The Alexander Swallowtail

I took a seat on top of the concrete ledge outside the pizzeria as Gerard went in to order for everyone, paying the cashier before coming back outside to join me. I watched as he pulled his smokes from his back pocket and lit one up, his eyelashes casting long shadows across his face in the dark from the flame of the lighter. There must have been a light out somewhere.

“Talking about people that make you uncomfortable…” Gerard muttered, his eyes gliding over to where a few girls from my year were walking into the building. I recognised them as those in my home group, though they looked different outside of school. They looked much older, with their painted lips and much shorter than usual skirts. I was immediately reminded of the way they lashed out at me in the bathroom that one time after Mikey and Clarissa had first started dating. I couldn’t help but notice the way they were looking and whispering at us.

“What’s their problem?” I said after they’d left.

“It’s not with you. It’s with me.”

“With you? They don’t even know you. They’re in mine and Mikey’s year at school.” Gerard screwed up his nose.

“I never knew that. Wow.”

“How do they know you?” Gerard shifted around uncomfortably as he took a few more drags from his cigarette, seeming to be debating with himself whether he wanted to tell me or not.

“The taller one, Roxanne, I met her once when I was out. I mean I’d figured she was underage and using a fake ID but whatever, y’know? Everyone’s done that. But then we ended up back at my car and things were getting heavy before I remembered that we were drunk and I wasn’t looking at the situation with clarity. I mean, I didn’t want her to think I was leading her on or anything. I usually go for older girls, ones that know the difference between a once off fuck and the beginning of a relationship. And I was right, because Roxanne didn’t seem to understand that at all. She took rejection very personally.”

“Ohh…” I didn’t know what to say. There he was, spilling intimate details to me, and all I could do was wonder why he’d chosen her. Of course, everyone seemed to go for girls like that. Pretty girls. Dangerous girls.

“I mean, not that I sleep around or anything,” he added quietly, looking down to the ground for a moment as a blush crept across his cheeks. “She ended up befriending an old mate of mine just to know where I’d be on the weekends. It was… well it was tragic. No one’s worth chasing to the point of desperation, especially me.” Gerard flicked his cigarette butt to the floor and turned around to watch the people that were entering and leaving the building.

“What makes you say that?”

“I dunno.” We stood in silence for a moment, knowing our pizzas were probably ready by now but also realising that Roxanne and her friends hadn’t left the building yet.

“Do you want me to go in?” I finally asked, watching Gerard scan the windows.

“Nah, I got this.” He walked off then, and I watched as he weaved his way through the small crowd inside to get to the front counter, grabbing our order and weaving back through the same way. The smile on his face as he opened the door surprised me somewhat.

“What’s so funny?” I asked, helping him carry the pizzas.

“Roxanne just called me an asshole,” he said, laughing lightly as we made our way back to his car. “I mean, so fucking what, you know? Whatever.”

I held the pizzas on my lap as Gerard drove us back home, his gentle humming along to the tape in his deck filling my ears as I watched the trees whirr past out the window.

“I don’t wanna be buried, in a pet sematary. I don’t want to live my life again.” I’d never heard Gerard singing before. I felt a shiver run up my spine as he continued, surprised by the sounds he could make and how they were making my hairs stand on end.

“Why would they be buried in a pet cemetery?” I asked, which seemed to excite Gerard.

“You mean to tell me you’ve never read Stephen King’s Pet Sematary!? Wow…” I waited for him to continue. “There’s a movie, too. I think I might have it. We have to watch it sometime.”

“Okay,” I agreed, smiling at Gerard’s excitement. I was curious. Gerard Way had me curious.