Devil, yet an Angel

I woke up the next morning with a lot of thoughts in mind. First, it was my last day off before the beginning of the semester. It was exciting and stressful at the same time. Second, I could not stop thinking about Alex. What he told me last night was on my mind all night long. I could not stop thinking about his words and how sad he looked. He apologized to me, does that mean he will stop being a jerk towards me?

​​​It ​​was already 10AM and I was really hungry. I got out of my bed and went to the kitchen. Alex was sitting at the table, head in his hands, crying. I was not sure if I should stay there or just go back to my room. I picked the first option. I silently sat next to him and patted his back gently. He must haven't heard me coming out of my room because he jumped at my touch.

​​​''Fuck Jack, you scared me.'' He whispered.

​​​''Sorry...'' I replied. ''I can't leave you alone if you want.''

​​​''No.'' Alex said. ''I don't want to be alone. Stay please?''

​​​''Yeah sure. Do you want anything to eat?'' I asked.

​​​'​​'No, I'm not hungry. Thank you.'' Alex answered. I grabbed some cereals for myself and sat next to Alex who seemed as sad and vulnerable before I went to bed. He was looking at me deeply and I could see tears coming out of his eyes.

​​​''I'm so-sorry again Jack.'' He said.

​​​''It's okay Alex. I accept your apologies.'' I replied in total honnesty.

​​​''You shouldn't forgive me so easily Jack.'' He spoke. ''I've known you for only a few days and I made you feel like it shit when you didn't do anything wrong. I was rude to you for no reason. You have the right to call me a jerk Jack. I deserve it, because I am a jerk. I shouldn't have talk and act that way with you. I only have myself to blame...do you think we can start again? Like, just try to be friends or whatever. Because I can't keep acting the way I did towards you, I just can't...''

​​​''Of course we can Alex!'' I replied. ''And you're not a jerk...well not anymore. It takes a lot of courage to apologize the way you just did and I really appreciate it. Usually, people would just keep being mean and never apologize about it.''

​​​''Thank you for giving me another chance.'' Alex said quietly.

​​​''Thank you for not being like them.'' I replied. ''But hey Alex...I need to ask you something.''

​​​''What is it?'' He wondered.

​​​''Last night, eum... you said I looked just like him. What were you talking about? Does it have anything to do with you being a jerk those past few days?'' I asked.

​​​I could see fear and complete sadness in Alex' eyes. He bursted out into tears and the view of seeing hurt was really horrible.

​​​''Hey Alex, don't cry.'' I said as I grabbed one of his hand.

​​​''It j-just hurts so much.'' He replied.

​​​I stood up from my chair and grabbed both of Alex's hands so he was standing up as well. I took him in a hug and he hugged back automatically. He was seeking the comfort, the affection. That's a new part of Alex I discovered the other night. Behind his hard armour was hidding a faded rose. We hugged for a few minutes until his sobs stopped.

​​​''I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought that back.'' I said as I broke the embrace.

​​​''It's not your fault. It just brought back memories I'm trying to escape.'' He replied.

​​​'​​'You don't have to say anything more Alex, I understand.'' I said. ''Let's do something fun okay? What about we go in town and buy some stuff we need for our classes. I don't know about you, but I need a lot of stuff.''

​​​''Don't feel obliged to stay with me if you don't want to.'' Alex said. Wow, never would have I thought that he has so poor confidence.

​​​''I don't feel obliged. I do want to hang out with you. So, shopping? You and me?'' I replied.

​​​''Yeah sounds fun. Thank you for offering. I do need stuff for my classes as well. Talking about classes, what are you studying?'' Alex asked.

​​​''I'm studying Music. I play the guitar.'' I replied. ''What about you?''

​​​''Wow cool! I'm in the Music program as well. We might have some classes togheter. I play the guitar too but I've been accepted for my singing skills. Maybe we could do a duet sometimes.'' Alex answered. The day before, I would have been mad to learn that he was in the same major as me. But today, I was happy about it. It would be nice to have a... could I say friend with me?

​​​''Awesome! I can't wait to hear you sing, you must have a killer voice.'' I said.

​​​''And I can't wait to hear you play.'' Alex added. ''Come on, let's go do some shopping girl friend.'' It made ma laughed. It was nice to see Alex being fun around me. There are so many things to learn about him.
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We came back home a few hours later with many bags containing books, school furniture and pizza for dinner. We had a really good time shopping around town. We got to know each other better. For example, I learned that he was in fact British, that he was a single child and that he was obsessed with the same bands as me. I feel there are some things he is hidding, but I can't force him to tell me everything. Everybody as their secret demons inside of them.

​​​We were now in my room, just both playing the guitar and singing some random songs. I understand why Alex was accepted in the music major. He really has a killer and amazing voice. When I say amazing, it is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. He has that voice full of emotion that gives you chills. We were singing Sweet Caroline when my phone rang. It was my mother.

​​​''Hey Mom! How are you?'' I said.

​​​''Hi J-Jack.'' She replied crying. What was happening?

​​​''Mom, what's wrong?'' I asked nervously. She took a deep breath and said those words that cut like knives.

​​​''It's your brother. He is...''She started.

​​​''He's what...?'' I said sadly. Alex was giving me questionning looks.

​​​''Dead.'' She pronounced. ''We found him last night in the garage. He hung himself.'' I was speechless. My brother, one of the most important person in my family, was dead. I tried to stay calm so my mom would not feel sadder than she already is.

​​​''The funerals are next Saturday. I-I'll see you there Jack. I l-love you.'' She said and the line went dead.

​​​At that moment I bursted out into tears. I thought being bullied was the worst feeling in the world. I was so wrong. That, getting a phone call where your mom tells you your brother comitted suicide, is the worst feeling on Earth. Alex, who was sitting next to me, took me in his arms. It was my turn to seek for comfort.

​​​''You don't have to say anything Jack. I'm here for you okay?'' He said. But I needed to talk, I needed it.

​​​''He is dead Alex. My brother. He is dead. My-my mom found him last night in the ga-garage...I'll never see him a-again Alex. The last thing I-I said to him was that he-he was a jerk for cheating on his girl-girlfriend. I should have told him t-that I loved him.'' I spoke, only making me cry more.

​​​''I'm so sorry Jack. I'm so so sorry.'' Alex said, hugging me tighter.

​​​''Will you co-come with me to the fu-funerals next week? I asked sadly. ''I don't want to-to go by myself. Please.''

​​​''Of course I will Jack. I'll be there for you.'' Alex replied quietly.
My head was hurting so much. I was a sobbing mess. I needed the pain to fade away, for a moment.

​​​''I think I'm go-going to try to sleep. It will ta-take the pain away.'' I said.

​​​''Okay Jack. I'll leave you on you own. I'll be in my room if you need me okay? Alex said as he broke the hug and stood up.

​​​''Wait!'' I said as Alex was about to leave my room. '' Can you st-stay? I don't want to be alone...''

​​​''Sure.'' He replied. And the last thing I remember about that horrible is falling asleep in Alex's arms, crying.
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