The Alexander Swallowtail

It was weird, but nice, to see my mother having such a good time lately. Every couple of days she would be out of the house seeing this Kyle of hers and when she got home, she was always ecstatic. I used to be too young to understand what it might have meant when she didn’t come home one night after a date and called Mrs Way to pick me up instead, who would give me various excuses for her not being home. Now, I was old enough to make up my own mind on what it all meant. I figured that as long as she was happy, then it was none of my concern. I was old enough to look after myself now. It was less of a concern if she wasn’t there in the morning before I had to get to school.

Sometimes, it hurt to remember the kind of mother she’d been to me. Other times, I could only remember all the great times we’d had.

I’d been wondering a little at first why she hadn’t brought Kyle around to meet me as of yet, seeing as they’d been seeing one another for a few weeks and things seemed semi-serious. I had to admit that I’d been a tiny bit jealous when she’d so casually mentioned that she was taking Mr and Mrs Way out on Saturday for a double date to introduce them to him. This news was slightly easier to take however, when Mikey had invited me to his place for a movie night whilst they were away. I thought about my mother’s methods for a long while and it brought my mind back to the last proper relationship she’d had, with Bill, and of how that had turned out for everyone. I remembered how hard my mother had cried when she discovered the bruises he’d inflicted upon me. I suddenly understood a little better her reasoning behind not wanting to introduce me to someone else just yet.

I was vaguely aware of her making dinner in the kitchen quietly as I sat at the dining table with my homework sprawled out across the tabletop, when I started to find my mind was wandering. It was no surprise as to where it’d gone to once again. I hated that Mikey wasn’t sitting across from me as we helped one another with our assignments like we usually did, but I was beginning to understand it. Clarissa… as much as I wanted to hate her, I simply couldn’t. I watched the way she made him smile and listened as her name was mentioned in every second sentence that gushed from Mikey’s mouth. Secretly, I wanted that. I wanted to be completely and utterly obsessed with someone.

It felt like everybody suddenly had somebody else. Everybody, except for me.

My mother placed a single plate down beside me, disturbing my line of thought.

“How come you’re not eating? Are you seeing Kyle again?” She smiled at my words but brought her hand up to her forehead, gently holding her palm against her temple.

“I’m actually not feeling very well. I might go have a lay down, love. Make sure the house is locked up before you go to bed, okay?” I agreed, deciding to keep my snide remarks to myself after being told to lock the house up, something I’d been doing for years now without needing a reminder. You could never be too safe in Jersey. We said our goodnights and I watched as she made her way to her bedroom, slowly, fatigue having suddenly crept up on her. My eyes travelled back to the notably blank page that sat in front of me with an unanswered essay question at the top, which I glared at as I ate my dinner, wishing Mikey had been there even more so now as I knew he’d know exactly what to do.

---

My mood was at a high as I walked down the road with my hands in my pockets to shield me somewhat from the wintery wind that had picked up. My mother and Mr and Mrs Way had left a few hours ago for their double date to meet Kyle, and I was looking forward to hearing about how it went. I knocked at Mikey’s door and waited patiently to be let inside, knocking again once I realised he hadn’t heard me. Gerard opened the door a few moments later, the sympathetic look on his face showing through his mess of hair.

“You here for Mikey?”

“Of course.” It looked like I’d woken him up but then, he always gave off that half-awake vibe whenever I saw him wandering around. Sometimes, I thought it was perhaps because he came across as such a quiet person. They were both a bit like that. Sometimes we weren’t even aware he was in the room until we caught him stalking away with a book in one hand, his coffee in the other, muttering something about not being able to read over our racket.

“They’re in the lounge room,” he said, opening the door wider to let me in, that look still on his face as he watched me pass. All I could think about as I made my way inside was that I didn’t remember Mikey telling me he’d invited someone else to our movie night. Then, I was pretty sure I already knew who it would be.

“Alison! You’re early?”

“No...”

“Oh...”

“I guess time flies when you’re having fun!” Clarissa chimed in from her place on top of Mikey’s lap, her fingers affectionately twirling in his hair. They both giggled and I joined in awkwardly. This was going to be an interesting night.