Beautiful

Nicolai loved David more than anything in the world. That was why he had married him 3 years ago. That was why he was a stay-at-home parent to their beautiful daughter. That was why he was letting David drag him to his work Christmas party, full of beautiful successful people that Nicolai did not belong with. The men were all super smart and super confident, just like his David. And the women were all incredibly attractive, with perfect figures and impeccable charm. That was lawyers for you. Nicolai had only been to David’s offices twice, once to celebrate their engagement (not his idea) and once when David got promoted. Both times Nicolai felt out of place. Both times he felt far from good enough. Both times he’d spent a little time both crying and having to talk himself out of leaving. Those kind of situations, high pressure and full of superficial smiles covering heavy judgement, were the last places Nicolai wanted to be, but they were David’s world.

And Nicolai loved David. He’d do anything for him. So that was why he was putting himself through this. He could suffer through one night of sly digs and fake smiles.

“Nicky, are you nearly ready yet? The car will be here in 10 minutes! And Marigold’s babysitter will be here in 5!”

Nicolai grimaced at the sound of his husband’s voice, the action immediately making him feel guilty. No, tonight was about David. David worked horribly long hours to provide for their family, so Nicolai could at least pretend to be happy about tonight. It was what David deserved.

Still…

Nicolai looked at himself in the mirror, lips pulled tight into a frown. He couldn’t remember the last time he wore a suit, let alone one that fitted properly, let alone one that made him look good. The last time he’d even needed to wear a suit was before their daughter Marigold came into their lives, to the interview to start the adoption process. And since then…well, his toned lean body had been taken over by someone who didn’t have the time to go to the gym. The sculpted figure of his youth was softer, always tired, only kept remotely active by running around after an energetic two year old. His shirt was crisp but far tighter than it used to be. He had a soft belly, where it used to be flat. His hair never stayed perfect, his eyes had lines at the corners, and his back ached. It was official. Nicolai was getting old.

Okay, so maybe that was a slight exaggeration. But it was glaringly obvious that the 20 year old that had once attracted his husband was no longer there, the lithe blemish-free body replaced by a tired 28 year old. 8 years made a difference. Well, to Nicolai anyway. David was still the gym-toned, healthy tanned man, with wonderful hair, generous smile, fantastic body – he fit in effortlessly with his work crowd. But Nicolai? So far from it. He knew he wasn’t as beautiful as he once was. And tonight was only going to make him feel worse about himself. All those beautiful perfect people…and then him. What was he thinking? Why was he going to do this to himself? David deserved better than this. Maybe he should just cancel tonight. David could go alone, he’d done that plenty of times before. David wouldn’t miss him. David would find much better company than him, far better to look at, just…better.

Yeah, he was stupid to even consider going. David would be fine without him. David would…

“Nicky, Jessica is here! And the car is early!”

No! Damn it!

“Nicky?”

Nicolai groaned, running a hand over his hair. It was too late. He couldn’t back out of the party now.

“Coming!” Nicolai called back.

He took one last glance at his weary figure in the ill-fitting suit, before trudging downstairs. There was nothing he could do now. He couldn’t bring himself to meet his husband’s eyes as he walked down the stairs, not wanting to see the disappointment.

“Wow,”

What?

Nicolai looked up with a frown, only to see David staring at him with wide eyes, lips parted. What?

“You look…I…uh…”

Great. Just great.

To his right Jessica giggled, ruffling Marigold’s dark curls.

“Papa thinks you look pretty,” Marigold said sweetly, beaming up at him.

Wait, what?

“You look really nice, Nicolai,” Jessica said, nodding.

Marigold nodded too.

“David?” Nicolai said hesitantly.

Before David could answer, a horn beeped outside.

“That’s our car. We should go,” David murmured.

Nicolai fought hard to swallow the lump of frustration rising in his throat. So it was like that then. Nicolai forced a shaky smile, turning to their daughter.

“Now you be good for Jessica, okay?”

“I will Daddy, I promise!” Marigold insisted, tacking on a beaming smile at the end.

