on , I promise,'' Rian mentionned.

''I guess you kind of deserve it...but call me if you need anything. I'll see you later Ri,'' I said.

''Sure, thanks Jack. See you around,'' Rian replied.

We both walked our seperate ways; him going back into town and me heading to my apartment. This whole thing made me realize even more that Alex's the one I wanted to be with. It gave the courage to speak to him and see where we were now standing, because we didn't really talk about it.

As I was in the elevator, I though about how I was going to bring the subject on the table. I was wondering if I should just tell him that I felt ready to be in a relationship with him and see if he felt the same. Or, I could just try to kiss him and see where it would lead to. The more I thought about it, option two seemed to be the best. I thought it would less pressure him, and most of all...I really wanted to kiss him after all those weeks where I couldn't.

That was it. I was going to enter in our apartment and find Alex sitting on the couch. I would sit next to him and grab his face in my hands and kiss him tenderly in the hopes that he would kiss me back. That was my plan, and I hoped it would work.

It was supposed to be us from the start, but life got in the way. But we were stronger than life, we were going to show her that we weren't going to let her dominate us. That was what was going to happen.

But when I opened the door to our apartment, Alex wasn't sitting on the couch. He was sitting on one of the kitchen chairs. He was tied up to it and was passed out. I started to cry, not understanding a single thing about what was happening right now. Who did this to Alex? Who wanted to hurt him?

''I'm glad you decided to join the fun, Jack,'' a familiar voice said.

That was the last thing I heard before I felt a sharp pain at the back of my head and everything went black.