Status: Oneshot.
Sorry.
1/1
Alex threw the remains of his belongings into the open suitcase on his bed, feelings of regret twisting in his stomach. 'Are you sure?'s playing through his mind like a broken record. Jack would be mad. Jack would be so mad. The older boy swore he wouldn't do this, but he was about to break his promise much like he'd break his boyfriend's heart.
This was Alex's only option. What else was he to do? Money was so low, he could hardly live off of his weekly pay slip. This would be best... for both of them.
Not only that, but he needed distance from Jack. 12 years is a long time to know someone, let alone date them. Jack could learn to be more independent in the time that Alex was gone, learning not to rely on him for every little thing. Yeah, the brown haired boy thought, this could work.
If Alex was going to be real with himself, he knew that all of the reassurance going on in his mind was just an excuse to stop himself from worrying. He knew that all of this wouldn't really be okay, but this was what he needed to do. They both needed it.
He decided to leave little things for Jack, a few shirts, his laptop and guitar, some of his clothes to wear if the younger boy were to need them, just stuff to get him through the months. It's not like Alex would need them where he was going.
He'd be lying if he said he wasn't going to miss the cold winter mornings made warmer by Jack's body pressed against his, or the mismatched furniture that made their cheap house more like a home, or even the arguments he and his boyfriend would get in over what to watch on TV. Okay, if Alex was going to be honest here, he'd miss everything. The cupcake baking sessions, the lazy Sundays, the busy days spent visiting family members they didn't even like. Everything.
Why was he doing this again?
It didn't take long to pack up the things he needed, before writing a note to Jack. That was the thing about Alex, he was spineless. At least that's how he viewed himself. He couldn't face telling this to Jack, seeing the tears stream down his face as he screamed and cried and begged him not to go with all he had left. It was all too much. So he wrote a fucking note, dropping the biggest news he could deliver through a flimsy piece of paper. What a dick.
Apologies flew through his head as he tried to find something acceptable to write onto the notepad in front of him, all he really wanted to write was 'Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.' but that would most definitely be pushing his luck, as if this wasn't already. What would even be classed as sufficient? What would be an okay thing to write? Eventually, the boy just imagined he was talking to his lover, trying to calm him down when explaining the situation. Luckily, Alex was a pretty good songwriter, so used his poetic sense to add a calming edge to the disastrous note. It wouldn't help but it was worth a shot, right? After all, Jack loved his boyfriend's music... maybe this song was a little too sad, though.
It was hard to stomach, admittedly, but Alex finished the letter and grabbed his things in time, assuring he was out of the house before the younger boy arrived. 'This is twisted,' Alex couldn't help but think. He was right.
He had so many plans with Jack, they were going to travel the world, get married, make a family and, yeah, that could happen. It would just have to wait a while. A long while. It's not like he wasn't ever going to see his lover again: he would. But he's 26 years old, for Christ's sake, it's time to sort his life out.
Eventually, Alex stopped thinking about all of the bad aspects of this and drove off, leaving his and his boyfriend's house behind, slowly getting smaller in his left wing mirror. This was it. He was leaving behind everything, his life being flushed down the drain. He ignored the voice screaming in the back of his mind, telling him not to go. 'Too late to turn back now,' he thought. He wished a silent goodbye to everything he'd ever known.
Jack didn't arrive much longer after that, just a mere 20 minutes or so. He unlocked the front door and called out to his boyfriend,
"Alex?" He shouted through the empty halls. The boy was shocked when he didn't get a reply, Alex was ALWAYS there when he arrived back from work.
'Maybe he's in the shower or something,' Jack pondered, making his way to their en-suite bathroom, but when he stepped into the bedroom he knew that wasn't the case. All of Alex's stuff... it was... gone? The wardrobe was wide open and half empty, drawers were bare and even the duvet was missing. The only item on the bed was a piece of lined paper, a single red rose resting beside it. That was the way Alex told Jack he loved him when they were 14, all those years ago. He always had a problem with confrontation of any kind.
