Devil, yet an Angel

A whole week has passed since my brother's funerals. Seven days have gone by since Alex and I kissed. His lips haven't touched mine since then...and I missed the feeling.

I thought it would be akward between Alex and I because of that kiss, but I was wrong. We were still very closed. Even though I felt better than the previous, I would find him sneaking into my bedroom every night and he would fall asleep next to me, holding me tight. I got addicted to his routine. I think he did too.

I would also find him staring at me in the classes we share. We can not see next to each other because the teachers had seating charts. Almost every time I looked in his direction, he was looking back, with his gorgeous smile on his face. It would make me blush every single time. The things this guys does to me are crazy.

I don't know why we didn't kiss again. I want it so much, but I guess I'm just scared. I'm scared that it would ruin everything. Just because we kissed twice and both liked it very much doesn't mean we have to kiss again, right? What if Alex just needed comfort back in Baltimore? What if he gets angry if I kiss him again? Plus, it hasn't been a very long time since he broke up with Zack. It probably still loves him and would choose him over me.

On the other side, I know he cares about me. I know he does by the way he looks at me, by the way he smiles in my presence. He must care if he always wants to fall asleep by my side. There must be something, but I'm too scared to find out what it is.

I found myself at Starbucks with Rian working on a school project. We were probably the only human beings who are doing school stuff on a Saturday night. Since Rian is always busy with his job and his other friends, we didn't have a choice.

We were paired by the teacher. I was happy to find myself working with a friend, but I wished it was Alex. Poor Alex, he found himself being paired with some jerk who doesn't really care about school. He was in school because it was the only condition to have his parents pay for his appartment. So yeah, Alex will have to all the work on his own.

''So...Alex and you?'' Rian asked as we took a break from working. Wait, what does he mean with that question?

''Eum, are roommates? I replied with a big question mark on my face.

''Yeah, I know that,'' Rian said. ''I mean, is there something going on between you too?'' Why does he suspect that? I mean, yeah, Rian often hangs out with Alex and me...but why would he think that?

''No, no there's nothing going on between Alex and I,'' I replied. ''Nothing, nada.'' Wow Jack, what a good way to break Rian's doubts.

''Dude, I'm not stupid. I have eyes and ears you know?'' Rian replied laughing.

''What do you mean?'' I wondered.

''I see you both in class, looking at each others just smiling like teenage girls with a crush. I see how he looks at you whenever you talk. I see how you smile and laugh whenever he says something funny. It's just obvious dude, you don't have to lie to me,'' Rian replied.

I can't deny that the things he said are wrong. I mean, I saw it too, and I know the way I act. But that doesn't mean there is something going on between Alex and me, right? Talking to Rian about it could help me figuring it out.

''Well eum, there is nothing going on between Alex and I officially, I think,'' I said. ''It's complicated.''

''I am all ears. Tell me about it Jack,'' Rian said. Wow, he really seams to care about my relationship with Alex.

''Well eum, at first Alex and I really hated each other. Well mostly him. Anyway, when he learned that my brother died, he stopped being a jerk and started being nice with me. And he still is. Every night, he sneaks into my room and we fall asleep in each other's arms. He always makes sure I'm okay. I love hanging out with him,'' I said but was cut by Rian.

''Dude, he likes you. And you like him too.'' Rian said.

''That's not all. At the funerals, Alex and I have kissed, twice. And it felt so right and good Rian. But yeah, we haven't spoken about it since. We didn't kiss again. And I'm scared to make a move or talk about it...,'' I said.

''Why are you scared? There is nothing to be scared about!'' Rian mentionned. Is he joking?

''What if he doesn't love me, Rian? What if this was just a kiss out of nowhere. I don't want to be the idiot who assumed it meant something,'' I said.

''The facts don't lie Jack. There must be something going on, even the other guys think that way,'' Rian explained. Wow, is it that obvious that Alex and me might like each other?

''Do you think I should talk about it with him?'' I asked.

''Yeah, and now,'' Rian replied.

''What about our project? We are not done yet.'' I asked.

''No problem dude, I'll take care of it,'' Rian answered. ''Just go find Alex, and he better be your boyfriend when I see you in class Monday.''

''Ha-ha, thanks Rian. You are the best,'' I said.

I gave him a small hug and left Starbucks. During the 15 minutes walk home, I was thinking about how I could bring the subject. Should I just kiss him? Should I make a small talk about how I like him?

I haven't made my mind up when I reached my appartment building. I walked him and got into the elevator. I was more nervous than I have ever been. I was excited and scared. I was excited about the idea that Rian was right and that Alex liked me back. But, I was also scared that those were all wrong ideas and that he would just push me away.

I got to our door too rapidly for my own good. I took a deep breath and opened the door. Alex was sitting at the kitchen table, eating some spaghetti. He noticed me coming in and smiled. But, he must have seen that something was wrong. Thank you nerves.

''Are you okay Jack?'' Alex asked.

''Eum, yeah, eum. I just want to talk, do you want to talk?'' I asked. Wow Jack, you're so good at this.

''Eum yeah sure. Sit down and let's talk,'' Alex replied. I walked to the kitchen and sat on the chair in front of him.

''Okay so, eum...this is akward,'' I said nervously.

''Calm down Jack, it's just me. Whatever it is, you can tell me.'' Alex said, grabbing my hand to reassure me. I took a deep breath and let it all out.

''I don't know about you but I have not been able to stop thinking about the kiss. I think about this moment all the time, I think about you all the time. I'm scared to tell you this since we haven't talked about it. I'm scared that you think that it was a mistake. It wasn't a mistake for me. It felt right. And eum, I guess I like you? Like, I like like you? I feel happy whenever I am near you. You're just a little sunshine. And I need you...'' I explained.

''I like like you too, Jack,'' Alex replied. He does? Wow. ''I was as scared as you to talk about it for the same reasons. But, I was also still thinking about Zack. I can't forget about him in such a short period of time. But this week helped me figuring out things. I feel good when I'm with you. I feel like I can be the real me. I tried to convince myself that it was just a dumb crush, that I couldn't start falling for someone else that quickly...but I can't deny the butterflies I get whenever I look at you. I can't stay away from you at night, I need you in my arms. I want to start something with you, Jack.''

He stood up from his chair and walked to me. He grabbed my hand to make me stand up and looked at me in the eyes. This was a familiar look.

He planted his lips on mine and I didn't waste a second in kissing him back. Those butterflies I would have died for this past week were back.

''I've been wanting to do this all week,'' Alex said into the kiss.

''Not as much as me,'' I replied.

We kept kissing for a while. It was a tender yet passionate kiss. It would not lead any further, and it was perfect that way.

We broke the kiss reaching for air, still lost in each other's eyes. There was one question I needed to ask him, the most important question.

''Alex, will you-,'' I started asking but was cut when someone knock on the door.

''This better be important.'' Alex said. He went to open the door to reveal the person who could ruin this moment.

''Zack? What are you doing here?'' Alex asked.

''I'm here to get you back,'' Zack replied before planting his lips on Alex's. Well, this wasn't akward at all. But I could not stay there, so I went in my room and let them two on their own.

''Well Alex, now's the time to make a choice.'' I said to myself.

In my head, I knew I didn't stand a chance against Zack. Even though Alex said all those beautiful things about me, Zack was still on his mind. They shared many moments together. Maybe life doesn't want me to be happy after all...