Hmm. He’d take that with a pinch of salt.

“Watch her like a hawk,” he whispered theatrically to Jessica, making her giggle.

Marigold just squawked her protest, making Nicolai smile for real. At least he had his daughter.

“Come on then,” Nicolai sighed, grabbing his coat.

David led the way, opening the car door for Nicolai to enter first. He did so, moving as far over as he possibly could. Normally this was a perk of David’s job, being able to hire a driver, but not tonight. Tonight it meant that there wasn’t the distraction of driving, it was just the two of them alone with nothing else.

“All set?” The driver asked, when David shut the door.

“We sure are! Mind closing the divide?” David said cheerfully.

The driver chuckled and did so, confusing Nicolai. What was David doing?

“David, I…”

But before Nicolai could finish, David’s mouth was on his, body moving to cover his as the car started the move. What the hell?! Nicolai pushed his husband away sharply, eyes wide in shock.

“What the hell is wrong with you?!” Nicolai yelped.

“I’m sorry, you just look so damn good. I couldn’t help myself,” David whined, eyes fixed on Nicolai’s mouth.

“Stop it. Don’t say shit like that,” Nicolai scowled.

“What?” David asked, finally looking up at his eyes.

“I said don’t say shit like that. I look awful and you know it,” Nicolai said angrily.

How could David lie to him like this? Why would he lie to him like this?

“You look beautiful. You always look beautiful. Why would I ever think any differently?” David asked softly.

“I don’t…I…David!” Nicolai spluttered.

David swallowed heavily, reaching out to place his hand on Nicolai’s thigh gently. Nicolai startled at the touch, making David frown, before he settled into the warmth of his husband’s hand.

“You look beautiful to me, always. The fact that you’re in a suit tonight, just for me, is just the cherry on top of the cake. I don’t know how I’m going to be able to keep my hands off of you, to be honest,”

Nicolai felt his cheeks heat up in a blush, a rush of the same heat running through his body. David…David really thought that?

“Even though I’ve put on weight and look tired all the time?” Nicolai said quietly.

David sighed. “Nicky, you haven’t put on weight. Not bad weight, anyway. You’ve just grown up, we both have. To be honest, if you still had the body of a teenager then I’d find it a little bit weird. And you don’t look tired all the time. You look…mature,”

Nicolai rolled his eyes, resisting the urge to smile. David huffed a laugh, poking Nicolai repeatedly in the cheek, until he couldn’t stop the smile that spread over his lips, swatting at David’s hand. David just grinned and captured his mouth in a gentle kiss, kissing him over and over again until Nicolai practically melted into his body. He broke the kiss but didn’t move away, choosing to rest his forehead against David’s instead, letting the anger melt away.

“I love you, Nicky. Always have, always will do,”

“That’s a bold statement,” Nicolai said, laughing softly.

“That’s the truth,” David shot back, smiling.

Nicolai laughed again, pressed a soft kiss to his husband’s lips before sitting backwards.

“You love me even though I look old and tired and awful compared to everyone you work with?” Nicolai asked meekly.

David just shook his head, taking both of Nicolai’s hands in his own.

“Everyone I work with is a fake corporate image. You are real, and full of life and love. And you’re the co-parent to our child. They’re cold and hard and care about themselves. You are warm and loving and make me feel alive. Why would I ever choose one of them over you?” David said softly, and so sincerely that tears pricked in Nicolai’s eyes.

“In that case, I love you too,” Nicolai said, sniffing.

“Well thanks, that could’ve been awkward otherwise,” David teased.

Nicolai just laughed, wiping his eyes dry. He was stupid to get into that headspace, where his insecurities took over the love he had for his husband. David was his everything – and he knew that he was everything to David.

“I can’t wait to parade you round the room, show off my beautiful husband,” David grinned.

“Don’t push it,” Nicolai warned.

“I’ll blow you to make up for it?” David offered.

Nicolai blushed heavily, mouth drying. Well that was unexpected.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” David grinned, kissing him again.