When We're Both Thirty

Gerard really does feel like he’s at a sleepover when he wakes up with his face against the ground and people whispering behind him. His back literally feels like it’s been nailed to a plank of wood. It’s not pleasant. It’s actually pretty painful.

The two of them aren’t being overly quiet though. Gerard can’t even help himself from listening in on them the moment he hears them talking.

Gerard misses the first thing Mikey says, but he hears Frank’s response to it, even though he’s trying to whisper.

Frank says, “Not like it meant anything.”

“No, because making out with someone doesn’t mean anything these days,” Mikey replies, and Gerard’s heart falls. He cannot believe Frank told him. Why on earth would Frank tell him? Mikey probably would’ve figured it out on his own, but seriously? Frank is an idiot.

Gerard decides not to move, because he’s interested to hear what else the two have to say. So what if he’s an eavesdropper? If they really wanted to keep things secret, they wouldn’t be talking here.

“It wasn’t like that,” Frank says.

“Frank, you were making out for like four solid minutes. I mean, I’m not good at counting, but it felt like that much.”

“You’re just really creepy. I mean, who pretends to be asleep? That’s just stupid. You are a voyeuristic pervert.”

“It worked,” Mikey replies. Gerard curses to himself. He’s not at all sure how he let that happen. He should’ve been able to tell if Mikey was actually sleeping. He supposes that this means he probably has no reason to be angry at Frank then, because he didn’t actually tell Mikey anything. He’s going to be mad anyway. He’s mad that all of a sudden he’s really longing for a parallel universe where he and Frank had been friends. That’s all Frank’s fault. He’s not sure how, but Gerard will still blame him.

“But it’s creepy!” Frank says, “Like, who pretends to sleep just to peep on his brother making out on someone? That’s weird!”

“I didn’t know things would go as well as they did. I just knew that it’d force you to talk, and you did, but then you made out, which was not a part of the immediate plan, but it was on the long list, so I’d say it’s okay. Though, I was banking on you guys holding hands first.”

“Is that why you tried to make us hold hands last night?” Frank asks. “That’s weird. You’re, like, an evil... well I was going to say genius, but you’re not if you honestly think I like Gerard. So what’s the ultimate thing on your list for me and Gerard?”

“Well I’ve left it basically open after your wedding so as not to put too much pressure on you, but I’m planning on you two at least making gingerbread houses with your small people.”

“Small people? Kids?”

“That’s what I said.”

“Mikeyway, sometimes I question just how human you actually are,” Frank states.

Gerard can practically hear Mikey shrugging. He tries to stay as quiet and motionless as he possibly can so that he can dig up something bad that Frank might admit to Mikey, but he wouldn’t admit to Gerard. Maybe Mikey will ask the question Gerard’s dying to know the answer to. What is his mother so disappointed in him over?

“You know what’ll really get Gerard to fall in love with you?” Mikey asks.

“Whatever it is, I must avoid it at all costs.”

“He’s totally got the hots for anyone in a band. You should take him to one of your shows. Are you guys any good?”

“Good enough to pay the rent.”

Mikey says, “Gerard would totally want to get into your pants if he saw you play. I mean, he does already, but that might push him over the edge. He probably already dreams about you and-”

“Ah! No! Don’t finish that sentence! You’re disgusting Mikey.”

“I’m trying to set my brother up with his soulmate. Niceties have to be set aside for a process as delicate as this one,” Mikey replies.

“Since when were you one for being nice? Frank asks.

“I’m very nice, I’ll have you know. Or at least... I’ve never been caught for murdering anyone, so that’s something.”

“You know, I can’t actually tell half the time whether you’re joking or not.”

“This is why you should do your best not to cross me.”

“But you want me to marry your brother, so you’re not gonna hurt me. Right?” Frank asks hopefully.

“We’ll see. I will still stab you in the jugular if you hurt him.”

“Define ‘hurt.’ I only ask because I do insult him regularly and you never seem to have a problem with that, but I want to know where the line is,” Frank says.

“Insult him all you want, I don’t care. You have an insult based love affair, and that’s fine with me. I mean that I will kill you if you make him cry or want to cry.”

“Fair enough.”

“You need to answer a question for me, Frank,” Mikey says, changing the subject about as quickly as it’s possible for a subject to be changed. He does that sometimes. It’s easier to just say what he wants to say rather than waste time with formalities. He would make a really awful therapist. Or any job where he had to interact with people who didn’t already know him.

“No, don’t waste time with sensual conversation, just ask whatever it is that you need to know,” Frank says, because he’s probably used to it.

“I intended to,” Mikey responds, “forgive my bluntness, but Frank, you’re not unattractive, so I’ve come up with three possibilities for why you’re not married yet. Either you are crazy, which is completely possible. I mean I did know you as a kid, but insanity comes in all shapes and sizes. The second possibility is that you were recently in a relationship that ended, and probably not so well considering that you haven’t brought anything up about him. The third, and what I’d say is the most likely possibility is that you are totally hung up on someone, and I have a very good idea as to who that someone is. Namely, his initials are GW, with an ‘erard’ in there somewhere. Maybe he shares the middle name of some legendary English king who maybe ruled over Camelot. But that’s just a theory.”

