The Alexander Swallowtail

I sometimes wondered if how I was feeling ever showed on the outside. I wanted to throw up. I could feel my hands shaking as I took the other couch across from Mikey and Clarissa, who had slid off of Mikey’s lap for the time being to sit beside him. He definitely hadn’t told me she’d be here, I’d decided. I thought we were going to have some time to spend together. My sadness was quick to turn to bitter disappointment.

Mikey got up to put on a movie and I was almost disappointed that it wasn’t one of Gerard’s strange ones. The title flashed on the screen and I realised that it must have been something Clarissa had brought over.

“I think you’ll like this one, Alison.” I returned her smile as she spoke to me from across the room. I didn’t want to like it. I wanted to hate it as much as I wanted to hate her.

I saw Gerard walking past in the background, who to my surprise, screwed up his nose as he saw that Mikey and Clarissa had gone back to cuddling. I widened my eyes in a sort of silent plea for him to come join us, because I didn’t think I could do this alone. I wanted to screw my face up, too. I saw him let out a long sigh before he plodded over to where I sat and joined me on the couch.

“So what’s this about?” he asked Mikey, who simply shrugged. Gerard sighed again from his place beside me. “You owe me one, kiddo,” he whispered into my ear as he relaxed into his seat, looking about as determined as I was to hate the movie with a passion. I felt an odd warmth spread across my skin as Gerard kept his face close to mine.

We weren’t watching an erotic movie by any means and yet Mikey and Clarissa had still managed to find themselves attached to one another’s face. I had to hold back my giggles as Gerard shifted uncomfortably on the couch beside me, his eyes boring holes into the side of my face as I kept mine on the TV with great determination, not really wanting to see him mentally chewing me out for making him sit through a good half hour now of watching his brother making out.

The movie finally finished, and it hadn’t been so bad after all, though I couldn’t tell if my concentration had been on the movie because it was a good movie, or because I didn’t want to concentrate on everything else that had been happening around me.

“The ending always gets me. Didn’t you think it was a good ending, Mikey?”

“Yeah, great ending. Could hardly believe it.” It seemed Gerard couldn’t hold it back any longer as he burst out laughing. Mikey’s frowning was doing nothing to help.

“What’s so funny?” he questioned. But I knew. I, too, wondered how it was that Mikey had seen the ending through his closed eyelids as he kissed Clarissa throughout it, hardly knowing the movie had ended until the loud music began to play through the credits.

“We’re gonna go get pizza,” Gerard said once he finally calmed down enough to speak, ignoring Mikey’s question and grabbing me by the arm on his way out of the room.

“You can thank me later for not leaving you there alone with the love birds,” Gerard said as we got to the hallway. I watched him ruffle his already pretty ruffled hair in the mirror before we left. He grabbed his car keys and the money Mrs Way had left us for dinner on our way out the door.

“She makes you uncomfortable, doesn’t she?” Gerard asked, though seemed to have already found the answer. “It’s only natural to feel that way. I mean, you and Mikey, well…”

“Stop.” He raised his eyebrows, sneaking a glance across at me for a moment as he drove.

“What? You’re not close? You two grew up together. He used to cry when you went home.”

“Wait, really?”

“He was always worried you wouldn’t want to come over again. I guess he was too young to really understand why you sometimes seemed upset.” I paused for a moment. I hadn’t realised that Gerard had ever paid that much attention. In every memory I had, he was pushed off into the far distance. He was a shadow on the wall, an echo in the void.

“My point was that you shouldn’t worry too much about this girlfriend of his,” Gerard continued, pulling into the carpark of the pizzeria. “You mean more to him than he lets on. Trust me.”

“Thanks, Gerard,” I murmured. I wasn’t sure what to make of everything he was telling me.

“But seriously. Did you see them making out? Kid has no idea what he’s doing,” Gerard laughed, getting out of his car and leaving me blushing as I wondered how Gerard did.