Space Enough to Grow

3:00

I stared up at the ceiling. My eyes heavy and pleading for me to sleep. To cave in for the need to slumber so deeply as if I am in a comatose state and I wouldn't be coming out of it anytime soon. It sounded so appealing to me. I wanted that comatose state. I wanted to escape reality for awhile. For days. For weeks. For months. Years even.

3:01

Another minute ticked by as if it was taunting me and playing with me. Making fun of the helpless vampire. Laughing right in my face as I was tortured even more. Time always was a tricky thing. It is steady yet in our minds we either have too much of it. Or we don't have enough of it. Its either going by too slowly or too quickly. Perhaps it is our minds that is the trickster and time is the scapegoat.

3:02

I was miserable. I wanted to sleep. My body was barely functioning. I couldn't think straight anymore. I was seeing things. Things that I shouldn't see. I could see dancers in the darkness. Just dancing shamelessly in my line of vision. I could see them swaying their thin bodies. Feeling the nonexistent music flowing through their veins. Among them were dimmed stars floating around the darkness as if it was outer space. As if they belonged there.

3:03

My head slowly started to tilt to the side, my muscles become to weak to fight the darkness that wanted to cloud over me.

3:04

My eyes were becoming too heavy. I can't keep this up any longer. I have to give in before I go insane.

My eyes closed slowly as I gave up the fight against sleep.

3:05

My eyes opened to screams. His screams. My lovely Kade's screams.

This was too familiar to me. I knew this setting. I knew this would happen. But it gets worse every time.

"CHRIS!!!!" He screamed for me. The light was blinding me. I couldn't see him. I could feel him in my arms. Panic arose in my stomach as my hands searched the cold hard tile for him. His screams scared me. The light scared me.

It all scared me so much.

But the emptiness scared me the most.

"Give him back to me!!!!" I commanded of the evil that took him away from me. Crawling on my knees, my eyes closed tight, searching blindly for him.

"Take the child"

My heart stilled in my chest. No! They can't take my child!!! No!!!

"What about the boy?"

"He's dead. He is no longer a concern"

He isn't dead!!!! Kade can't be dead! He promised me he would live! Live for our baby! Live for me....

I have to save him!

I scrambled to my feet and broke into a run. But I was going nowhere. The light wouldn't go away! It was never ending!!! No matter how much I ran. No matter how hard I tried. I couldn't find him. I couldn't find...them.

A child like cry pierced the air and my heart took off in my chest. Tears stung at my blinded eyes and fell down my pale cheeks.

It was our baby! Our baby's first cries. So vulnerable...so weak...and still so beautiful.

"I'm coming baby..."I whimpered as I collapsed to my knees.

Our baby's cries grew fainter and fainter..

"I'm coming little angel"

I didn't jolt. I didn't jerk. I didn't so much as move a muscle. I just simply opened my eyes, even heavier than before, and stared up at the ceiling in darkness. But it was different this time. Something was different this time.

There was a pinkish light shining through a crack in the curtains. It was illuminating a small part of my bedroom. It was an indicator of another day. Another day to try and pass. Another day to pretend that things are okay. Time to start another day.

I sat up carefully and looked over to my right. Where he always slept so peacefully and so soundly. Off in dreamland without a care or worry in the world. How I envied my beautiful Kade. I tore my eyes away from his sleeping face and got out of bed. My body felt so weak and fragile. I had to balance myself on the nightstand to keep from falling to the ground.

Once my dizziness had passed, I resumed my walk towards the bathroom where my black lighter sat on the sink. As if it was a daily routine, I started lighting the candles since I had no tolerance for light right now. It was all so familiar to me. I didn't even have to think about it. I was just doing it. I reached for my toothbrush and poured some toothpaste on it before brushing my teeth to get the nasty morning taste out of my mouth. As I was brushing, I could hear Kade moving around in the other room. He let out a tired whine and it make my dull face light up just a little. I rinsed the toothpaste out of my mouth and wiped my wet lips off before looking up into the mirror.

