Beneath the Veil
December 2,2014
6:53 p.m.
Little girls often play house and pretend to be married with children, young teenage girls’ dream of being a bride and planning their own wedding, and finally adults live their childhood role plays and teenage dreams. 206 days till June 2015, the day I will say, “I Do”. I could not ask for a better fiancé, he is everything I have dreamed of spending my whole life with! It was in July I found the perfect off white, princess cut, a-line, all lace and bead work gown. The dress made my two best friends, mother, and future-mother-in law shed tears. I was 148 pounds and loving life, however, as a high school freshman English teacher, times changed once the end of August came around.
Stress eating should be made into an eating disorder. I am now at 160 pounds and I can feel my clothes beginning to get a little to snug. The students I teach say I am pretty and I will make a wonderful bride, as do everyone else I encounter. However, that is not how I feel inside. I am crumbling, breaking, hurting beneath my pretty smile. Am I obese, by all means no. However, I have always struggled with my body image. Mass media shows me I need to be white and thin. I am Hispanic with large hips and butt and have always had a difficult time buying jeans for myself (I tend to only wear skirts).
I am nervous when I got the call today saying my wedding dress came in. I need to get down to 130 by February, and I am honestly not sure if I believe in myself to do this. My fiancé believes in me so do my close friends. But, they are not teachers and are not under many pressures I face on a daily basis. Stress has affected my eating habits and I am out of control. I need help, I am screaming inside. I got out of the shower and weighed myself, 162; I literally bent my knees, put my hands on my head, and screamed to the depths of my mind. “You are so beautiful” my fiancé tells me. I can’t talk to him or anyone close to myself anymore, they don’t understand the level of my disappointment I have with myself.
I want to be that perfect bride on my wedding day, I want to see my fiancé and look the best I have ever been in my entire life. I want to be 130 pounds. This is a daily log and story about both internal and external struggles of a Bride. Starting tomorrow I am going to begin the journey of becoming the woman I want to be, not for my fiancé, not for attention, but for the one person who I should be proud to see in the mirror every day, myself.
Little girls often play house and pretend to be married with children, young teenage girls’ dream of being a bride and planning their own wedding, and finally adults live their childhood role plays and teenage dreams. 206 days till June 2015, the day I will say, “I Do”. I could not ask for a better fiancé, he is everything I have dreamed of spending my whole life with! It was in July I found the perfect off white, princess cut, a-line, all lace and bead work gown. The dress made my two best friends, mother, and future-mother-in law shed tears. I was 148 pounds and loving life, however, as a high school freshman English teacher, times changed once the end of August came around.
Stress eating should be made into an eating disorder. I am now at 160 pounds and I can feel my clothes beginning to get a little to snug. The students I teach say I am pretty and I will make a wonderful bride, as do everyone else I encounter. However, that is not how I feel inside. I am crumbling, breaking, hurting beneath my pretty smile. Am I obese, by all means no. However, I have always struggled with my body image. Mass media shows me I need to be white and thin. I am Hispanic with large hips and butt and have always had a difficult time buying jeans for myself (I tend to only wear skirts).
I am nervous when I got the call today saying my wedding dress came in. I need to get down to 130 by February, and I am honestly not sure if I believe in myself to do this. My fiancé believes in me so do my close friends. But, they are not teachers and are not under many pressures I face on a daily basis. Stress has affected my eating habits and I am out of control. I need help, I am screaming inside. I got out of the shower and weighed myself, 162; I literally bent my knees, put my hands on my head, and screamed to the depths of my mind. “You are so beautiful” my fiancé tells me. I can’t talk to him or anyone close to myself anymore, they don’t understand the level of my disappointment I have with myself.
I want to be that perfect bride on my wedding day, I want to see my fiancé and look the best I have ever been in my entire life. I want to be 130 pounds. This is a daily log and story about both internal and external struggles of a Bride. Starting tomorrow I am going to begin the journey of becoming the woman I want to be, not for my fiancé, not for attention, but for the one person who I should be proud to see in the mirror every day, myself.
♠ ♠ ♠
This story is based on real life occurrences.