Jack slowly made his way to the bed, utter terror apparent in his eyes, despite not knowing the details of the situation. It isn't necessarily going to be bad, the 25 year old reassured. Pft, bullshit, he argued with himself.
He tried to still his shaking hands as he reached down to pick up the folded sheet, carefully flattening it so he could read the messy handwriting.
'Jack,' the letter began. The younger boy took a breath to brace himself for what he was about to take in.
'If you're reading this then I'm gone. Not forever, but for now at least. I did something that I'm not proud of. I can't fathom a way to tell you this. I know how against this you were and I am so sorry, but we need this. I did this for us and I need you to know that.'
Jack felt tears threatening to leak from his eyes as he grasped what was about to be said. This topic was the source of many arguments, leading to sleepless nights and unbearable tensions. Despite his vision being blurred, the boy continued to read.
'I signed up. I signed up for the army and I'd kept this secret from you for far too long. We need the money, you know how little my job pays and the months spent looking for a new one were excessive. I just-
Okay, I'm going to try and word this differently. Nothing's coming out how I'd hoped.
Jack, I have been in love with you since we were 14 years old. I value your life more than my own and if anything were to happen to you, I don't know what I'd do. You know that everything I do is for you and this is no exception. Our lives will be beyond superior. We'll have enough money to pay the bills, we can start a family, buy a house, everything will be perfect. You just need to be patient. I just have one request, please don't move on. You're everything I could ever want and everything I don't deserve. I can imagine you now, scoffing at what I just said, thinking about what a nerve I have - asking you not to leave me when I'm doing exactly that to you. You won't have to wait long, I'll see you in 8 months, max. I know that seems like a lot, especially without a goodbye, but I will call you as often as I can. A few years of this and we'll be in a sitation where I can come home for good. Just hold on, we can get through this, okay?'
By now, Jack was crying so much that he could hardly read the remainder of the note. A flood of anger, betrayal and despair washing through his head. Only one word on the tip of his tongue; no, no, no.
'I love you so much. I'm sorry, Jack. I know you think I'm vile. I know you think I'm selfish. I know you think I'm sadistic. But, let me tell you one thing right now; all I ever was was sorry.'
This was Alex's only option. What else was he to do? Money was so low, he could hardly live off of his weekly pay slip. This would be best... for both of them.
Not only that, but he needed distance from Jack. 12 years is a long time to know someone, let alone date them. Jack could learn to be more independent in the time that Alex was gone, learning not to rely on him for every little thing. Yeah, the brown haired boy thought, this could work.
If Alex was going to be real with himself, he knew that all of the reassurance going on in his mind was just an excuse to stop himself from worrying. He knew that all of this wouldn't really be okay, but this was what he needed to do. They both needed it.
He decided to leave little things for Jack, a few shirts, his laptop and guitar, some of his clothes to wear if the younger boy were to need them, just stuff to get him through the months. It's not like Alex would need them where he was going.
He'd be lying if he said he wasn't going to miss the cold winter mornings made warmer by Jack's body pressed against his, or the mismatched furniture that made their cheap house more like a home, or even the arguments he and his boyfriend would get in over what to watch on TV. Okay, if Alex was going to be honest here, he'd miss everything. The cupcake baking sessions, the lazy Sundays, the busy days spent visiting family members they didn't even like. Everything.
Why was he doing this again?
It didn't take long to pack up the things he needed, before writing a note to Jack. That was the thing about Alex, he was spineless. At least that's how he viewed himself. He couldn't face telling this to Jack, seeing the tears stream down his face as he screamed and cried and begged him not to go with all he had left. It was all too much. So he wrote a fucking note, dropping the biggest news he could deliver through a flimsy piece of paper. What a dick.