My eyes were red, there were black bags underneath my eyes and I looked more pale than usual. I looked sick to be honest and thats what I felt like. I know it was the lack of sleep but still, I just felt so under it was ridiculous.

"Chris I don't wanna go to the appointment today!" Kade whined as he walked into the bathroom, rubbing his eyes with a cute pout. I looked away from my pathetic reflection. I looked down at his stomach and sighed inside. He was nearly 5 months pregnant. Thats considered full term in our world. He could literally go into labor any day now and its really scaring me.

"Kade love you have to. You're getting closer and closer to your due date. Your appointments with Austin are more vital now than before" I explained to him calmly. He sighed and ran a hand through his messy hair before looking up at me. He paused and his blue eyes became filled with concern. I looked at him, confused at his sudden change.

"What is it?" I said as calmly as possible but I was starting to feel agitated. I didn't like when people stared at me for too long if they weren't marveling at my beauty. Which as of right now, I had none.

"Are you okay Chris?" Kade asked me before reaching up and stroking my cheek. I nuzzled into his touch and sighed. He was catching on. I've been pretending to be okay for the last few weeks because I didn't wanna stress him. I still haven't even told him about the whole vampire power struggle yet. I didn't like lying to him. But it was for his own good. He figured something was going on back I managed to keep him in the dark.

But I guess telling him about my sleeping problems wouldn't be so bad. I placed my hand over his and smiled a very small smile.

"I just haven't been sleeping very well Kade. Its nothing big" I reassured him and he frowned, unconvinced at my words.

"Chris you look like you're about to drop dead any moment. Have you talked to Austin?" He asked and I shook my head no. I haven't told anyone anything. "Maybe you should talk to him Chris".

"I'll think about it Kade. Just get ready" I kissed his cheek before walking around him and exiting the bathroom. I didn't really bother on trying to look good or anything. I just pulled on some grey skinny jeans and one of my many black craft cult shirts. I just really wanted some coffee. Sitting down on my bed, I pulled on my vans and tied them up quickly. I heard the shower running in the bathroom indicating that Kade was getting ready. I stood up and walked over to my vanity mirror and got my paintbrush. I dipped the hairs into my normal pitch black container and began to carefully draw my eyebrows on.

After mastering my eyebrows, I turned my straightener on and let it heat up. Grabbing the spray bottle, I sprayed some soothing heat protectant on my dark locks. It makes my hair so much more soft and silky. I remember a few nights ago, Kade and I were in the media room, watching a movie and he couldn't stop running his little fingers through my hair. It made me laugh all night.

I smiled fondly as I picked up my straightener and went over each piece of hair until it was all straightened. I turned off my straightener and got up, grabbing my keys and cellphone and shoving them into my pocket. I picked up my jacket and put it on, not bothering to zip it up.

"Kade hurry your ass" I yelled through the door before walking out of our room. As I was walking down the hallway, I could hear the guys laughing and chatting downstairs in the kitchen. I rolled my eyes and walked down the steps, my footsteps echoing throughout the house. The laughing grew louder as I approached the dining room. I walked through the darkened room and opened the kitchen door. They were all sitting around the kitchen with either cups of blood or coffee in their hands. It was all cheerful until they saw it was me..then everything grew quiet.

At lease there is some peace and quiet

I could feel all eyes on me as I walked over to the coffee pot and poured me a heaping cup of coffee. I lifted the liquid to my lips and took a long drink. Hopefully it would sooth the sleepiness inside me.

"Morning Chris" I heard Devin say carefully. I sat my half empty cup down and smirked a little. It was as if no one wanted to breathe because it would piss me off.

"Likewise Devin...how's your morning been so far?" I asked casually. I didn't wanna scare them off completely. I turned and saw tense but calm expressions. It was a balance of both. Devin offered me a smile.

"Pretty well. How's Kade?" He asked me and I shrugged a little with another sip of coffee. Tj was watching me carefully and it was making me wanna fidget.