“You have some serious delusions,” Frank says.

“Well how close was I with the other two theories? I’d considered that you might have had a really busying job, but that doesn’t seem like it’s it, because you never seem to actually be working.”

“Well, I mean,” Frank starts, and then makes a sighing sound, “I guess you’re kind of close, but not. Just, why do you care?”

“Because, as your future brother in law, I need to know these things. Which one of them was the closest?” Mikey questions. “Why did I even bother asking? It’s the last one isn’t it?”

“You really think you’ve got me all figured out don’t you?”

“Don’t I? Maybe a little bit?”

Frank groans, “not exactly.”

“Well, correct me where I’m wrong then.”

“It’s just...” Frank stops, like he’s thinking. “It’s not an easy thing, really. My life’s incredibly fucked up right now, Mikey.”

“You say that in a serious way, which is either a bore because I’m being insensitive, or you’re just a dick who’s trying to make me feel bad for being insensitive. But I’ll bite, what’s up?”

“It’s not important.”

“Yeah, but you’re going to make me feel guilty, and I don’t like feeling guilty, okay?” Mikey says.

“You’re definitely not human,” Frank states.

“What is it?” Mikey asks.

“Combination of maybe two of those.”

“You were hung up on Gerard because you’re a crazy sociopath?” Mikey suggests.

“Nope, I’d keep guessing if I were you. That doesn’t mean I’ll give you a straight answer though.”

“Well what is it? You broke up with a guy and it was messy, because you’re secretly in love with Gerard and always have been?”

“You just won’t give up.”

“Never. Frank I’m never gonna give you up.”

“Get the fuck away from me,” Frank says, making an annoyed sound.

“Never gonna let you down.”

“Shut up!” Frank shouts, trying to be quiet.

“You know you love me. Not as much as you love Gerard, but you love me.”

“Speaking of Gerard, when is your log of a brother going to fucking wake up?”

“Well if you kick him then he might wake up,” Mikey says. Gerard wishes he could just pop up and announce that he’s awake, but that would probably reveal that he’s been awake the whole time. So unfortunately, he’s probably just going to have to wait for someone to kick him. That doesn’t sound fun. At least he probably doesn’t have a moustache drawn on his face. Silver linings are still a bitch.

Someone throws a pillow at his head, which gives him a great opportunity to pretend he’d been asleep the whole time. Gerard’s honestly not sure what he’s even learned. He knows that Frank’s not all that dark and somewhat mysterious past has got him being melodramatic. Well possibly dark. Probably not though.

“What was that for?” Gerard asks.

“You were asleep and it was annoying,” Frank says.

“Why does that mean you need to wake me up?” Gerard says, sitting up, and feeling the ache in his back more thoroughly. It feels like he was on a slab for a million years.

“What were you two talking about?” Gerard asks.

“How do you know we were talking?”

“We weren’t talking,” Mikey insists.

Gerard rolls his eyes, because even Mikey’s face is transparent. He was pretending not to be awake, but even if he had been asleep, they’d be bad liars.

“Ugh, whatever then,” Gerard says, pretending he doesn’t care while also simultaneously working through a million possibilities as to what Frank’s reason for not being married is. If it’s a combination of two than Gerard figures it must be the insanity and the recent break up, because it’s definitely not the one about him being in love with Gerard. Maybe Frank’s ex was the insane one, and that’s why it’s a combination. Or maybe Frank actually is insane. He doesn’t seem to be insane to Gerard, but then again, a lot of serial killers seem like normal people too. Gerard thinks he can pretty safely rule out serial killer though, given the fact that his first target would have been Gerard, and Gerard’s still alive, so no serial killing for him.

Maybe he’s a really bad boyfriend. Maybe he’s overly obsessive. Maybe that’s what the ‘insanity’ is. The most likely option is that Gerard’s reading way too much into this. It’s not going to get him anywhere to dwell on it. Yet dwell he must, because now he’s all of a sudden feeling extremely jealous of a plausible boyfriend that Frank may or may not have even had.

Gerard feels dread inside him when he realizes that the feelings are still there. The ones he’d felt last night, the ones where he’d almost longed for Frank, he can still feel those feelings. Those aren’t fake. They weren’t brought on by lack of sleep either, evidently, because he’s awake now and he still has feelings for Frank.

Gerard looks up at Frank, and the instant he does, Frank looks away. Gerard’s not sure, but he gets the feeling that Frank might have been looking at him. Gawking even. Gerard studies his profile for a second as he yawns and he sees Frank biting his lip.

He decides that he must be imagining things. There’s no way Frank was looking at him, and there’s definitely no way he was biting his lip while doing so. Gerard’s just being too hopeful. He’s going to get his hopes up, because Mikey’s plans, they won’t pan out. Gerard’s never actually going to end up with Frank, and he knows that. It kind of sucks to have to accept that, because he can’t believe how amazing the life they might have together would be, but it’s the state of the world. He just has to accept it.

That doesn’t mean the state of the world doesn’t suck though.