Apologies flew through his head as he tried to find something acceptable to write onto the notepad in front of him, all he really wanted to write was 'Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.' but that would most definitely be pushing his luck, as if this wasn't already. What would even be classed as sufficient? What would be an okay thing to write? Eventually, the boy just imagined he was talking to his lover, trying to calm him down when explaining the situation. Luckily, Alex was a pretty good songwriter, so used his poetic sense to add a calming edge to the disastrous note. It wouldn't help but it was worth a shot, right? After all, Jack loved his boyfriend's music... maybe this song was a little too sad, though.
It was hard to stomach, admittedly, but Alex finished the letter and grabbed his things in time, assuring he was out of the house before the younger boy arrived. 'This is twisted,' Alex couldn't help but think. He was right.
He had so many plans with Jack, they were going to travel the world, get married, make a family and, yeah, that could happen. It would just have to wait a while. A long while. It's not like he wasn't ever going to see his lover again: he would. But he's 26 years old, for Christ's sake, it's time to sort his life out.
Eventually, Alex stopped thinking about all of the bad aspects of this and drove off, leaving his and his boyfriend's house behind, slowly getting smaller in his left wing mirror. This was it. He was leaving behind everything, his life being flushed down the drain. He ignored the voice screaming in the back of his mind, telling him not to go. 'Too late to turn back now,' he thought. He wished a silent goodbye to everything he'd ever known.
Jack didn't arrive much longer after that, just a mere 20 minutes or so. He unlocked the front door and called out to his boyfriend,
"Alex?" He shouted through the empty halls. The boy was shocked when he didn't get a reply, Alex was ALWAYS there when he arrived back from work.
'Maybe he's in the shower or something,' Jack pondered, making his way to their en-suite bathroom, but when he stepped into the bedroom he knew that wasn't the case. All of Alex's stuff... it was... gone? The wardrobe was wide open and half empty, drawers were bare and even the duvet was missing. The only item on the bed was a piece of lined paper, a single red rose resting beside it. That was the way Alex told Jack he loved him when they were 14, all those years ago. He always had a problem with confrontation of any kind.
Jack slowly made his way to the bed, utter terror apparent in his eyes, despite not knowing the details of the situation. It isn't necessarily going to be bad, the 25 year old reassured. Pft, bullshit, he argued with himself.
He tried to still his shaking hands as he reached down to pick up the folded sheet, carefully flattening it so he could read the messy handwriting.
'Jack,' the letter began. The younger boy took a breath to brace himself for what he was about to take in.
'If you're reading this then I'm gone. Not forever, but for now at least. I did something that I'm not proud of. I can't fathom a way to tell you this. I know how against this you were and I am so sorry, but we need this. I did this for us and I need you to know that.'
Jack felt tears threatening to leak from his eyes as he grasped what was about to be said. This topic was the source of many arguments, leading to sleepless nights and unbearable tensions. Despite his vision being blurred, the boy continued to read.
'I signed up. I signed up for the army and I'd kept this secret from you for far too long. We need the money, you know how little my job pays and the months spent looking for a new one were excessive. I just-
Okay, I'm going to try and word this differently. Nothing's coming out how I'd hoped.
Jack, I have been in love with you since we were 14 years old. I value your life more than my own and if anything were to happen to you, I don't know what I'd do. You know that everything I do is for you and this is no exception. Our lives will be beyond superior. We'll have enough money to pay the bills, we can start a family, buy a house, everything will be perfect. You just need to be patient. I just have one request, please don't move on. You're everything I could ever want and everything I don't deserve. I can imagine you now, scoffing at what I just said, thinking about what a nerve I have - asking you not to leave me when I'm doing exactly that to you. You won't have to wait long, I'll see you in 8 months, max. I know that seems like a lot, especially without a goodbye, but I will call you as often as I can. A few years of this and we'll be in a sitation where I can come home for good. Just hold on, we can get through this, okay?'
By now, Jack was crying so much that he could hardly read the remainder of the note. A flood of anger, betrayal and despair washing through his head. Only one word on the tip of his tongue; no, no, no.
'I love you so much. I'm sorry, Jack. I know you think I'm vile. I know you think I'm selfish. I know you think I'm sadistic. But, let me tell you one thing right now; all I ever was was sorry.'