"Lazy but okay. He could go into labor at any moment so we're both a bit tense....any entail on any vampires wanting to spy again?" I asked. I wanted a full report on what they've been following up on since I haven't been able to do it myself. I've been watching Kade like a hawk.

"Vampires are positive that there is a hybrid child either already here or on its way. We don't know how that got out but it did" Ricky answered me with a nod from Josh at his side. I sighed and shook my head. Great. Things just got ten times harder. I was hoping to keep this off the radar but I guess that isn't possible.

"Anything else I should know? Kade will be down in a minute" I knew Kade's time schedule like the back of my hand. It never changes but I don't think he noticed he had a time schedule.

"The good news is the clans are suspecting each other. Other than Ash's suspicion of you. But I heard she got the message when her clan member didn't return. No body suspects you" Angelo answered me this time. I felt a sense of relief go through me. This was good news. I think I can actually relax a bit. I offered a genuine smile to my guys.

"Nice work gentlemen. Soon you'll be able to go home" I announced and received cheers of joy from my guys.

"Finally! I miss my own bed!!" Ryan shouted and I laughed a bit.

"The bed I provide for you isn't good enough Ry?" The moment I said those words, he became nervous and flustered. I just patted his shoulder and smiled. Before I could say anything, I could hear small footsteps coming down the steps. Along with those footsteps were whimpers. My body tensed up as the nightmare just flashed into my mind. The coffee cup slipped from my hand and crashed to the marble floor, shattering to pieces as I sprinted out of the kitchen. I burst through the door and ran out into the main room.

"What what what!! Are you okay?!" I shouted as I grabbed him and pulled him close. I was waiting for the inevitable vomiting. But I was ready this time!! Kade looked at me like I was crazy.

"I'm fine Chris..I think the baby is kicking" Hearing those words relieved me instantly. There would be no vomitting, no ripping and tearing. The baby is still inside of him.

"Okay...lets go" I said slowly. He gave me a critical look but otherwise said nothing. I could feel all eyes on me as I led Kade towards the door. I didn't like people watching me. It reminded me of the creatures that taunt me in the darkness at night when I couldn't sleep. They scared me...
☆☆

The drive to Austin's house was short and silent. Kade kept looking at me, I could see him out the corner of my eye but I pretended as if I didn't. I didn't wanna start a conversation over my lack of sleep. Although I nearly fell asleep at the wheel.

Alan let us in without hesitation and led us to Austin's office. Of course he asked me if I was okay and I gave him the lie of "I'm fine". I could tell he didn't believe me but Alan knew better than to question me when I didn't want to be questioned.

I sat down on the sofa and watched as Austin checked over Kade like he has been every week. Everything was coming back which was good news. I was about to doze off until Kade spoke.

"I think you need to help Chris. I'm worried about him. He hasn't been sleeping very well" Although his concern was sweet, I was pissed he threw me under the bus like that. I gave him a scowl and he smiled apologetically at me.

"Oh? Why's that?" Austin asked in an intrigued voice. I rolled my eyes and sat up straight in my seat.

"Nightmare. Nothing special" I answered dismissively and Austin pulled up a chair. Kade got off the bed and wobbled over to me, taking a seat next to me.

"Waking up in cold sweats and your terrified screams say otherwise Chris. I sleep right next to you. I notice" Kade said calmly and I rolled my eyes.

"Could have sworn this was a pregnancy check up"

"Tell me about it" Austin said quietly.

"What is this?? A fucking therapy session!? I said I'm fine!" I snapped at Austin who didn't seem phased by my outburst.

"He's been a little crabby lately" Kade said to Austin and I glared at him.

"The fuck I am!"

"See what I mean?" Kade was starting to piss me off. I'm right here. I can fucking speak for myself.

Austin put his hand on my leg and immediately I wanted to chop it o-

Oh...that's what Kade meant by crabby.

"Chris maybe talking about it will help. You need your strength and not sleeping isn't going to help" I knew what he was hinting at. I needed my strength to defend Kade incase things spiraled out of control. Which he was right about. I've been so weak lately and so vulnerable. I can never defend Kade or myself in this state. With a sigh, I rested my hand on Kade's stomach.

"It starts out normal...I get up in the morning, I get out of bed quietly so I don't wake Kade. I brush my teeth and go downstairs to get coffee. Its always so quiet. Like no body is there other than Kade and I. I go into the kitchen and make some coffee. A few minutes in, I hear someone coming down the stairs" I close my eyes tight and take a deep breath. The panic was starting to build up in the pit of my stomach. I can feel it and immediately I wanted to run.

Kade took my hand in his and laced ourfingers together.

"Keep going Chris" Austin rubbed my leg in soothing manner. I opened my eyes back up.

"I get up to go see who it is. And then I hear whimpering...Kade's whimpering. I get scared so I rush to his aid. Its always the same line. He tells me he doesn't feel so good...and" I covered my face, shaking so hard the rings on my fingers are clinking together. Why was this so hard to talk about? I practically live it every time I close my eyes.

"Its okay Chris...keep going" Kade whispered in my ear before kissing my temple. His lips sent a chill throughout my body. One I've never felt before. But it didn't stop me from proceeding.

"He starts vomitting blood. So much of it that he's covered in it. I'm always so confused of what to do. I don't know how to help him. I scream for Devin and Ricky. Each time I do, they never come to help me. Kade's losing too much blood and he's crying that he has to push. I tell him he can't yet. And then he screams. A scream so blood curdling...it makes my skin crawl" The images of a blood soaked Kade were plaguing my mind. Talking wasn't helping. It was making everything much worse. Austin urged me to continue and against my better judgement, I did.

"I rip his shirt off. And I see that his stomach has been torn to shreds. His ribs completely broken and his insides gouged out....all from the baby fingers clawing their way through" Tears stung at my eyes and I felt sick. I looked up at Austin. I shook my head vigirously because I knew what was coming up next. The feeling I've come to hate....Emptiness

"I can't do this Austin"

"You have to"

"I can't! I don't want to!" I snapped at him as I stood up. I walked towards the corner and leaned my head and hands against the wall. I hated this. My heart was racing. My head was pounding. I wanted to crawl away and die.

"Chris you have to do this" Kade spoke in a calm voice. I chuckled without humour before turning around. They were both standing. Staring at me...like I was some type of animal. Maybe I was...

"You don't have to see this every time you close your eyes. You don't know what its like to keep living a nightmare that won't go away! I'm too fucking scared to go to sleep! I'm going insane Kade! Do you hear me!?"

"Tell me what happens next Chris!" Austin snapped at me. I gripped my hair and closed my eyes. My head was screaming at me to run. Because if I ran, I wouldn't have to relive it.

But my heavy heart was keeping my feet planted.

"The light...it blinds me. The second it...it does....Kade is gone. He's taken away from me. I feel so fucking empty without him that I search for him. But I can't find Kade...I can't find him" My voice faded into a void and Kade's screams took over. They took over so fast it scared me. All I could hear was him screaming for me.

I began to pace back and forth.

"They are gonna take him from me. They are gonna take my baby away. I can hear them talking! Kade is dead and they are gonna take our baby...my little angel" My voice was a weakened whisper.

"What are you feeling Chris?" Austin urged me and I didn't like it. I didn't want to tell him. I didn't want anyone to know. I couldn't let him know.

"I have to find them..." I said to myself as tears poured down my cheeks like waterfalls.

"You're scared aren't you? You're scared that you will lose both of them?" Austin guessed and I shook my head, repeating the words 'I have to find them'.

"Chris you have to admit to yourself that you're terrified of losing them" Austin shouted at me but I ignored him. I had to find Kade and our baby. It was the only way to make it go away.

"The pain will stop when I find them. It will all go away once I find them" I reassured them with my eyes tightly shut.

"Austin...I think I know what's wrong...."